Follow You
by BiancaLeo
Summary: I am weak, he is strong. I am a nobody, he is an everything. I am surviving, he is living. I am tolerated, he is appreciated. He is my best kept secret. I am just his dirty little secret. All Human. Language and eventual Lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Follow You**

**Hey guys! **

**So this is my very first fanfic... I have always enjoyed reading,I just never had the time and courage to write my own story.**

**I speak both English and Afrikaans languages so my spelling and grammar will differ from what many of you may be familiar with. I do apologize in advance. **

**SUMMARY**

**I am weak, he is strong. I am nothing, he is everything. I am surviving, he is living. I am tolerated, he is appreciated. He is my best kept secret. I am just he's dirty little secret. So what do we do? We learn to deal. **

**ENJOY and please feel free to share your thoughts!**

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS FAN FICTION BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYER, I am just borrowing them for a while.**

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**Prologue**

_Breathe. _

I tell myself to breathe every time I watch _him_ wondering down the hallways. To others, he appears happy and content. To me, he just looks alone and lost in an vicious world.

Do you know the feeling when someone tells you something shocking, assuming that you have known it already, but you don't know? When all the pain, worry and realisation rush through your veins from your head to your heart? I feel that way when I see _him._

Anxiety.

I feel anxiety.

This beautiful boy, _he __is my secret_. We know each other too well, without being known to the world. Our connection is real, but a pretense to those around us. Our bond is so strong yet we are built on everything that is lies.

In passing, nobody knows that _he_ is the boy who climbs through my window at night.

Or the boy who grows on edge when I haven't as much as given him a sign that I will forever adore _him_. Forever be _his._

A sign? Yeah, we've got those insiders messages covered.

Because it is kinda-sorta-definitely who we are.

If he misses me, he will touch his left ear. If I want him to know that I am thinking about him, I'll tuck a strand of hair behind my right ear. We did not plan on these silent gestures that come with so much meaning, we just grew accustomed to it. Just like we didn't plan on becoming each other's secret. Now, now we just are what we are.

We have no other choice.

Or at least I don't.

My heart? My heart will never let him go.

Love does that.

Love is secret keeping and chance seeking.

So, you're probably wondering what all this babbling is about? Well, we're fucked up. I am. I am weak, he is strong. I am nobody, and he is everything. I am surviving, he is living. I am tolerated, he is appreciated. Edward and I are polar opposites. If we were bipolar, I'd be depression and he would be mania.

He is beautiful and he is forever. I am ordinary with a expiration date. He is my best kept secret. I am just he's dirty little secret. The heartbreaking truth is, our secret will never be accepted to the world. Life does that.

Because we live among those who judge-reject-disallow.

But what more can two souls in a population of more than seven million people do?

_Love. _

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**Thank you for reading :-) Feel free to share your thoughts. The chapters will be longer as the story commences.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! **

**So this is chapter 1. I would just like you to bear in mind that the chapters will alternate between Bella and Edward's point of view. I really really apologize if there are any typo's because I'm I am kinda BETA-less at the moment. Any volunteers? Remember, I am South African and therefore my spelling and sentence structuring may differ from what you may be familiar with. **

**PLEASE feel free to leave your thoughts! Ill promise you all warm hearts and butterfly tummy's.**

**Thanks!**

**DISCLAIMER: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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**Chapter 1**

**BPOV**

"Honey, you will be okay on your own right? I left some cash for you on the counter. Call Irina next door if you want her to walk with you to the store." Mom yells from across the hall. I am in the kitchen, attempting to make pancakes. My mom Rene, is dressing for work.

"Thanks mom. I don't think I'll need it though." I yell back with appreciation.

Something that you should know, it is just my mom and I in a little two bedroom house, three if you count in the little store room which mom hoards things from like the 1950's. We yell alot but not in an aggression way.

Maybe we are just verbally loud. The last time I saw my dad was on my 13th birthday. I am seventeen now. I will officially be a senior at Treehaven High after this summer.

My mom got pregnant at a really young age and my dad Charlie, found difficulty in accepting the fact that she wanted to keep me. I know this because my mother won't stop reminding me once she's indulged in one glass too many.

Charlie lives on the other side of the world, wherever that is. I remember him promising me that he would take me along with him wherever he goes someday, what a lie. I'm still waiting for my promised getaway.

He never really visited while I was growing up.

We are okay with that I guess.

So yeah, Rene works a lot. She holds up two jobs to provide for us. I would not say we are extremely poor, we just struggle to get by sometimes. We eat well, even if it's mostly takeout...and we have a roof over our heads.

To me, the poorest people are those who are unloved. I am loved, by my mother and by my closest friends. They all I really know.

_They all I want to know_.

Rene works at Harry's, a diner across town. Just to make something clear, my mom would sometimes ask me to call her by her first name when we are around other people. I guess it's her way of feeling young.

Moms taken the night shift this week, which means I will be staying alone at home. The area in which I reside is the poorer side of our small town of Treehaven, known to most as the Slums. Like all places and all people, there is the good side and the bad side. There are all the rich country club goers who drive their fancy sport cars, and then there's us, the Slummers of Treehaven.

I am okay with that.

My best friend Alice and I do not take much interest in their judgement. Although, sometimes it becomes too much.

Even though we don't drive the best cars, or happen to wear the best clothing, we happy. We survive. I constantly get picked on for driving a beat up 90's faded green VW Beatle. She's noisy, but she's mine.

At the moment, my Beatle is at the repair shop. I hate not been able to get around town and enjoy my summer as I would like. Ally is away, visiting her cousins in Glenhaven, about two hours away.

It is only the beginning of summer so I am not too bored just yet. I am also starting my summer job at mom's diner next week so that I can pay for my car to be repaired.

As I am mixing the pancakes, I hear shuffling as mom makes her way down the narrow stairs.

"Okay honey I'm leaving. I love you. Good bye," mom says.

"Bye mom, love you too. I hope your time at work goes by quickly."

"Quickly? Hah, I wish Pipes," mom says as she takes one last look in the mirror by the front door. She usually calls me Piper because when I was little I would suck on my gramps old pipe while I was teething. I guess I was fixated at some oral stage during my early childhood.

"Okay go, go!" I laugh as mom tries to smother me with her farewell kisses. Again? It's our deal. I don't have much people, but those that I do have; I love them to the ends of the earth.

"_One of these days Piper, you going to find a love so strong, that what you give me will be for puppies,"_ mom would always say.

I don't believe her.

As I shut the front door after waving farewell kisses to my mother, I decide to clean the kitchen and pack the remainder pancake mixture away.

_I could go and give some pancakes to Aro at the corner street._

It is just after 7 p.m and the sun is still smiling down on Treehaven. The street I live in is noisy with a beautiful burnt orange hue shining along the metallic sprayed parked cars. Kids are riding their bikes and speeding on their skate boards, doing made up tricks and crying over bloody knees. I am dressed in my usual summer attire. Cut off denim shorts with a tie-dye tank top and Converse sneakers. My blue baseball cap remains backwards, taming my long wavy hair.

The NY cap belonged to Charlie, one of the few gifts he had given me.

The cap wasn't a gift given by intention, it was given because it was the closest thing he could give me to make up for not giving me anything at all. I wear it. Because why not.

I remember so clearly the day Charlie came rocking up on Christmas, he shook the top of my hair lightly, took the cap off his head and placed it on my own. Watching him walk away was probably the worst thing I had to endure.

After that day,I will never watched people walk away from me agaim.

Because it is painful-heartbreaking-forever.

As I am walking down the street, I wave at my neighbours who are hosing their lawns and relaxing outside, squeezing in the last light of the day.

"Hey Mrs Clearwater." I wave at my over friendly neighbour.

"Hi Isabella, you looking all too beautiful. Never cut that long brown hair of yours." Mrs Clearwater greets in her monotone voice. She pretty much just described me. She mentions the same thing whenever I see her. I try to brisk walk past her house because I am really not in the mood for hearing all about her modelling career that went wrong when she was younger. I don't believe her. She suffers from Dementia.

Mom doesn't like me walking around once it gets dark out, but I always end up walking to the store when an intense craving for a strawberry Popsicle comes to mind. I have been eating out of control this couple of days into the summer.

_Jog in the morning- mental check. _

I have given the packed pancakes to Aro, my homeless friend who does in fact have a home. His wife kicked him out due to his substance addiction. We all feel sorry for him though. I try to sit and talk to him. He groans and calls me 'Jaaannnee' who happens to be his wife who left him.

That is my cue to leave.

I am walking along the pavement, counting my steps in each block as I am exciting the store (no I do not have OCD), strawberry Popsicle in my hand, when I hear a group of boys cursing and doing whatever the hell boys do.

"Fuck you Jasper, there's no way I'm smoking that shit." I hear someone yell from across the parking lot.

I continue walking, keeping my eyes down on the pavement. I really don't want trouble with some people who are here to catch on no good. I know I have to look up soon because it's kind of getting dark now.

Once I do look up, I recognise them. They are the privileged of Treehaven.

I wonder what they doing on this side of town. Ahead, I see Jasper, Jake and Edward, the Troublesome Trio of Treehaven high school. Excuse the alliteration.

I keep my distance from them. They don't know me, or maybe they do, they just pretend like they don't.

I like it that way.

I hear whispered voices as I make my way over to the other side of the walkway. I have to pass them by in order to make it over the street.

"Hey! Isn't that the freak from Treehaven High?" I hear someone yell. I know they spotted me. I lied, they do know who I am. I just wish they didn't.

With whispers and laughter's, I know I am now the centre of their attention.

"Yeah. The freaks looking fucking good dude," one of the boys continue.

"Shut the fuck up Jasper," I listen, thinking I know who just said that. The sad thing is, the smooth voice belongs to non-other than _him. _

I slowly look up, straight into the eyes of Edward Cullen. Treehaven's everything. My soon to be, would be everything. Those golden green eyes that hold so much empty promises.

My lie.

My secret.

My everything.

_Edward Edward Edward. _

_Sigh._

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**A/N ****Soooo? What do you guys think?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. **

**So here we welcome Edward. Please try to understand him, his initial portrayal may not be what you expect. He will probably annoy you in the beginning. Also, I have seven chapters typed out so I will try to upload them all in a short period of time. I do apologise for any spelling errors and incorrect sentence composure. Remember, I am BETA-less, and English is not my only home language. **

**PLEASE PLEASE share your thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**.

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**Chapter 2**

**EPOV**

I don't know why I agreed to bring these two pussy's here. They are so desperate to score some good stuff that they're willing to travel to the other side of town to get fucking shitfaced.

"I told you I'm only driving you there. Don't involve me in this shit! You know Preseason training is coming up and who knows what fucking shit coach will test me on." I remind Jasper the dipshit.

"Na man...just get us there. I know who we dealing with."Jake says as he tap,tap,taps on his phone.

So without any further complaint, we drive.

Because that's what best friends are for.

Jake is stoned out of his mind. Jasper is tripping all over still possibly wasted from the night before. I on the other hand am playing fucking nanny, like I always do. Its expected of me. Golden boy from Treehaven isn't allowed to fuck up. Why I hang out with these two pussy's is because they come from where I come. Only, they have much less responsibilities.

Maybe in a sense I am using them as an escape. Living vicariously through their mistakes.

_Yeah. If only. _

We were at a party lastnight at Kate's house. She happens to be Jakes on-and-off-again booty call. Her folks leave town a lot and according to them, little miss Barbie Katie is tucked in safely at her grans house. Her parents don't know that we all had a piece of her in their own bed.

We get to the Slums, we call it that because it's the shittiest part of Treehaven. According to my mother, everyone is fucked up in that side of town. I don't argue. Because, to me they a waste of space, collecting all our fucking tax money. A few years ago the only school in the Slums burnt down. Rumor has it, it was caused by the principal himself. See what I am mean? They all fucked up.

So, because of their burnt up fucked up high school, fifty three of their students were forced to transfer to Treehaven High.

Fucking Charity cases.

I doubt they even pay school fees. The day the Slummers entered our high school was the beginning of the merge between the good and the ugly. They keep to themselves, and so do we. By 'we' I mean the privileged, rich fuckers.

We get to the parking lot that Jake directed me, deciding to wait in my truck until some James dude will hand over the weed.

Thing is, where we come from everything is handed to us on a silver platter. Rich kids will fuck up their lives because they can afford to pay the end price. Mommy and daddy will cover all the mistakes as though it didn't happen. But as always, golden boy has gotta carry the plate.

If it wasn't for the sports I play, I would probably be a stoner and hard core dope user. I am exposed to it all the time, especially being friends with Jasper. When it is off season I'll drink and smoke some weed occasionally, but I'll have never allow it get the best of me.

_Yet_. Hell, I'm only eighteen.

Pulling up at some shitty shopping complex, we climb out of my truck and notice a lanky pale dude with a P-cap covering his dude is all kinds of low jeans and baggy hoody. He fucking looks like a dealer. If I were dealing, I would never make myself look so fucking obvious. Jake and Jasper run to him like the hungry assholes that they are, eager to get their next fix.

I can see the dollar bills rolling in James' eyes. He's probably adding a good buck to his usual selling price just by looking at the monster we arrived in. I drive a black Toyota Tundra. She's a smooth beast.

They go about sealing the deal when I notice a small figure talking to some homeless shithead across the street. I cannot make out who she is from afar but I'm fascinated to see her handing him over something to eat. I watch as this girl sits on the floor beside him and they eat and engage in coversation together.

I listen as the sound of her smooth angelic laugh, as travels across to where I am standing.

"Yoh dude, I got it, lets get out of this shit hole."Jake says as he rushes over to my truck.

"Na man lets light up one now. Grandpa here ain't gonna let us smoke in his ride?" Jasper says. His testing me. _Dick. _

"The fuck I'm not. Hurry up so we can get going," I yell, looking back only to notice the girl is now walking across the street sucking on a Popsicle.

Jasper tries to force the rolled up weed into my mouth while shrug his hand away. They always do that. They can't understand how much fucking pressure I am under with my soccer training camp approaching. I was the only one chosen out of our schools soccer team to train with a prestigious varsity league for the summer.

Yesterday I was me, Mr easy going. Today, today I am what I'm expected to be.

It is the first week of summer, but preseason try-outs won't allow me much rest. I have also been scouted by some major pro reps and daddy dearest wants me on top form for next season. _Fuck my life. _

"Hey! Isn't that the freak from Treehaven high?" Jasper yells_. Noisy motherfucker_.

I look up noticing the same girl who was sitting with the homeless guy.

Yeah, that's her.

_Isabella Swan._

Jake fucks around, saying that he wants to score a piece of that Popsicle. I laugh. Because shit, that sounds gay.

Bella Swan is the freak of Treehaven High. By freak, I mean she keeps to herself and she spends more time tutoring than actually interacting with normal people. She hangs out with her vulgar mouthed friend and they think joining math Olympia's will score them some brownie points from us. I know this because each year since she transferred, she was presented an award at the school prize giving.

I hear she is dirty and that her and her mother is a whore. People say that she wears the same clothing all the time and that her mother goes home with random guys after her shift at the diner she works at.

The boys continue to mention inappropriate things about Bella, until she begins to walk in an unsteady manner. She looks like she is trying to keep her small shoulders upright, almost as though she's entering a battle feel.

Eventually, I become fucking bored at their immature remarks, so I decide to step in and intervene.

The good guy in me tells them to shut the fuck up. They listen. Because why wouldn't they.

It looks like she's breathing a breath of relief. When Bella looks up slowly, our eyes meet for a breathe second.

_Bad idea. _

Our eyes collide. Green to Brown. Grass to dust.

But nothing fucking matters.

In that moment all I see is…_innocent, misunderstood…innocent. _She holds the look, a silent thank you for putting the boys comments to an end. For some reason, s she walks away, I want to understand her. I want to follow her.

But she is dirty and a Slummer.

_She's not dirty._

Bella Bella Bella.

_Shit_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey readers. **

**Here we have Bella again. If there are any questions, please do not hesitiate to ask. PLEASE share your thoughts. Remember, I am BETA-less.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

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**Chapter 3 **

**BPOV**

As I walk home, my mind is preoccupied by the intense look Edward had given me. It was like he had never seen me before. In a way, it seemed as though he was disgusted by my presence.

I decide not to ponder on that thought too much, because when I get home, Irina is sitting on my front porch. Irina is my next door neighbour who graduated two years ago. She remains living at home with her grandparents and her younger brother.

"Sup Pipes," she waves as she takes a drag from her cigarette. The smoke clouds her face and it looks partly angelic. Irina frequently resorts to sitting on our front porch to have her smokes so that she can avoid being caught by her grandparents. I don't like her forwardness and the way she calls me Piper.

I don't complain though.

Irina is a typical example of a girl from the Slums. These people just about make it out of high school and then they do nothing with their lives. Remaining at home, and working odd jobs as cashiers and escorts.

I don't wanna be a typical Slummer even though it is part of who I am. In this day and age, we defined not by the greatness we give but by the places we come from. Walking by, upperclassmen will immediately look down on us.

Assuming-generalizing-thinking that we are white trash.

But just as quickly as those thoughts surface into my consciousness, they are excused by the distracting sounds vocalized by my community.

Slummers are defined by drugs-prostitution-unemployment and poverty.

My mother had me when she was just a child, and so people automatically assume I will follow in her footsteps.

I am not that person. I am Isabella Swan. My eyes are brown and so is my hair. I'm pretty sure i have some Chinese in my blood because my eyes are slanted in an Hawaiian kind of way. I learnt to drive when I was thirteen. Important people in my life were stolen because of diseases and substances. I also raise a 34-year-old grown up who I call my mother.

But that is okay. Because that is a part of what people see from the outside. What they don't realise is how passionate I am about life. I dance in mirror and sing in the shower. I know all the words to the movie Napoleon Dynamite and my kite got stuck in a tree when I was ten. I look both left and right when crossing a one way street and I will jump infront of bullets and buses for the people whom I love.

"Yoh bitch...snap out of it." Irina clicks her fingers, demanding my attention.

"Oh...Hey Rina, whatsup?" I say offering her the last bit of my Popsicle.

She takes it.

_Why wouldn't she._

"Not much. Just looking for work again ya know?" She looks at me and I nod in agreement. Because what else am I supposed to do.

"Harry's hiring at the diner across town. In fact I just scored me a job there for the summer. Only three days a week but I mean it's something I guess." I say, trying to sound polite.

I feel I need to apologise for some reason because maybe Irina needs this job more than I do.

_I won't._

Irina laughs. She gets to the point where tears are spilling out from her hazy brown eyes. I don't get what's so funny, so I stare, stare and stare some more.

"What's wrong? Why are you laughing?" I question.

"Girl you don't know nothing. Harry ain't gonna wanna hire a washed up Slummer like me. You and you mommy are pretty bitches. Put on some makeup and you can fool any dick with dollars in them pants." Irina is all kinds of thumb clicking and neck snapping.

_Shes high. I get it now._

"Seriously though? Should I at least ask my mom to put in a word for you?"

"No Pipes. Don't even bother. " She throws the Popsicle stick to the ground, stands up and walks away. I watch her back and then I repeat her movement. Only I pick up her litter and then make my way into my house.

For the remainder of the evening, I decide to catch up on some Grey's Anatomy episodes, and all the while, I envision green eyes.

Edward Cullen is definitely not supposed to be entering my mind.

Because rich-popular-wanted guys like him would never acknowledge poor freaks like me.

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Thursday turns into Friday and when I look again the weekend is almost over. Mom was off this weekend. We went to the beach. I got a tan and mom got some random guys number. We both got what we wanted this weekend. I feel excited but also nervous for my first official job tomorrow. I never waited tables before, especially at a decent diner where rich people frequent.

Mom says that I shouldn't worry what I wear as long as I'm dressed appropriately. By that, I assume that I cannot wear my usual cut offs and band T's. She bought me two new jean shorts, both dark blue and just above the knee. I guess it will have to do for the summer. I shower and wash my hair before making my way downstairs to say good night to my mother.

She looks lonely.

I feel sad.

"Good night Ma. I'm gonna hit the sheets. Big day for me tomorrow." I smile as I put my sentence in inverted commas, attempting to lighten the mood.

Mom grabs me and gives me a gentle hug.

Because we're lovable like that.

"I love you my baby." Rene smudges me on my cheek.

After waving good night to the woman who raised me, or who I am starting to raise, I go upstairs and shut my door. Behind my door there is a long mirror. I stand before the glass and observe my plain reflection.

The girl staring back at me is not who I am meant to be.

I know, no matter what, that there is something great out there waiting for me.

I don't know what my exact purpose in this life is, but it is going to be amazing.

So I observe the stranger in front of me.

My cheeks appear red from being in the sun too long. My brown hair has the usual summer auburn tint. Sometimes I wish I can just cut all my hair off. It's long, by long I mean just below my ass. I bet if I straiten it, it will look even longer.

I won't cut it though, because again, long hair is all I know.

My big-slanted brown eyes look dark, just like it's supposed to. How can anyone describe an eyeball? I can't. My cheeks and nose have summer brushed freckles, and my plump lips make me look like I'm continuously pouting.

Nothing special at all.

I smile at myself, and I poke my index fingers into my deep dimples. I look young. Small. Inexperienced.

A guy like Edward Cullen will never want to be caught dead with someone like me.

After analysing myself in the mirror, I climb into my single bed. I can't help but feel sad for my mother. I feel lonely for her.

People talk. The sad thing is, I know what they say about my mother and about me. My mom is hot and single. She's thirty four going on twenty one. People will gossip, especially the rich country club wives who all think my mother is out to take their husbands. I don't know why I'm allowing this emo bullshit to get to me.

Sometimes I hear my mom crying at night but I pretend not to listen. Other times I get up and go lay down beside her and try to be strong for the both of us. Tonight, I'm lying awake with a headache. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. I won't tell my mom.

_My heart hurt._

Rubbing at my eyes, I worry how badly my night vision has become. Rene will worry, and I know we don't have enough additional medical funds to pay for another new set of glasses for myself. Rosalie Hale trod on my old pair, laughed and walked away. I'll never forget that day.

I guess people from the privileged side of town just won't ever understand.

They use and consume and hurt, hurt, hurt.

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Its morning. I climb out of bed and I feel the same feeling that I felt last night.

Excited.

Nervous.

Sad.

Sans headache. I prepare a quick breakfast for Rene and myself. By breakfast, I refer to coffee and toasted peanut butter and jelly. It will have to do for the day.

We arrive at Harry's diner aka my new place of employment in my mom's beat up Honda.

I feel… okay now. Tiny bits of gratitude greet my consciousness. The chat I had with Irina last week just made me want to appreciate this job all the more.

Harry greets, jolly as usual and walks off. I don't get a welcome or "do this" and "do that." New boss displays a thumbs up and a cheesy smile.

My boss is like a boss.

I look at my mother in total confusion.

She smiles and winks her glowing eyes at me.

"Come on Pipes. I guess I'll show you how things work around here." Mom motions towards a door leading into a hallway in the diner. I follow her inside, and she hands over my name tag.

She jokes around and asks me if is she can label my name tag as Piper.

I protest immediately.

_I love my mother_

I stick my name tag on, which reads 'Bella', tie the apron that reads 'Harry's', across the chest, and I follow Rene into what looks like a rest room. My mom takes lipstick out of her apron pocket and makes her way to the mirror. I decide that's my cue to silence my phone and neaten up my hair into a presentable messy bun.

The breakfast shift goes by quite fast, I literally shadow my mother. Most of the customers are kinda sweet. Many people are rushing to work, grabbing a coffee or two.

I notice that my mother knows a lot of them. _Regulars? _

Around 12 a.m, I get to take my break. I decide to text my best friend while biting on an apple.

**Me: ALLY-CAT**

**Ally: SMOKER-PIPE**

**Me: I miss you crazy bear lady. Come home?**

**Ally: Two weeks crunchy bar. I'm at the beach. **

**Me: Lucky you. I'm at work **

**Ally: Bells! Why the fuck didn't you remind me? I would have called to wish you good luck!**

**Me: Then wish me luck now?**

My phone rings immediately and it's Alice on the line. We talk, laugh and catch up until moms comes to tell me my break is over. We say our goodbyes and give hidden loves and kisses, then I go about placing my phone back into my pocket.

"Was that Alice?" Mom asks.

"Yeah it was her. She's at the beach in Glenhaven. We were just catching up."

"Oh wow...that's nice Pipes. Some customers walked in. Will you be able to handle table seven and nine?"

I nod. Because that is my job after all.

As I am walking to table seven at the back of the diner, I hear laughter. Definitely a group of high school kids. I'm surprised to see the troublesome trio and their groupies. Immediately, I feel small and hopeless. I attempt to make a quick U-turn but then I hear someone yell for a waiter.

_Shit._

Making my way to the table I am somehow drawn to everyone else except Edward, even though he's looking down and studying the menu. I know he will intimidate me the most.

Because Edward is all green eyes and intense stares. Jasper and Jake look stoned. Kate, Tanya, Lauren and Rosalie are all just staring daggers at me.

I clear my throat in a please-be-nice-kinda-way and rub my anxiety filled fingers.

"Hi. I'm Bella. I'll be your waitress today. Can I get you anything to drink?" I say nervously as I bite on my bottom lip and push a strand of hair behind my ear. I am afraid to make eye contact with anyone.

"I'll have water"..."I want salad"..."What happened to that burger special?"..."Give me the Mexican pizza with extra cheese," they all mumble in unison.

"Uhm… sorry I didn't get that?"I say, again nervous.

_Urgh. _

"What! Are you slow? Incompetent? I said wate,r Freak!" Tanya shrieks and rolls her eyes.

I nervously look away, hoping that my mom didn't witness this encounter.

Luckily, she didn't.

"Okay...and what would the rest of you like to order?" I ask. They slowly begin giving their orders. I hear Rosalie say she's definitely not tipping a freak. Jasper keeps laughing, and Jake lifts his eyes brows at me which leads to Kate smacking him on the arm. Kate definitely hates me now_. I'm sorry Kate. _

I walk away because if I stay a minute longer I might cry.

"Hey wait! Not so fast diner girl." I hear someone say. I don't have to look because I already know who it is. Edward hands me the menu and points towards the double monster burger.

I shake my head and for a brief second while I'm looking at him, he is rubbing with the lobe of his ear and staring at me, intensely. The tip of his index finger slowly brushes against my hand and I feel a bolt of electricity rush through my body.

He felt that too.

I know.

I also know that whatever I felt right now, was foreign and all kinds of forbidden.

Because poor girls are not supposed to touch rich boys.

But sometimes, things change. People change.

Our eyes lock again and in that moment he is beautiful. Beautifully misunderstood. The boy I see seated before me is dying to break free from the world he's living in. He just doesn't know how. He doesn't want to try.

"Okay, will that be all?" I swallow hard, asking nobody in particular. Edward tells me he wants extra avocado. I nod and walk off feeling six pairs of eyes staring back at me. The seventh pair, just staring.

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**Any thoughts? Thanks for reading :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! Me again. **

**Thank you to those who have reviewed. I appreciate all your honesty and suggestions. Again, please give Edward and Bella a chance. They both young and misunderstood. Once we get into more detail about Edwards home life, maybe you will begin to understand. Bella is just genuinely sweet.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to SM**

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**Chapter 4**

**EPOV**

Once again Jasper and Jake managed to involve me in their plans. My legs are killing me as I'm sitting in this diner. Today we worked solely on cardio and coach made us run like fucking sissy's. Tanya keeps giving me hopeful looks. I'm bored of her now. We fucked. I moved on. So why can't she?

"Yeah. It will be totally amazing. We're going to the lake party down in Riverhaven next week right boys?" Rosalie asks, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

I honestly can't give a shit what she's on about but I nod anyway. I can do with a little partying and drinking to ease off on the hectic week I''ve had this far, and shit it's only Monday. I woke up at 5 a.m, got to the gym at 6 a.m, and came strait here to meet up my friends.

This is just another reminder that my life is not at all easy. Normal teenagers are enjoying their summer vacations and here I am sitting in pain because my father forced me into summer trials.

"I'm beat guys. Lets order the food and get the fuck out of here." I sigh, knowing that I may come across as sulky. It sucks to bitch about shit, but really, I'm fucking tired.

"Oh come on Eddie...I thought you wanna come back with me after this?" Tanya is again all kinds of hopeful. I brush her off.

This girl needs more self-respect.

As we looking at the menu, Jake starts complaining about waiting to be served. The girls are counting the calories in each meal and I am stretching my aching leg beneath the table. _What the fuck are they doing? _

"Hi. I'm Bella. I'll be your waitress today. Can I get you anything to drink?" Immediately look up after hearing her voice. It's Bella, obviously. I feel irritated because this girl is everywhere I look these days. I'm annoyed because every time I see a blue fucking baseball cap or a tie die shirt, I think it's her. I think of her. I don't want to think of her.

Immediately, I notice Bella looks nervous as fuck. She's biting her lip and struggling to look everywhere but at us. I doubt she even saw me with my head ducked into the menu.

The girls are all bitching at her and Jake is trying to flirt with her, making me even more irritated. Bella walks away and I call after her.

Because how the fuck can she forget to take my order?

Deciding I don't wanna talk to her, I hand her the menu and point to the biggest meal on the menu. Fuck I'm hungry from this morning's terror session.

She tries to grab the menu and within that time the tip of my finger brushes against her hand and all I can think of is _innocent…misunderstood…innocent._ The girl is clearly terrified of us. She's weak and we are strong. We're leaders and she's a follower without choice.

She asks if that will be all and I feel bad for what I think about her. So, without much effort, I mumble about wanting extra avocado.

She listens. She walks away. My eyes don't leave her ass.

As we waiting for our food, an older looking woman brings our drinks. She introduces herself as Liza and smiles knowingly at us. She knows we gave Bella a hard time, that is exactly why she decided to take over our table.

"I need to take a leak." I tell the group as I make my way out the booth. In passing, I see Bella talking to an older couple who is a few tables away from us. She looks sad, but she's laughs, showing her dimples. The smile doesn't reach her eyes. We upset her.

I realise that Bella has a bad way of covering up her mood. Making my way down the hall to the rest rooms I hear Tanya call out my name. _Shit, why now. _

"Hey Eddie wait up! Are you okay?" Tanya asks in a way that she thinks ill think she's concerned. I know better. She wants something from me and it starts with a D.

"Yeah. Why?" I ask looking around.

"Oh just asking. You kinda seem somewhere else that's all." Tanya sing songs. flipping her long strawberry blond hair behind her shoulder.

She is really fucking attractive. But like I said, she needs to respect herself more. Maybe I am dick for using her, and leading her on, but rather me then some other piece of shit. I do feel protective of her to some extent.

"I'm cool. Just tired, like I said." I take a deep breath, because how many times do I have to tell this girl.

"Okay...well the foods about to come so hurry up." She smiles and I nod , thinking to myself how I would have being done already if she didn't come and look for me. Making my out of the rest room I see Bella approaching with glasses in her hand. he makes her way into what I assume is the kitchen.

She saw me. I know this.

"Yummy. Can I have some of your fries. Please?" Tanya pleas. I allow her to grab some. Smirking, I wonder why she ordered a salad when she keeps picking out of everyone else's plate.

We continue to eat and chat and I motion for Liza to bring us the bill. Bella hasn't been to our table since she took our order so I'm assuming Liza deserves the tip after all.

"Ladies and gents, I'll be going now. See you guys on Wednesday maybe?" I prepare for my departure.

"Why not tomorrow man? Thought we could go catch a surf?" Jasper murmurs.

"I got soccer practice until 3 p.m tomorrow and then Esme wants me to do some shit around the house." With all kinds of excuses, I lie to my best friend. We're all liars. I just need a break. Time to fucking do my own shit for once. They won't understand. I won't tell them my original plan was to go out surfing, alone.

"Cool then. Wednesdays it is." Jasper holds up his arm. I shake the guys hands and kiss the girls all on their cheeks. I squeeze Tanya's ass because shit the girl looks like she's going cry. I guess she's happy now.

Bella is nowhere to be seeing as I leave but I do notice her mother wiping tables. I wave at her mother and she smiles back. I see where Bella gets her exotic looks from.

_Like mother, like daughter. _

It's drizzling lightly. Everyone in Treehaven is always grateful for some summer rain because the sun goes all crazy during summer. I get into my truck and change the radio station to my favourite rap music. I can use some Drake in my system. I turn my baseball cap on backwards and place my iPhone in the middle compartment just in front of the gear stick.

Reversing out of Harry's, I decide to drive a different route home. Sometimes when I drive and listen to music, I feel calmer and a lot more at ease.

With the light rain hitting my windshield and some rap music calming my mood, I am in my element. As I stop at the traffic lights I see none other than Bella. Again I'm irritated because she's everywhere I go. Twice in one day?

_Okay everyone where the fuck is the hidden camera?_

She's all brown long hair, big brown eyes and a small mousy face. She's not sexy, she fucking cute. Judging by her legs, she looks like she could be a runner. It's all toned with some calve muscle.

Being the sportsman that I am, I tend to look at peoples legs and judge their character from there on. _Deal with it._

Bella looks to be approaching the bus stop, looking ridiculous with Harry's diner menu covering her head, shielding the rain. I want to laugh but instead I find myself pulling over and calling her over.

"Bella..."

She doesn't budge and then I press my horn and she turns around in shock. I don't know why I just did that, but something tells me I should offer this girl a ride home.

She surprises me by her reaction.

She smiles.

_Beat_.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

I'm not sure if I'm imagining this, but Edward Cullen just called me over to his truck. I quickly look around to make sure that he is not calling anyone else. When I return my gaze, I realise that he's definitely referring to me.

With unusual heart beats and wondering moments, I smile.

Because this boy wants my attention.

I left the diner in an awful mood. Let's just say that I started crying in the office and Harry thought it would be okay if I worked until 2 p.m.

"Go home and study the menu for the remainder of your 'supposed' shift, Bella." New boss was all kinds of understanding.

I told my mom I felt overwhelmed and that I couldn't keep up with the customers' requests. Technically, I wasn't lying.

I assured Rene that I would take the bus home. I did not have any other choice. All I wanted was get the hell out of Harry's.

And…here I am, innocently walking to the bus stop. But mother nature has other plans and that entails green eyes in a monster truck.

Is he following me? HAH I doubt that!

Beep-beep-beep is the sound of trouble. Edward presses his horn again and again. I shake my head because come on, this boy is impatient. Taking a deep breath, I mentally rehearse everything that I am going to say. Ill apologise for not bringing their food. I'll say I'm not feeling well.

As I make my way to his huge ass truck from across the street, Edward motions for me to get into the passenger side. I'm surprised by his request but nonetheless I get in because the rain has just come done much harder. I'm pretty sure I ruined the menu I'm meant learn off by heart.

I open the door and struggle abit to climb inside. The interior of his car smells like man. Like a three day old gym bag with socks, mixed with citrus. I like the smell. Edward lowers the music. Mmm, Kendrick Lamar. Who would have thought Edward likes hip-hop-rapping.

"Hey." I say, feeling uncomfortable but somewhat welcomed.

"Hey". Edward repeats my gesture, in an I-don't-know-what-to-say in a hey kinda way.

"You called me over?" I push a strand of hair behind my ear and try to come across as brave.

But he can tell I'm nervous because he looks away.

Taking a deep breath, this boy taps on his steering wheel. We sit in silence and I wonder what he wanted. Edward gulps, and shifts his body towards me.

In this moment his eyes meet my own and I realise I should not fear this boy. He's just a human being. He's my age. Yeah, he may be cuter, richer and a lot more popular, but we were all once the same. An innocent.

"Soooo?" I life my eyebrow in question.

"Uhm…yeah so it's raining." Edward hesitates. Way to state the obvious Cullen. I roll my eyes and make sure he doesn't see.

He takes off his baseball hat revealing his dishevelled-I-don't-brush-my-hair-ever, silky soft brownish hair. Pieces of his hair are twirling around his ear and all I want to do is pull it. I don't.

He replaces his hat and continues… "Yeah so I saw you walking, in the rain."

I laugh, because really, this boy just stated the obvious once again. I'm not nervous anymore. I'm content. My mood just went from bad…to better and I have no idea why.

"I was walking to the bus station from work." I explain. He finally laughs nervously. We both kinda laugh.

"Do you want a ride home?" Edward asks, although I can tell he's unsure. Edward doesn't know what he's doing.

"I live on the other side of town you know?"

"I know." he nods, pulling out in the direction of exactly where I am supposed to go. I guess that's a yes, he's taking me home.

Surprisingly, Edward drives to the exact street he saw me at last week. Only now, he asks which house I live at. I explain the directions we continue to drive in silence, just like we have done for the last ten minutes.

It was comfortable. Edward was shocked when I started silently signing along to the words of Backseat Freestyle by Kendrick Lamar. He didn't say anything though; he just turned up the volume.

We pull up in front of my tiny little house and immediately the radio goes off. Does he want to come inside? I'm not embarrassed though. I know Edward must live in some mansion, but like my gran always told me, "a beautiful home is a home filled with love."

I don't know if Edward is happy.

I want to know.

"Well...thanks so much for the ride home. How much gas do I owe you?" I ask, serious.

"A fifty will do." Edward responds. I'm shocked, because I don't have that kind of money to give him. Edward burst out laughing.

I want to cry.

"I'm shitting with you Bella. I don't want your money. Damn you should have seeing your face." Edward thinks this is hilarious. He called me by my name too. Did you hear freak in that sentence?

"Well I don't have that kinda money right now.." my voice is breaking and I'm surprised once again when he interrupts me.

"Seriously Bella, I don't want your money. Trust me."

"Then why did you offer to give me a ride home? Is this some sick joke made up by you and your friends? Oh my God did you follow me so you can go and report back about how pathetic and poor you all think I am?" I realise I have raised my voice.

Edward's entire facial expression goes from playful to serious.

"No. "he whispers, looking down.

"Then why Edward?" I ask, desperately looking at him.

He looks up and meets my gaze, probably realising that I had just said his name.

"Because I fucking wanted to!" Edward too raises his voice. I jump a bit in surprise.

"You don't even know me. You call me a freak and you hang out with people who despise me…"

Edward turns towards me. He says nothing. Adjusting his posture, I am trapped by his intense green eyes. I am still seated in the passenger seat. Edward slowly moves forward, and there's a brief moment where I start to believe that I am delusional.

He leans into me and his soft lips presses very lightly just next to my bottom lip. For just a second I breathe him in and I am paralyzed. I am in complete disbelief.

So, I smack him. Hard.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispers. Making no attempt to allow for some distance between us. He doesn't touch his cheek after my palm impacted on his sculptured face. His tanned strong jaw shows no sign of pain.

"Nobody can know I gave you a ride home, let alone..." He doesn't continue his sentence because even he can't believe what had just happened. I shake my head, disappointed but relieved. If nobody can know then I'll just pretend like I don't know either. Pretend, yeah right.

"Thank you." I swallow hard and get out the truck. I have no idea why I just thanked him. He doesn't deserve my mannerism over his audacity.

Making my way to the front porch, all jelly legs, and beat beating heart, I hear a car door shut and shortly after footsteps follow behind me. I turn, Edward turns too, to press his alarm towards his car.

I should be afraid, but I'm not. This beautiful boy will never hurt me physically. I know this.

"Do you mind if I come in for a bit?" Edwards hopeful greens meet my terrified browns.

I nod anyway. Because something in me demands that I give him a chance.

I unlock the door in silence while I think to myself if this is really happening. Edwards' kind gestures must be a set up. They in for the kill. I'm sure he is here to set me up.

"What's in it for you? Satisfaction? A good laugh?" I ask Edward. He knows what I am thinking because he rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"Maybe I'm just looking for contentment Bella. Aren't we all?"

I shake my head in disbelief. "And you decide that offering a lift to a poor girl who you find enjoyment in bullying will satisfy whatever guilt you're feeling? If so, there is a homeless shelter down the street. Go help someone out over there."

"Bella, just fucking stop please. I don't know why I did what I done but just shut your mouth about it so that we can all move on."

Edwards looking nervous. I would too if I just tried to kiss a 'freak' for no reason.

"I won't tell anyone. I promise." I assure him.

"Promises are meant to be broken."I hear whisper more to himself.

As Edward turns away,I call after him.

"Hey? Would you like some water or something?"

"What have you got?" Pretty boy smirks. I think he's teasing.

What is wrong with this guy and all his moods?

"Well, we've got tap water, fridge water and warm bottled water?"

He laughs. I like that. "How about some tap water on the rocks Bella?" Teasing, definitely.

"Sure, should I make that a single or a double?" I decide to play along with this bartender game.

"Give me the whole bottle." Edward smiles with bright-shiny-white teeth. My tummy goes all fluttery as I witness playful Edward. Not "I-like-you-kinda-fluttery," let me make that clear.

I decide to cherish this moment because this might be our very first and last conversation.

Believe it or not, Edward stays for two hours. We talk, laugh and we play a game of Need for speed on my old beat up gamer. He wins. I laugh. He's happy.

I discover that Edward knows Harry's Diner menu better than anyone I met today. I ask him if he goes there a lot. He says yes. I don't tell him that my mother works there.

Upon Edward's departure, as I am seeing him out, I think I know what this has just come about. Or maybe I just know. Edward and I? We just became each others biggest secret. He didn't try to kiss me again. He did however make me promise to not tell anyone that he was by my house.

I pinkie swore. He laughed and asked if people still do that. I asked him for his number so I could send him funny videos of animals on my phone. He gave me his number, only once I had given him my own.

Friendship. I can deal with that.

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**Thank for reading. Please tell me what you think?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Again, thank you so much for the reviews! Here we welcome Edward once again. If anyone has recomendations, or any feelings about this chpater, please feel free to REVIEW. Thanks :-)**

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**Chapter 6**

**EPOV**

So if someone was to tell me last week that I would be leaving Bella Swans house with the goofiest smile on my face, I would break their fucking face.

Yet here I am, standing in my room strait out the shower with a towel around my waist, staring at my phone. I want to text her. I can't seem to do anything else because I want to text her so badly. So I do.

**Edward: Where are those videos you promised to send me?**

**Bella: Someone once said 'promises are meant to be broken'**

I laugh, she's brave.

**Edward: I guess I won't be needing your number then.**

**Bella: [download] file attachment.**

I just can't get over this girl. Because really, she's hilarious. Bella just sent me a video. I take a while to reply because I watch it while I get dressed and ready for bed. It's not even funny. I should tell her.

**Edward: Yawn**

**Bella: Okay, good night Edward.**

**Edward: Those videos made me sleepy, I didn't say I'm going to sleep though.**

**Bella: Haha very funny! I am busy though. Bye**

**Edward: Busy with what?**

Why can't I be inquisitive?

**Bella: Going out.**

For some reason I feel upset. I don't want her to go out because that means she will not speak to me.

**Edward: Where? **

I wait, and wait, and wait. She doesn't reply. Fuck her. I flip my phone on my bed and walk to my computer.

My dad walks into the room and goes on and on about me not performing as well as I should.

"You need to be at your best Edward, the scouts only come around once", Carlisle says.

I want to tell him that he should have taken his own advice when his time came around and went, but I won't.

Carlisle thinks that everything he says, has to get done. _Unbelievable. _

"Yeah dad I know, I am trying. Four days of training is a lot of work you know".

"I know, so don't fuck up it up son", says the doctor himself. Did I mention my father is a doctor and that my mother is addicted to the county club? Yeah, I guess I didn't.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Treehavens power couple. If only the town new how fucked up my parents really are. I'm pretty sure my mom has some high school crush on her tennis instructor and my dad is fucking the nurse at the hospital.

I don't think about that too much though.

Ever since my mom had a miscarriage five years ago, their marriage just kinda deteriorated. Dad got promoted to chief at the hospital and mom opened up her own art studio. She buys and sells the work of other people, which means she travels a lot. Let me not get started about the amount of wine she drinks.

I love them, I have no choice.

I might complain but I will never forget all the things that my parents do for me. Maybe it's for my own good. I want something, I get it. Although, Carlisle makes me work for the things I want.

"_You gotta fucking appreciate the things we do for Edward, I never had that when I was your age_",

"_Pull up your socks son, it's for your own good",_

And here is my all time favourite line from Carlisle,

"_Edward, you gotta get the best to be the best", _Carlisle would always say.

It's exactly a week since I spoke to Bella. I decide that after my training I'll go and see if she's at work. Tanya sent me a text, wanting to come over. I told her tonight is fine, my parents are going to a work dinner and I'm in need of some action.

I felt on edge all week because Bella just left our conversation hanging like that. I refuse to run after her. I don't a fuck run after girls, especially slumbers.

I don't need her.

But I will go to Harry's for a burger, not because I want to see her. _Keep telling yourself that Cullen._

Coach was hard on us this morning. Sometimes he forgets that I am the youngest on the team. This training camp is intended for college graduates, not fucking hormonal high school guys who are unsure about their dreams.

No one will understand, I need someone to understand.

I walk into the diner and I spot Rene from across the room, waiting a table. I look around but Bella is nowhere in sight. I guess she's off today. I make my way out the diner when I hear her call out, "Hey, Cullen wait up". _Since when did we get to last name basis? _

I guess with Bella, everything is back to front.

"You here?", I say it in a way that was meant to be a statement, struggling to hide the relief that I feel. This feeling I'm beginning to experience when I'm around her is making me fucking angry.

I wish I could repress what Bella is beginning to do to me. She already made me lose control once, and I didn't even know her then. I still don't know her.

I want to.

"Yeah, I was just cashing up, how have you been", she looks tired but I can't tell how she really feels. I think for a second when last someone actually asked me how I am, I can't remember.

"Good I guess. How about you? Where are you headed to?, I ask.

"Good thank you. I'm working an opening shift this week so I get to leave once the breakfast rush is over", she says this all in one breath, failing to mention if her mother gets to leave as well.

"So you heading home then?", I ask because I want to give her a ride home without seeming too obvious, without seeming desperate.

"I am yes. I was just going to walk to the bus stop", she's smiles. She knows what I'm thinking but none of us will dare to ask the other.

"Okay, I guess I'll pass you by because I was kinda heading to the Slumbs", I say this without realising that I might have offended her. The Slumbers don't appreciate hearing that they are from the Slumbs.

"I guess I'll walk by you then", she didn't take offence. Good.

We both make our way out of the diner, Bella waves goodbye at her co-workers. They greet her in adoration. She must mean something to them too. _Too. _

We part ways and fuck me but I hate seeing her walking away. Before I call out for her I look around to make sure that no one can see me approaching her. People in this town talk shit about everyone.

_Golden boy cannot be seeing hanging out with a poor waitress from the slumbs._

"Hey Bella?", I kinda walk, but run after her… "catch a ride with me? Please?", fuck, I'm pleading her. Where's your dick at Cullen.

"Okay", she smiles again. She knows what she's doing to me and she loves it. She walks to my truck and we both climb in.

This time I let Bella choose the music. She looks through my phone and plugs the cable in.

"Is this the new iPhone", she asks amused.

"Yeah, why?", I ask as I pick up speed.

"I love it", that's all she says. I think Bella has an old Blackberry. Her phone cover has rainbow rabbit ears. I know this because it's peeking out of her pocket.

As I pull up in front of her house, we have the same gas payment debate. I enjoy teasing this girl.

I tell Bella that she owes me 70 bucks. She invites me in for a drink. Water on the rocks.

We play on her old shitty gamer system. She sucks, so I let her win. I don't hear the end of her given victory. It makes her happy.

We talk about everything but nothing at all. Bella doesn't budge about my family life, or the fact that I am involved in summer trials. I tell her I have a hectic training session and she dares me to do 100 push ups. I do as much as I can until she begs me to stop while laughing for no apparent reason.

I'm hungry as fuck and even though I hate to cut my visit with her short, my empty stomach is ruling all instincts. Bella tells me she will be right back. I ask her where the rest room is and she points towards the staircase.

I make my way up the staircase and walk past what looks like her mother's room. There are three doors, I take it the bathroom is in between. I'm right.

There's makeup and girly shit placed all around. Everything is pink and it's giving me a fucking head spin. I spot tiny white converse behind the door and I smile because it is so so Bella. Simple, but liked by all.

I wash my hands and make my way out and decide to take a peek behind the third door. It is defiantly Bella's room. I wouldn't have pictured it any other way. There is a yellow bookshelf filled with books. A single bed with colourful sheets with stars all over. Her floors are wooden and she has a massive green floor lamp. What grabs my attention is all the pictures on her hall, above her desk. I don't go into her room far enough to make out who is on those pictures but I smile again, because it's all so Bella. _The freak. _My chest hurts just thinking that.

"There you are", Bella smiles as she gestures for me towards the tiny kitchen. When I walk inside, I want to… I don't know what I want to do. Bella has prepared four sandwiches with meatloaf and lettuce. As I walk towards the kitchen counter, I notice she has put avocado on it too. She remembered.

_Beat, my heart beats_.

I won't elaborate on what I am feeling right now.

I eat in silence and offer her a bite. Surprisingly she takes a bite. I ask her if she's hungry and she says no, she doesn't want to ruin her appetite. _Appetite for what? _I don't ask.

Again as I'm leaving, Bella promises this time to not tell anyone about my visit. I nod thanking her.

I want to kiss.

I don't.

Not today.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the follows and review. It really means A LOT! I need some motivation to continue this story. I would just like clear something…some of you may not like Bella and Edwards character, but this story is fiction and it was never my intention for them to be perfect. I integrated the cliché high school drama because come on? People like it. **

**Thanks,**

**Bee**

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**Chapter 7: **

**BPOV**

"_Guess who's coming home tomorrow?",_ I listen as Ally sings with her sweet sweet voice over the phone.

"_E.T's coming home_?", I tease.

"_No dumbo! Me, I'm coming home. I can't wait to jump all over your sheets and paint your toes an ugly green colour",_ Alice says excitedly.

Our friendship is really playful. Ally is kind of my getaway, my breath of fresh air. We are each other's person.

I never really had many friends while growing up. I was always that girl. The one who stays in on a Saturday night to complete their homework. The one who waits on the sidelines at a soccer game on a Friday night.

Ally and I are very much alike, but not alike at all. She could be anything she wants to be, but she won't, because our friendship means too much to her.

The only reasons why Alice is considered as a freak, is because she hangs out with one_. Me_.

I feel that her decision to go and stay with her cousins the beginning of this summer was her way of becoming one of the things she's meant to become. Someone, that isn't associated with me.

I don't want to think about it like that, but I do.

Walking towards the television to turn down the volume, I say,

"_Ally, you just made my life! You have no idea how excited I am to pull your hair and give you a massive granny panty weggie"_.

She laughs. I laugh. That's our deal.

We speak over the phone for a little while longer. Ally tells me that she met someone, and that her cousins will be coming to visit a lot more often. I tell her about work and how much junk food I'm beginning to eat.

I don't mention my newly discovered friendship with Edward at all, because I'm not allowed to. Because what Edward and I are becoming is something I don't want to share with anyone.

I haven't seeing Edward since Monday, its Thursday now. I decided not to text him, I doubt he will text me either. I am not quite sure what this thing is that we have, but our little friendship seems spontaneous. I like it that way.

I'm not quite worried if our secret friendship will continue because something tells me it will. I miss the smell of him, and I find myself drifting off to thoughts of intense green eyes and just beauty. He is beautiful.

I know that if Edward and I continue this, one of us will get hurt. I hope I am not that one. I just hope that it isn't him either.

As I get into bed on Thursday night, I give in to my heart and decide to text Edward.

**Bella: When is your birthday? **

I don't greet. I wait. Edward responds Seven minutes later. I counted.

**Edward: Why?**

**Bella: because I want to mark it on my calendar?**

**Edward: It doesn't matter.**

**Bella: Why?**

**Edward: I don't want my name on your calendar. Isn't that for your friends?**

I don't text him again. Neither does he. What Edward said just hurt me. He is a friend. Maybe he just doesn't see it that way.  
-

"Bella!", Alice screeches as she literally jumps into my arms. I am glad my girl is back. I missed her so much.

"Ally! Oh my God you look so so good. I love the tan", I say excitedly.

"You don't look so bad yourself Piper-dipe", Alice teases as she pulls me to the couch. I decided to jog over to Ally's house and surprise her.

It's Friday afternoon and the weather is amazing. Alice looks really cute in her little flower dress with matching flower head band. She's all hippie-save-the-polar-bears kinda free spirit looking. I love this girl.

"So? Tell me everything! Wait! You gotta come meet my cousin Bella", Alice motions for me to come with her out back.

As I follow Alice outside, I see two boys kicking a soccer ball to and from eachother. They both tall, I assume they around our age.

"Bella, this is Peter and Garret, my lame cousins from Glenhaven", Bella points to the two boys.

I am amused, because Alice didn't mention that she had two cute cousins.

"Hey, I'm Bella. Nice to meet you both", I wave. I feel stupid and shy and lame. I'm all sweaty and messy hair because of my jog. I try to brush a few strands of hair out of my face.

"Ally, you didn't tell me your cousins are dudes?", I question.

"Duh they dudes Bella. My cousin Mary, the one with all the piecing's, she will be joining us next week. Technically, Peter isn't actually my cousin. He's related to Garret somehow. They here to join us for the lake party tomorrow night", Alice says.

"What do you mean lake party?", I ask confused.

"Oh shit, yeah I forgot to tell you! We going to a lake party tomorrow Bella. By 'we' I mean you included!", Alice persists.

I shake my head because really, my favourite girl is persistent.

"I…I can't, my car isn't back from the repair shop yet", I try to make excuses.

Alice knows I don't like going to parties, let alone parties that make up 90% of popular kids. Slumbers don't do lake parties. I know Alice really wants to go though. I can tell by her hopeful tone.

"Oh yes you are Dimple duck, I am not taking no for an answer. Rene will be so proud that her little nun of a daughter is rolling with the big kids", Alice gets all excited.

I breathe in deep. _I love this girl._

I feel annoyed because I really don't want to go to this party. Alice knows I won't allow her to go alone, so she's using my concern to her advantage.

I agree to go. Garret will be driving us. He seems happy.

I end up spending the remainder of the afternoon at Ally's. Her mom asks me to stay for dinner. I don't.

Peter and Garret seemed quite cool. Garret is cute. Like high school boy cute. He looks to be going through the transitional stage from boy to man. I'm comparing him to Edward, whose transitional phase is a long time gone.

I say good bye to everyone and bend down to tie the laces of my trainers. The jog home feels amazing. I love the fresh hair blowing against my skin. Sunset is always my favourite time of the day. I love looking at the sky and just appreciating how pretty everything looks this time of the day.

I get home and there's a note on the refrigerator. Mom says she won't be home this evening. She never is on a Friday.

I go up to my room because I need to prepare for a much needed shower. I notice the red light of phone is flashing beside my bed. _Mmm must be a text. _

My heart kind of Jumps when I see Edwards name across the screen. I don't know if the warmness on my cheeks are remnants from my jog, or if it is Edward himself. He thought of me, and it warms my heart to discover that.

For no apparent reason, I feel guilty. Guilty because I was out all day and I didn't think to come home and check my phone. Opening the first message, I see it was sent at 2:55pm.

**Edward: What are you doing for the day Bella?**

I see another message sent at 5:15

**Edward: Guess you busy**

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm dialling his number. Because come on, the boy wanted something and now I feel bad.

After the third ring, Edward answers.

"_Hey, wait I sec I just wanna find somewhere quiet_", Edward says. I can hear loud music and girls laughing. His probably with his group of friends. I feel left out.

"_Bella?_", Edward whispers over the phone. "_Are you okay_?", he sounds desperate.

"_Yeah, yeah I am okay. Uhm… I got your text. I was out, I'm sorry. Did you want anything_?", I ask feeling embarrassed for even calling him.

"_Oh, no, no I didn't want anything_", Edward hesitates.

"_okay…",_ I clear my throat.

Silence.

I hear a door close and more voices. He doesn't say anything. I am about to say good bye when Edward interrupts, _"Bella, will you be home later?"_

Edward sounds strange. He's voice seems different, like his speaking a lot slower than what he usually does.

I feel nervous, but I tell him the truth. I tell him I will be at home. He asks where my mom is.

He doesn't ask if he can come over, but I know he will.

So we end the call, but before we both put down the phone, there is hesitation and then a female voice. He says something to her. And then my heart kind of does this turn, where I feel disappointed and hurt all over again.

I was never supposed to feel this way.

But I do.

I fucking feel hurt.

This vicious child.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8**

**EPOV**

I just got off the phone with Bella and I realise that I miss her.

It has been a couple of days and she hasn't contacted me. She's didn't even fucking answer my texts earlier.

And then she calls.

And I immediately want to run to her. My initial plan was to go hang with her this afternoon. I know Bella wasn't working because she only works until Wednesdays.

I am still contemplating if I should go over to her. She said she would be home.

_Fuck_. I'm wasted.

Maybe it is the alcohol and weed that's fucking with my head, but I really don't want to envision Bella while another girl is grinding up on me.

I immediately push Tanya lightly out of the way. This girl keeps following me. I can't even take a leak in peace without her sneaking up on me. _Shit. _

I open the door to the bathroom, half tumbling, when Tanya pulls me back.

"What?", I ask impatiently.

"Don't I get some action Cullen?", she asks while moving her shoulders and biting her lip. If she thinks I find it sexy, she's wrong. It's fucking embarrassing.

"Nah, I gotta be somewhere", I respond as I walk out leaving her behind. Fuck her, no one asked her to act like a slut. She literally attacked my dick the second she could get me alone. _I'm the victim here motherfuckers. _

I walk back to Jaspers basement where everyone is chilling. He has one major setup, a flat, pool table and a fully stacked bar. Jaspers parents don't give a shit that we drink up all his booze. _Its replaceable_.

Rosalie is laying past out on Mikes shoulder, Jake is zoning. I laugh, because come on they look even more fucked up than what I feel.

"Dude, I'm gonna bounce", I say to Jasper who is pointing to nothing in particular. He laughs. We both laugh.

I finish my now warm beer, and pat my pockets looking for all my shit.

I can't find my keys and I begin to panic. I check my back pocket and there it is, with my phone and wallet. I'm wearing jeans, something I never wore in a long time because I'm always fucking training.

Coach gave us one hectic week. I couldn't wait to drink and just let go of all this unnecessary bullshit that I am feeling. Only now, my usual coping mechanisms aren't a shit helping.

I think I know what will help. _Bella. _

_Sweet sweet Bella. The freak, considered by my friends._

When I think of Bella, I feel… relieved. Her smile alone can brighten anyone's day. I don't know how I could miss that before.

Just by looking into her eyes I feel relaxed, understood.

I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I decided this afternoon that I am going to use Bella. Not in an abuse her innocence kind of way, I'll make use of her company because it makes me feel better.

She allows me to feel real.

I hardly know the chick but somehow her cuteness, playfulness and fucked up randomness lures me towards her.

Bella sent me a text yesterday that made me realise that I may mean a lot more to her than what I think. She wants my friendship and I don't know how I feel about that.

I am clearly embarrassed of her, and the fact that I am embarrassed of her makes me angry.

I have never met anyone so real before and I haven't even got to know her properly. These friends of mine, they all fucking fake. Why can't I be fake too? Towards them, not her.

Jaspers becoming more and more like them. I don't want to be like them, walking around thinking that I fucking shit ice-cream.

Not so long ago Bella was a freak to me. I keep telling myself that Bella is this intrusive thought. A bad habit that I'm starting to develop. But only, she's not.

These past couple of weeks, I went from somebody I thought I was to somebody I actually wanna be. Yet here I am, being that person again.

The perfect son, the perfect friend, the perfect soccer fake.

I want to see _her._

Bella is like biting nails. Once one is bitten, all have to be bitten.

I know now that in order to relieve my pent up frame of mind, I will have to see her.

I'll be her greatest fucking friend if I must. I just need to feel better. I'm selfish. I just hope she knows what she's getting herself into by allowing me to do this.

Intrude in her life.

I have never felt so fucking needy before. Just a couple of weeks ago I didn't as much as even fucking think of her.

Now I'm fucking desperate to see.

Just to see her.

Jake gives me bullshit about wanting to leave early. Tanya insists I shouldn't drive drunk. Maybe she cares for more than just my dick.

Carlisle and Esme are at home. I know this, because mom called me to ask when I will be coming home. I told her I'll be home in the morning. She won't ask anything else. She assumes I'll stay over at Jaspers.

Carlisle won't question me either. As long as I am on the soccer field an din the gym on Monday morning, he's cool.

There are two things my dad has always supported, since I reached a certain age. My sports and my sex life. He's happy when I score some of both.

"_Go out and get some relief son, you need a condom_?", what fucking father tells their fifteen year old son that.

Again, my parents aren't strict, they just want what's best for what they think is best for me.

I say my good byes to everyone who is now completely fucked. Jaspers parents are spending their weekend at some spar getaway. He throws these parties because he has maids that will clean up after his shit and a fully stocked bar that people are allowed to abuse without question.

I drank a lot. I played pool and table tennis. I avoided Tanya, but I was however eyeing Victoria. She looked hot and she's just recently single. I like that.

It's just after ten. I wonder if Bella is still up. I decide to drive to her house.

Not because I want to,

because I need to.

I need calmness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey beautiful people! I would just like to raise a couple of things. Firstly, I do apologise to those who have reviewed and who did not receive a reply from me. I will try to answer all your questions in this story.**

**Secondly, the legal age for dinking where I come from is 18, therefore the characters are not doing anything wrong by consuming alchohol.**

**Thirdly, I do not have a BETA so I apologise for any mispelling and sentence structuring. In South Africa we spell some words differently as well(E.G Colour instead of color).**

**Lastly, I dont have a set time to update, its kind of spontaneous. My schedule is really busy, but please keep reading and reviewing. You guys are amazing and you really make me motivated to continue this story. THANK YOU so much! **

**P.S. I will try to make these characters a bit more likable although my aim is for an unlikely frienship. SORRY for the long ass authors note!**

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**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

I hate this feeling. The feeling where I keep checking my phone to see if I may have an incoming text.

I decide to paint my nails purple, I clean the living room and prepare myself a sandwich.

My actions are inexcusable and I hate how alone I feel.

Last week I was fine. I was fine to be alone.

I was almost sure Edward would come to me tonight. He didn't say he would, because he never does get strait to the point.

At least that's what I thought.

Assumptions,

leads to hope.

Hope,

leads to disappointment.

I feel like smacking myself because come on, Edward is only in my life for a couple of weeks and already I long to see him. Just to see him.

This attachment I am slowly developing towards him has nothing to do with romance, or even affection. I guess it's just the idea of him that I long for. I wish I didn't.

I mean how is it even possible to need someone in your life, someone you hardly even know.

Maybe it's his looks.

Maybe it's his moods.

No, maybe it's just Edward himself.

It's definitely just him.

I can't remember ever feeling this attachment towards Sam.

Sam was a boy who I thought I really really liked. I met him up at the reservation camp that I was volunteering at last year. Sam was special to me, until I caught him with his tongue down another females throat.

Sam had being my first kind of boyfriend. Our relationship only lasted the duration of last year's summer. Conveniently, I caught him cheating on me on our final night at the reservation.

We were not that serious. Seriousness entails meeting the parents. Alice didn't like him too. I should have learnt my lesson.

We kissed, he touched my boobs and grabbed my ass. That's about it.

I forgave him, because why not.

I decide that I cannot wait any longer. I spent the evening watching Napolean Dynamite. Somehow I can watch that movie over and over.

I was hoping Edward would have watched it with me this time.

Once the movie ends, I turn off the dvd and switch off all the lights downstairs. This is a typical Friday night for me. If it is not school related, I watch movies or read books.

Rene called to check up on me, I told her I am fine.

It's funny how people are quick to say that they are fine when they are clearly not. The definition should be changed to suite the twenty first century explanation.

It's just after 11pm, I go take a quick shower and climb into my sleep shorts and tank top. This evening summer heat leaves me feeling fresh, but also sticky.

I comb my wet hair and decide to leave it loose in order to dry.

My bed is filled with my mom's laundry. I have no idea why she always resorts to leaving all her clutter in my room. I fold her clothing neatly and make my way to her room to pack her things in to her closet.

I hear a knock.

_Beat. _

Another knock.

_Beat. Beat. _

All of a sudden, I feel overwhelmed. Not with fear, but with knowing. My heart kinda knows.

My mom's room faces out front so I make my way to her window to see if _his_ car is out front.

I don't see anything.

I don't see his car, I don't see a figure below at the front door either. _That's strange. _

Making my way to my room to check my phone, I hear scratching on my window. Fear, I feel fear.

"Bella? Open open open", I hear soft slurred whispers.

_Edward._

He came. My heart jumps.

Who does this beautiful boy think he is. I know I won't tell him to leave, even though my head is screaming that I should.

I get to my window in like five seconds, not because my room is tiny but because I just made a world record reflex move.

I open up my curtains, and there he is. Edward is grinning like some idiot.

"What are you doing here Edward? How did you get up?", I whisper in a panic.

"Bell-her, I came to visit you", Edward coos. I want to smack the grin off his face. He looks wasted.

"Edward, stop! Hold on while I open up the window properly", I say with more volume this time. I don't understand this boy. He thinks I do.

Edward climbs into my room and starts laughing, "I came to investigate the picture Bell-hhhheeeerrr".I hate the way his saying my name.

"What are you talking about?", I question.

"The ones above your desk. I came here to look at it. I didn't come here for you", he explains. What a joke. Because come on, what does he think his doing.

"How did you know I had pictures on my wall?, again, I ask in confusion.

"I sneaked into your room the other day", Edward laughs.

"Why would you be so forward?", I am now annoyed.

"Would you rather have me be backward then? I can be backward", Edward laughs.

He thinks this is all one big fucking joke. Quite frankly, I am not impressed.

I find it disrespectful that he would come to me after wherever he had been.

I would never tell him that though, because that's our deal.

I should start accepting the fact that I will always be Edwards's backup plan, not his actual plan. Actual plans are reserved for friends.

Edward and I are not friends.

We are becoming each other's users and consumers.

He gives, I take. He whispers, I call.

Again, I guess that's just what we are.

I watch as Edward half tumbles towards my desk. He points, and laughs, and points again.

"Bella, you look nerdy as fuck in this picture", he points towards the one where I am wearing my glasses.

That picture was taken at the hospital a couple of years ago, alongside my grandmothers hospital bed. Edward doesn't mention the balled old lady lying ready for death in the picture.

Cancer. It ruined my grandmother.

I tell Edward that he should stop looking at the picture. He tells me he came to my house to look at the pictures.

I walk towards him to pull him away from my desk.

It's the first time I directly and intentionally touch him.

Edward is wearing a grey hoody and his usual backwards baseball cap.

He looks likes trouble.

As I pull him away from my desk, I feel his well-defined hard muscled arm. So manly. I excuse that thought.

He laughs again.

"Okay okay, atleast let me lay down on your bed for a while", Edward says this as he jumps on my bed.

I feel annoyed.

Presumptuous boy.

I don't protest because I know once he lays down, he won't get up. His fucked up wasted.

People always say that when one is drunk, they speak the truth. I decide to test that theory. I decide to question Edward.

"Edward come on, what are you really doing here? It's like...do you realise you just climbed up to the second floor", I accuse.

"Uhm…I missed looking at brown eyes and long hair. Figured you fit the profile"

"Hah, very informative!", I want to scream at him. He is terribly playful.

Edward pats the bed and calls me over. I sit down on my bed, while he lays down, shoes and all on my sheets. _Thanks. _

"I nearly fucked someone tonight Bella. I also had my eyes on the cutest red haired girl. Still, I knew they wouldn't suffice. Is that the answer you want to hear little girl?", he looks me in the eye.

I crumble, just abit.

I am however not jealous. He can do whatever the hell he wishes.

I should have known that once I let Edward through my front door, my heart would follow him. My heart will now forever betray me as long as Edward is in my life.

A part of me will appreciate whichever part of Edward I can get. As long as it's something. I guess I am okay with that.

_I'm pathetic. _

The fucked up thing is, I don't even like him.

I don't want to like him because we all know what is going to happen.

We needy, that's all.

"You have to leave Edward?", I say as he lightly pulls the bottom strands of my wet hair.

He ignores my request.

"Never cut your hair okay? I like it like this", he continues to play with my hair.

I ignore.

"Please? You can't be here right now", I say concerned.

"Why did you let me in then?", he asks.

"Because I was scared you'd fall dummy", I am officially annoyed.

_Stupid stupid boy_

I sigh.

"Bella, get used to it. I will come here whenever I want to from now on", he protests.

"No! You can't! Who the hell do you think you are?", I accuse.

He laughs.

"Its so fucking easy to tip you off little girl", he emphasises 'little girl'. I smack his hand away from my hair.

"Please come lay next to me? Just for a bit. I promise I won't touch you", he says while tapping the small space next to him.

"NO! Just go away or I will scream", I say with irritation.

"No, no you won't scream Bella. You enjoying this little secret of ours just as much as I am. Admit it little girl", he laughs.

"Call me little girl one more time and then you will", I dare.

"Little girl...little girl…little girl", he laughs.

He's drunk.

"I really don't like how you treating me right now. Its disrespectful Edward", I say.

Immediately he gets up with a sad look on his face. He starts patting his pockets. He takes out his phone, checks something and makes his way back to my window. All in a very very unsteady manner.

I call after him.

"I didn't mean to ever disrespect you. I tease you because your reactions are cute. I am SORRY", he sulks.

I feel terrible.

"Wait! Just…just don't go. You can sleep on my floor or something. I don't think you should drive", I am now panicking.

"Okay", that's all he says.

Truth is, even though I am upset because he came to me in this state, I understand.

If we want to keep whatever this is that we have going, then I guess I am going to have to get used to the idea of being his leftover.

It is okay.

I sigh.

Edward doesn't sleep on the floor all night. During the night I feel him climb in next to me. I don't say anything. He doesn't try to snuggle with me. He just breaths and goes back to sleep.

I go to sleep too.

I sleep amazing that night.

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**PLEASE continue to REVIEW! The story will pick up some pace from here on out. Get your bikinis ladies, next up, LAKE PARTY :-)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! Thanx for all the reviews, follows and favorites.**

**So here we welcome chapter 10. Please lemme know what you all think. Feel free to share recommendations or anything you wish! ;-)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**EPOV**

_Where the fuck am I?_

I wake up feeling like shit. My head is spinning and I feel hot as hell. _Summer mornings._

In my half asleep, half-drunken state, I realise I am not in my own room.

Immediately I start to panic because I forget that it is only Saturday, and I do not in fact have to rush off to training camp.

Once I officially open up my eyes, a pair of big brown eyes are staring down at me, holding my hoody in her hand.

_Bella. _

"Oh, you not dead. Nice to see someone decided to wake up", Bella and her smartass mouth. I am definitely not in the mood for early morning sarcasm.

"Water", I say dryly.

"You want water? Get up and go get yourself a glass Cullen", Bella says. She's now opening up her curtains with extra force and picking up my discarded shoes and jeans that I don't remember taking off.

Everything she is doing sounds extra loud. I want to tell her to get out of her own room.

I would never.

"I'd like to straighten my sheets. Get up!", Bella attempts to pull her sheets away from me, I hold onto it tightly.

Fuck, this girl definitely has some attitude in the morning. I am way too hung over to challenge her right now.

"Bella…did we..?", I am now a bit confused and I am trying to remember how the fuck I got here.

"Oh yeah… we had the time of our lives last night", she teases. I know she's fucking with me because come on, Bella is the worst possible liar.

"Thank God", I whisper. I notice her lips twitch.

She shouldn't take offence to my statement.

"My mom will be coming home soon. You better get going. Also, Mrs Clearwater wouldn't be impressed if she looks out of her window only to see a huge black truck blocking her view of the street", Bella says all this in one breath.

I roll over and pull her pillow over my head. Because this girl needs to stop talking.

I want to yell at her and tell her to shut the fuck up.

I don't.

I would never.

For a brief moment I close my eyes and drift off into a second of silence and peace.

Again I hear exaggerated footsteps. Bella tickles under my feet and I jump up in surprise. _Head spin. _

"Don't do that!", I yell, not aggressively, but in a don't-tickle-me-ever kinda way.

She stops. I noticed she brought me a glass of water and an Advil.

I don't deserve her kindness.

I take the water and Advil anyway.

"Whose Mrs Clearwater?", I eventually ask.

"She lives across the street. I see you parked out there. This side of town isn't used to such fancy trucks Edward, you should go check if it is still in one piece", she explains. _Smartass. _

"What time is it?", I ask while I get up and look around for my pants. I don't a fuck care that I am standing in my boxers in front of Bella.

I can see Bella feels uncomfortable because she clears her throat and walks across her room to fetch my pants and shoes. She doesn't look at me.

"7:14", she mumbles

"Why the fuck are you awake so early?", I ask annoyed.

"Because someone decided to take over my entire bed! I couldn't sleep with you half pushing me off my own bed", she says this but I know she's lying.

I roll my eyes, because come on, this girl is fucking with my head and the day hasn't even started.

Bella looks worried. I decide I should leave before her mother gets back.

I put on my jeans and shoes, get my keys and my phone and make my way out of her room.

She follows.

The house is quiet and I kinda feel annoyed because her mother left her alone at home lastnight.

Pretty girls like Bella don't deserve to stay home alone.

Yeah calm down, I know I just called her pretty.

She looks fucking hot with her long hair hanging loos, tight tank top and short shorts. She's wearing some cartoon character sleep shorts and she walks barefoot.

I admire her simplicity.

"Can you go now? Unless you find staring at my toes more interesting?", Bella questions, failing to hide the smile on her face.

Bella is a morning person, definitely.

I don't want to think about what I did or said last night, but she doesn't seem mad at me. I got my fix and so did she. _Company._

"Okay, I will see you when I see you then", I say as I make my way out the front door.

She nods and waves but doesn't say anything.

I walk across her front lawn and look around quickly to make sure that nobody is around. Bella's street is quiet for once.

I don't look back, something tells me neither does she.

We don't make plans.

We don't discuss future visits.

We leave our last encounter as it is.

I purposefully left my hoody behind because I guess it's my way of telling her I will come back. She knows it too.

With Bella, I am beginning to realise everything is simple. I crave simplicity. I smile at myself as I get to my car,

because me and this girl are going to be fucking amazing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well good morning Edward", mom kisses me on my cheek as I make my way through the kitchen. I mumble a good morning to her and open up the fridge for anything that will cure my dry fucking throat.

"Good morning son, you look like fucking shit", the doctor walks in looking fresh and ready for the day. Carlisle is wearing he's work scrubs, I take it he will be gone all day.

"Shut the fuck up", I tell my father. He laughs.

Carlisle pats me on the back with a little more force than he should. He tells me my early morning presence will not be tolerated Monday come. I shake my head, because what the fuck am I supposed to say.

I make my way to my room and collapse on my bed. Esme comes in to tell me she's going to the country club to have her nails done. Maria, our domestic worker comes in and clears all my discarded clothing.

I yell at her to get out. She laughs and pulls my leg. Literally.

Maria and I have that kind of relationship. She practically raised me. She comes from the Slumbs and mumbles to herself all day in Spanish. She's an illegal citizen and mom uses that against her when she threatens to leave.

I think I sleep until noon, I am awoken with my phone vibrating underneath my pillow.

I see I have an incoming text from Rose.

**Rose: Cullen, don't forget about the lake party. We leaving around 3! Will you fetch me? And Tanya?**

Fuccckkk! Rose always does that. She involves me in her plans so that she can use me for a ride. She has her own fucking car but just won't drive when she knows she's going to drink.

I think about what I want to do for the day, and then decide to reply to her text. _Guess I won't be seeing Bella._

**Edward: 3? That's too early! I got shit to do. **

**Rose: 3:30 then! I wanna be there before everyone gets wasted and starts drowning! Bring your sexy speedo Cullen.**

Rosalie is officially annoying me. I am not in the best mood today.

**Edward: Be ready! Fuck you. **

**Rose: Fuck you too xx**

I get up after our oh so lovely texting and call for Maria to fix me something to eat. She flips me off, I return the gesture. We laugh. I love this woman.

Esme returns around 2ish with bags and bags of shit. She went shopping.

"So what are your plans today baby? You keen for some one on one time with your mother?", Esme asks.

"Na ma, I'm going to some lake party down at Riverhaven", I say.

"Okay…well…well enjoy then. Your dad is working his 32 hour round tonight so I guess I will just be at home", Esme looks disappointed.

I don't give a shit because she only wants my company when it suites her,

"Why don't you ask your tennis instructor to take you out mom?", I ask sarcastically.

"Don't be silly. That would just be absurd", Esme says with worry.

She doesn't a shit fool me.

I go up to my room and take a long, well deserved shower. I shave my stubble and try to neaten up my fucking mop of a head.

I decide to wear a grey V neck sweater and a board shorts.

Jasper calls as I am making my way to my truck.

"Yoh dude, where the fuck are you… everyone is here already", Jasper asks in his usual laid back tone.

"Yeah, I'm on my way. I gotta pick up the girls and Mike", I say.

"Okay, hurry the fuck up. My trunk is filled with booze and the good stuff", Jasper sounds excited.

"Catch you later", I hang up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rosalie and Tanya look fucking ridiculous. They both have on tiny jean shorts that show their ass cheeks and little crop tops. Honestly, they might as well walk out strait in their bikinis. Looks like they bought their outfits in the children's department.

Mike whistles at them. I roll my eyes but I tell Tanya she looks hot. She winks at me and kisses my cheek.

Tanya tells Mike to climb in back with Rosalie. I don't know why she thinks sitting passenger will earn her brownie points, but I don't bother to say anything.

We drive.

Tanya complains about my choice of RnB rap music.

Bella didn't complain. Again, _simplicity. _

I let her choose the music because hearing her voice is annoying the fuck out me.

We get to the lake and there seems to be hundreds of cars parked along the gravel road.

The girls complain that they have to walk a distance to get to the lake. I end up giving Rose a piggy back ride because she yells that her feet are on fire.

_Fucking girls. _

The four of us make our way through the crowds of people. Mostly students from the rivalling schools. Some turn around and take my hands, some girls that I don't even know run to kiss me on the cheek. I hear my name being called out from all directions.

I realise the old Edward is back.

Been in Bella's company kinda made me forget how well known and appreciated I am among my kind of people.

She won't understand.

The fucked up thing is, I missed all this attention.

Before I know it, Jasper is handing me a beer and rolled up weed. I drink, smoke and make a mission to find me some pussy. Maybe they will find me.

Victoria shows up. I flirt with her. She likes it.

People are dancing around and drinking, some are swimming in the lake while others are preparing the bon fires.

Tanya is giving me the evil eye because Victoria has got my attention. I don't give a fuck.

I take off my sweater and make sure my shades stay on, because I kinda know my eyes are as red as fuck. Jasper is on something heavier than weed, I make a mental note to ask him what his deal is tomorrow.

Victoria comes over and sits on my lap, I get to feel her soft ass up against my groin.

The conversations are going, Jake is impersonating Will Pharell, we all laugh, but before I can do anything… a strange feeling overcomes me. A feeling of knowing.

My heart kinda beats, and beats beats faster. I look around because I know this feeling, even though I am wishing it cannot be real.

Bella can't be here, I don't want her here.

My friendship with Bella is reserved for no one to see. I cannot be the person I am around her, when I am around my friends. My _real_ friends.

I tense abit and look around. Victoria notices my sudden change demeanour because she asks me if I am okay. I nod.

And just like that I see her, brown eyes and long hair.

Bella is standing across at the lake with her tiny friend Alice and two other guys. She's laughing, but I can tell she doesn't wanna be here.

All of a sudden, this intense anger overwhelms me. I feel needy again, and worthless, and nothing without her.

But most of all, I feel fucking angry because I wanna break the faces of the motherfuckers who are standing alongside her.

She looks so fuckin hot with her hair loose around her face, jean shorts and cream off the shoulder knitted holy jersey with a green bikini underneath.

I know Bella feels my presence too because she immediately looks in my direction.

I stick my tongue down Victoria's throat, because Bella just looked my way and I hate the look in her eyes.

She's hurting.

And I just confirmed it.

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	12. Chapter 12

**HEY!**

**Me again :-) Thank you to all those who have reviewed, favoured and followed this story. It warms my heart to know people are keen to know whats going to happen. I noticed alot of you are pro-Bella and anti-Edward. Just try to remember their different backgrounds. I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter. It is abit sad... I will try to update as much as I can. **

**PLEASE REVIEW. XX**

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**Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

I really want to go home.

I need my bed.

I need comfort.

Because I am hurting.

I tell Ally I am tired, because this is a moment when telling people you're tired, when in reality you're just sad. _Hurt._

I was almost-kinda enjoying myself. We got to the lake party about a couple of hours ago. I tried to put Alice off going, but I gave up begging the moment she appeared at my front door with hugest grin on her face.

"_Bella, tonight is going to be amazing!_", she came screeching into my house with her cute little summer dress and matching head band.

Alice is beautiful.

Some people are just not meant to be disappointed. Alice is one of that s_ome_ people.

I will try to cherish each moment with her for as long as I can, because once my secret about Edward comes out, I know she will never look at me the same.

I had no idea Edward would be here, maybe because I didn't put much thought into it. I should have known better. Because it's unhealthy how much I am starting to think about him.

He's the reason I now feel broken. Alone.

Garret was talking about how gross warm drinks taste, Ally and I were laughing at his facial expressions, when all of a sudden, this weird feeling of knowing overwhelmed me.

Surely you can relate? Do you know that feeling when you feel someone staring at you, only you don't know which direction their gaze is coming from? I felt that right now, I felt that intense gaze, before I was hurting and before I wanted to go home.

_Edward. _

Edward is here with some beautiful red head sitting on his lap, only I see him facing in my direction. I don't know if he is looking directly at me because his eyes are covered by his ray ban sun glasses.

I want to run away.

_You hurt me, are you happy now Cullen? _

I look across, strait at him, only I don't think he sees me because he just shoved his tongue down the red heads throat.

I swallow deeply and look away.

My body feels numb but I refuse to allow myself to believe what I am actually experiencing.

I will continue to repress all these intrusive thoughts for as long as I can.

Because there's just no more strength in me to deal with what may be becoming the truth.

I don't want my secret to become a truth.

We just started being happy. We just started being simple and okay.

"Hey Ally? You really don't have to worry about me getting back, I will call a cab I swear", I assure Alice.

"No Bella, we just got here a couple of hours ago. Who is going to hold my hand while I pee in the bush?", Alice sounds jolly while holding her third beer.

I feel bad for wanting to leave, but Peter and Garret are here with her. Ally looks likes she belongs here too, she would fit in amazing if it weren't for me by her side.

I am actually doing my girl a favour.

"Please Ally? I feel really uncomfortable", I beg.

"Bella you are extremely…", Alice begins and then someone interrupts her.

"I can drop Bella at home Alice, then I'll just come back to fetch you guys. Will that make you feel better?", Garret directs his question at Alice but looks at me for reassurance.

I don't want him to take me home because I want to be alone to think and mope and be all kinds of stupid depressed.

_My heart has betrayed me._

I was almost sure that I felt absolutely nothing for Edward, that I just in fact valued he's company.

The way I am feeling now is not okay. It's completely opposite to okay.

I want to cry.

Because tears are the words that my heart refuses to say. And the worst kind of pain is when I smile, just so I can stop the tears from falling.

_I won't cry._

"Pleeeaaassse Bella just stay a while longer? For me?", Ally asks with her puppy dog eyes.

I crumble for my girl, and give in.

"Okay", I say while looking to the ground.

"Yes yes yes! I love you baby sweet vagina", Ally says.

I'm embarrassed.

"Alice, try not to drink so much", I try to laugh, in order to make myself sound less upset.

"What are you talking about, I will go get some for you as well. Be right back", Alice says while she skips to the beat of the song in the background.

I call after her, because come on, I hate how Garret is staring at me.

"Wait up, where are getting it from anyway?", I ask.

"Some guys trunk is filled with booze", Alice says excitedly while shaking her hips.

I shake my head and grin at my best friend.

I guess if Ally is having fun, I should let her.

If I have to stay in order to make her happy, then I will.

Even though I am hurting inside.

I don't look Edwards's way for a while. The time I did look his way, he was gone. And so was the beautiful red head.

In that moment I realise that I am being pathetic.

Edward and I nothing.

We will never be anything.

I will never be anything to him.

So I smile at Garret, I accept his drink, and I put my hand in his when we go off to look for Alice. Peter tags along.

As we walk along the crowds of people, I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket.

My heart kinda beat beats beats, and then I am filled with knowing.

_Edward wants my attention._

I smile shyly at Garret, who I am possibly completely leading on. I see some students from Treehaven high and they actually Acknowledge my presence, in a friendly manner.

I am surprised. Then again, most of them are already drunk.

I make sure Garret is out of sight, pretending to look if I have received a text from Ally.

Edward. Edward just sent me a text.

**Edward: I am not your whole life, just slowly becoming your favourite part. So fucking smile and go to bed little girl ;-)**

I panic. I crumble. I look around.

_Who the fuck does he think he is._

I don't see Edward, but I know he sees me.

He thinks this is a game. His personal hide and seek. He's fucked up sick joke.

I realise that he's deliberate actions were solely for me.

He wants me hurt because he doesn't want me here.

Secrets are not allowed to mix with the truth.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We finally find Alice, walking back from the end of the lake. I ask her where she was, she laughs. Her eyes are blood shot and she looks wasted.

Ally was gone about an hour. Within that time I tried to smile, just like _he_ said.

I didn't see him. I didn't feel him.

I know he is no longer here.

"Ally, what the hell, you look like shit, come on ill hold you", I say concerned.

I don't understand how Alice could get like this in such a short span.

Peter is pissed. He now throws her over his shoulder and tells us we leaving.

We walk to Garrets car which is parked all the way at the back, I stumble over my feet and fall to my knees.

Garret jumps towards me and helps me up.

I cry.

I finally got my excuse to cry. They all think I am in physical pain.

If only they know the emotions I am experiencing right now.

I pretend. I pretend that my bleeding knee is causing me to cry.

Alice pukes.

Peter keeps cursing.

Garrets comforts me.

The more I envision green eyes. Soft messy hair. RED hair. Effortless skin.

I cry harder. Until I stop. Because there's only so much tears a 17 year old girl can shed for an 'injured knee'.

"Oh my God Bella, don't worry. It won't leave a scar", Garret assures.

Only it will leave a scar, in my heart.

They wouldn't understand.

How can they?

So we climb in to Garrets car, Peter sits out back with Alice. Garret is worried about carrying Alice into her house in that condition.

I assure them that I will get her to bed safely. They thank me.

We drive, and drive, and drive a little more.

My tears? All gone.

I am really pathetic.

I don't even fucking like Edward Cullen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the way home, Garret, Peter and I discuss our evening. Peter questions me on where Alice disappeared to, I remind him that I wasn't with her.

We get to Ally's house. Her folks are asleep because all the lights are out.

Peter and Garret carry my tiny friend to her sleeping place. I undress Alice, down to her underwear, tuck her in and tie back her long black hair.

I go fetch water in her kitchen and leave it next to her bed. I kiss her forward, and now it's time for me to go home. It is just after 11. Our drive home felt like it took forever.

I walk through into Ally's small living room. Peter and Garret are busy eating McDonald burgers that we bought on our way home.

"Hey Bella, aren't you going to eat?", Garret asks.

"Uhm… do you mind if I just take it home with me? I am not actually that hungry right now. Can one of you maybe give me a ride home please?", I ask.

Garret jumps up.

I knew he would.

This boy likes me. I know this because Ally wouldn't shut up about it all day.

I am tired. Just so so fucking tired.

"Yeah Bella, I will take you. I'm just going to finish my food", Garret assures me.

"Okay", I smile while making eye contact with him.

Garret smiles too.

As I watch it, I realise something.

Garret doesn't smell like trouble. He's eyes are too blue and hair is too black. He is not 6 ft 1 and he does not have beautiful messy hair. He speaks too soft and he's legs are not shaped with muscle. I hardly hear him curse, and he doesn't have followers.

Therefore, he will never stand a chance of calling me his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Garret gets up to collect his keys as I sit on the couch and wait for him. I tell him Ally will be okay. We make our way out to his car, but before we do, I check my phone.

No. New. Messages.

I climb into his car in silence. The usual commercial rock station pops up. He sings along.

I don't.

We get to my street but I have to remind him which house is mine.

And then, I see it.

I see Edwards's truck parked out front by Mrs Clearwater's house, in its soon to be usual space.

I know his in my house. I know his waiting for me.

I greet Garret and thank him.

He kisses me on the cheeky, a bit more slowly then he should.

If this boy lived closer, I would force myself to give him a chance, just to appreciate me.

_I deserve appreciation._

I don't smile at him but I do however wave.

I know he was expecting a good night kiss, but come on, I don't like this boy, not in the way he likes me, not in the way I should.

My heart beats fast as I unlock the front door, my mom is out, she said she would be.

I make my way slowly up the stairs, just knowing what I will see once I get to my room.

My heart begins to send silent whispers of thank you the closer I get to the only place it wants to be.

As I turn the corner, I see Edward sitting at the foot of my bed with his head in hands.

I break, because this boy is beautiful.

I make my way over to my bed, as slowly as I can. When I do, Edward looks up.

He sighs.

Green eyes bright. Not a gleam of trouble nor wrongfulness.

"Someday, you will know why I am not meant for you Bella, but for now, just please let me stay", Edward looks deep into my eyes.

I nod.

Because there was once a time I didn't believe him, now I just do.

Now we kinda just back to the way we started_._

_Strangers. _

I realise I care for someone who would never really care for me. He will only ever need me.

I guess I'll be the selfless one, while he is busy being selfish.

Edward and I climb into my bed, not before he takes off his shirt. I get in on _my_ side, he gets in on _he's_.

We face each other in silence, without a touch and without a sound.

Until we are both captured by sleep.

Deep sleep _baby._

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	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! I thought I should just finish up Edwards chapter so we can start by getting somewhere. I am pleased that the characters are starting to grow on you. I am in the process of consulting a Beta:-) Thank you to all of you! I look forward to hearing from you guys. **

**Again, I apologise for ANY mispelling and typo's :-)**

**Thank you! Dont forget to REVEIW!**

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**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

I wake up in a sweat as I hear my phone ringing. For a second, I forget where I am, until I hear soft little snores next to me.

_Bella. _

I silence my phone and stare at the screen. The incoming call is from Mike. He is probably wondering where I disappeared to.

I don't give a shit.

Rose hooked up with someone and Tanya reunited with her minions, therefore I was no longer responsible for their ride home.

It's now 2am, Bella remains fast asleep.

When I saw her yesterday evening, I thought that spiting her would make me feel better. Only, it made me feel like a million pieces of broken.

I hated staring at her sad sad expression. She tried to put up a front but I had my eye on her, all the time. The moment I spotted Bella I knew my attention would remain on her. I couldn't do anything else, because like a magnet, I was drawn to her very presence.

I kept low key and ensured she didn't see me. I apologised to Victoria for kissing her. She laughed and told me she liked it. I told her I shouldn't have.

That was it.

Bella looked fucking weak.

I made her weak. I didn't mean to.

Bella's best friend left her alone to go and socialise with some other girls at Treehaven high. She looked really lonely with those two motherfuckers by her side.

I noticed that Bella doesn't drink.

She smiles a lot but it hardly reaches her eyes.

I decided to leave the party and text her.

I didn't directly imply that I would be waiting for her by her house, I guess she didn't understand the meaning behind my message.

I thought she would.

I waited, and waited.

Until she came arrived in that losers car.

My beating heart was satisfied with my minds weakness.

So that is how I ended up at her place. I was also pissed because she left her window open. Anyone could have broken in, luckily it was only me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I turn over and lay facing her.

The midnight hue is glaring lightly on her innocent sweet face.

This girl is beautiful.

Bella has light sun kissed freckles on her nose. Her skin is light, but she has this unique glowing summer tan from being in the sun.

She has the longest eyelashes I have ever seeing, or maybe I am just paying too much attention to the finer details in her face.

Her soft long wavy hair is covering part of her cheek. She scrunches her nose, obviously irritated by the tickling sensation from her curtaining hair.

I want to brush the strands out her face.

I won't.

I will never touch Bella unless she gives me a reason or permission to.

Bella may look around 17, but I know she's experienced things of that of an adult.

Not in a physical sense, I hope, but Bella seems emotionally ruined. She didn't mention her father. I didn't see any pictures of him on her wall either.

She's surviving. I wouldn't doubt the love she has for her mother, but what fucking mother would leave their only daughter alone like this all the time.

I can't wait for the day for Bella to tell me these things.

I wanna know everything there is to know about this girl.

For a Slumber, I lay down proudly next to her.

Because this girl is going places one day.

She won't follow me forever.

And because I am selfish and needy, I try to think of ways to maintain this fragile friendship that we have developed.

I don't want Bella to know the other side of me. It scares the shit out of me that I am going to have to choose between whom I am and who I want to be when we return to school as seniors.

I hope Bella and I don't end up in the same close.

As my mind wonders, I am still staring at her innocent beauty.

Bella shifts her position and turns her back to me, remaining in her deep deep sleep.

Her ass comes into contact with my dick, and I close my eyes because I really don't want to feel horny right now.

I shift back but she curves her body deeper into mine.

_Fuck._

I get up and very quietly make my way to her bathroom. The house is in darkness and Rene's bedroom remains vacant.

_Pretty girls like Bella aren't meant to stay alone at home at night._

I sigh.

My dicks officially hard.

I stare in the mirror at complexion.

I could possibly get any girl I want in this town but here I am, in Bella's house, sleeping next to a girl I didn't as much as think about a few weeks back.

This fast progression between Bella and I is scaring me.

I wish I could stay away from her.

Victoria was all willing to have some fun with me, but it's kinda fucked up when you kissing a hot ass red head, but picturing an innocent brown eyed girl.

I tried to get Bella out my system but I realised I am incapable of leaving her alone.

She's going to ruin me, I can feel it now. I just hope it's not anytime soon.

But I will keep crawling back because she's exactly where I want to be even though it's not where I am meant to be.

After rinsing off my face, I make my way back to Bella's bed and pray for some sleep.

Tomorrow is another day, and for some reason, I want us to spend it together.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up to the feel of soft pulling on my bicep. Bella is lying awake staring at me.

The morning sun is already out, but there is little sound outside.

"Hey", I whisper.

"Hi", she whispers back.

We stare. We breathe. Our hearts beat together.

I stretch over to collect my phone off the floor. The time is 7.47. Bella always wakes up early it seems.

"Why did you wake me up Bella?", I ask.

"Uhm…Rene will be home soon…so yeah, I think you should go… soon", she says hesitantly.

"Okay", I agree.

Bella stretches and makes her way out of her bed. She now has on her pyjama shorts and a baggy 'save the polar bears' T-shirt.

I want to laugh, because this girl is cute. I realise that she must have woken up during the night to change out of her clothing from the day before.

I make my way out of her bed too.

"I think I like your bed", I tell Bella.

"It's really tiny", she says looking kind of embarrassed.

"It's comfortable and amazing and it smells just like you", I tell her.

I realise what I had just revealed, but I don't care. This girl deserves my honesty considering the fact that we are such a big lie.

I noticed Bella doesn't say anything about the night before. She acts as if we weren't even at the lake party. We were silent all night when I finally got to see her, and then we drifted off to sleep.

"Hey, when is your birthday?", I ask Bella.

"Friends exchange birth dates Edward, we aren't friends remember?", she explains in a sarcastic way as she pulls her sheets in place.

_I guess we back to morning-smartass-Bella._

I sit at her desk and start to put my shoes and on. I don't look at her.

"Okay, I am going to get going now", I explain.

My plan was to ask Bella about her day, but she just confirmed that we are not friends. It kinda hurt, but I understand.

I shouldn't be blurring the lines between what we are and what our hearts want us to be.

I make my way down the stairs, Bella follows.

"Before I got, just tell me one thing about you, please? Something that nobody might know", I ask.

_Anything Bella, tell me anything. _

"Uhmm…when I cross a one way street I look both left and right", Bella laughs.

I laugh too. At her randomness. At her simplicity.

I am hardly out her house when I start to crave her company again.

I don't know what this is. It isn't infatuation. It isn't love. It isn't even friendship.

This is something that only our hearts can know.

This is out of the ordinary.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I return home, Carlisle and Esme inform me that we are going out to a restaurant for lunch.

I take a quick shower and dress in shorts and a fitted V-neck T-shirt with my baseball cap. I like how Bella wears a baseball cap. She only has one though.

I get into my father's BMW SUV and decide to log on Facebook on our way to the harbour restaurant.

I don't realise it, but before I know it, I am searching Bella's name online. She doesn't have Facebook, neither Instagram, nor Twitter.

This girl doesn't exist on any social media sites.

We get to the restaurant, which I like because it isn't too formal and we have a clear view of the ocean from our reserved table. I notice it is reserved for 5 people.

"Whose joining us?", I ask my parents.

"Your grandparents", my mother responds.

I sigh.

My grandfather Marcus, is just like my father. He tries to get me to live his dreams. I am not in the mood for his shit, no disrespect intended.

I am however excited to see my grandmother Elizabeth.

I don't know how she puts up with gramps, but I admire her tolerance.

The hostess seats us and Esme looks at her watch, "they know we reserved the table for noon, where are your parents Carlisle?".

"Esme, they will be here shortly. We just got here, have some patience", my father insists.

Esme Cullen waits for no man. I guess that is where I get my impatience from.

While my parents bicker, I decide to text Bella. We did not make any arrangements to see each other again, but I am hoping she will hint something.

**Edward: July the fourth.**

I wait and wait. Bella responds within 3 minutes.

**Bella: Is?**

**Edward: My birthday.**

**Bella: Happy belated birthday.**

**Edward: Thank you**

**Bella: 13**

**Edward: Which is?**

**Bella: The amount of moles I counted on my body LOL**

I smile to myself, but before I can continue our little game of numbers, my grandparents arrive.

Esme warns me to watch my mouth in front of them.

"I promise I won't fucking curse in front of them", I say.

Carlisle laughs. My mom rolls her eyes.

As my grandparents get to the table, I stand up to shake my grandfathers hand and kiss my grandmother on her cheek.

They look delighted to see us all. Esme rolls her eyes again. She's not too fond of her in-laws.

We sit down and discuss the latest news in our family.

I learn that my dad done I liver transplant yesterday and he hasn't slept yet, Esme says that she's going on a work trip for a few says, grandfather wants me to go and play golf with him next week and my grandmother asks me how I am. Elizabeth has always being this breath of fresh air to me.

We end up having a big lunch. I order a platter for myself with sushi and all different kinds of seafood. We dine like kings.

I begin to wonder what Bella is having for lunch, or if she ate at all.

I want this day to be over.

We end up coming home around 3pm.

I feel tired to a point where my tired is tired.

I decide to stay at home, because I cannot remember when last I just relaxed at home. I call Jasper and Jake, they agree to come over.

Carlisle goes to catch up on much needed sleep and Esme opens a bottle of red wine.

The boys come over. We watch the soccer and they drink a few beers.

I push Jasper into my pool, because his team just lost.

I don't drink at all because tomorrow is back to the grind stone of training camp.

After the match, we play some Fifa on my Xbox.

Jasper receives a 'mysterious' call, he rushes out.

"Yoh Eddie, so Victoria was pissed that you left her hanging last night', Jake says as he tries his best to win me in Fifa.

"Yeah? How'd you know?", I ask.

"She was tripping on everyone once you decided to disappear. Where were you man?", Jake asks.

I want to tell him that it is none of his fucking business, but I won't.

"Scored me some better pussy", I lie, but technically it is not a lie.

"With who?", he asks.

"You won't know her, she's not from around here", I assure.

"Oh…well; she must have been something special to get you to leave the party early", he is now concentrated on the game.

I nod.

And that's how our secret officially began.

If I can't tell my best friend about Bella, then who the fuck will I tell.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! I hope you all enjoy this chapter :-)**

**I apologise for any mispelling.**

**Please review!**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

It's Wednesday evening. Rene and I are driving home from the store. I feel tired because I worked a 12 hour shifts since Monday.

Liza called in sick, apparently she caught on a bad flu, I offered to fill in her shifts for her. She appreciated my offer.

Today mom got paid, we both feel relieved because our kitchen cupboards were nearing on empty. Our cable and lights were turned off last night.

I am thankful it was only one night in darkness.

"No more peanut butter and jelly for us tonight Pipes", mom enthuses.

"Yeah", I agree, "for the next couple of days at least".

"So what would you like to have for dinner? My baby is so hard working, you can choose anything Pipes?", mom says with excitement as she focuses on the road ahead, but puts her hand on my knee and gives it a soft rub. _Reassurance?_

Rene sometimes thinks like a child. When she has, she takes and takes and takes some more until there is no more left.

I understand that she wants to reward us for our hard work, but I'd rather we watch what we purchase, instead of living one night of luxury and then suffering the remainder of the month.

"I'll fry some chicken and potatoes mom", I assure.

"Okay baby, tomorrow I…I need to be somewhere", mom says nervously as she keeps her eyes on the road.

"Where do you have to be?", I ask while turning down the stereo because I really don't like the song that just came on.

"Well, remember that guy Phil I was telling you about a couple of months ago?", mom takes a deep breath, "he's in town for a few days and he called me to catchup. I agreed", mom smiles.

"I thought you not into him?", I ask.

"Piper, ofcourse not. He's just a nice guy, he's a couple of years my junior but he's okay", mom tries to convince me, and possibly herself too.

Only thing is, I don't need convincing. Rene likes Phil. I still need to decide if I am okay with that.

"Okay if you say so", I smile in return, "I'd like to meet him sometime. I wanna see who this guy is that's taking you out", I insist.

"Bella it's not even like that", mom laughs, "I mean come on, I agreed to meet up to be polite".

"You honestly don't have to lie to me", I decide to change the subject. "When did Billy say my car would be ready to collect mom?".

"I am not lying", mom says as we pull up out front the house.

As per usual, the street is filled with kids playing around. Irina sits on our front porch smoking a cigarette. Mom calls her over to help us carry out the groceries. She comes.

"I will pay him tomorrow, and it is probably fixed up already, he was just waiting for the payment", mom says distracted.

"Okay, thanks mom. You know once I get paid I will reimburse you with some interest", I laugh, now excited because I am getting my car back.

"Mmm…what kinda interest we talking? You finally gonna agree to wear some pretty pink dresses like Ally huh", mom nudges my shoulder.

I laugh.

"Relax, the interest I give out is love, hugs and kisses to you momma bear", I hug my mom from behind.

She shakes her head in amusement, she's happy.

We unpack the groceries, actually I unpack the groceries. Irina is sitting talking one hundred words a minute. I worry that she may have noticed Edward's truck this weekend. She doesn't mention anything.

_Thank God. _

These past few days I have been really busy with work. I haven't seeing, heard from or spoken to Edward since Sunday.

I am okay with that.

I know he's okay with that too. I will see again, I just don't know when or how soon.

I decided to have my hair trimmed tomorrow, just a couple of centimetre's because the length is becoming unmanageable.

We invite Irina to stay for supper. Mom opens up a bottle of cheap wine.

"_We need to give thanks for all that we have honey, cheers_", mom clicks her glass with my own.

I have one glass.

After dinner, I wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. I do some laundry and text Alice.

**Bella: Hey Ally what are you up to?**

Ally usually responds immediately. Lately she has being acting distant towards me, or maybe it's just me whose being distant.

Peter and Garret went back home to Glenhaven, I am relieved.

15 minutes later, Ally responds to my text.

**Alice: Hey hairy toes, I am still at work, we had to stay behind to scrub the ice vendors. I miss your strawberry smell.**

I laugh, because my girl is crazy.

**Bella: How has your first week been? Do I get to come for free ice-cream tomorrow?**

Another 15 minutes pass by. It's nearing 10pm. Within that time, I go and take a shower and prepare for bed.

**Alice: HELL! Yeah, please come on by around 2, and then we can chill at the beach and gossip about all the vacationers. **

Again, Alice puts a smile on my face. She is everything I never thought I needed, and so so much more.

**Bella: Okay, see you then. I get my car back tomorrow **

**Alice: Oh yessss! I missed that vocal Ogre of a car of yours. Bring it! Love you, need you, want you! BYE**

**Bella: Watch it! I will dream all sweet candy and puppy dog breath all for you! I love you kinda, A LOT! X**

Alice brings me sanity. I still feel that there is some force pulling us apart. I know my friendship with Edward is partly to blame for that, but this force is coming from both sides. It's dual.

I lay in bed and think of Edward, like I did every single night since he slept here. I have this intense urge to kiss his soft lifts and run my fingers through his hair.

I miss him.

I won't text him.

The sad thing is, Edward won't acknowledge me either first.

I guess I will have to wait…or maybe I will make a way to intentionally run into him.

My relationship with Edward is unhealthy. It's tangled and messy. It's fucked up and injured. Its life machines. It's death bed, but it's my next best favourite thing. He's mind may be the pole that breaks my bones, but his heart is my bandage. And that is all that I need.

So I lay awake and appreciate what we have become, because I wouldn't settle for anything else.

Initially, I was under the assumption that Edward and I were polar opposites. He's rich and I am poor. He's able to take life for granted, only I have to drown in the struggle of it.

But in the end, that will never be an excuse to not cherish what we have, or at least what we could be.

I am aware that my feelings and actions may be pathetic at times, but it's not at all pathetic when these feelings and actions are returned from the one that it is attributed to.

When it comes to life, we cannot deny things that were clearly meant to be in our lives at that particular time.

Edward came at a time when even I didn't know I needed him. I came into his life when I know he needed me too.

He could have treated me just like the rest of his people treat me. He had the power to ruin me and turn our initial encounter into a big fat crying joke.

But he didn't.

He stayed behind.

He came back.

And as long as we keep up with what we have, Edward will forever come back.

If not, I will follow him.

Because my heart won't allow anything else.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thursday comes, and it's another beautiful day.

I am driving back from the repair shop and my car feels as smooth as ever, although I imagine it sounding louder, if that's even possible.

I am going down to Ally's work down at the harbour. She scored a good summer job at the ice-cream shop by the board walk.

Every summer the town operates big wheel rides and camisoles and all kinds of entertainment for the vacationers.

I never get to appreciate the full summer experience because these theme park entertainments are usually too much for me to afford.

_Slumbers aren't welcomed there anyway. _

Ally and I enjoy sitting away from the crowds where we have the colourful lights of the harbour in view. We usually pretend like we were on all the rides, and having fun just like those who are in actual fact there.

I try to keep to my side of town because there is very little disappointment to experience here.

We fit in with the rest of the Slumbers, possessing the idea that what we don't have to see, we don't have to miss out on.

I park my Beetle along the beach road and make my way past sun bathing students and happy little sandy faced children.

I kinda wish I had this life, just for one day.

Ally is busy scooping up ice-cream cones and handing them over to ungrateful little kids. She looks in a panic but I have faith in my girl. She's got this all under control.

I take a picture of Alice and set it as my screensaver because she looks so cute with her short summer dress with an apron and ice-cream cone hat totally ruining her style.

She still pulls off the look if you ask me.

I find a seat and she comes over to greet me with a huge strawberry flavoured sugar cone. I could die from her generosity.

"Ohhhh my God Ally this is perfect", I screech, finding it really difficult to contain my excitement.

"Anything for my beautiful princess strawberry pie", Ally winks at me.

"Hey listen up, how long is your shift still going to be?", I ask while licking a massive scoop from my cone.

"I'm done. Give me five minutes", Ally skips away.

I wait 3 minutes and my girl returns with her short black hair loose and her summer dress minus the apron.

Alice tinted the bottom of her hair pink. It looks amazing.

"Bella, I know I promised to spend time with you this afternoon but something major came up at home and I need to be there", Alice says but doesn't explain further.

Again, I start to feel that pull that's ripping at our friendship.

I nod, swallow deeply and we make our way to my car alongside each other.

I have no stereo so the drive is kinda quiet. I ask Ally if anything is bothering her and she admits that she is just really tired.

We form our usual comfortable conversation. I am just happy that my car is back.

Alice doesn't mention that my hair is shorter. I decided to tie it up into a messy bun.

We drive, and drive, and drive a little more, until I am parked out front Ally's house.

Usually I will just automatically climb out and follow her into her house.

Today? Today I stay in my car as she kisses me on the cheek and waves goodbye.

Suddenly, I feel empty and alone and I really don't want to feel this way.

I feel like I lost my favourite sentimental diamond earring in the ocean full of water and sand.

There is only one thing and one person that will take away this longing feeling.

Something is up with Alice. I know this because she is my best friend and she never acts this way.

I don't think about it. I just turn to my next best thing.

I call Edward.

"_Hello_", he answers almost immediately.

'_Uhm…hey, how are you_?", I feel nervous and therefore I probably sound fucking nervous.

"_Good, you_?", Edward sounds occupied.

"_Im okay thanks. What are you up to_?", I question.

"_Playing Call of Duty, its too fucking hot to be outside. Wanna come over? Bring your bathing costume"_, Edwards question sounds spontaneous but I know it is a million kinds of rehearsed.

I say yes.

Because there is nothing else I will ever say.

"_Okay, I will text you my _address_. It's just a couple of minutes away from the harbour"._

I nod. Even though I know he cannot see me.

All of a sudden, I am filled with everything that is happy.

I missed this boy and now I am going to see him.

I am a bit terrified that he invited me to his house, but if that is what it takes to see him, then I will go.

My heart thanks my mind with some beats and tummy flutters.

Edward hangs up, not without telling me that he will see me soon.

I rush home and quickly put on my green and black polka dot bikini with shorts and a band T-shirt.

I know his parents are out because why else would he invite me over.

I get my bag packed with a towel and clean clothing, I also grab Edwards grey hoody on my way out.

I call Rene and tell her I am going out and that she must enjoy her evening with Phil. She doesn't question me because she probably thinks I am going for a drive with my long awaited car.

I drive and drive until the excitement in me begins to feel too much.

The drive to Edward's feels like forever.

I get lost trying to find his house, but then before I know it, I am parked in front of big iron electric gates.

I pull up next to the speaker and press the button of the intercom.

Some lady answers. I panic. She sounds Spanish.

"Cullen residence, who is it?", she asks.

"Hey its Bella, I am here to see Edward", I say taking a deep deep breath.

She hangs up and when I look again the huge gates are opening automatically.

Edward's house is probably one of the hugest houses I have seeing. I bet the back of his house faces the ocean.

It is all white and silver railing with big trees and pretty petalled gardens.

There is a driveway with three black cars, one belonging to Edward himself. The garage houses four cars.

I begin to get nervous because I knew this boy was rich, I just didn't realise that he had THIS much.

I realise that Edward doesn't brag.

He could have, but he never did.

He has a lot to show.

My house is probably as big as one of his garages, but not once did he make me feel like my house was nothing but a home.

I park behind Edward's truck and look in my windshield mirror. My cheeks look flushed and my lips are bare, but I don't care.

Because in a few short minutes,

I will see my boy.

_Why am I afraid to lose you when you are not even mine, Edward_, I whisper to myself as I make my way to his huge front porch.

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**So what do you all think of this chapter? Anybody in the mood for some fluff? **

**REVIEW.**


	15. Chapter 15

**HEY! I think this is going to be a sweet chapter. I am enjoying the theories about Alice and Jasper. Just remember, I said in the begining that this story is about an unlikely friendship :-)**

**I also introduced another character in this chapter, not much emphasis though.**

**Please review and let me know what you think so that I can pick up the pace. Its one loooonnng summer!**

**xx**

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**Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

Bella called a couple of minutes ago. I can't say I was surprised.

In fact, I have being waiting patiently all fucking week to hear from her and I was slowly losing my mind in the process.

I was beginning to think that she didn't give a fuck.

Her phone call just confirmed that this girl does actually care.

_Just like I do. _

While speaking to her over the phone, and just hearing her soft spoken voice, my heart began to speak over my minds doing's.

I jumped at the opportunity to make a way to see her, even though I tried to make it sound as though I wasn't interested in her company.

Because Bella and I will never get strait to the point. It's out deal.

I've been craving the idea of Bella all fucking week long. Training was a bitch. Coach implemented some new workouts and the entire team were all finding it difficult to keep up.

I met some cool guys on the team though. Another guy Emmet, who is around my age, just joined the team. Apparently he will be transferring to Treehavem high.

He's tolerable. I see us being friends.

I tried to keep myself busy all week apart from having soccer.

I keep myself busy with things to do, but with every pause, I think about _her._

I played the role of the perfect son. I was home each evening to have dinner with my parents. I watched a fucking chick flick with my mother. I spoke sports with my father. I even fucking went to my mom's work.

Until, I had to drop them off at the airport last night for Esme's art show in the neighbouring state.

I chilled with Jake and Jasper, I went to visit Sasha, a chick from school. She has Labradors and they had puppies, and I was thinking of getting myself a dog.

I know a dog will help me take my mind off Bella.

The truth is, I just can't stay away from her anymore. And yes, it scares the shit out of me to admit this but I am extremely, definitely and certainly attracted to Bella.

If I didn't know her, or where she came from, I would have probably try to fuck her already.

But girls like Bella deserve all the respect in the world.

So that leaves me here, standing at the poor with a wine cooler in my hand. I am waiting for her to arrive. _Patiently. _

My hearts excitement has reached its peak, to the point where I am obsessing over what could happen when she arrives.

My mind wonder.

I hope Bella will swim with me so she can leave less to my imagination.

On Tuesday, I received a call from a scout informing me that I should come for trials at UCL. I felt overwhelmed and I realised that I had no one to share that moment of excitement with me.

I had my phone in my hand and I was scrolling down my contact list because I wanted to call Bella, because shes the only person I wanted to share this news with, until Esme came into my room and said,

"_Son I am so proud of what you have achieved this far. Now you can go to UCL and meet a wonderful young lady who is equivalent to someone like you". _

I wanted to yell at my mother and tell her to shut the fuck up.

I didn't.

I wanted to tell her that I will never settle for someone like myself because,

I don't need selfishness, I need selflessness.

I don't need richness, I need appreciation.

I don't need dolled up beauty, I need natural morning wakeup cuteness.

I need brown eyes.

I need long brown hair.

I need random funniness.

I need dimpled smiles as though it is a law.

I need purple chipped nail polished fingers.

I need cartoon covered sleep shorts.

I need Bella, and that is all I will ever need.

No one will understand. I too am only beginning to understand.

According to all my friends, I am out of town with my parents. I need the fucking break. Just to stay at home and relax, _with Bella_.

Jasper is acting like a dick. I confronted him about the shit that he was on this weekend, he told me to mind my fucking business.

I feel a bit guilty for not being there for him, I know he has shit going on but turning to drugs is just fucked up.

Victoria called me a total of seven times, the first five times I didn't answer my phone.

She wanted to come by. I told her I am going out of town with my parents.

That's kinda how my idea of steering clear of my friends came about.

I am now sitting by the pool with my Go Pro camera in my hand, I am struggling to fix the lenses.

I hear a commotion at the patio doors leading out to the pool area, and then I see her.

_Beat. Beat. Beat. _

Bella's attention is on Maria, she's laughing at something Maria is explaining.

It's weird, I mean Maria never entertains the females I bring to the house.

Then again, Bella is different. She has respect written all over her face.

I continue looking in her direction.

She pulls the strands of hair back that are falling in to her face.

Bella cut her hair, which makes me angry.

She said she wouldn't cut it. She promised she wouldn't change.

I throw my camera on to the soft patio chairs and I make my way to Bella.

"…yes, and she keeps wanting to go back there", Maria agrees with someone Bella.

I soon realise that they are discussing some TV show.

Bella doesn't need to look around because I know she feels my presence.

Because that is how I feel when she's around me.

I touch her shoulder lightly and gently pull the bottom of her still long loose hair.

She kind of cringes, and then I feel guilty.

"Hey", she says with a smile, looking straight into my eyes.

Maria says good bye and walks off.

"Hi Bella, I see your hairs shorter", I say sarcastically.

I have no fucking right to be mad, but I want everything about Bella to stay exactly the same.

Because when the time comes for us to let go each other, I want to remember her for the way she was.

"Yeah, I had it cut this morning", Bella explains as she adjusts her blue baseball cap.

I nod and motion her over to the pool.

"So did you bring your costume?", I look at the crystal clear blue water, "you can have a seat you know".

I feel nervous.

This girl was never supposed to make me feel this way.

"Yeah I actually have it on", she smiles as she plays with the hem of her ACDC T-shirt.

She looks fucking hot.

"Wanna swim then", I smile.

I need to fucking cool off because right now I am pretty sure my cheeks are flushed.

"Right now?", she looks unsure.

"Yeah, right now".

She walks to the edge of the pool and kneels down to run her hands through the water.

"Okay, my bag is in your foyer, you mind if I go and fetch it?", she asks permission.

"Yeah, I'll go with you, I need to see Maria off anyway", I lie.

Maria usually leaves after dinner time but I don't like how I may possibly have to divide my time with Bella.

I realise Maria is the only person who knows about my friendship with Bella.

She won't say anything.

I motion for Bella to walk ahead of me. Part of me is being a gentleman, the other part of me is admiring her ass.

I walk through the entertainment area and down into the kitchen. Bella turns around suddenly and end up colliding with her.

"Shit, I'm sorry Bella", I hold her shoulders steadily.

"No no, it's okay. I just wanted to tell you that you have a lovely home", she looks nervous.

"Thanks ", I wasn't expecting that. I feel awkward and I hope that Bella isn't comparing my home to hers.

She may not be rich, and before I met her wealth meant everything, but right now I don't want Bella making comparisons.

Because there will be a lot to compare.

And I don't want her feeling inferior. _Ever._

Again, we make our way down the hall.

Maria is wiping the spotless counter tops. I know what she's thinking. She's wondering what the fuck I am doing with a Slumber. She must have seeing what Bella arrived in. The entire school makes fun of her car.

Bella walks over to the other room to collect her bag. She also asks me where she can find the rest room.

I stay behind to chat with Maria.

"Hey Maria, you can go home now. I don't think I will needing anything thanks", I say very quickly.

"Why not? You wanna be alone _wit da_ girl Edward"

Maria is all kinds of Spanish voices and annoying. I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Maria come on, you really don't have to be here", I urge.

"Okay. Be careful _wit da_ girl, because someone, somewhere won't approve", Maria understands. She knows this because she lives in my fucked up judgemental world.

I don't want to agree with her and admit the truth, but I nod anyway.

She informs me that she made pizza's and that I should just heat them up in the oven when we, I assume Bella and I, are ready to eat.

I thank her and give her some money for transportation.

I say good bye, Bella comes in and HUGS Maria and then she waves her farewell greeting.

"You ready to go swim?", I ask once we alone.

Bella nods and smiles her deep dimpled smile.

We make our way back outside. I already have on board shorts so I remove my vest sweater and my gold chain.

I watch as Bella slowly removes her T-shirt, and then she wiggles out of her shorts.

I stare. My dick twitches.

I fucking want her so bad.

I don't know how these feelings all came about so fast.

Bella is wearing a cute polka dot bikini that is tied with strings. Her skin looks so soft and beautiful from where I stand.

Her boobs are filling her bathing top quite well, and she definitely has a beautiful round ass.

I slowly walk closer towards her. I am 6 foot1, she looks about 5 foot 3, so my head towers over her.

She looks at my approaching figure with her oh so big brown intensity.

I lean my head a bit down and before she can say anything, I grab her tiny body and jump in to the pool with her in my arms.

She screams.

I laugh.

She tries to splash water in my face.

"I am going to kill you Cullen" her words may be daring but she's laughing too.

"That's for cutting your hair Swan", I yell back at her in a HAH-I-got-you-back kinda way.

My heart is beating fast, so I disappear under the surface of the water. I decide to swim around Bella and briefly come back up for air.

Bella comes under the water too and I cherish this blissful moment of nothing but water that surrounds us.

I have never seeing anything so pure and beautiful as how I am seeing Bella under water.

We both swim back up for a breath of fresh air,

Bella tries to get some hair out of her face. I go back under and pull her body down with me so that she's facing me.

We holding hands under the water and all I see is bubbles bubbles bubbles from the way we are failing to contain our laughter.

All of a sudden, Bella swims closer to me under the water and she presses her lips to mine.

I just experienced the best moment of my life.

Right now I wish I was a fucking aquatic creature so I could stay under water forever and kiss this girl, but we both running low on oxygen.

We surface the water together, Bella is still in my arms.

She takes a deep breath, and so do I.

We stare at eachother for the longest moment. The intensity in the air is both heart warming and back stabbing.

My heart just officially won the battle with my head.

I fall.

I fall for this girl.

I fucking fall for Isabella Swan.

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**AND? WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK? REVIEW (PLEAAASSSEEE)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the great reviews and positive thoughts about this story. I only hope I can continue to write what the majority of you wish to read. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. If you guys havn't notice, this story is rated M, so you can expect a little action in the future chapter.**

**NB! ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS FAN FICTION BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYER. **

**PLEASE REVIEW :-)**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**BPOV**

I am currently experiencing a moment where my head is screaming WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

_What just happened?_

I kinda, sought of just definitely kissed Edward Cullen, under water for that matter.

_It was fucking amazing._

And now we are staring at each other, our nose just inches apart.

I want to kiss him again and again and again, so badly.

Because this boy just warms my heart. He will make me happy if he just tries. I know I will do anything to make him smile.

So I kinda, sought of just ask him permission.

"Edward, I'd like to kiss you again?", I breathe in deeply.

He continues to hold me tightly around my waist, my arms are wrapped around his neck.

I am floating, in water and in blissfulness.

"Bella", Edward too takes a deep breath, "I'd like to kiss you all over".

In this moment, Edward is all I see. I don't notice that the lower half of my body is under water, while the other part is drying with the intense shining bright sun.

I don't notice that there are birds flying, trees blowing, time passing.

Time is passing.

Whatever Edward and I have, it has an expiration date. Sooner or later, our time together will sell bye.

Our connection will become staled bread.

Our friendship will become moulded cheese.

And it's going to be difficult. It is going to be sad.

It is going to be the actions implemented by others. The consequences of what others want.

_What about what we want?_

Edward and I are a losing battle. We both aware of that. We are just not strong enough to fight what the world expects from us.

I know that to Edward it is very difficult being imperfect when you are constantly surrounded by ideal perfection.

Edward is the golden boy of our Godforsaken town.

He is the son of a famous doctor and a well know art exhibitionist.

Sooner or later, he will also be the boy that breaks my heart. Because they will win and defeat and destroy what we have.

He's parents will never approve of me because of where I sit on the social and economic ladder.

He's friend will never accept me because I am not one of them.

But just for once, I want to live in this moment with him.

Just once, I want to appreciate what we could be, but never will be.

And I know the more we fight, and fight some more, just to be who we are, _they_ will win.

_They_ will rip us apart.

And we will let _them. _

Because we have no other choice.

So after Edward makes that revelation, our lips connect one more time. The desperation and hunger between us is increasing by the pace of our beating hearts.

The emotions I am feeling as his lips slowly touch mine, is something I am just not ready to admit right now.

Because the sooner I will admit this feeling I always knew I had, it will become real.

And reality is linked with heart break.

_We know exactly what we are getting ourselves into. We are digging graves for our hearts._

Our lips are still together, my heart is beat, beat and beating some more. Edward pulls me closer. I wrap my legs around his torso and he holds me effortlessly in the water filled pool.

Our soft kisses come to an abrupt end. Edward pulls away just abit and connects his forehead to mine. We hold and breathe and hold on tighter.

Because this is all we have right now.

We have just confirmed without spoekn words, that we are beginning the most dangerous adventure of our lives.

But how can we stop when we don't want to. When our hearts will never let us.

A bond so so strong.

So we hold and breathe and hold some more, we stare in to each other's eyes and the force within us brings our mouths closer together.

Again, we kiss and this time it's with deeper emotion. Our kisses are more rushed, more hungry and more desperate. Our tongues begin to massage around each other and I begin to feel all kinds of pressure.

Edward holds my tangled body steadily as he carries me out of the pool, all the while our kisses becoming more needed, more frantic.

He lays me down on the bathing chair and very slowly gets half way on top of me.

I know he wont take this any further, unless I grant him permission.

Because Edward respects me.

He stops our moment of pure intensity and looks straight into my eyes.

"Bella, I don't know what you doing to me, but it hurts", he closes his eyes and hides his face in my neck.

"I know it does, I know", I shut my eyes tightly and try to be strong for us both.

We are not thinking about the now, we are thinking about the then, and we both know there is no then.

That is why it is so difficult for us to irradiate all emotions and empty feelings.

I want to cry.

I won't.

We lay down, he lays with the upper half of his body on mine. We are both still wet from our swim, and we just can't get enough of what is happening.

Edwards perfectly smoothed muscled body is the best pressure I have ever felt.

I am too afraid to look into his eyes this time because I know I will see a reflection of myself in him.

I just don't have the strength to face what he may be feeling too, so I do the next best thing I can think of,

"Can we at least have whatever this is just for the summer? I don't want to let go of you Edward", I silently plead.

He looks up and nods.

Edward wants this too.

Because non verbal interactions hold so much more promise than actual words.

Because this boy is incapable of saying no to me.

I know this.

For the next hour, we lay and talk and joke around, and kiss a lot more. Edward doesn't try to smother me with affection, but I know he wants to.

We go back to swim and he takes pictures of us under water, I laugh. _Finally._

Edward loves his electrical gadgets it seems.

I ask him about it.

The way Edward explains things, it sounds like he is passionate about technology, he also mentions something about enjoying taking things apart and building them up again.

I know that this is something Edward loves to do. I also know it is something he will not be allowed to do.

This boys future is pretty much set.

I guess he will go to a prestigious college with his soccer scholarship, he will also have a back up plan to study medicine like he's father.

During semester breaks, Edward will come home to Treehaven with his just as good enough girlfriend, who he will eventually propose to and marry once he graduates.

I know this.

It is typical.

The name Bella Swan does not feature in Edward Cullen's predetermined future.

And it breaks my heart.

But hey, I guess we have all summer to make up for what we will never be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After lounging in the sun, Edward asks me if I am hungry. I say yes.

We make our way inside, I still have my bikini on so I feel kinda weird because it feels like I am walking around in my underwear.

Edward takes two readymade pizza's out of their massive oven.

He asks me if I know how to heat it up.

I nod, and laugh and make my way to the oven to turn it on.

Edward gives my ass a squeeze, and turns around pretending like it wasn't him.

I give him a knowing look, but fail to hide my smile.

He holds up both hands in surrender and says,"You have no idea how long I have being fantasising about your ass Bella".

I rub my hands through his soft hair, and repeat what he had just told me.

He pores me orange juice and grabs himself a wine cooler. I am sitting on a high kitchen stool when he suddenly walks up to me and spreads my legs apart. He stands between my legs and puts both hands on my cheeks and pulls my lips to his.

He's actions seem possessive but I know gentleness was his only intention.

We kiss, he presses his front to my centre.

And then it is just all too much.

Because I want him right there.

Edward is horny.

I don't want to lead him on because come on, we just kissed for the first time a couple of hours ago.

I pull away slowly and he understands.

I jump off the stool and turn the oven off.

Edward excuses himself.

I go back out to collect my tank and shorts to put back on.

When I get back inside, Edward has a naughty grin on his face.

"I'm sorry Bella, you make me fucking excited", he looks down.

I laugh.

"It's okay. Lets eat", I smile.

We eat in silence, until I ask him about his favourite food.

"Uhm… I love pizza. Mexican pizza. How about you?", he asks.

"Well, I love all kinds of food. When I was in the seventh grade I attempted becoming a vegetarian, it didn't last long. I love sea food pasta though".

Edward laughs. He looks young and carefree and beautiful.

_You do that him._

"Okay, Glenhaven Harbour sells the best seafood. It's a good distance away but maybe we should go there sometime. Before the summer ends", Edwards voice spills out kindness, but the last part of his offering made me crumble. Just abit.

'_For the summer'._

"Okay, I'm down with that", I smile. Its fake.

"So what was the best meal you had this week?", Edward asks.

I don't want to tell him that I ate Peanut butter and jelly almost the whole week. Sometimes I think Edward forgets that we are two opposite, especially now that I am in his world.

I don't want to tell him the truth, so I just mention that I made roast chicken the night before and it tasted really good.

I ask him what was he's favourite meal. He tells me he had the most amazing dinner all week.

I really am happy for him.

He is lucky.

We eat, and laugh and joke around some more.

Once we finished eating out pizza, I thank Edward and collect his plate. I am about to rinse the dishes when he suddenly comes up behind me and forces me to stop.

"Don't do that Bella, Maria comes in for reason", he sounds mad.

"I…I'm sorry, I was just trying to be polite", my voice kinda breaks.

"No don't apologise! Fuck, no Bella what I meant was that you don't have to wash any dishes. You a guest and Maria does that shit. So chill okay?" Edward assures me but his voice sounds panicked.

"Okay, well thank you. I can't stay much longer either", I say.

"What do you mean you can't stay much longer?", Edward looks confused.

"Well, my car is still not 100% so I would like to get going before it gets dark out", I explain.

Truth is, my eyes are really bad and I cannot see oncoming traffic at night.

"But…but I thought you staying the night?", Edward looks panicked. He doesn't want me to go.

"I really can't stay out, my mom will freak out", I explain further.

"Your mom is never fucking at home Bella. Why can't you stay out? It's not fair that she only gets to stay out all the time", he's really upset.

"Edward, you being ridiculous", I feel nervous.

"Why did you bring a bag with you then? You got me excited all for nothing"

"Because that is where my change of clthing is in",I explain.

"Okay", he sighs..."will you come back tomorrow?", my boy looks like a baby who just lost his pacifier.

"Yes, first thing in the morning", I smile.

He breathes out and smiles too.

We hug and hold onto eachother tight.

I realise Edward is lonely. He may be surrounded by people all the time but he feels what I feel.

I am an outcast, and therefore crowded places are the loneliest for me.

For Edward, it is just the other way around. He uses and abuses interactons because it's how he deals.

And here we are, panicked when the one has to go and the other needs to stay behind.

It's just too much.

It's just too fast.

But how can we slow down?

Love? Love is fucking impatient.

I know this, because it is the only feeling I am experiencing in this boys company.

He will be angry with me because I have to leave.

Love? Love is fucking selfish.

Edward will keep me here because he doesn't want to share me with another.

Love? Love is fucking envious.

And what we have right now? It is boastful, it is proud, it is dishonest, it is self seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps records of wrongs…

But what we also have is truth, protection, trust and hope.

What we have is love.

One way or the other.

And even though it is ageing, and nearing expiration, I will cherish it and hold it as close to my heart as I ever can.

Because there is only one Edward Cullen.

And right now, he is mine.

_For the summer._

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**Any thoughts? PLEASE REVIEW! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey beautiful people! So I decided to stay up late so I could complete chapter 16 and suprise you guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter, keep in mind that it is rated M. As requested, this chapter is a bit longer and focuses solely on Edward and Bella:-)**

**Thank you all so much for all your reviews, follows and favorites. Your positive feedback really enables me to write better. For those of you who are having trouble warming up to mu writing style, I should remind you again that I implement UK English into my writing and I am fluent in both English and Afrikaan, so my sentence structuring may become confusing . I do apologise. **

**All recomendations are always welcome. Remember, this is just a fan fic. My writing and imagination is not perfect, but I am trying. So thank you :-)**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer.**

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**Chapter 16**

**EPOV**

Two weeks have passed since Bella and I made our…_friendship_ official.

We see each other Thursday through Sunday. That's about it.

Our connection has become so so strong.

We grew. We understand. We don't speak of feelings.

Because come on? Our feelings will bring about the truth, and neither of us can handle the truth right now.

I am aware that my time with Bella is running out.

So what do we do? We make every second meaningful.

I know Bella cares for me. I will never doubt her loyalty. However, I will forever doubt her time with me, because it won't be forever.

And that very reason fucking crushes me.

I won't admit it though, because we made a promise to each other that we wouldn't.

I have been sleeping over at Bella's house every weekend, starting by Thursdays actually.

It's only Tuesday. I had one fucked up day…but I miss my girl.

Another agreement between Bella and I is that we don't see or contact each other when I have training and Bella has to work.

I feel like my soul is split in half.

I have continue spending time with my friends, but my time with Bella is reserved for afterwards.

I save the best for last.

She knows that. She understands.

Bella has Alice and her mother and many other people who adores her.

She doesn't realise what an amazing person she is.

I keep thinking about just forgetting everything and choosing Bella, but she has only being in my life for about two months.

_The best two months of my life indeed._

We kiss, cuddle and hold each other a lot. Our little friendship is filled with affection and adoration.

Bella doesn't know the extent of my true feelings for her.

I won't tell her.

I will however enact them.

So here I am on a Tuesday night, parked out across her house.

She doesn't know I am here.

I just can't stay away. The last time I saw her and held and kissed her lips was on Sunday morning.

I found myself unable to complete simple tasks because she occupied my thoughts all day.

I need to get this longing and needy feeling out of my system.

My heart is beating fast, push pushing and pushing some more for me to climb out of my truck and get to the only place it needs to be.

_Bella._

_Home. _

I am feeling all kinds of fucked up because I am dependent on this girl and she has no idea how much.

Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I possessed the needed strength to control the matter between us.

In addition, the more I see Bella, the more I kiss her and the more I feel her, I want her so so much more.

I find myself taking one too many cold showers on my return from her house.

I also imagine her when I need to let off some libidinal steam.

She's fucking everything and everywhere in my thoughts.

So, I climb out of my truck and sneak across the street.

It is nearing midnight, Rene is at home because her beat up old Honda is parked out front.

I hope Bella isn't too fast asleep to hear my knocking.

I made her promise me that she would lock her windows at night.

What a stupid stupid promise.

I make my way very quietly to her back yard, there is a huge old rusted washing machine that I climb on up very slowly.

Rene's room is in front of the house, so I am not too afraid of her catching me out.

I step up on the old machine and grab onto the watering pipes. I kinda mastered this by now.

Climbing into Bella's room has become effortless.

I get to the top and I am surprised to see her window is unlocked.

Her light is out so once I am in a steady position, I grab my iphone out my jacket pocket and shine the screen onto her window railing.

I climb in very slowly.

My heart is beat, beat and beating some more. Because come on, I am ten seconds away from holding the only thing I need to be with right now.

I take off my shoes very quietly and remove my hoody.

I lift Bella's heart patterned covers and I am home.

I am with my girl.

Bella lies fast asleep, but she knows I am here. She can feel me. Her heart can feel me.

She turns over, breathing out the softest snores. I pull her a little too eagerly towards me.

_I just need to hold you Bella._

She opens her eyes unexpectedly, and she does one of the many things she does best.

She fucking smiles.

That deep dimpled smile that not even the coldest of hearts are able to resist.

"Edward, I missed you so much", she says in her state of sleepness.

"Why do you think I came over? I know it's only Tuesday, well technically Wednesday but…", I try to complete my sentence but Bella interrupts me by pressing her lips to mine.

I feel warm and needy and forever.

Our connected lips soon invite tongues. Out twisted tongues soon invite pressing bodies and desperate touches.

She's making me so fucking hard.

_I want you. _

"Please?", Bella questions, only I don't know what she means. So I press my lips back to hers and continue what we were doing in the first place.

Each time I am with Bella, our intimacy seems to become more intense, more hungry, more needy.

I roll onto my back in Bella's small bed, she comes up on top of me.

I sit up gently, and she follows, now straddling my upright position.

"Edward, please make me feel good", Bella pleads.

I don't know how this came about, but I can't give Bella what she thinks she needs right now.

Her actions are purely a reaction from her need for reassurance and intimacy, making up for the stolen time in this stolen moment.

I broke one of our rules. I came to see her on a day that our silent instructions forsake.

But I don't give a shit because the end of summer is nearing, and once it does, we will not have this.

We can't.

I don't think about that too much because our desperate kisses are becoming more irratic.

"Bella, I can't give you what you want right now…", I reveal with all kinds of uncertainty.

She grinds her hips against my front and I try to implement all the self-control that I possess.

I don't know if Bella is a virgin or not, or how far she has even being with another guy.

I told her I don't want to know.

Because when we found each other, we were what we were. I accepted her, although with lots of doubt.

She accepted me, with so much faith.

Again, _opposites. _

Bella gently tries to tug at my shirt.

I give her the permission that she doesn't need.

"I just need to feel you", she says softly, desperately.

I help her remove my shirt, she begins again, by removing her tank top this time.

I have never seeing Bella's tits, I am soon going to. And that leaves me fucking excited.

"Bella, we can't do this. Your mom is in the next room", I say as I begin to realise that Rene is just down the narrow hall.

"Rene isn't here Edward", Bella smiles, now completely awake.

"What?", I am all kinds of exhilaration, "What do you mean she isn't her?"

I know what Bella said, I just need further clarrification.

"Yeah, my mom is out tonight. I told you last week that she started seeing this guy Phil remember? He's in town for business this week. She's with him right now at his hotel", Bella explains.

I feel…I fucking don't know how I feel because I just heard the best news ever.

I stare into Bella's eyes; all the while my naked chest is pressed against her exposed breasts.

"Oh…wow", I am now too excited to form coherent sentences.

"So what do you say we try something new?", Bella questions shyly, with a hint of mischief.

My girl is horny.

My dick is happy.

But I won't be inside her tonight.

She deserves a bed of roses, candles and a hot bath.

Not a spontaneous decision driven by the principals of pleasure.

"You mind elaborating on what you mean by something new Miss Swan", I try to vocalise my most seductive voice, while licking my lips and raising my eyebrow.

Bella laughs.

"Please don't make me say it out loud?", she's shy and all lip biting and blushing.

"Well you going to have to because I have no idea what you talking about", I play dumb.

"Edward, before this…before me.. I know, I…I know you had expectations from the female population", her words fail and she looks nervous.

I laugh, because really, Isabella is fucking cute.

I lift my hips to meet her centre and her eyes widen. She can feel how hard I am.

"I don't expect anything from you Bella, but do you mean this? What I just did now", I tease.

"Yeah…", she grins, "yeah definitely that".

"Not tonight okay?", I confirm.

"Why not? I'm ready Edward. If it's not you, it will be someone eventually, so what are you waiting for?

I am a bit confused, so I ask the one question I told her I didn't want to know the answer to.

"When last have you fucked someone Bella?", I get straight to the point.

"Edward, I have never 'fucked' someone before", she emphasises the word 'fucked'.

I look at her, searching for answers, and ask, "okay so when was the last time you had S.E.X.U.A.L I.N.T.E.R.C.O.U.R.S.E?", I spell out the words like she doesn't understand the English language.

She laughs.

"Well… I'm a virgin, what did you expect? I am only seventeen you know", she plays it nonchalant.

I am not surprised by Bella's answer because I kinda knew all along.

Her behaviour screams innocence.

She's so so ignorant about the vicious world around her. Yet, I know that she has suffered through her fair share of dissapointment.

"Bella, teenagers these days fuck from the day they can get their dicks up", I say.

She laughs.

"Wow, what a sullen way of putting it Cullen. By the way, that is exactly why I feel I can do this right now. I am finally of age if you haven't noticed", Bella smirks.

_Cute. _

"Trust me, I have noticed. But not tonight okay", I smile and pinch her ass.

"Then I guess I will just have to seduce you", she says playfully.

Bella suddenly leans down and licks my neck. It is the hottest thing I have ever felt. My dick gets harder, if that is even possible.

She licks from my throat, up until my ear load, and then gently sucks on it. I close my eyes.

I wonder if she has done this before.

I ask.

"Have you done this before? Go around licking horny boys?".

She leans her head back and giggles. She looks so carefree and beautiful and my heart beat, beat and beats some more.

"I was kinda imagining a strawberry Popsicle, but you kinda taste way better. Edward Cullen flavour is tasty", she winks playfully.

I pull her closer and hold on tighter. I repeat her action, only this time I stop at the base of her neck and make my way down again.

My tongue slowly licks the smooth curve of her neck, all the way down to her chest.

I look up briefly to see if she's okay with my actions. Her eyes are close.

I repeat my movements and lick all the way down to her left breast. I tease her nipple with my tongue and I can feel Bella's body becoming tense.

She's fucking enjoying this.

I continue to tease her nipple with my tongue and then begin to suck on her hard full breast.

My dick is now as prominent as ever.

I complete the equal action with Bella's other breast until she's breathing faster.

Bella pushes my torso down with force and presses her lips to mine.

Both my hands cup her full breasts and my thumbs begin to massage her swollen nipples.

"Fuck, I want you", I say desperately.

Bella moans.

Our lips reunite, Bella rolls her hips against my dick.

Everything is happening fast, but so so slow.

I quickly flip her over. I am now on top of her.

She places her hand on her sleep shorts and she looks at me in question.

I smirk and place my hand on top of hers and slowly begin to pull her shorts down, along with her panties.

Before me, I see nothing but a goddess.

An innocent girl, who I will never have.

A woman, who is filled with so much passion and love.

I want to love her, just for tonight, but I won't.

My time with Bella may be approaching it's end, but I refuse to take her in this way.

She is sucked in this moment of pleasure and her sexual instincts are fully taking over.

I may not have the best self control, but I appreciate and respect this girl so much.

I need her innocent and pure, because that's all part of our wonderful simplicity.

But sometimes, sometimes love needs more than pure emotions.

Love seeks bodily devotion too.

So I give it to her.

I rub my hands all the way down her body. Bella's creamy skin is all soft and untouched.

My hand makes its way to the only place it needs to be.

I rub my hand over her swollen wet clit and massage her needy libido.

I feel like a king because I am eliciting passion and desire in this goddess who lies before me.

Bella whispers something that sounds like 'more'.

I slowly move my index finger into her opening while I am lying halfway on top of her.

Bella is fully naked, my boxers and baseball shorts remain on my body.

I insert my finger in her opening very slowly, and then I begin to move it in and out, in and out.

Once I am satisfied with her amount of wetness, I insert a second finger and repeat my fingering sequence.

In and out.

Faster and faster.

I feel Bella's body beginning to become rigid. Her hips begin to meet my entering fingers until she's creating her own fast pace.

I continue this sequence, with more speed and intensity, until I hear a soft moan.

Bella's body cringes and I know she has just had an orgasm.

It's the most beautiful site.

Once she lays panting, she smiles and comes back to meet my wanting lips.

This girl doesn't give up. She is an untamed animal.

I like this other side of Bella too.

Bella is all heart beating and pulling.

She places her hand gently on my shorts, and I know what her intensions are.

I allow her to do what she wants with me, because if it makes her happy, then I am happy too.

She tries to pull down my shorts with some force and greed and impatience.

I help her.

My hard dick springs free and she greedily wraps her hand around my shaft.

There is pre cum on the tip of my penis, Bella touches it and rubs it around the head. She begins to slowly grip her hand around my shaft and she moves it's up and down.

She stops and looks at me. I want to yell and beg her to continue.

"Am I doing this right?", she asks nervously.

"Perfectly", I respond, almost out of breath.

She returns to her previous actions, I place my hand over hers and give her a silent demonstration.

After a while, we switch positions, Bella is lying on her side, and I am on my side, facing her.

She begins to pick up the pace with her soft hands massaging my dick.

I slowly begin to feel the build up in my groin. My stomach muscles tighten and then shortly after, I cum so intensely.

Images of Bella's naked perfection run through my head as salty cream stickiness exit my dick.

I feel on top of the world.

My dick is fucking king.

We both turn onto our backs and pant in desperation.

I smile, and so does my girl.

I don't want to move from my position, but the stickiness I am feeling is beginning to cause discomfort. Bella wiped her cum filled hand all over my stomach.

I let her.

"I think I need to clean us up", I whisper in her ear.

"NOOOOO!", she yells playfully.

"Nobody asked you to use my stomach as a towel" I tease.

"Hey, it was the perfect opportunity for me to touch your six pack. Did I ever tell you that you are sexy Edward Cullen?', Bella asks playfully, her cheeks redden.

"Me? Sexy? Na I think you got the wrong guy here Swan", I tease.

"You so are! I always used to admire you from afar at school. When I was in the school band, I always looked out for the number 10 soccer jersey on the field before the game started".

I crumble. I can't believe Bella knows my soccer number. I also can't believe she was in the school band.

"Seriously? Wow, I am so fucking chuffed that you know my jersey number", I say in amusement.

"I know so much more then you think I do", Bella says, I can see she is getting nervous now.

We continue to lay naked, I don't care how uncomfortable I feel anymore.

_Fuck sticky semen. _

"Like what?", I ask genuinely interested.

"Well, I know that you sit in the corner with all your teammates in the cafeteria during soccer season. I…I also know that you are very clever Edward.

I laugh, and then question.

"And how do you know that?", I ask.

"I sometimes watch you, you always stood out for me you know? And I helped capture the results of your classes JBA tests for Mrs Tanner.

I am in aware of Bella's revelation. I wish I could tell her the same.

I wish I could tell her that I have noticed her too before.

But I didn't.

I hate that I didn't.

"Why didn't I ever see you around?", I ask.

"I kinda kept a low profile in school", she responds. I notice her sentence is in the past tense. I don't let it bother me though.

"Why Bella?".

Bella laughs, but not in a happy way. She laughs in a cover-up-sadness kinda way.

She looks up to her ceiling and says something that breaks my heart,

"It's not easy being the freak of the school Edward. Let alone the daughter to the towns single Slumber", Bella says this in a way of trying to hide her emotions.

Her hidden pain and sadness doesn't fool me.

I feel guilty. I feel sad. I feel disappointed in the person I am, but not in the person Bella brings out in me.

"Bella, I am so sorry if I have ever offended you. Please? You have to know that I never ever meant to be cruel towards you", I try to apologise desperately.

"Then why did you laugh", Bella's eyes remain fixed on the ceiling. I notice her eye begin to water.

My girl is broken.

"Laugh at what? Look at me please Bella?", I ask desperately.

Bella turns over slowly to face me. A lonely tear falls from her eyes.

"I can think of many occasions. You laughed when Rosalie pushed me over and stamped on my glasses", she's crumbling.

My fucking heart is breaking for her. I can't believe I was so selfish and stupid.

"Do you know what hurt even more Edward? The fact that nobody stood up for me, I couldn't even stand up for myself. Alice wasn't there at the time, but half the school was. My…my mom just saved up for months to get me those prescribed glasses, and Rosalie…Rosalie broke it like it was nothing", tears are now falling freely.

I don't say anything. Because what can I say? I don't know half of what Bella had to go through, but what I do know is that she grew into the best person she could be.

I am slowly breaking, she's already broken.

So, I pull her towards me and hold her tight. She lies in my arms with silent tears.

We fall asleep, I wake up around 2am. So does Bella. We silently make our way out of bed and take a shower together.

We don't touch.

I do however stare at her exposed beauty.

We get back into bed and hold each other some more.

I don't know how I got to be where I am right now, but at the start of this summer, I would never have imagined falling in love.

I am in love with Isabella Swan.

And it hurts, hurts and hurts A LOT more.

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**Any feedback about this chapter? REVIEW**


	18. Chapter 18

**HEY guys! I hope you all had a good weekend. Finally, we introduce chapter 17. Its a slow burn but I want you guys to see how E & B are starting to realise that their relationship is trouble to the heart.**

**Thank you to all those who are supporting this story. To those who find problems in my writing and strory line, you welcome to stop reading. I do not think it is fair to belittle someone else's work, especially when it is only fiction. **

**I refuse to change my characters to suit the minority. It will all be worth it it in the end. **

**Enjoy. Please let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

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**Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

Three more weeks remain of summer vacation.

Three. More. Weeks.

I don't want the world to spin any faster than what it already is. Every day is a beautiful fast blur.

My time with Edward is a beautiful fast blur.

The faster this summer approaches its end, the more, and more, and more my little heart breaks.

Because Edward and I are nearing expiration.

We have kinda been inseparable for the last month.

Our time together consists of the usual sneaking around and the usual midnight invasions.

But that's our deal.

And I am okay with that.

Edward, he doesn't complain either.

He uses and abuses but he also gives out and accepts.

We spent yesterday evening at the cliff, watching the sun set. It was romantic, and so so not in our ordinary.

We were tense and distant last night.

We feard our exposure to the world.

That very feeling hurt my heart.

Reason being, I think our attention was occupied with thoughts of being caught out, when it should have being thoughts of us allowing each moment to be beautiful.

Edward, he is beautiful.

I know very well what I have caught myself into.

I will never blame him for our situation and the change that he has made.

Because sometimes people enter our lives when change situations.

Edward, he changed.

When I was alone and feeling sorry for myself, I reverted back to all the times he had hurt me.

I realised that Edwards intensions were never meant to hurt me per se, it was an action that was expected.

I often forget how highly valued Edward is in this town. He has a lot to uphold, and people expect the best from him. He lives under so much pressure for someone his age.

I am he's worst kind of pressure.

I know that.

All the people who live on the upper side of town, look down on us Slumbers.

Therefore, I understand.

So a few weeks ago when Edward began acting super selfless and treating me like gold, I confronted him.

Because we don't do that.

We are only supposed to use and consume and comfort and pull.

Not worship.

It's not our deal.

It was a Friday night, Rene was out and Edward and I were lying down in my bed. Edward was biting my fingers.

He said, "_Bella, I like your cracked nail polish, it's so you, don't take it off or cover it up"._

I took some offence to his random statement, because who wants to be cracked nail polish.

So, I grabbed my hand and made my way to the bathroom to go and remove my 'cracked' nail varnish.

I am childish and therefore I will act out immaturely when I have no other way dealing with the truth.

Edward came following in seconds later with a stupid stupid grin on his face,

"_Bella, what did I just say?_, he asked with that same stupid stupid grin on his face.

"_It's kinda rude to be compared to chipped nails you know",_ I replied irritated, while beginning to remove all chipped colouring from my nails.

He laughs.

"_What? Come on little girl_", he says while removing the nail varnish remover out from my hand.

I protest. Because I am not a little girl.

He only calls me that to irritate me more. He is enjoying our little scenario.

He laughs, again.

I roll my eyes and give up, because Edward gets what he wants. He doesn't want my nails all neatly manicured and shiny, then so be it.

Truth be told, it wasn't because of his statement that got me all school girl wired up, it was the fact that he told me something about myself, something true.

I am chipped.

I am cracked.

I am broken, but I am also blessed.

I'm blessed with so much…so why complain.

Our little altercation ended there.

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So here I am, three weeks later.

I am in my own blissful bubble because I am all socks and baggy T's with my panties, in my boys bed.

Its Friday, Edwards parents are out somewhere.

Rene is working night shift this week.

If I am not at home, she assumes I am by Alice.

I lie. Every day and all the time, to the people I love, about a boy I may possibly love more.

I refuse to admit it though.

Repressing my feelings has become natural. I sublimate all feelings when they sneak into my consciousness.

And that is okay too.

Because in a few weeks' time, I can try to survive.

Right now? I am living.

A few minutes after stretching and occupying myself with some movie time in Edward's white sheets, I feel his presence nearing.

Edward just came walking into his room all sweaty. While I was asleep, he decided to take a run on his treadmill.

I don't know why he just can't relax and be lazy like I do.

He walks over to me grinning. I was watching Game of Thrones on his laptop in bed, but Edward wants my attention.

So I stop what I am doing.

Everything goes to a stand still.

Because my boy needs me, and I need him too.

"How about a shower Bella?", Edward smirks all sexy and sweaty and I-want-to-touch-you-now demanding.

"Okay", I agree.

I missed him. _All of him._

Edward and I have become very affectionate since the first time we fooled around in my bed.

Now, it's like he is constantly horny.

We never had sex.

He doesn't want to and I don't really know why.

So, I pull and grab and claim whatever the hell I can that belongs to him.

I make my way out of his comfortable huge bed. Checking the time, I see it is just after 8pm. I go ahead and follow Edward to his bathroom, without grabbing any clean clothing.

My boy is standing in a running shorts and shirtless. The glint of his gold chain shines around his neck, complementing all is perfection.

When I think of eighteen year old guys, I think of individuals departing from their teenage awkwardness.

Edward, he doesn't possess any physical signs of that awkwardness.

He is beautiful.

He is muscular and tall and all green eyes and shaggy hair that all equals perfection.

Edward was never supposed to be perfect in my eyes.

Previously, I used his shitty attitude against him.

Now, now there are no signs of that person.

I often wonder if it is an act. I have never seeing Edward around his friends since the lake party all those weeks ago.

That encounter did not end very well, so I guess I am not being paranoid to constantly be preoccupied by what could happen once we return to school.

As all these thought run through my head, I feel soft possessiveness place their hands on the hem of my T-shirt.

Edward's mouth makes its way to my ear and he begins sucking at my earlobe while he slowly begins to remove my shirt.

I forget.

I forget about what I was thinking, I forget about I was doing.

I would think that my responses are pathetic, but how can anything be pathetic when equal actions are returned.

I need this boys.

He is the one who brings me smiles and tummy turns and overbeat beating hearts.

Edward has no idea how much he has grown on me, just the little things he does make me feel so so much better.

It's a secret but it is our secret.

I don't want the world to know about our pure devotion, because they will destroy and pollute whatever it is we share.

Our relationship will get tossed and turned and ruined.

Therefore, I am okay with it only been known to us.

I close my eyes and begin to just appreciate this moment of security, because it may be our last.

I fear that every action between Edward and I may be our last.

Why wouldn't I?

I turn my body around and press my lips on he's.

I know from here on, things will become more rushed, because come on, we running out of time.

_Every day._

Edward pulls my shirt over my head and moves his hands down along my body. He stops to cup my covered breasts and then he slowly pushes down my cotton shorts.

He doesn't ask.

He doesn't need to.

I stand before him in my bra and panties.

I can see the prominent bulge through Edwards's shorts. That site gets me all excited.

I know what could happen, but I also know what could not.

Edward removes his shorts and his boxers. I can't help but stare at his firm ass.

He is a hard worker. He is prone to fitness. I understand how it is possible to have such an amazing body.

I experience joy and sensation down at my centre just admiring my boys body from a short distance.

Edward gets into the shower to turn on the water, I follow him after removing my underwear.

I want to make him feel good. So when I get into the shower and close the glass door behind me, I grab onto his penis.

I am filled with greed and desire and all I want to do is pleasure him.

He won't let me.

Not until he pleasures me first.

Edward removes my hand and places both he's hands on my hips. I think he is doing this steady me, but then he begins to kneel down on his knees.

Edward looks up at me in questioning as the warm water caresses our skin.

He's wet eyelashes look so much longer as the water drips on his face.

I smile.

He grins all big and happy.

And then I feel his index finger caress my centre. Edward rubs against my clit and then he slowly inserts his index finger.

I feel good good good.

He begins in a sequence, in and out, faster faster faster. Until he moves his head closer to my centre.

I close my eyes and grip on to his hair.

What I feel next is heaven and a million strawberry Popsicles.

Edwards moves his tongue against my clits and first begins to lick, and then he sucks on my sensitive spot.

I want to crumble and explode.

I do.

My mind goes blank and fills with empty images of happiness.

I don't know what happens next, but I have never experienced such an intense orgasm before.

Once Edward is satisfied with my recovering position, he stands up and kisses me hard.

"Why can't I do that to you too Edward?", I ask.

"Innocent girls like you don't deserve to suck on cocks Bella", Edward responds.

Who does he think he is.

"You ruined my innocence the day we started this. You turned me into a liar", I retaliate.

I feel upset because this boy is unfair.

He is cutting his nose to spite his face.

"So this is my fault?", he asks.

I really don't want to get in to a disagreement with Edward in a shower just after I had the best orgasm of my life, but we always avoid this conversation.

If now is the time to speak out about it, then I will grab the chance.

"Yes, to an extent it is your fault", I say while grabbing the shower gel and rubbing it onto my arms.

Edward grabs the bottle from my hands and places some of the liquid onto his hands. He places is soaped up hands on my shoulder, ready to massage me.

I step back.

"You touched me enough", I look away because I know I will only see disappointment in his eyes.

I also know that if I tell Edward not to touch me, he won't.

I never doubt he's respect. I doubt he's actions when my guard is down.

Edward sighs and uses the remainder of the body wash to rub onto his defined chest.

I begin to feel empty and sad and hurt.

Because I don't like my boy feeling empty sad and hurt.

"Edward, you just aren't fair sometimes. Why can you get to do whatever you want to do to me, but the moment I want to touch you, you move away?", I explain while turning to face him.

"Because…Bella", He's voice fades.

"Oh, I get it. You think I am doing a bad job huh?" I say while throwing up my hand. "Well I am so sorry that I haven't practised on any dicks before you entered my life", my voice is now raised.

Edward fucking laughs.

"Are you insane? The only reason why I don't want you to do anything to me is because I am always going to want more from you Bella", he says while looking into my eyes. "Don't you fucking get it? I want you! All of you! But I know if we are to ever do more than what we do, we are going to be ruined when this ends", Edward tries to explain.

How can he not understand that we will be broken regardless?

Or at least I will.

I brush his statement off and decide to shower quickly. I step out the shower but before I exit the bathroom, I say, "enjoy jerking yourself off".

He says nothing, but pulls the glass door closed.

I don't have any clean clothing so I make my way in a towel towards Edwards closet. It is huge. I don't know how he needs this much clothing.

Edwards's closet is in a narrow hall on the side of his bedroom, there are rows and rows of shoes. I notice he has so many trainers and soccer boots.

He's closet is divided into different sets of attire. I open one draw and it is filled with socks. The draw below contains his boxer briefs.

I grab one and contemplate putting it on.

I hear Edward making he's way into he's room. I know he is panicking when he realises I am not in view.

He will have to walk to the end of room in order find me.

I hold onto my towel tightly and bite my smile in to my hands.

_He can look for me._

"Bella?", I hear Edward call out.

I hear him walk back in to his bathroom, then he makes he's way out again.

"Bella, where are you", he keeps searching.

I smile in the corner of his closet. I know this is childish but I want to see his reaction.

He exits he's room and I hear him calling out my name some more.

I decide to sneak out of he's closet and go ahead to find him. I see him standing in the kitchen with a towel around his waist, playing around with his phone.

I sneak up behind him and place my cool hands over he's eyes.

"Guess who?", I whisper.

Edward removes my hands and turns around. He looks pissed.

"Don't do that again", he demands.

I laugh. He looks even more pissed.

"Why not? You think I went running for the hills Cullen?", I say while grinning.

"Because I don't fucking like looking around for you! I was worried", he looks sad.

"If you think I'd leave without saying goodbye, then you are wrong", I assure him.

Edward moves around me and makes he's way to his room.

I follow him. _Why wouldn't I._

He walks towards he's closet and begins removing he's towel.

I am childish but I am also desperate…and _horny._

I know he is too, he is just trying to avoid the situation.

I decide to go back for more.

_Round 2._

"Don't get dressed, come on?", I say looking in to his eyes while gripping onto the sweater he was about to put on. I motion towards he's bed.

"Don't do this to me, please Bella", Edward pleads.

I join my hands to his and lead him to he's bed.

I push Edward's naked figure down onto the edge of the bed and I straddle him.

I can feel he's dick rubbing against my clit.

It feels amazing and Edward is losing he's self control.

I place my lips hard on he's and we begin to kiss desperately.

He removes my towel and pushes his hips up to meet my centre.

There is nothing that stands in our way.

I want to do this with him so badly.

But I know it is not what he wants right now, so I gradually end our intense kiss and I get up from his hips.

He tries to hold me down but he eventually resists.

That very action was Edward losing control.

I kneel down in front of him while he sits on the end of his bed, and I place my hungry mouth

around his huge cock.

I lick and suck and taste like I have never before.

Edward's hands are pulling at the top of my head and he begins to move he's hips so that they can meet my greedy mouth.

"Bella…oh fuck please stop or I'll cum in your mouth".

I remove my mouth from his hungry cock and replace it with my hand that I use to finish what I have started.

Edward cums all over my hand. I wipe my hands on his stomach like I always do.

He looks beautiful. And I am happy that I could make him happy. He pulls me up and we both crawl in to his bed.

"I don't know where I found you Bella, but you something else", he says while places a lonely strand behind my ear.

"You something else too", I say in total adoration.

"Can I take you out somewhere tomorrow?", he looks unsure.

"Do you want to?", I ask.

"Yeah, yeah I do want to Bella".

"Okay. I have plans until early evening though", I explain.

"What kinda plans?", he asks concerned.

"I promised to help Alice paint her room", I smile.

"Woah, that sounds cool. So I will only see you around five then?" he asks.

"No, probably seven", I say while noticing Edwards growing change of expressions.

"Bella, there are only a couple more weeks of summer left. Why aren't we making our time together count?" he asks.

"Isn't that what we are doing now?", I mumble more to myself.

I begin to think about he's question, but Edward needs to realise that I cannot put the permanent fixtures in my life on hold for those that are temporary.

Edward is temporary.

I sigh and snuggle in closer to my heart breaking boy.

"Yes, I will see you at seven", I confirm eventually.

"I don't know how we are going to do this Bella. When…when summer ends and I see you at school, I don't know how I am going to cope".

"We will deal Edward, we always do", I smile sadly.

Edward presses is chin on top of my head and breaths me in.

"I like you so so much Swan", he says sadly.

I am okay with that. Because liking someone so so much still doesn't equate to _love._

Love?

Love is permanent.

Love does not go away after the end of a summer romance

Love stays. Love haunts. Love is forever.

Love does not begin and end the way we want it.

Love is a losing battle.

Love is a defeated war.

Our love?

Our love is growing up and moving on.

Our love is forgetting.

Our love is leaving.

Our love is ending.

Edward and I?

We are not forever.

He knows that, and so do I. it is something we remind each other of everyday.

But I am weak. I am forgetting and trouble making.

Edward is just trouble.

So I lay awake in my boys bed as he drifts off to sleep.

My plan wasn't to stay over, but I know he will never let me leave.

I text Rene to let her know I am sleeping by my 'favourite person'.

Rene would assume it is Alice.

I don't elaborate on my text because I don't want my lie to get any bigger.

I worry that Edwards's parents may return home at any minute, but something tells me he had girls sleeping over before.

Only, those girls were not Slumbers, so that's he why he's parents accepted it.

My car alone gives my entire social status away.

I no longer park my car in his long driveway, I leave it on the side road and Edward comes out to fetch me.

I am okay with that because we are a secret.

Secrets are about inconveniencing ourselves to make a way.

To deal.

I turn around and face my back to Edward.

Silent unwanted tears make their way along my cheeks.

I stare out of his window into the midnight.

I don't want this to end.

Because, I am in love with Edward Cullen.

And love is for the forever, not for the temporary.

So I lay and cry and pray for strength that I need.

Edward places his needing arm around me and he breaths me in.

I know he will get over me. He was designed to.

I am not in Edwards life plan, he know that. He will accept that eventually.

Edward will never mean to hurt me intentionally, but this boy is breaking my chipped and cracked up heart.

I cannot contain any of this secret anymore.

I need someone to know.

I need to confide in someone, anyway.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow I will cry on my mother's shoulder and ask her advice.

Because a mother knows best, and I need her right now.

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**Thanks so much :-)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter...thank you to eveyone for your continuous support.**

**Just a word, I usually go back and read previous chapters to correct spelling errors.**

**Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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**Chapter 18**

**EPOV**

It's Saturday morning.

I wake up to the feel of soft whispered kisses on my nose.

I love that Bella is a morning person. She shows it in her early morning sweetness and adoration. She makes my heart happy.

"Wakeup sleepy head, I'm gonna head out to the commoners soon", Bella says softly in one of her many strange voices.

I hold onto her tightly because I don't want her to leave the safety of my bed.

"Don't leave me alone in this world Bella", I respond dramatically.

She laughs her pleasant all dimpled laugh.

"Tonight, we'll meet again my lord", she's playful in her old English accent.

"The dungeon awaits mistress", I play along with her goofiness.

_God Bella, I fucking love you. _

"Is your parents' home? Do you perhaps have some secret passageway that I can make my great escape…or is that just in the movies?", Bella teases.

I laugh and respond, "Nah, no secret passage over here. My parents are probably at work, I doubt they even came home".

Bella looks concerned.

"What do you mean 'if they even came home'? Don't they inform you about their whereabouts?", she asks while collecting her discarded clothing in the bathroom.

I step out of my bed to put on my boxers and go and meet her in the bathroom as she's busy peeing.

We comfortable like that.

She doesn't yell at me to get out or to even turn around, so I go ahead and begin brushing my teeth.

She flushes the toilet and puts on her underwear and comes to stand next to me to wash her hands. Bella playfully nudges me with her hips and I nudge her back with my shoulder.

She sprinkles water in my face. I love it.

"Hey, where did you put my phone?", she asks.

I have no idea where she left it so I respond by shaking my head, because it's difficult to talk with a mouth full of toothpaste.

Bella walks out and quickly returns with her shorts on. She grabs my tooth brush out of my hand and places it into her mouth.

I don't mind because I have done this to her countless times at her own home.

I rinse out my mouth and I walk out of the bathroom to my closet to get clean clothing.

She follows.

"So…so I guess I will see when I do?", Bella says.

We never make arrangements, although we tend to reserve time for each other. I asked Bella if she will go somewhere with me tonight because I want to love her while I can.

I plan on taking her to this seafood restaurant out in Glenhaven harbour, I hope she doesn't mind.

I will call to make a reservation later.

"Yeah…I will text you sometime later", I say casually, attempting to hide the nearing sadness in my voice.

Because Bella is leaving and I hate this empty feeling that creeps up on me when we have to say goodbye.

I don't want her to go.

I never want her to go.

I walk Bella out, Maria has just arrived and she waves at Bella from the kitchen. Bella smiles and waves in return.

She's so friendly and vibrant. Again, I wish I noticed her long before I did.

We arrive at her parked car and we hug and kiss and hold, because neither of us wants to leave the other.

"Enjoy your day with Alice Bells", my smile never reaching my eyes.

"Enjoy your day doing whatever you decide to do Edward", she says biting her lip.

I nod. She steps away and gets in to her car.

I don't look back.

Neither does she.

We not meant to look back, because what waits is nothing but emptiness.

Our relationship is in the moment. We don't seek pasts or futures. We are all that we are in the right now.

I make my way through the large electrical gates that guard my house, and walk up the steep driveway to a house of loneliness.

I get to the kitchen and Maria has already begun fixing me some breakfast.

"Maria, you don't have to make me anything, I'm meeting up with Marcus at the country club", I explain.

I didn't tell Bella that I have a day of golf planned with my grandfather, because I don't want her to be reminded of the different lives we live.

I have the option of spending my day at a fancy country club occupied by millionaires, while my girl paints her best friends room.

We so so fucking different.

But our hearts connect and beat together.

That is all that matters.

I go take a quick shower while I try to repress last night's happenings.

I get dressed and make my way out the house.

I get into my truck and drive to the country club where my grandfather awaits.

I don't even fucking like golf, but my grandfather feels it is good for his image.

'_Headlines: Marcus Cullen and his grandson enjoy a day out playing golf'._

How fucking cliché.

But yet I still entertain the idea.

I don't have any other choice.

I arrive at my destination and hand my trucks keys over to the valet, and go inside to meet my grandfather.

There are tables and tables set out with every possible breakfast item. I think to myself what Bella will have for breakfast and then I silently beat myself up for not offering her something to eat before she left.

_I miss my girl already. _

"Well, look who it is", grandfathers stands up and opens his arms in greeting.

He is all polo shirt and squeaky clean white shorts that is ironed to perfection.

What a fucking pretence.

"Hey, how you doing old man?", I play my part with a smile.

"I am more than well son, and how about you? Training go as you expected?", I knew this is what he would ask.

"Yeah, all good", I respond as we both order our breakfast with an all too happy waitress.

I smile at her.

Grandfather gives me a disapproving look.

Because why would I want to smile at a waitress.

We talk some more as we await our breakfast. I ordered some fruit salad with bacon and pancakes.

Grandfathers suggest that I should visit more often, and informs me that he has bought a new boat.

I tell him I want to get myself a dog.

He says I shouldn't get a dog when I will be leaving after I graduate.

I am silently pissed. Because he knows nothing.

I decide to text Bella under the table because I need her so much right now.

**Edward: I am with my grandfather, he's name is Marcus and he's a fucking arrogant asshole.**

I patiently wait for her reply. Three minutes later, I feel my phone vibrating on my lap.

My heart beats, beats and beats some more.

My heart fucking knows.

**Bella: I am with my mother, her name is Rene and she is a beautiful mess. **

**Bella: BTW, don't let old men upset you. He may be what you say he is, but he is your family. So love him, appreciate him, because you never know if one day he is all that you have. **

Bella always knows how to turn my sour mood in to something better. I often find myself taking her advice. She doesn't even know.

Grandfather continues to brag about all that he owns, I try my best to block him out.

**Edward: Thanks. I Gotta go**

**Bella: Bye **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Its noon, we on the golf course and I already want to fucking get out of here. Grandfather mentions that he's friend Mr Riley will be accompanying us.

I did not see my parents waltzing around, so I assume that they are both occupied with work related tasks.

We finally meet up with Mr Riley. He looks to be about in his early 70's. I don't give a shit actually.

Grandfather introduces us and we go ahead and begin our long day.

Finally, just after 3pm, I call it quits and thank my gramps for the day. I officially had enough of these veterans. They fucking talk too much about life and experiences and what's to come.

I don't give a flying shit about life right now, not when Bella isn't involved in my perfect predetermined plans.

I make my way off the golf course and run smash bang into a tall slender figure.

"Woah watch it", I say as I steady her shoulders.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry", she smiles.

I know exactly what girls like her are doing here. All shiny blonde hair and tall fake elegance. I don't want to entertain anything because a part of me is weak and greedy. I am a guy after all.

Before Bella, I would most certainly entertain her gestures, and maybe later take her up on her willingness.

I know once Bella and I no longer…no longer see each other, I will use girls like this to get over her.

I also know that no other girl can and will equate to Bella. She is beauty at its best. Bella is natural, she is sweet, she's kind and she doesn't pretend.

I know that it is a lot for her to hide what we have, but she understands and therefore she deals with it.

I make my way around this girl, and then she gently taps me on my arm.

"Hey, my names Bree. I haven't seeing you around here before", she says as she twirls the bottom of her loose hair.

"Yeah", I respond but I don't elaborate.

I walk away and roll my eyes, because I am done entertaining girls like Bree.

She calls after me.

This girl doesn't give up.

"Don't I get your name?", she asks.

"Edward", my answer is short and dismissing. She doesn't catch the hint.

"Well, I hope to see you around Edward", she smiles.

I nod and finally leave this God forsake place.

I am a couple of hours away from seeing my girl.

That's all that matters.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's just after 6pm. I have text Bella and she hasn't responded as yet. I fucking miss her like crazy.

I am afraid to call her because I know she may possibly be with Alice. When I returned from the country club, I took a run up the hiking trail at my house. I returned home and showered.

And now? Now I am pacing like a fucking pathetic desperate idiot, waiting for Bella to give me the go ahead.

I decide to play some Grand Theft Auto on my Xbox to buy some time. My parents must have come home while I was away because their bedroom door is open.

I don't receive any calls or texts. They don't fucking tell me anything.

A half hour later, my phone rings. I answer immediately because I am needy and excited.

"Hey", Bella says softy.

"Hey pretty girl. How was your day?", I ask.

"Uhm…it wasn't too bad", I hear some scratching in the background. "Sorry I didn't reply to your text, Alice wouldn't leave my side", Bella explains.

The empty void in my heart is beginning to fill a bit just by hearing her voice.

Bella sounds a bit off. Tired?

"You cool Bells?", I aks.

"Yeah, yeah I am cool. Uhm…so are we still going out like you said?", she asks with nervousness in her voice.

"Of course. You okay with that right?", I ask.

"Sure, I will be ready in like 20 minutes", Bella says.

"Okay, see you soon?", my intended statement sounds like a question.

"Soon", I hear whisper in farewell.

Bella sounded really strange on the phone. I am hoping she is just really tired, and nothing else happened.

I make my way to my room and run my hands through my unruly hair. I spray on some cologne and grab my keys and other essentials.

Bella forgot her hoody here. I won't return it. It is my way of surety that she will return.

I get into my car and make my ten minute journey to the other side of town.

Along the way, I notice as the town becomes more and more degrading as I get closer to the Slumbs.

I wish people like me would change their views about people like Bella.

I refuse to blame anyone for my past beliefs about the Slumbers, but the higher class people of Treehaven are fucking ignorant.

They think they live in their own personal bubble of perfection.

I can't understand how my father of all people could judge them, when he works around them every day at the hospital.

I drive and drive and drive some more until I am parked out front Bella's house.

Her Beatle is parked in the cracked paved driveway, Rene's car is a no show as usual.

I realise that Bella is almost alone at home as much as I am.

Before I get out of my truck, I look around to make sure that there is nobody in sight.

Again, I perfected this.

Sneaking around openly has become effortless.

I ring the doorbell and wait a few seconds before I hear Bella's heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.

Once Bella opens the door, I am in total shock.

I have lost my words.

My heart is beating out of my chest.

The only thing I can do is smile the biggest fucking smile I can manage.

Before me is Bella, in a dress.

I short floral dress with one broad strap. She has on those wedge pumps things, whatever females call it, and her long hair is straightened.

Her face is brushed with some makeup, it makes her look older.

I couldn't imagine Bella looking any more beautiful, but she certainly does.

The heels she is wearing makes her legs look firm and long. I like that I don't have to bend down so much.

Bella has some flowery band over her head like the hippies wear. She looks so fucking beautiful.

I realise that I am still standing and staring.

Bella clears her throat and looks at me in questioning.

"You… you look different", I try to sound casual.

Because telling her she's beautiful will break a rule that we have silently invented.

"Thank you", she smiles.

"Uhm… so you ready to get out of here?", I ask.

"Yeah, let me just grab my purse. Do you mind if I leave my flats in your car in case my feet get sore?", Bella asks.

I laugh because that is so cute and so Bella.

"Yeah, of course not", I say.

We don't hug or kiss in greeting. We climb into my truck and Bella's pulls my phone out of the socket to plug into the stereo. I learnt that she loves the music I listen to.

"You changed the password on your phone?", she says as she realises that I changed it.

"Yeah, Bella", I respond as a pull away from the curb.

"You don't have to tell me what it is again, so do you mind unlocking it?", she doesn't look disappointed, but I know she is.

"I just told you my phone password", I assure.

"No you didn't", she says.

"I changed the code to your name Bella. My password i A", I spell out her name.

Bella looks surprised and overwhelmed all in one.

"Why would you do that?", she whispers.

I decide to tell her truth.

"Because nobody will ever know or think to know that your name is my password Bella", I look into her eyes and then look away to fix my eyes on the road ahead.

Bella swallows deeply and turns her head to look out of the window.

I feel like shit for admitting my reason so I elaborate on my reasoning and say,

"And my phone knows our secret. Everything on it is about you. The messages and pictures and voice notes, it's all you Bella", I assure.

"That makes sense", she says returning her attention on my phone to type in the password.

I always take photos of Bella, especially when she is asleep or doing something crazy. Like the one time, she sang into her brush for me and tried to impersonate Christina Aguilera in the movie Moulin Rouge.

That day was fucking amazing. I got to witness a side of Bella that I had no idea existed.

My girl can sing and move her body.

After listening to a few of Drakes songs, Bella lowers the music and finally begins to talk.

"So how was your day with your grandfather?".

I tell her that it was better than I expected and also shit. I don't elaborate on anything in particular. She tells me she never played golf before.

I suggest we play the 'I Never' game as we still have another 40 minutes of driving.

"Okay you start", Bella says with a smile.

"Well… I never shaved under my armpits", I say.

Bella laughs.

"What? Are you serious?", my girl is playful again.

"Yeah! And the rules of the game is that you don't interrupt between Never's, so come on", I say firmly, but she knows I am kidding.

"Okay okay. I never got wasted before", Bella says honestly.

"What? Never? That's insane! Tonight we drinking like kings Swan", I tease, but I am actually serious.

"Hey, you said no interrupting", she nudges my shoulder.

"That sure is something to interrupt about", I respond.

She laughs.

I laugh.

I guess the silence indicates it is my turn, so I say,

"I have never cheated on a test".

Bella responds and says that she has never been on an aeroplane.

I promise her that one day soon she will fly on a plane.

We continue our little game that's holds so much more meaning then our initial thoughts.

I learn that Bella has never slept in an hotel or danced in the rain.

Again, I promise her that we will conquer as much Never's as we can, together.

We arrive at the harbour restaurant called 'Glen Harbour".

It isn't a five star restaurant, it is just a place that people like my parents will dine at.

Bella's steps out of the car, she looks around nervously.

"Hey, nobody knows us around here, so relax okay?", I assure my anxious girl.

"Edward…Ally's family lives in Glenhaven. I kinda know her cousin and he's friend, what if they see us?", she asks worriedly.

I realise that could be possible, but I already made a reservation and I am starving.

"Don't worry, they won't see us. If they do, just put on your fake English accent and tell them you have no idea who Bella is", I tease.

"Okay", Bella smiles.

The hostess greets us on our arrival and I inform her that I called to reserve a table for two under the name Cullen.

She walks us to our perfectly laid table and informs us that our waiter will be with us shortly.

I tell Bella that she mustn't order anything, because it is surprise.

"It's seafood pasta? Isn't it Cullen?", she grins.

I play dramatic and press my hand over my heart, pretending I am disappointed that she knows the surprise.

"Yeah yeah smartass", I say.

She smiles again.

_I love her. _

The waiter returns moments later after we have placed our order. He brings Bella a Volcano cocktail, and me a beer.

They didn't ask for Bella's ID. I realise I have no fucking idea when her birthday is.

How the actual fuck could I forget to ever ask her that.

"Bella, I don't know when your birthday is?", I try to sound laid back but I am internally beating myself up.

My girl makes me feel small without even knowing it.

Bella takes a sip of her cocktail and smiles.

"I don't wanna tell you", she teases.

"Don't do this?", I plead.

We stare into one anothers eyes and I wish that I could be alone and worship her right now.

"December 25th. That's my birthday. I share a birthday with Jesus", Bella says casually.

"You kidding right?", I ask.

"Nope", she pops the P and stirs her drink.

"Wow, miracle baby", I say softy more to my myself.

"Rene tells me I was conceived in a car and nine months later I was born in a car", she's serious.

I laugh, because this is fucking hilarious.

"I don't believe you Bella", I say.

"I am serious, here, look at my driver's license", Bella says as she slides her license disk across the table. I guess she chose to ignore the born-in-a-car question.

It reads Bella Maria Swan.

I tease her and tell her that she and Maria share a name. She responds by saying that is why they have such a great bond.

Our food arrives and Bella's eyes go huge with excitement. We both on our second drink and our conversation is flowing.

"No girl eats faster than you", I tell her. Because it's true.

Bella laughs and taps on her stomach.

"I gotta feed these dozen of rolls you know", she teases.

I laugh because Bella's stomach is perfect. It is flat and firm and I can't stop licking it when I get the chance.

We finish our food. Bella can't stop thanking me. We decide to have another drink instead of desert.

My girl's mood is easing up.

"Cullen, you getting us drunk and you still have to drive like a million hours back", she mumbles in her cute little staged voice.

Bella loves impersonating other voices.

Earlier on when she excused herself to go to the restroom, she said "ILL BE BACK", like Arnold Scharzenegger says in the Terminator.

I laughed for like 10 hours after that.

"We can always go book into that Lodge we passed along the freeway", I suggest.

"Really?", she asks.

"Yeah why not? Text Rene and tell her you staying the night at Ally's".

Bella sighs, but I know she wants this just as much as I do. So she agrees and takes out her phone to begin texting.

We finish off our drinks, I pay the bill and we make our way out of the restaurant hand in hand.

Bella kisses me softy on my cheek and thanks me. I should be thanking her because I am having one of the best nights of my life.

_How am I ever going to be able to let you go?_

We get to my car, immediately Bella takes off her heels and lifts her bare feet up onto the dashboard.

I quickly caress her centre and say, "Did you forget you wearing a dress?'.

She laughs and returns her posture to a normal seating position.

We drive a quarter of an hour on the freeway until we pull up at the lodge we drove passed earlier.

Bella steps out with her bag and All Star shoes in her hand. I make my way around my truck and press my body against hers.

She backs up until her body is leaning against the door.

I grab Bella's cheeks and kiss her intensely.

She enjoys it.

"Ready?", I ask, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

Bella hesitates.

"Hey, what's wrong?", I ask.

"Edward, I don't have money to pay for this, I am so so sorry".

I can't believe Bella is worried about money, and apologizing for that matter.

"Don't worry about it, I will never allow you to pay for anything, ever", I look into her eyes.

She nods and turns around to walk in front of me to the reception.

I am sure I hear her say softy "for the next two weeks only".

I try to ignore it.

We get to the reception and I grab her small hands in my own. We book a room and request room service to deliver us a bottle of Jameson and Monster energy drinks.

The receptionist hands us over the keys and we thank her before we make our way to the room.

My heart beats for the girl whose hand I am holding.

She has become my everything.

I pine for Bella when I don't see her for a while. Gone are the days where we only see each other Thursday through Sunday.

Our love craves.

Our love seeks constant attention.

Our love wants and needs whatever time together it can take.

As I walk hand in hand with Bella, the girl who carries my heart, I pray for time to stand still.

Because this girl is all I need in my forever.

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**Any thoughts? :-)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hi! I hope you guys all enjoy this chapter. **

**Please let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**BPOV**

My boy is crazy.

He is summertime madness.

I can't believe I agreed to stay the night at this Lodge/motel.

As soon as we entered the room, Edward went diving onto the bed..

"Bella, I'm almost sure this is a water bed. Come feel it". Edward taps the space on the bed beside him as he motions for me to come over.

I close the motel door behind me and quickly scan my surroundings. The room we booked into is smaller than Edwards's room, but bigger than my own. It has a connecting bathroom. The cream covered sheets of the bed are situated in the middle of the room with two bedside tables on either side.

There is a tiny sofa with another table that has an old TV placed on it. The room is pretty ordinary, but beautiful and clean in the least.

"What are you waiting for? Come on?". Edward repeats, tapping impatiently.

My boy is impatient.

We are impatient people because there is no time to wait around, not when our clock is ticking.

_So so fast._

I make my way over to the bed and slowly sit down. This bed is definitely not a water bed.

"Edward, this bed is as hard as a rock". I scrunch my face and say with laughter in my voice.

"I was totally being sarcastic", Edward laughs. "So was your evening okay Bella? Ready to get drunk?". Edward is on this mission to get me drunk, I however have other intentions.

Today, Ally and I painted her small room. It only took a couple of hours. She came back home with me and we just played catch up.

I missed my girl so much.

She insisted on giving me some ridiculous makeover once she found this ridiculous dress in my closet.

Ally accused me of being secretive, because she had no idea I owned a decent dress.

If only she knows what bigger secrets I am keeping from her.

When I left Edwards house this morning, I felt so sad and emotional. All I wanted to do was run into my mother's arms and tell her everything.

But the truth is, our secret isn't meant to be told.

Edward and I, our bond is undiscoverable. He needs it that way. And so do I.

I realised that no matter what, I was always meant to fall in love with Edward Cullen.

In life, we get our true loves and our soul mates, and then we also get our forever.

He is my forever.

Unfortunately, forever never lasts. People change, every day and all the time.

We grow up, we meet new people, we live or survive and then we die.

So therefore, forever is limited, forever expires.

I was okay with that.

Until I wasn't.

And now I don't know what to do, because the boy that lies beside my seated body, is my forever. I just wish our time together would be limitless.

_Timeless._

"Yeah, I had the most amazing time, thank you so much". My voice is empty, affected by my previous thoughts.

He feels my sadness.

"Bells, whatever is bothering you, drop it okay? Just for tonight at least?". Edward always knows exactly what to say.

I nod. Because what more can I do.

My heart no longer beats for me alone, but for another as well.

So what do I do?

I deal with it.

We hear a knock on the door. It must be the room service.

Edward jumps up from his position, and rushes to the door.

I hear him thank whoever it is delivering our order, and then he steps back inside with hands full of all that is toxic.

My boy is excited. Edward enjoys consuming alcohol.

It is a needed getaway for him, just like I am.

Now he gets to have both of it at once.

I watch as he begins filling our glasses with ice. He cracks open the bottle of Jameson and then fills some energy drink in with it. He circles the glasses around, smiles at his work and then he hands a glass over to me.

"Before you drink up, I wanna make a toast", he says.

"Bring it soldier", I say in my Southern voice.

My boys laughs. He has this amazing glint in his eyes.

_I love you. You will never know._

"Okay, I toast to your very first time of getting drink in the safety of your loving boyf…I mean in the safety of me, Edward", he says, pretending like he didn't almost say what he said.

I pretend like I didn't almost hear what he said.

Because again, what's the point.

"Can I make a toast too?", I ask.

"Yeah why not", Edward says.

My boy is all anxious and biting summer evening smiles.

"Well, I'd like to make a toast to many firsts to come", I say smiling.

He smiles too.

We click our glasses and drink up in one go.

the drink tastes strong. My throat burns. But I want more. I need more.

Edward goes and fills us some more.

Our second drink lasts a bit longer.

We are sitting side by side at the foot of the bed on the floor.

My feet are massaging Edwards's legs.

He looks all hot and sexy in the muscle defining plaid shirt, and he's blue cargo shorts.

Edward dresses expensive. He always looks and smells amazing.

I noticed he's dress code at school already, even though he is in his gym attire most of the time.

"What would you think if get my tongue pieced?", I ask.

"I will disown you", he smiles.

"No you won't?", I search for surety in his eyes.

"Kidding, I will beg you to suck on my…", he smiles again.

"Okay okay, you are so embarrassing Cullen", I say, trying to hide my smile.

I lightly tap he's leg with my foot in disapproval.

I know he's kidding.

Edward makes these dirty jokes when he's horny.

My boy is such a guy.

"If you could get a tattoo, what would it be?", I ask. We on our third glass and I am beginning to feel woozy.

"Firstly, I could get a tattoo, I just don't want one right now. I will probably get something cliché like a fucking bird or some shit. Why? What would you get?", he looks at me.

I think for a second, and I think some more.

"Uhm…I always wanted get the last beats of my grandmothers heart on my wrist, but that's not possible. So I guess I will get something significant, like a symbol or a number", I explain.

"A number? Like dates or something?". Edward asks confused.

"Yeah, I guess like dates or milestones…", I don't want to discuss this any further so I get up to stretch.

Edward looks up at me with questioning eyes.

"I need to stretch my legs", I say as I tumble over a bit. I am feeling so light.

"Bella, you feeling the alcohol beginning to hit?". He asks.

"I don't want any more to drink", I say firmly.

Edward nods he's head.

Because he will never force me to do something I don't want to.

"Maybe next time huh", he whispers.

I make my way to the TV and switch it on.

"Wanna watch some TV?", I ask.

My boy looks disappointed. He doesn't understand that I am turning on the TV so I can lure him into bed.

I am capable of being quite sneaky.

"Are you serious?", he asks.

"Yes I am", I smile.

"Okay, cool", Edward says as he steps out of his Vans. He walks over to the bed and pulls the covers open.

I watch my boy prepare for bed. I know that he is hungry and restless for some more fun. He just doesn't know that fun is my plan.

I walk towards the bed and swiftly pull my dress over my head. I turn my back to Edward.

I know he's staring at me.

I am standing in my matching strapless bra and panties.

I turn around and Edward is staring at me just like I thought.

He licks he's lips and runs he's eyes down my body.

Eventually, this beautiful boy smiles.

"Spit it out Swan?", Edward gives me a mischievous look.

He knows me so well.

But then again, our hearts beats of happiness together.

I smile at him, and slowly climb into bed alongside him.

Edward bites he's lips, our eyes remain fixed on each other.

We are slowly beginning to enter our long overdue personal bubble.

We are all love and breathless stares.

Our intensity is unravelling, just like our hearts intend.

"If you think I am up to something, think again baby", I say emphasizing the word 'baby' as though I am making a joke.

"You always do that", he says. Edward is really beautiful. I can't seem to look away from he's strong jaw and prominent cheek bones.

My boy is tanned and muscular, and I want him right now.

"Do what?", I intentionally lick my lips.

"Corner me with your seductive techniques Bella", he claims.

"No I do not", I protest.

Edward stands up and pulls he's shirt off. He gets back onto the bed and gently pushes me onto my back. He slowly gets on top on me and sprinkles soft kisses all over my face.

I laugh.

He tickles me.

I laugh harder.

"One day soon, I won't be able to resist you anymore Bella Swan", he looks into my eyes as our foreheads touch.

Edward grabs both my hands and pushes it above my head.

I kiss him.

I kiss him hard and hungry and needy.

He responds, just the way I was hoping.

I pull away slowly and unclasp my hands from he's. I move my hands down he's body and hold his sides.

"Can't one day be today?", I am desperate and breathless for him to say yes yes yes.

"Why?", he asks very softly.

"Because we don't have time for one days Edward…let's just live in this moment", I say.

He looks at me as though he is contemplating something.

"Bella…if you are referring to what I think you are, don't you think you should wait for someone more permanent?", he looks serious, but also unsure about he's words.

My heart breaks and my lips begin to tremble.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

Because if I cry, I won't be able to stop.

Not tonight.

Edward just unlocked all my repressed future feelings of denial.

"Don't do this to me please", my voice breaks. I swallow back all signs of tears.

Edward looks like he is going to cry too.

He breathes in deep and blinks while looking away from me.

He gets off from me and lays down on he's back beside me.

We have done this before.

We have pretended that our time will last forever.

Only, it won't.

"You not the only one who is going to be left broken once this ends Bella", Edward whispers.

He doesn't look at me.

He doesn't realise that he will always have the easy way out.

"Then why does it have to end Edward? Please tell me why?", I beg.

My hearts becoming desperate.

"You promised me that we wouldn't question. You promised me that we would let go Bella", Edward remains in denial.

"Well…someone once said promises are meant to be broken", I think back to he's words so much time ago.

"Bella, I am trying, every day, not to hurt you". He says.

_I know._

Edward grabs my hand that lies empty beside him.

We hold onto all that we have.

All that we can have for now.

"Do you know what? We are wasting precious time", I say.

Edward grips my hand tightly and rubs his thumb against my fingers.

I crumble.

Because our little unspoken gestures sing a million I love you's.

I will never doubt Edwards feeling for me. I will however doubt he's actions in the future.

I swallow deeply and turn towards the only person I want to see.

"Edward? Please appreciate me? Just for tonight?". I plead with desperate eyes.

"I already took so much from you Bella, I don't want to be the one to take anymore", he is hesitant.

Edward doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand that what we share is in this very moment. I don't give a fuck about tomorrow, because tomorrow can turn out any other way.

There is no one in this world that can predict or control tomorrow.

But in the moments that we live and breathe, we get to control that.

So I unclasp our hands and I get on top of the boy I love.

"This isn't about me losing my virginity or whatever some sacred thing you think it is. This is about us connecting in the best way possible Edward. We were supposed to be amazing", I say.

I think that got to him because Edward presses his palms to my cheek and sits upright to kiss me.

His tongue enters my mouth with all passion and longing.

"Don't stop me now", he whispers.

"Never", I whisper in return.

Because I want this.

I need this.

We have two weeks left of summer. Meaning we have two more weeks of each other.

Our connection is not that simple. We cannot just go ahead and ignore the people we were before we entered each other's lives.

We build.

We break.

That's how things are supposed to be for us.

I guess none of us get to choose how we get hurt in this world, but we do get to choose who gets to hurt us.

I like my choice.

I hope Edward likes he's.

Because we will hurt each other.

Soon.

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**Do you guys agree with Bella's thoughts? **


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

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**Chapter 20**

**EPOV**

Isabella Swan is going to be the death of me.

She's sneaky as fuck.

I don't know how I feel about giving into what Bella wants, because I know it will only hurt her more in the end.

But like she said, we gotta live in the moment.

So here we are, lying in a bed at the motel along the freeway.

I decided that I am no longer going to wait for Bella to experience her perfect moment, I am going to make it perfect right now.

So I kiss her deeper than I ever have before.

Because this girl needs me.

What's fucked up is, I need her more.

I turn Bella onto her back and kiss her already swollen lips. She's running her soft hands down my torso and I want to scream at the feelings her very touch is eliciting in me.

I want to take this so so slow.

But taking things slow are for those who have time.

We don't have time.

From this day on, I will make every single fucking moment be perfect with my girl.

_She's not my girl._

I begin sucking on Bella lips. She opens her legs wider and I position my body tightly against her.

My dick is so fucking hard.

I am grinding my middle into her centre.

I have done this so many times before. Only, it feels so much different.

Love is different.

Bella makes this breathless sound and I want to fucking eat her up.

I move my tongue along her soft dimpled cheek and suck at her earlobe.

I can't believe Bella is so beautiful. Yet, I still refuse to tell her.

Because she deserves so much more than my empty words.

"Edward do you have a condom?", Bella asks breathless.

I always have a condom in wallet.

So I say, "Yeah I do".

She's all rushed up and eager.

My girl needs to take it a bit slower.

I would never have thought our night would turn out like this, but I always knew it would sometime.

I am fucking stupid to be doing this.

But as usual, my heart will always win my heads disapproval when Bella is concerned.

So I continue to suck at her earlobe and then I make my way down her neck.

I am not one to brand females with my lips, but Bella is mine for now and therefore I will mark her because I want to.

So I suck, suck and suck some more on her beating pulse.

Everything is so soft and smooth and I want to live in Bella's neck forever.

She begins growing impatient so she meets her lips with mine again. Bella sits up slightly and unclasps her bra.

Her naked perfection is beautiful.

This girl is so fucking innocent. I can tell by the softness of her body and her innocent little gestures.

I lay her back down and begin slowly biting and sucking on every possible part of her upper body. I tease her swollen nipples and lick her belly button.

"Because we are doing this tonight Bella, you will officially never forget me", I whisper.

"I know", Bella barely whispers in her breathless tone.

I grip onto her panties and slowly push them down her legs. I open Bella's legs wider and caress her centre with the palm of my hand, until I insert one and then two fingers.

Bella whimpers and rubs her hands through my hair as I position my head between her legs.

I fucking love the taste of her.

I move my tongue around her clit and suck on all that I can.

She's so so wet.

_I can die right now._

I continue sucking Bella's clit until her body become rigid. I know she is about to cum.

She moans and pushes her hips up to meet my desperate tongue, until her body goes silent, immovable.

I rub the palm of my hand on her clit and then I look up at my beautiful girl.

She smiles.

She is always so fucking pleasant.

Seconds after Bella finds her release, she places her hand on my boxers and pushes it down with force.

My hard erection springs free and I kneel before her proud.

I can't fucking wait to be inside of her.

Bella grips onto my shaft and slowly begins to pump me up and down, increasing her pace.

We are both entirely naked.

All wet, sticky and sweaty.

"Bella if you don't stop I'm going to cum", I say desperately.

She removes her hand from my dick and looks up into my eyes.

"Edward…do you get yourself tested?", she asks unsure.

I do.

"Yeah Bella, the last time I was tested was like two weeks ago. We constantly tested for shit at training camp", I admit.

"Okay", she says softly.

"Have you been tested?", I ask.

My girl laughs.

"Yeah, before this summer though. I haven't been with anyone since you", she teases.

"Me neither", I admit.

Bella closes her eyes and presses her lips to mine again.

There is nothing in our way, preventing us from being inside eachother.

I rub my dick along her centre until I can't anymore.

I jump off the bed and pick up my discarded shorts on the floor.

I take my wallet out of my back pocket and remove the neatly placed foil packet from its place.

"Wanna put it on for me?", I tease.

Bella looks more serious now. Like she just realised something.

Our hearts are growing eager and greedy and we need this right now.

She bites on her lip and closes her legs.

I panic.

"Hey, if you don't want to do this anymore we can…", I try to say but Bella interrupts me.

"Please? I need this Edward. I was just thinking, never doubting", she admits.

I want to crumble at her feet.

I rip the foil packet open and blow into the condom, ready to roll it on my hard dick.

Bella watches my every move in wonder.

She doesn't look anxious.

She looks sad.

Because she wants this so badly but she knows it won't be forever.

I wish it would.

Once the condom is on, I open her legs wider and get on top of her.

I look into her eyes and kiss her deeply.

"You sure about this pretty girl?", I ask.

"Always", she says without a doubt.

So next, I finger Bella one more time to make sure she is ready, then I grip onto my cock and position it at her entrance.

Bella flinches.

Not in pain and not in surprise.

But she flinches in relief.

I slowly push my dick into her. It's an amazing feeling although I haven't made it all the way inside of her as yet.

She closes her eyes tightly and desperately tries to meet my erection with her hips.

"Can I just push into you fast and quickly?", I ask because I am nervous.

She nods.

So before I can even give her a chance to consider her answer, I push my dick into her never entered entrance.

She's all soft and tight and I am in heaven.

Bella opens her eyes and a lonely tear falls out her eyes.

"Are you hurting?", I whisper.

I am positioned inside of her with my forehead connecting to hers.

Bella's hands are on my ass and my arms are now onto of her head.

She shakes her head.

So I slowly move in and out.

In. And. Out.

Allowing her body to adjust to this foreign intrusion.

"Edward, I am going to bleed all over these sheets", Bella says worried.

I can't believe she's worried about that.

_Selfless. _

I begin pushing in and out with more pace. Her hips begin to meet up with my failed attempt to go slow.

I know she's in pain. But she won't admit it.

Because she knows I will worry.

"Go faster please?", Bella whispers desperately.

I press my lips to hers to shut out her demands and begin increasing my pace until I am losing my mind with desire.

I am so fucking horny and hot for this girl.

I don't want anyone to ever be with her like I am at this moment.

But who am I to say.

So I push in deeper and deeper until we begin a sequence of love making.

We desperate and greedy and intense.

I wish I could savour this moment forever.

"Edward I'm gonna cum again", she whispers, losing her voice.

Bella's body goes rigid beneath mine until she shatters into all that is pleasure.

A few seconds after, I feel the build-up in my stomach begin to appear.

I grind into her as hard and fast as I can until I too, find my release.

I fucking see stars.

As soon as I come I press my lips hard against hers.

Because if I don't, I will shout out that I love her.

_She can never know._

We breathing hard and panting.

I fucking feel like a king sitting on a giant throne.

I slowly remove my dick from Bella's insides and gently kiss her on her cheeks.

She immediately closes her legs and breaths out deeply.

"That was reckless", she whispers with a smile.

"Not too painful?", I ask while moving a strand of hair behind her ear.

Bella's cheeks are flushed and her lips are swollen.

She has the post sex glowing look and it fucking suits her.

"No, I can't wait to do it again", she admit.

I am shocked.

"Seriously?", I ask.

"Yeah, but like in a couple of days", she laughs.

I laugh too, in relief and disappointed.

I would take her again right now if I could.

"Wanna get cleaned up?", I ask.

"Can we take a shower together?", she asks.

I nod.

And so we shower.

Bella and I wash each other.

I run my soapy hands over the trail of blood running down her legs.

_Proof of her lost virginity. _

She's a bit shy about it but eventually she warms up to the idea.

We finish showering and walk back to the bed with the bathrobes that the motel provided.

Bella looks around with a mischievous grin.

"Ready to get drunk Cullen?", she asks.

I laugh.

Because this girl is fucking amazing.

I nod and get on with pouring our drinks.

"Two firsts in one night, I love that", I say as we click our glasses together.

"I guess alcohol will help numb the pain I am feeling being my legs", she smiles.

"I'm sorry I hurt you", I say.

"You did not", Bella protests.

So we drink and drink and drink some more, until we laughing silly and telling secrets.

I am not half as buzzed up as Bella is so I take advantage of Bella's vulnerability.

She has admitted to me that she never masturbates.

I admit to her that I do.

"Tell me something else?", I press on her topic of secrets.

Bella's face goes serious and she blinks.

She finally looks into my eyes with an empty inebriated stare.

"I hate my father", Bella says softly.

I don't know what to do, but something tells me she needs to get these feelings out.

So therefore, I will be there for her.

"Why Bella?", I whisper in concern.

"The last time I saw him was on my thirteenth birthday Edward. He just rocked up all happy, like his prior absence meant nothing", she looks to the ground.

I nod and reassure her to continue.

Bella circles her glass and swallows deeply.

"You know what's fucked up? He forgot it was my birthday. He came because it was Christmas. He gave me that blue cap that I always wear", she admits.

I want to comfort this girl so much, but she isn't done yet.

"He…he… said 'here Bells take my cap', like it was a fucking penny in his pocked. I took it". Tears are beginning to fall down her cheeks. I had no idea Bella had to go through something so deep.

I hate myself for complaining about my perfect life.

I have a family. They have money. They give me anything I fucking want.

And then there's Bella.

The broken girl that I am in love with.

Bella shakes her head and wipes her tears. I crawl up next to her and place her in my lap on the floor.

"The men in my life will always leave. I get that", she says.

"Bella you can't make an assumption like that", I try to sound cool, but my heart is breaking for her.

"You going to leave me aren't you?", she questions, already knowing the answer.

"We different Bella. We agreed that this summer are all we giving each other", I say sadly.

"Don't you feel anything for me?" she questions.

I sigh, because how the fuck can she ask me that.

"Of course I do" I say desperately.

"Then why are you going to leave me alone in this world?", she always knew I would.

I always knew I would.

Even though I don't want to.

"I'm sorry", I whisper.

Because that is all I can say.

Bella places her arms around me and snuggles her face into my neck.

I hear her deep breaths as she begins to fade into her long awaited sleep.

I sit up and hold onto her as tightly as I can.

My eyes fucking tear up and I try to blink back this pathetic lonely feeling.

But I am not strong enough.

I sit on the floor with the girl that I love wrapped up in my arms and…

I cry.

I cry softly.

I cry hard.

Because nobody will ever understand this complicated love that we share.

It was supposed to be simple, but simple doesn't exist.

I will always be the bad guy.

The boy who broke her heart.

But I just can't fucking stay away.

I am desperate and obsessed.

I am the new me.

But when school returns.

I don't know who I will be.

So I whisper into Bella's ear that I am so so sorry.

I whisper that I love her.

I whisper that I need her.

I whisper that it won't be like this forever.

I hate myself for loving a girl that was never meant to be with me.

But in this moment, I swear that we are infinite.

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**Any thoughts? :-)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys!**

**So Chapter 21 is finally up and ready for you all to read. I have the best news ever...Follow You officially has a BETA! So yeah, I would like share my greatest appreciation and thanks to the amazing and wonderful Elise de Sallier. She is an Australian author and has previously written amazing fan fiction. Elise has a few books published. If you have time, please check out her profile.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this. With the help of Elise, the punctuation and grammar should be alot better. I do plan on correcting each chapter with my great beta.**

**Lastly, thank you all for your kind reviews, thoughts, follows, favorites and support. You guys are the main reason I am finishing this. This story and its characters is far from perfect, but lets deal. **

**Please feel free to share your thoughts as it is always appreciated.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

I wake up cradled in firm arms, in a foreign bed, with foreign surroundings.

Morning summertime light shines through an opening between the shutters.

My throat feels dry.

My head kinda spins.

I'm pretty sure I need some water and an Advil.

As I open my eyes to scan my surroundings, I stretch out my arms and unfold my body from the boy I love.

Immediately, I feel a sharp pain in my head, accompanying my dry throat.

_Great. _

I cross my arms over my eyes, attempting to block out the morning light. The best position I am left with is remaining on my back.

Images of the night before intrude my consciousness.

Edward. Drinking. Television. Sex. Drinking. Secrets.

_Secrets._

I shouldn't be feeling anxious because I trust Edward. I always will.

I won't, however, ever trust his motives concerning our future.

I've said that before. I have come to terms with it.

My boy is young and just as clueless about love as I am.

We deal.

I yawn, stretching my body to ease the kinks, then curl up onto my side to face Edward. He is lying down across from me, all peaceful sleepiness.

He looks so vulnerable.

Yet so strong.

This boy has no idea how capable he is of breaking girls' hearts.

_My heart._

So I stare, stare, and stare some more. Enjoying this moment of what can never be.

It hurts my heart so badly to think about Edward's forever, wondering who will eventually be the one to hold his heart for eternity.

I repress that thought. Because I am in no mood for masochism.

As I move around, I feel a burning sensation between my legs…evidence of the night before.

Losing my virginity to Edward was incredible. It wasn't perfect and it was not the best thing I had ever experienced.

Because come on? It hurt like hell, and I have a lot to become familiar with if I want to become great at sex in the future.

I could tell Edward was nervous, but he knew exactly what he was doing.

He was perfectly sweet, and I know he was trying to be a gentleman.

I also know that sometimes desire and greed get in the way of good manners.

So I understand.

I lay and watch the peaceful figure, deep – deep asleep beside me.

I want to hug him and hold him, but I know we have a day of distance ahead.

This feeling that I experience when I am around Edward is unbelievable. My body knows the little things he will and won't do.

Edward has a tiny mole below his bottom lip. It's actually adorable.

I lightly press the mole with my index finger and smile.

Because this boy is _real, real, real._

He breathes out soft, sleepy breaths, and I want to hug him so badly.

I won't.

I carefully step out of the bed and make my way to the bathroom to go pee. I wash my hands and rinse my face, tying my hair up into a messy bun above my head.

Our clothing is spread all around the room.

I collect my discarded underwear and put them on. I also collect Edward's boxers and place them on the bedside table.

Hearing a loud yawn, I turn around to look straight into the sleepy green eyes of my now awake beating heart.

My smile fades.

Because, Edward's eyes look red and puffy.

"Good morning." I manage a tentative smile, as I look into his eyes.

"Good morning yourself." To my relief, Edward smiles.

He taps the empty space beside him.

I slowly make my way to his resting body and straddle him.

There's only a sheet between his naked body and mine, and I feel his morning bulge.

"Nice," I whisper.

"How are you feeling?" He asks with a slight smile.

"Good, how about you?" I twirl his unruly hair with my fingers.

Edward tries to stretch, and then he blinks at me.

"No hangover?"

"Nah, just a slight headache and a dry throat. Nothing I can't handle." I smile.

I don't say anything about the pain I am feeling between my legs though. If I wasn't feeling so sensitive, I would have begged for round two.

"Good," Edward says softly. My boy looks tired.

I'm not sure what time he fell asleep, or when he carried me to bed.

I lift off Edward's body and lay beside him. He stretches again and then grabs his boxers off the bedside table and pulls them on.

He doesn't say anything, but I watch as he makes his way to the bathroom.

I decide that it is my cue to get dressed because it is just after 7am.

The sun is already shining… bright, bright, bright.

Edward walks out of the bathroom and sniffs. He collects he's discarded clothing and begins getting dressed.

I realise we didn't kiss each other to say good morning.

It makes me feel somewhat sad, but I am okay with that I guess.

_Distance. _

"We should head out if you wanna get home before Rene," Edward says looking into my eyes.

I nod.

As we finish up collecting our belongings, I crumple up the sheets and throw them into a ball across the room.

"Why are you doing that?" He asks confused.

"If you haven't noticed, there's blood on the sheets Cullen."

"So?" Edward questions.

I shake my head.

Because guys just don't get it sometimes.

We make our way out of the motel room, but before we do, Edward pushes me lightly against the door and presses he's lips to mine.

Deep and hard.

"You and I are amazing Bella," he whispers.

I smile, but not in agreement.

We lock the door and then he joins our hands.

We make our way to the reception to hand in the key. The woman at the desk thanks us and wishes us a 'safe journey'.

After walking across the parking lot, we climb inside his truck, switch on the stereo, and begin our long journey home.

We don't talk because we're savouring this moment together.

I close my eyes and drift into a motionless sleep, as he drives us home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up to a gentle, whispered voice in my ear.

I flinch, because the sun is shining bright in my face.

"We're here Bella, at your house," Edward says.

I look around in confusion, and I realise that I am seated in Edward's truck. Only, it is two hours later.

It felt like I literally just closed my eyes two seconds ago.

"Did you drive a million miles an hour or something?"

"Yeah, because I'm cool like that," Edward teases as he unbuckles my seatbelt.

We are parked in front of Mrs Clearwater's house.

He never parks directly in front of my house.

It's part of our deal.

I stretch my arms out and my headache returns.

_Why now?_

Edward turns to face me, but he makes no attempt to leave his seating position.

I know he won't follow me inside.

I also know that I will not see him for the rest of the day.

Edward has plans. He might not have confirmed it, but I know he'll go rushing to his friends as soon as I shut my front door.

Although I know my boy appreciates our time together, I also know he grows restless and begins to miss all that he is familiar with.

I want to question him and demand to know what his plans entail.

I won't.

So I turn to face him and stare into his eyes. I try to appreciate his presence one last time, so that it can keep me going for the rest of the day.

Edward clears he's throat, gearing himself up for our departure.

I swallow deeply.

He doesn't want to go, but he knows he needs to.

So I force myself to say, "Thanks for the wonderful time Edward. It all meant so much to me."

My boy smiles, but the happiness does not reach his eyes.

"Thank you too Bella…for everything."

I feel like we have reverted back to stage one.

I'm the nervous girl that I was the very first time I climbed into his truck.

_Strangers._

We are strangers to one another.

I knew that having sex wouldn't extend our bond.

Because what we share is emotionally powerful.

The physicality of our relationship is just something extra to keep us going.

I get that.

I place my hand on the door handle and hear the automatic click of the door unlocking.

Edward is always one step ahead.

I lean forward to open the door, but he pulls me back with desperation in his eyes.

Our lips collide and all I can hear is the beat, beat of my lonely heart.

Edward places his hand on my cheek, as I break away from our moment of intensity. Our noses connect, and we breathe each other in as much as we can.

But the sound of my beat, beating heart soon disappears, replaced by the clicking of a clock.

Because our time together has ended for today.

Even though Edward wants us to spend all our time together, we both know that it isn't possible.

So I kiss him one more time and open the door of his truck.

I climb out and walk away.

We never look back.

Because looking back will only confirm the increasing distance between us.

And that we can't handle.

Not before. Not now. Not ever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As soon as I walked inside my house, I headed straight for the shower. I may have raided the fridge just a bit, on my way.

While I am soaping my hair, the shower door flies open.

My heart beats fast, fast, but slows again because it is just my mother intruding on my space.

"Piper, baby, I miss you so much." My mother grabs my cheek in her hands to give me a hard kiss.

"Mom!" I yell. "Can't you see I am a bit busy?" I motion towards my naked body.

Mom laughs and tells me that is how I looked when I entered this world.

I close my water dripping eyelids and turn around.

"Hurry up, baby. I want to give you some love." Mom is all cheerful and Sunday morning happy. My day of peacefulness has come to an end because Rene is off today.

But I wouldn't have it anyway other way, because I know Rene will distract me from missing Edward.

Plus, I missed my mother and our time together.

The closer Edward and I have come to be, the more distant I've become with those who actually love me.

I scrub myself and then get dressed in jean shorts and my Depeche Mode band T.

Looking into the mirror, I notice a tiny red mark developing on my neck.

_Shit._

I try my best to cover it up with some concealer.

My hair is wet, so I just comb it out and leave it to dry naturally.

Making my way downstairs, I watch as my mother begins raiding the cupboards.

Rene cannot cook.

"Mom, we're out of boxed takeout."

She knows I will eventually take over and cook us something.

Rene eyes me in the doorway, and she rushes over and hugs me tightly.

_Tight-bear-I-missed-you-so-much-hugs. _

My mother and I have a different kind of bond to what Edward and I share, but it is strong, nevertheless.

"Well? What are your plans today?" I ask, attempting to sound happy.

The disappointment I feel over Edward's absence is a permanent ache in my lonely heart.

Mom knows something is wrong, and I am dying to tell her that my heart is breaking.

I won't.

"Well, apart from planning on spending some quality time with my daughter, I thought maybe we could go and spend this hot summer's day at the beach?" Mom questions with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, the beach sounds great." I smile and bite my nail.

I begin to feel some kind of internal embarrassment because Mom starts dancing around the kitchen like she's doing some earthy ritual.

We definitely not earthly ritual kind of people.

We eventually agree to skip lunch preparations and grab something to eat at the beach later.

I call Alice and ask her if she would like to join us for our girl's day out.

"_Hell to the fucking yeah!, Let me just find my sexy Brazilian bikini first. My white trash ass needs some tanning girl,_" Alice teases over the phone.

We arrange to pick her up on our way to the beach. She's all summer stoked and excited.

It is just after 11am, and I run up our short flight of stairs to get ready for our day out.

I am kinda relieved to be spending a day of normality.

Away from secrets and all that is important to my heart alone.

I know that Rene and Ally will keep my mind occupied and away from thoughts of the boy I love.

Searching my closet, I find my favourite tie-dye bikini.

I get dressed and pack a bag filled with towels and tanning lotion for both Rene and I. I pack in some chips and skittles as well.

After grabbing my circled hippie sunglasses and my blue NY cap, I make my way downstairs to wait for me mom.

"Mom, what's taking you so long?" I yell.

"Coming, baby," Rene yells back.

My mom makes her way down the stairs in MY jean shorts and a floral strapless tight top with her pink bikini straps sticking out. She has a ridiculously huge summer hat in her hand, large enough to provide shelter for another ten people, and her equally huge fake Gucci sunglasses that she must have scored at the market.

"Nice shorts." I give her a sarcastic look.

"Hey now, I bought these for the both of us," Mom says as she taps her ass.

I smile and shake my head in disbelief.

Because my mom is crazy young and I love her.

The truth is, the shorts look super tight on my mom, but that is the way it's supposed to be.

I won't tell her.

"You drive. Okay? We can take my Honda," Mom says as she throws her car keys towards me.

I don't catch the keys because I have some lame physical reflexes.

We make our way to the car and prepare to take off to pick up Alice.

I just about back out of the driveway when mom yells that she has forgot her novel in her room.

Of course, I have to be the one to run back inside and collect it.

We're finally on our way to pick up Ally. My mom is preoccupied with fixing her makeup. She yells at me to turn the stereo down, as she cannot concentrate on her makeup with so much noise.

I don't mind, because Mom's stereo can only play some country music station.

_Mothers…I don't understand them._

I get to Ally's and blow the horn. She rushes out in a short cotton summer dress with her summertime hat that is almost as big as my moms.

I tease my mom by telling her that we won't need a beach umbrella for cover.

Ally climbs into the car and she is all loud and happy.

I love my girl.

She kisses both mom and I on our cheeks.

I pull away and we finally make our way to the beach.

Mom asks Alice about her parents and how her summer job is going.

Alice quit her job. All she said was that she was tired of dealing with 'spoilt fucking rich kids'.

I managed to block out their conversation about fashion and beauty secrets.

Eventually, Alice says something that catches my attention.

"Yeah, Bella is so pretty. I don't know why she doesn't want a boyfriend." Ally winks at me.

I shrug and keep my eyes on the road.

"Pipes, you're not gay are you?" Mom teases.

"No." I answer with irritation.

"Then why don't you ever have boys over Bella?" Ally asks in her sing song school girl voice.

_If only you knew Alice._

She's testing me and she knows it.

"Yeah, why not Pipes?" Mom agrees.

I sigh.

Because it isn't even noon and these two are already at it.

"Because, I have things to do," I mumble.

Mom gives me a knowing look and she smiles.

To my advantage, their conversations about girlie things continue.

We finally arrive at the beach, and Ally rushes off to go and hire a beach umbrella.

Mom and I unpack the car and begin our walk along the beach to seek out a vacant area.

The beach is already occupied by groups and groups of people.

We find an empty place near the boardwalk, and I stand to wave my arms at Alice, indicating where we are.

My mom is already shaking out her towel and stepping out of her shorts.

For a 33 year old with a 17 year old daughter, my mom's body is amazing.

I get why she scores so many dates.

Ally walks along and brings us the umbrella. We all begin to step out of our clothing and flaunt our bikinis.

Alice and I pose as Rene takes pictures of us.

Eventually, we taking selfies, pulling funny faces with tongues and slanted eyes.

My stomach grumbles.

Mom hands us over some money to go and buy some lunch at the Surf Shack.

Alice and I decide to buy burgers, with cherry coke.

We eat it up fast.

We make our way back to my mom. She reads her novel in the sun. Her ridiculous big hat covers both her entire face, and the book.

"Bella, let's go swimming. Pleeeaaassse?" Alice pleads.

I smile and race to the water. She follows me.

We giggle and kick water at each other, until she dives into me, and we are officially under the surface of the ocean.

The salty sensation that the water elicits feels amazing against my warm skin.

We don't go very far in because there are numerous surfers a little further out.

Due to rip tides, the lifeguards have indicated a space between two red flags for people to swim.

Once our childish splashing and giggling is complete, we make our way back to the sand.

I tease Alice by impersonating the famous Pamela Anderson scene in the Bay Watch TV show.

"Damn gal, you getting me all hot in ere," Ally teases in return.

I laugh. She laughs.

"I bet you won't do it?" I dare Ally.

"No Bella, of course not. My tits are way too small to pull off the Bay Watch scene. Yours are too small as well, so stttaaarrrp!"

We make our way to Rene.

She is now lying on her stomach with her pink bikini straps down.

Ally and I shake out our towels and get ready for our day of tanning.

I shake my wet hair at my mother and she screams.

I finally lie down on my back and close my eyes when I hear a loud knock, followed by Ally shouting "Ouch!"

"What?" Mom and I both sit up and yell in unison.

"Some fucking dick kicked a soccer ball at me," Ally yells as she gets up and rushes to kick the ball away.

"Fuck you, asshole!" Ally yells at whoever kicked the ball.

We hear someone yell 'sorry' from the distance.

Ally shows whomever it is the middle finger.

My mom just shakes her head and laughs.

I attempt to make myself comfortable again, but suddenly, a familiar feeling of knowing makes its way to my heart.

I don't look around, because I am afraid of what I know I will see.

I tuck my loose wet strands behind my ear and swallow deeply.

I hear females giggling from a distance and soccer balls being kicked around.

_He. Is. Here._

I have grown accustomed to the feeling of his presence. It's not something I can choose to ignore.

I finally give into my heart and slowly look up.

Ally looks up too.

Edward and his friends Jasper and Jake, and another big guy I have never seeing before, are only a few yards away. I recognise other familiar faces from school.

I am okay with that.

Until I see the red head beauty pushing her arms around Edward's waist.

_MY _Edward.

I want to cry.

I want to kick.

I want to scream.

But I won't.

Edward hasn't seen me yet, but I know he will.

He gently pushes her away and runs after the ball.

It makes me feel a little better that he didn't entertain her forward gesture, apart from her looking all beautiful in her expensive shiny gold bikini.

I immediately feel self-conscious about what I am wearing, and I feel ashamed of my half naked mother innocently lying down beside me.

I shouldn't feel ashamed.

I continue to stare

Alice interrupts my moment of heart-break by returning on her back beside me.

"It's those fucked up rich kids thinking they own the beach," she says with anger in her voice.

"Yeah." I swallow hard and try to sound unconcerned.

"I'm not looking forward to their pathetic antics when school returns." Ally says angrily, but she sounds just as disappointed as I am feeling.

I don't know why.

She wipes some sand out of my hair and then settles down by placing her sunhat over her eyes.

I use this moment to look up again.

Only this time, Edward has spotted me too.

Our eyes meet and our hearts collide.

The anxious feeling of overwhelming goodness returns.

The red head is gone.

I break our stare and scan Edwards nearby surroundings.

The red head went to lie down beside Rosalie, Kate and a few other girls who I cannot make out from the distance.

Edward is busy tapping the soccer ball, but his eyes remain fixed on mine.

I blink and push a strand of hair behind my ear.

Edward touches his ear.

It's his way of communicating with me.

My boy looks more surprised than ever.

Love does that.

Love surprises.

Love is going to the beach with your mother, only to find your boy with another.

Love is cruel.

Love is baking in the sun with a beach full of strangers.

Love is loving one of those strangers.

Love is giving up and looking away.

Love is a heart begging to stay.

I look away from the boy I love and close my eyes.

Blinking back all the tears that I can.

* * *

**Any thoughts? Please share.**

**xx**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys!**

**So here we welcome Edward in Chapter 22. I hope you all enjoy it.**

**Thanks for all the support..and a special thanks to my beta Elise de Sallier. You are wonderful and amazing and talented :-)**

**Disclaimer: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**PLEASE feel free to share your thoughts?**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

**EPOV**

_Fuck._

There is no way in hell that Bella is at the beach.

Is fate trying to fuck with me?

As I left Bella's house this morning, I decided to give the boys a call because I promised Emmet that I would introduce him to the group before school begins.

We eventually decided to meet up and kick some ball at the beach. Mike the Pussy can go nowhere without pussy, so he dragged the girls along with him.

Victoria has been on my case all morning. I just want her to leave me the fuck alone.

So here I am, nervous as shit because Bella is pretending she has no fucking idea who I am.

_Strangers._

I knew when I pulled away from her house this morning that I just dug the biggest hole in history.

_Love is stepping on land mines. _

I want to run to her and explain that I had no idea that the girls would come along to the beach.

I want to beg her to look at me.

I want to drag her to a secluded area and kiss her senseless.

I want to love her in peace without the intrusion of this fucked up world.

I knew that Bella and I would have to face one another in public eventually.

I just wish it wasn't today, looking the way it looks.

I hope that she didn't have to witness Victoria creeping up on me. And if she did, I hope she saw my disapproving reaction.

I am tapping the ball and staring at the girl I love. Wish, wish, wishing for her to look up and give me a fucking sign that we are okay.

She knows I am here, and she knows I need her attention.

She won't look back, she won't make it better.

_Love is stubborn. _

Bella made up her mind for today and that is final.

Only it is not.

Not to me anyway.

So I have to play dirty and get her to change her mind.

"Yoh, Cullen, snap out of it and pass the fucking ball," Jake yells.

I continue to tap, tap, tap, and then eventually turn away from Bella and kick the ball towards Jake, hard.

I notice that Jasper and Emmet are also staring in the direction that I was looking at.

_Bella. _

"Dude, what the fuck is so fascinating on that side?" Em asks in wonder.

"Na man, just thought I saw something." I look down and scratch my head.

Rosalie calls me over. I ignore her.

"Bro, that's Alice and Bella, and I'm pretty sure that is Bella's hot mom. Word around town has it she will blow a guy for a fifty." Mike laughs.

I clench my knuckles and breathe in deep.

Because Mike doesn't know shit.

I am angry, but if I show any evidence of my anger, they might grow suspicious.

"Who the fuck told you that?" I ask.

"Man look at that Milf. All fucking tight ass and tanned whore looking. Pity Bella didn't inherit the gene," Mike continues.

Mike has being pissing me off all summer. I can't fucking handle anything he says anymore.

So I do something that surprises everyone.

I lash out at him.

In this moment, all I see is fucking red, red, red. I grab Mike and start hitting him one-two-three times with my fist until I feel a force pulling me away.

All of a sudden Emmet has me in a lock, yelling at me to calm the fuck down.

The girls have all jumped up and started screaming.

Strangers nearby begin to stare.

I don't give a fuck.

Because I will break anybody's face who fucking talks shit about my girl.

I realise that I am acting crazy.

Mike holds his jaw and yells at me. "What the fuck Cullen?"

"Don't you ever fucking say such shit about my mother again." The only thing I can do is pretend that I misunderstood his accusation.

"What? No, fuck man I was referring to that fucking Milf out there," Mike reassures.

"Whatever man. Fuck you," I say.

I take a deep breath and walk away.

I can hear the girls whispering in wonder.

I can feel the stares.

I also know that whatever direction I walk, Bella will follow.

She must have witnessed what I had just done.

I walk away through lounging bodies and shake my hand.

Because fuck, my knuckles hurt.

I hear someone run up behind me, only it's not who I want it to be.

"Eddy man, wait up" Emmet yells.

"What man?" I ask, irritated.

"What happened out there? You just snapped?" Emmet is fucking inquisitive.

"Mikes a fucking pussy." I don't explain.

Emmet laughs and taps my shoulder. He knows I don't want to talk right now.

"Okay man, but don't disappear on us. Come back once you're cooled off."

I nod.

I slowly make my way to the parking lot where my truck is situated. I walk slowly because Bella needs to see where I am headed.

As I get to my truck, I realise my keys are still at the fucking beach, so I sit down on my bumper and wait.

I wait and wait and wait some more.

Until I feel her.

I don't look up because I know she's there.

I hear a soft sigh.

"I didn't invite them with us Bella. It was only supposed to be us guys." I don't know why I am explaining.

Bella ignores my explanation and grabs my hand in hers.

"You should get some ice. It's going to swell up pretty bad. Didn't anyone ever teach you how to take a jab?"

My girl doesn't question.

She improves my mood.

That is all I need right now.

I look up and smirk at her.

My mood immediately returns to all that is bitterness, because Bella just walked all the way to my truck in a fucking tight bikini.

"Where are the rest of your clothes?" I look around nervously.

"At the beach. I just told my mom that I need to go pee." Bella smiles.

I miss her so badly.

"Bella, please go back and never walk around alone like this," I comment.

"You'll never allow anyone to hurt me." Bella looks into my eyes with total trust and hope.

Truth is, I will.

Maybe not physically, but emotionally.

I will allow myself to hurt her and she doesn't get that.

I realise I am acting like a crazy possessive boyfriend.

I have no fucking right.

"What you saw out there was my reaction to Mike being a fucking dick. Nothing else." I try to ease Bella's wondering mind.

She will not question.

She never does.

"Okay…well I hope you are okay, Cullen." Bella looks down.

The guilt I feel doesn't get any better.

"I miss you," I whisper.

Bella nods and turns her back, but she quickly walks up to me and positions herself between my legs.

She holds onto my shoulders and bends down to place the sweetest kisses onto my needy lips.

"Don't let her touch you like that again. I didn't like it," Bella admits.

I am surprised, because she is being honest about her feelings for once. I don't protest, because I would probably shoot a guy who dares to touch her inappropriately.

"Just her, or does no-one get to touch me?" I press on this topic.

"Just her." Bella smiles.

I smile too. Because my girl is back to being dishonest about her feelings. She doesn't want anybody else to touch me, besides herself.

She won't admit it.

_Love is possessive._

"You better get going," I say.

I am fucked up sad.

She nods and walks away.

Again, we don't look back.

I feel like she wasn't even standing between my legs just a second ago.

I am Bella's best kept secret.

We are becoming masters at our lie.

I want it this way forever.

But forever always leaves.

_Our deal is never staying and always leaving_.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After a couple minutes of sulking and obsessing after my girl, I get up and make my way to the ice-cream stand.

I order three iced strawberry popsicles and pay a kid to deliver them to Bella.

I watch as he makes his way through the people and he hands them the popsicles.

Rene immediately smiles and looks around.

I laugh because she attempts to neaten her hair.

Bella looks unconcerned, and Alice opens up her Popsicle immediately and begins sucking on it.

My girl knows that they are from me. That is exactly why she doesn't look around or act as though she is surprised.

_Love is gift giving._

Once I am satisfied, because they are satisfied, I make my way to my group of awaiting friends.

Jake has fetched our surfboards and is preparing to paddle out.

Jasper looks stoned as shit.

Emmet is working his moves on Rose. I should warn him about how fucked up she is.

I won't.

I don't see Mike, but I do see Victoria and the rest of the girls in the same position they were in earlier.

I make my way to Jake and grab my board.

"The wave's look like shit, but let's give it a try," Jake says.

"Yeah," I agree, as I stretch my arms and then strap my leash onto my ankle.

Before I head for the water, I discretely turn around and peek in Bella's direction.

She is straddling Alice, and they are laughing loudly. Alice is attempting to hide something behind her back.

Rene is occupied with her strawberry Popsicle.

I smirk and look away.

"So Bella's looking hot," Jake says. He knows I was looking at her.

I play it cool.

"Maybe because she is hardly wearing anything." I begin to paddle in. He joins me.

"At school she was all mousy and shit with her huge glasses and baggy clothing." He's asking for shit.

"Didn't notice bro," I say.

"Come on? Who didn't notice the schools top Math student? The girl's got some brains," Jake assures.

If Bella wasn't a Slummer, I know she would be accepted. Nobody as carefree and selfless as Bella cannot be loved. She is judged solely on her economic status. Because she is poor, nobody from the upper class will ever appreciate her.

And that very thought infuriates me.

But I guess we have to deal.

So we paddle out, and I try my best to catch some decent waves.

I don't look back at my girl, and I lose track of time.

Surfing makes me fucking hungry, so eventually when the sounds of my grumbling tummy becomes louder than the breaking waves, I call my day of surfing quits

I didn't realise that Jake was already out of the water. He is dry, showing no signs of being in where I was.

One thing I love apart from soccer is being in the water, whether it is swimming, surfing, or just fucking around.

I guess the ocean is kinda my place of solace.

"Dude, we all gonna head back to my place to have some post beach drinks. You in?" Jasper asks.

"Nah, man. I got training first thing tomorrow," I say.

"Yeah, me too. I gotta pass," Emmet agrees.

I look at Emmet and thank him silently.

Because if it wasn't for his confirmation, Jasper wouldn't allow my pass to go so easily.

The girls are busy dusting off their towels, when Rose comes up to me.

"Hey, kitten, you being ignoring us all afternoon," Rose states the obvious.

"Was just kicking some ball Rose," I say sarcastically.

I look towards where Bella was, but I notice that they have already left.

What I experience is both relief and emptiness.

"So I was wondering…does Emmet have a girlfriend?" She's all hair twirling and answer seeking.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him yourself?" I say as I dry myself and pull my vest sweater over my hair.

"I can't just ask him. I just met the guy." She says.

"That hasn't stopped you before. What's different now?" I ask because I really am interested.

"Sometimes we get tired of pretending, kitten," Rose says as she smiles and walks away.

Her last statement surprises the shit out of me.

Rose is fucking heartless. She isn't supposed to be polite.

I shake my head and walk towards my discarded sand filled belongings.

I pack up all my shit and grab my board while kicking my ball, as I make my way to my truck.

Emmet is amped up for this week's training.

"Yeah, so whoever makes the cut to top twenty two gets to go away next week with the First team," Em says.

_What the fuck?_

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"Dude, did you not check your emails? Coach said we should come prepared for this week's training, because they're cutting the varsity team, and there is a pre-season match up in Walkerville City next week".

It's the first time I hear of this. I should really check my emails.

"How long will we be away for? If we make the team I mean?" I ask.

I don't want to leave, because that will mean I won't see Bella for what's left of our summer.

"We're taking the bus, so it takes like a day to drive there, and then we will be staying for three days and heading back the Friday," Emmet continues in his excitement.

"School begins the Monday after," I think aloud.

"Yeah, sweet, right? You don't have to worry about not making the team. You outshine most of those college guys already." He is positive.

I nod.

Because thinking too much about this will only result in disappointment.

We all get to the parking lot. Jake agrees to jump a ride with Jasper, because I mention that I will be going straight home.

We say our goodbyes, and Rose kisses me on the cheek.

Victoria winks at me and tells me to give her a call.

I won't.

I climb into my truck and immediately spot Bella's hair tie on my passenger floor.

I hope Jake didn't see it. If he did, he must have thought it belongs to 'one of my many' conquests.

I turn on my stereo and listen to some Lil Wayne.

My drive home takes, like, two minutes, because I literally live three roads up from the beach. My fucking backyard faces the ocean.

I press on the remote and our automatic gates immediately open.

Parked in our driveway are all our cars and my grandmother's shiny SUV Porsche.

_What's she doing here?_

I climb out of my truck and collect all my bags and board out of the back.

It is just after 4pm. I wonder where Bella could be.

After making my way up our huge front steps, I open the door, and dump my shit in the foyer.

Maria will make sure it is packed away.

In our sun room, my father and grandmother are seated. Esme is standing by the pillars that separate the foyer from the sun room, drinking wine. Possibly eavesdropping.

"Hey." I walk towards my mom and kiss her on her cheek.

She smiles.

"Son, how delighted I am to see you." My mom is formal greeting and perfect looking.

I want to smother something at this false pretence.

"Edward, is that you?" Carlisle stands up and looks in my direction.

"Yeah, who else would it be?" I say sarcastically, as I make my way to greet my grandmother.

"Oh look at my handsome grandson," Elizabeth coos.

"Edward, you were out all weekend. You were supposed to be resting today. You know you have an important week coming up." Carlisle always complains.

"I was relaxing, at the beach, with my friends," I say slowly with some attitude.

My grandmother doesn't dare say anything, because she knows the relationship my father and I share.

"Esme, call Maria and tell her to run a herbal bath for Edward," my dad orders like I am a fucking child.

"What the fuck? Why do I need a herbal bath?" I ask confused.

"Language." My grandmother gives me a disapproving look.

I say sorry and roll my eyes at my father, waiting for his answer.

"Edward, medical research proves that herbal supplements contain antibodies that enhance all muscle tissue. You need to be relaxed." My father goes all doctor on me.

I nod.

Because what else can I fucking say.

My family dictates my life. My friends just maintain it.

If Carlisle controls MY future career like this, what could he do to the woman I choose to have in my life one day?

Knowing him, he will offer Bella thousands of dollars to leave town and stay the fuck away from me.

No matter what, they will never allow us to just be.

I remain in the sun room and converse with my grandmother some more. She is always so pleasant and understanding.

I know if there is one person who would accept Bella, it would be my grandmother.

Eventually, after I have eaten a snack and played the perfect son, I go up to my room.

All I smell is fucking herbal shit, like I am entering a day spa or something.

Maria heads out of my bathroom and hands me a towel.

I step out of my Havaiana flip flops and pull my vest sweater over my head.

"The bath awaits Edward," Maria says.

"Thanks Maria." I say.

"You look like a boy who is confused." Maria always gets all wise ass on me.

"Nah, just a bit anxious about this coming week," I lie.

But Maria knows me well. She knows when something is bothering me. She also knows that I am lying.

"I know this is none of my business, Edward, but if your mood has something to do wit da girl, work it out. She is a keeper." Maria smiles.

I smile too.

Because Bella is a keeper.

She's just not mine to keep.

So I step into the bath tub and grab my phone to text her.

**Edward: You home?**

I wait two minutes for her reply.

**Bella: Yes. Ally is still with me. She asked if she could spend the night.**

**Edward: Then allow her to sleep over.**

That is all the confirmation I need to not see my girl tonight. Maybe it is a good thing, because I have to be up at 5am to make it to the training centre.

**Bella: How's your hand?**

She's always so concerned.

**Edward: It would be better if it was folded in yours.**

It's the truth.

**Bella: Alice is giving me funny looks. I'll text you tonight. Bye Edward **

**Edward: Good bye Bella**

_I love you._

That night, I don't hear from Bella at all.

I end up lying in bed watching sport highlights. All the while, I am twirling her hair tie in my anxious fingers.

This impending distance between us is driving me insane.

I make my way downstairs to the fridge and fill a jug with ice water.

I return to bed and close my eyes.

Love is never saying goodnight when you said you would.

Love is waiting.

Love is checking your phone every two minutes.

Love is falling asleep with heavy eyelids lids but an empty heart.

Love is dreaming of something that could never be.

* * *

**So how was that?**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N Hey guys!**

**I would just like to thank you all again for all your support. I will try my best to complete this story ASAP. I would like to send a special thanks out to my wonderful beta Elise de Sallier - you're amazing!**

**You guys can expect quite alot of angst from here on, as Bella and Edward are facing their biggest challenge- time.**

**Please feel free to share your' thoughts. I always feel excited when I receive a new review :-)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**BPOV**

'Bella? Hellooo?" Alice catches me looking at my phone.

"Excuse me?" I look up in surprise and give my girl a bright fake smile.

It is just after 9 p.m. Ally and I decided to watch a movie. I was convinced she fell asleep, so I grabbed my phone to text Edward.

I know he is waiting for me to say something.

_Anything_.

"Who are you texting?" Ally sits up and looks towards my phone.

I quickly turn it off.

"Nobody, Ally. I was just checking to see what the weather would be like tomorrow." I lie.

Alice twirls the bottom strands of my hair and says, "Why? I think we should go to the skate park tomorrow".

I climb off the couch and walk through to the kitchen to place my phone on the top cabinet.

"I just want to know if I should wear my white tank for work tomorrow. Why do you wanna go to the skate park?" I ask.

"Because, where there are skate parks, there are dudes." Alice walks into the kitchen and plops herself onto the stool and continues, Please make your best friend some vanilla tea?"

I shake my head and say okay, ignoring her suggestion about hanging out at the skate park.

"Bella, lets smoke some weed. Your' mom's asleep, plus she wouldn't give a shit."

"What? Why would you wanna do that?" I ask in surprise.

"Because, I am fucking tired of people talking shit about us. Just because we're poor, and you have mega brains, doesn't mean we aren't cool right?"

I swallow and think for a second, wishing I could deny the fact that my best friend has changed.

The opinions of others have never meant anything to us.

Now, opinions seem to mean everything.

Before this summer, Alice was…Alice. My sweet sweet girl who preferred days of dress-up than hanging out at lake parties and chasing after boys.

I guess we both changed a lot.

"Alice, you shouldn't care about what other people say. It's supposed be you and I against the world." My smile says everything that is not real.

Because Ally and I will be nothing once she finds out what a liar I am. To make matters worse, when the day arrives for me to choose, it will be my boy.

It will always be Edward.

My futures decisions are not something that I can control. It is predetermined and arranged. My heart won't allow anything else.

It is just our deal.

And because my heart will always choose Edward, nothing and no one will be able to dictate my life. _Ever._

The realisation makes me mad. But love does that.

Love is irrational.

So I smile at my girl and hand over her tea.

"Ally, if you wish to smoke, then go ahead and smoke. But ask yourself, what is the point? What do you get out of proving something that will only end up damaging you?"

"I will get high, Bella," she laughs.

I am selfish, because the advice I am giving my best friend is _my_ head talking to _my_ heart.

I sigh.

Ally looks guilty and apologizes.

I beg her not to say sorry. She hugs me tight. We go to bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, I oversleep. Mom is in the kitchen drinking coffee. I rush over to her and place a kiss on her soft cheek.

"Mom, why didn't you wake me up for work?" I ask as I grab the mug out of her hand and take a huge gulp of her black coffee.

I pull my face in disgust.

"Oh baby, you looked so peaceful. I was planning on waking you up at 7."

"Work starts at 7.30," I yell.

Because sometimes my mom just doesn't think things through.

"Oh, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Go get dressed and wake up Alice. We gotta drop her off on our way to the diner."

I sigh and rush up the stairs to shake Ally's tiny body, attempting to wake her from her sleep. She tells me to fuck off.

I give up and take a speedy shower.

While I am getting dressed, Alice climbs out of bed. She slept in one of my band T's and her hair looks a mess.

I love her.

We rush, rush, rush, until I am walking into Harry's diner.

I kinda dread Mondays through Wednesdays. Not only because I hardly get to see Edward on those days, but because it doesn't feel good to act as other people's servants.

My day goes by slowly. I keep looking to see if Edward will stop by. I guess he won't.

When my lunch break finally arrives, I search my pockets to take out my phone. I remember that I had turned the power off and left it at home.

_Shit._

Finally, 5 p.m arrives. Rene and I clean up our sections in the diner and make our way to her car.

I am desperate to get home to call Edward.

I miss him so bad.

Mom decides to stop by the store to buy us some Chinese takeout. Our grocery cupboards are nearing empty, once again.

I keep looking at my watch, as the minutes are going by so, so slow. I just want to get home. Mom notices my restlessness.

"Pipe, you okay, baby?"

"Yeah, uh, I just wanna get home." It's the truth.

Mom smiles and presses her foot a little harder on the gas.

We arrive at home just after 6 p.m. I rush to turn on my phone, and I am disappointed to see that there are no new messages.

I want to cry.

Because Edward didn't bother to contact me.

I know to some extent it was my fault, and that he may be feeling as disappointed as what I am, but it sucks to realise that he didn't call.

So I unpack the takeout, and eat some Chinese food with my mom.

I repeatedly look down at my phone.

My heart beats of all kinds of wonder.

After a while, I go up to my room and tidy up a bit because Alice is really messy. She left our bathroom in a state, and my bed was left unmade.

But that's okay.

Once my room looks presentable, I take a quick shower and put on my sleep shorts and tank top.

Edward hasn't called.

By now, I know he won't.

Even though I am dying to make contact with him, calling him isn't part of our deal.

It is a consequence of our unwritten rules.

Edward is not supposed to know about the sadness and desperation I feel.

Because he won't understand.

How can anyone understand anything that they haven't felt or experienced for themselves?

So around 9 p.m, I climb into bed and plug in my earphones.

I transferred all Edward's hip hop music to my phone.

If I cannot talk to my boy, I might as well do the next best thing that makes me feel closer to him.

I listen and listen and listen some more, to the songs that scream his name.

My mom walks into my rooms and kisses me on the cheek. She tells me to sleep well, and she walks out and shuts my door.

I am sad, but not alone.

It has only being one day since I saw Edward. But it feels like forever.

So I allow sleep to take over my exhausted body.

I hope and pray that thoughts of Edward won't intrude on my peacefulness.

I want to be strong.

I want to stay away.

I want my heart for me alone, and not for some green eyed stranger.

Because that is exactly what Edward and I are. He is a stranger to my mind, but he is home to my heart.

I think it is really unfair for a seventeen year old girl to have to experience such pain. Pain that was never supposed to be present in the first place.

Again, I don't expect anybody to understand.

So eventually, I shut my eyes as tight as I can.

I shut my heart and try to forget.

I don't.

Because while I am asleep, I feel him.

I know he is here.

I don't know what time it is, or how long I have being asleep, but my boy is here.

And just like that, my guard is destroyed by the mere feeling of his always welcomed presence.

I feel my bed cave in, followed by desperate and needy kisses, all over my face.

"Don't ever do this to me again," he says.

My eyes remain shut, because I am scared if I open them, this might all be a dream.

Edward's needy kisses continue all around my face, until I can't anymore. Until I have to see him.

So, very slowly, I breathe in deep and open my sleepy eyes.

The darkness of the night allows little clarity, so I can barely see this beautiful boy.

I look straight into the only hue I wish to see…green, green, gold.

Edward cups my face and runs his nose all along my jaw. I know he is compensating for lost time. I know he needs what I need.

So, without any words, whispers, or voices, I lift my body up and pull my tank top over my head.

"I just wanna, kinda hold you. We don't need to do this," Edward says, continuing his desperate kisses.

"We do. We do need to do this," I explain, allowing my physical response to affirm my words.

Edward nods his head.

Because he knows.

He knows our time is almost up.

So, very quietly, we discard the layers of clothing that prevent us from feeling each other.

Our lips touch and our tongues entangle.

We're completing the missing pieces of ourselves.

I don't feel bad that Rene is down the hall.

I don't feel afraid that we might get caught out.

I just feel.

I feel love and anger and everything that I will never have.

But that is okay, because every second with my boy is a memory that I will never forget from, a time that won't last forever.

Edward's hard body grinds against mine.

His dick rubs against my core, and I know I should tell him to put on a condom before we both lose control.

I pull away from our passionate kissing and tug on his hair so that he can look into my eyes.

"What is it? Did you change your mind?" Edward continues to press against me.

"You should take out a condom before…" Before I've completed my sentence, Edward jumps up.

"Fuck." He is all hands and knees on the ground, seeking out his wallet.

Eventually, he grabs the foil packet out of his wallet, and places it beside the bed.

Edward returns to his position above me. He presses hard kisses down my body, until his mouth stops where I need it most.

My boy inserts one, then two fingers inside of me, and then he pulls and sucks my sensitive area of need and desperation.

I want to die. Because this feels so, so good.

Edward continues to work his amazing tongue around my centre, until, I fucking shatter.

I shut my eyes and dig my hands into my boy's shoulders, as I reach my peak.

I reach my orgasm, and I am numb with pleasure.

After moments spent recovering, I work my hand up and down his shaft, until I know he is ready to be inside of me.

Edward refuses me when I attempt to replace my mouth with my hands.

"No, Bella." He pushes me up lightly as I try to work my mouth on him.

He reaches for the foil packet and places the condom on.

I receive no warning or question, as Edward enters me, then he quickly withdraws. He repeats this motion a few times, until it drives me insane.

He grows impatient and roughly pushes his penis inside of me, and again, I am _home._

Our bodies entangle, and we are all pulling and pushing and sucking.

I don't need him.

He doesn't need me.

We need each other.

I don't know much about love making, but I am pretty sure that we have just experienced a moment of passionate love.

I cum again, and so does my boy.

He presses his heavy breathing chest against my body, and I wish, wish, wish that we could stay this way forever.

I want to smother this tug of war, between the people and the passing time, that is indirectly forcing us apart.

We lie awake in bed and regain our lost breaths. I know our moment of desperation is wearing off.

I also know that I should be prepared for what's to come.

Edward lies on his back. I lay my head gently on his chest and listen to the fast fast beats of his heart.

"You didn't call?" He whispers. I guess it's a question.

"Ally was on my case all day yesterday, and I forgot my phone at home because I had to rush to work." I try to explain.

"It takes like one second to send a fucking text."

"I know." I say.

"Don't you want this anymore Bells?" Edward is testing me. He already knows the obvious answer.

"I don't want this. I need this." I admit.

He laughs and then sighs.

"You know what's fucked up? I couldn't even kick a fucking soccer ball strait, because I was worried about you." My boy is angry.

"I'm sorry." I whisper while rubbing my fingertips against his bicep.

"I'm going away Bella." All I hear is sadness in the voice of the one I love.

"What do you mean you're going away?" I look up into his eyes, confused.

"My team…uh…I made the cut for the top twenty two. We're heading out to Walkerville City for a week."

"That's great." I lie, wishing that I could be happy for him. "When do you leave?"

I know that Edward's absence will take away what little time we have left.

People always leave.

But then they come back.

Only they have time, we don't.

So, I lay my head down on my pillow and hope to hear something better.

"Friday morning. We will return by the following Thursday." Edward says guiltily.

"But school starts the Monday after you come back." I try to sound like this isn't breaking my heart.

"Bella, this wasn't my choice. Do you know what? I purposefully played bad today, which wasn't difficult, as you were permanently on my mind. I didn't fucking wanna make the cut because of you!"

"Don't…" I whisper.

"Listen to me! I almost fucked up my chances of a bright future because of you." Edward sits up, forcing me to sit up as well.

"Why are you blaming this on me?" I am trying my best to control my trembling lips and unwelcome tears that I know will fall down eventually.

"Because you should have fucking texted me when you said you would. I waited!"

"Shhh... Please don't raise your voice at me while my mother is down the hall," I plead.

Edward climbs out of bed and cleans himself up. He wraps the condom up and throws it in my paper trash can.

"What are you doing?" I am worried that he might leave.

"I'm getting the fuck out of here. You don't even have a bathroom that I can use," he says harshly.

I know that he doesn't really mean the harsh things that he is saying.

My boy's intentions are not to hurt me.

His intentions are to deal.

Edward is panicked and confused. He is struggling to deal with the fact that we are out of time. I get that. He doesn't know what to do.

My tears begin fall. I don't bother to stop them from running down my cheeks, because what is the point.

"Please, don't go?" I plead.

Because, I am sorry if I am fucked up and desperate and pathetic.

Love does that.

Love begs and pleads until there is nothing more to ask for.

Edward pulls on his boxers, walks across my room, and places his hands above his head.

He sighs.

"You're fucking me up. You were never supposed to enter my life with your…with your fucking dimpled cheeks and strawberry smelling hair, and…fuck!"

My lips begin to tremble, and I wipe my eyes, covering up the evidence of my heart's disappointment.

"Why are you crying?" He changes his tone to desperation.

"You're hurting me," I cry and cry and cry some more, with shaking legs tucked under weak arms. I am all blurry vision and hiccupped talking.

I am naked and vulnerable and I hate, hate, love.

"Bella, let's just forget about this shit and move on." Edward looks into my eyes. He pulls he's grey sweater over his head.

"It's not that easy and you know it." I say with anger.

I am angry, but my tears keep falling.

"We are wasting our time. What's the difference between ending this now, or tomorrow, or the next day? We were never going to be forever. I am tired of waiting for this day to come."

I look away, because the expression on Edward's face is crushing me.

He walks over to me, closer, closer, closer.

_This vicious child._

I shut my eyes tight, and wipe my dripping nose with the side of my arm.

"Bella, come on? You know this is fucked up." Edward pleads.

He needs me to be okay.

"No! Don't you dare do this now! You promised me this summer. Summer is not over!" My voice is rising and I am nearing on irrational. "Look at me?" I motion towards myself. "Am I that fucking pathetic to you!"

"You know that's not true. Don't turn this around Bella. Don't you fucking dare."

"Why can't we just be happy and together? Why are you ashamed of me?" I ask, searching his eyes for any answers.

"Bella, I am not ashamed of you. Trust me."

"Then why do I have to be your secret? It's not fair." I continue to cry.

He breathes in deeply and walks towards me. He cups my face in the palm of his hand and presses his nose against mine.

"We had a deal," he whispers, closing his eyes.

"Screw the deal. There are ways that we can overcome this, I just don't get it". I say this because I really don't get what the big fucking deal is.

Edward moves away from me and sits at the edge of my bed, now fully dressed. He hands me over my clothing; I slowly put the pieces on, one by one.

My eyes remain filled with tears, and I know my boy is scared.

"Bella, the life I live is very different to yours. Fuck…do you know how much people expect from me? I was fucking designed to achieve the best. To me, you are the best, you are everything, but you will be nothing to the people I associate with."

I stare into his greens. My tears have blurred my vision, but I can see the emptiness in his eyes.

He doesn't want to do this.

I get that. I understand.

"So…so, you knew when you came here, that…that this would be it?" I whisper.

He nods.

Because unspoken words scream the truth.

"If you worried that I will expose you, I promise, I won't tell anyone about this, Edward," I assure him.

"I know. I know you won't."

"Then please, please just allow us to be."

"You don't know what it is like to live in my world. It may look bright on the outside, but everything is fucked up. I constantly feel under pressure. Everywhere I go, someone expects something from me. My father…my father is my biggest fucking pressure point. I don't want you in my world, because you are too good for it."

I believe everything he says. I am surprised that Edward is opening up to me. I want to ask him more questions.

I won't.

So, I wipe my tears and nod.

I feel like I failed the one person I was never supposed to fail.

Because the truth is, I will never understand his exact feelings. I am aware that he has so many responsibilities, and now I feel like I am another burden added to his list.

"With you, Bella, everything was easy. I like how I didn't ever have to impress you. I liked how I could live vicariously through your simple life. It was something I craved. You have been my long awaited get away. I know you have your fair share of problems, but I fucking envy you. You are so natural, and you are so strong. I wanted that."

Edward continues to reveal the built up feelings that I would never have imagined. I kinda get why he kept coming back. It hurts my heart to know the initial reason, but I am glad that he told me.

"So…so, all you wanted was something simple?"

"Yes, but what you gave me was so much more. These few months that I have known you, it's been everything to me. You are my reason to wake up with a smile and appreciate life."

"Thank you," I whisper.

Because that is all I can force out of my mouth.

"I will always remember what we shared. Always. And when I see you at school, please know that I will always want you."

I laugh sarcastically.

"It's kinds ironic isn't it?"

"What?" he asks confused.

"The fact that you claim you will always want me, knowing I will always be there."

"I wish you would understand, Bella."

"I think I do."

"Thank you." He grabs my hand.

"I think you're just overwhelmed and confused. But what I do know is that you will always come back. You may not admit it right now, but I will see you next week. You will beg, and I will welcome you back with open arms. But every time my heart breaks, my head becomes stronger."

He nods.

Because he knows the truth.

Edward kisses me lightly on my cheek and looks into my eyes.

"I gotta go. Not because I want to, but because I gotta be up at 5 a.m. for training."

"Then go," I whisper and motion for him to leave.

"First, smile." Edward whispers.

"Smiles are not meant for strangers Cullen."

But, I smile.

"I don't like these tears." Edward gently wipes my cheek.

"Tears can be healthy." I try to lighten up the mood.

"Not always. I am sorry Bells."

"I guess it's okay."

Because it is okay.

So my boy lifts me up and wraps his strong arms around my waist. We hold on tight for the days that we will miss. I blink back tears and breathe him in.

"Be my friend, Bella?" Edward whispers with a shy smile.

"Only if you promise me one thing?"

"What is that?" He squeezes me tightly.

"Promise me that you will never fall in love with me?"

Edward looks away and nods.

"Promise me, Cullen?"

"Someone once said promises are meant to be broken." He smiles.

I smile too.

Because no matter what, Edward and I will always be amazing.

Even though we have a relationship that has been kept from the world, it is something that we breathe together.

Love is like that.

Love compromises.

_Love is patient._

Love is pretending to be friends.

Love is pretending not to love.

Love is saying goodnight to your everything and shutting the window that he climbed out of.

Love is soft whispers of 'see you next week.'

Because our love is forever, and it will never leave.

Not before. Not now. Not ever.

* * *

**A/N Any thoughts? :-)**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N Hey guys!**

**Thank you for all your amazing support, I appreciate your thoughts. My writing style may come across as confusing, but by now you should have noticed some patterns.**

**As always, I would like to send out a special thanks to my amazing beta, Elise de Sallier, not only are you helping me out a lot, but you allowing a wonderful learning experience for me.**

**I hope you guys enjoy. Please feel free to share your thoughts :-)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 24**

**EPOV**

"Cullen! Pass the fucking ball!" Emmet yells from across the field.

I keep running forward, tackling the opposing players who are beginning to play dirty. We are leading two nil against Walkerville City.

My main aim is to score a third goal. Scoring a hat-trick on foreign turf is any footballers dream. So I push, push, push and try to tackle the ball through as many defending legs as I can.

I block out all external noise. In that moment, all I see is the goal keeper. Coach is yelling at me, my teammates are yelling at me, my father is standing next to my fucking coach yelling at me. It is all a blur.

_Pressure._

Always fucking _pressure_. I can easily be a dick, let my entire team down, and say 'fuck off future'.

I won't.

I run.

I tackle.

I score.

And just like that, I am what everyone expects.

I am an imposed champion.

Heated sweaty bodies jump against me, trying to shake my hand or pull me into a hug. I look towards the side-lines, into the eyes of my proud father.

This is all Carlisle wants for me … to see me at my best. He wants me to succeed.

And because my father wants me to succeed, he will never allow anything to happen, or anyone into my life that could destroy his goal.

So I play my part, I celebrate the victory goal and play just as hard for the remainder fifteen minutes.

Once the match is over, coaches, managers, and supporters try to grab my attention. I keep my eyes focussed on the ground and ignore their calls.

I walk along with my team to the changing rooms.

"Yoh, Cullen! You played like a fucking king, my man." A dude named Jared who plays right back comes up and pats me on my shoulder.

"You weren't too bad yourself." I thank him, and many other teammates who are now congratulating me as if I ruled the fucking team.

We get to the cloak rooms where we have post-match discussions. Coach walks in with the manager of the UCL's team.

"So, I would like to start off by congratulating all of you. I will keep the technicalities and the formalities of this game to a minimum, but I want you to know that I am proud of all of you, and especially the future UCL team." Coach is confident as shit.

He continues, and I actually listen, because I want to know everything that happened. After his 10 minute victory speech, the guys begin to chatter until the manager tells us to settle down.

"As your coach just mentioned, you all played brilliant. If all goes well, I hope to see you all in the first team a year from now. For those of you who are still in high school, pull up your socks and keep training… I would like to personally congratulate our youngest player, number 10, please make your way forward." The manager looks me in the eye and motions for me to come over. I stand up and make my way to him.

My team applauds.

I smile.

I am happy.

But there is one thing that remains in the deepest place in my heart,that is capable of making me happier.

Beat, beat, beat is my heart's reminder of my head's neglect.

"Congratulations, Number Ten." He shakes my hand and hands me an envelope, along with my number 10 jersey that reads UCL.

I briefly scan the cover of the envelope to see what it's about, and I have to swallow hard. What I have in my hand is my future…a full scholarship to UCL. It is everything my father wanted for me. I guess I am one step closer to living his fucking dream.

_Happy now, Dad?_

Coach and the manager shake my hand as I thank them.

"Consider the offer, Mr Cullen," he whispers in my ear.

I nod and return to my seat.

After a general team discussion, I make my way to the showers. Once I am all cleaned up, I pull my tog bag over my shoulder and walk beside Emmet as we exit the changing room.

My father is waiting in the hallway, all black suit and navy tie.

"You came." I don't greet.

"My son, what I saw out there was out of this world." Carlisle smiles and pulls his arms over my shoulder, forcing an awkward hug.

I hug him back, because he is my father, and he is proud of me.

"What made you fly out all the way to Walkerville City?"

"Do you think I would have missed the biggest trials of my son's life? Edward, if all goes well, you're in with the big guys after you graduate."

I nod.

All I want to do is crawl up in my bed and call Bella.

I won't.

I haven't seen her since Monday of last week. Today is Wednesday.

We have being playing matches every second day since our arrival on Friday evening. Everything has been such a rush, from booking into hotel rooms, to playing matches, and attending team dinners.

Emmet and I shared a hotel room, so he was constantly on my case until I closed my eyes at night, overcome by exhaustion.

_Busy people don't have time to suffer over what is lost._

The bus drive to Walkerville City consisted of thirteen fucking hours. I don't know why they couldn't just fly us up. I hated it.

The fact that I was chosen out of hundreds of schools around the country, to not only make the training camp, but also the future top eleven for UCLS, makes me feel overwhelmed.

I can't fucking believe I made it this far.

But apart from feeling overwhelmed and being constantly busy, my heart still longs to be with the one person I can never have.

Bella…Bella…Bella.

I played my heart out this past week. I did it for my team, but also to just forget about _her._

I can't. My heart will never allow that.

I'm fucking in love with her.

While I am deep in thought, Carlisle goes on and on about working extra hard and shit.

I ignore him, and ask, "Dad, how long are you going to be in town for?"

"Well, my flight is scheduled for after the prize ceremony tonight, son. When is your bus leaving?"

"The bus leaves tomorrow. That thirteen hour drive really fucked up my back." I lie.

Carlisle will do anything to maintain my good health.

"That is unacceptable. Let me speak to your coach and inform him that you will be flying out with me.

I smile.

Daddy's presence isn't too bad after all.

After much debate, coach agrees for me to leave the team behind, and head home with my dad. Before that, Carlisle and I head back to the hotel to collect all my shit so I can attend the team prize ceremony in the hotel conference room. I collect a trophy and a certificate for my achievement. Emmet didn't make the top eleven, but I am glad he made it as far as he did.

Finally, we head straight to Walkerville's airport.

"Three months of try outs are done and dusted. And you, my son, you made it to the end." Carlisle is praise, praise, praising me like never before.

I smile and board the plane with my father.

My phone has been off all day, so before take-off, I decide to switch it on very quickly. My heart kinda jumps out of my chest when I see I have one unread text from Bella.

**Bella: I saw you on TV. The entire town did. You played amazing, Number Ten. The whole town cannot wait for your return. Congratulation on making the top eleven **

I want to reply so badly.

I won't.

Because the flight attendant just announced that all electronic devices should be turned off.

So, I turn my phone on plane mode and close my eyes for the two hour flight back to Treehaven.

_Back to Bella._

Love is impatient.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It is just after 11 p.m when we arrive at Treehaven airport. Esme fetches us, and she is ecstatic to see me.

I kinda feel good for making my parents proud.

I walk into my room and dump my bags on my floor. I feel tired, my calves are fucked, but I am restless.

I haven't seen Bella in a total of nine days. Now that I am back home, I need to see her again. We have four more days of summer, and I want to spend it with her.

No matter what I do, or where I go…I will always come back to Bella.

People always leave, because they follow what their head wants.

People always return, because they follow what their heart needs.

The last time I left Bella's house, we had a bit of an altercation, and I was the biggest fucking dick.

I was feeling under so much pressure because of my trials, and yet she still agreed to be my friend.

Bella made me promise not to fall in love with her. I wanted to laugh, because I fell for her a long, long time ago.

_Golden boy is whipped. _

_Although I told her that we_ should end this, our deal was that we continue until summer ends.

According to my calendar, summer is not over.

Therefore, I will go to Bella's place…and disappear in love and need. Because that is the only place my heart will allow me to be.

When my team went touring in Walkerville City, we came across a record store that sold band T's. I didn't know what I was doing, until I found myself walking into the store and purchasing a '30 Seconds to Mars' T-shirt.

If I bought Bella a gift, the least I should do is personally deliver it to her.

Once my parents are settled in their bedroom, I make my way down our huge spiral staircase, and I walk out of the lonely place I call home.

My mom's BMW One-series is parked behind my truck, so I run back in and grab her keys. She won't even know I borrowed her car.

I get in and adjust the seat, and reverse out the driveway.

As I am driving, my heart beat, beats, because I am ten minutes away from seeing Bella.

She will never expect me to surprise her. Everyone thinks I am still in Walkerville with the rest of my team.

I get to Bella's house just after 12 p.m, and park in my usual spot.

I climb up the familiar washing machine and up the water pipes.

_Love is climbing through midnight windows._

Her backyard is dark, and all the lights in the house are out.

Bella's window is opened slightly, once I pull myself onto her window frame, I push her window open and climb in.

She is fast asleep.

My heart beats to her soft sounding snores.

I want to run across her room and beg her to just love me.

I want to ask her to run away with me.

I want to plead for more than just one summer.

I won't.

The best thing I can do, is step out of my trainers, pull my hoody over my head, and lay beside the girl I love.

Bella.

My home.

She doesn't wake up. Or maybe she does. But I hold her and snuggle my face into the curve of her neck. The smell of familiar strawberry sweetness brings back every single memory I have savoured.

I drift off to sleep with my arms placed around my forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Edward?" I wake up to Bella shaking me.

Opening my eyes very slowly, I smile at the sight of brown eyes staring intensely into my greens.

She smiles.

"You're back." It's not a question.

"Yeah, I'm home." I promise.

"This is kinda a bittersweet moment," she says shyly.

I want to smother her with all the fucking love I feel.

"It's our deal, right?"

"Yeah, our deal it is." She repeats.

Bella's Blackberry light keeps flashing, she grabs her phone off her bedside table and quickly puts it away.

"You not gonna check if you have a text?" I ask, wondering.

"No…it can wait." She drops a nervous smile of everything that is guilty.

I have no right to feel pissed and insecure, but the fact that she possibly has an unread text at midnight, bugs me.

"Read your text Bella?" I am persistent.

"No, I said it can wait. So, how was everything? I am proud of you, always." She looks down.

Even though I want to thank her, the unknown text continues to bother me.

"Who is it?" I can't help but ask.

"What do you mean?" I have a feeling my girl is playing dumb.

_Love never lies to each other_. _Love lies together._

"If you don't check your phone, I will," I warn.

She quickly grabs her phone and reads the text. I stare at her, questioning her with my eyes.

"It's just Garret," she says, trying to make her revelation sound nonchalant.

I fucking boil.

_Love is jealous._

"Who the fuck is Garret?" I emphasis his name.

Because I am angry.

I cannot help it.

"He is my friend, Edward. Please don't do this. You and I are just friends remember." She looks down.

"So you run to the next walking dick, huh?"

_I'm sorry, Bella._

"No! I knew him all along. He is Ally's cousin, and he was in town for the weekend." Her voice begins to break.

I feel like shit, because all I ever do is break this sweet, sweet girl.

I hate that I am good at making her cry.

Bella doesn't understand. She doesn't get that I will do anything to make her smile, even though making her cry is the result.

I fucking hate her tears when they're caused by sadness.

I just want to hold her in my arms and love her. I want her everywhere, but nowhere at all.

I want my memories of high school to be filled with everything that is Bella.

In my moment of insecurity, I realise that no matter what, Bella will always be more than just a summer.

I will never be her friend, because what we share is so, so much more.

She's my better side. She's my simple. She's my brown-eyed girl.

Therefore, I will never allow anyone to love her more than I do.

So I ask, "Did you see him while I was away?" I don't want to know the answer, but I need to know.

"Yes, Edward, I saw him. Nothing happened, I swear."

I believe her.

"Then why would he be texting you at midnight, and why are you hiding it from me?" I want to know.

"Because…I don't know. I was keeping it from you, because I was scared that this would be the way you'd react to something completely innocent." She sighs.

"I can't control who you talk to, but I can disapprove." I am honest.

"You have nothing to worry about, but more than that, you have no right to question me."

"I know," I whisper.

"So, are you going to tell me how your week was?" And just like that, we're back to being us.

I spend the next 20 minutes telling Bella everything she wants to know.

Because, friends are allowed to discuss their weeks and whereabouts.

Friends are not allowed to let midnight texts from fucking pricks bother them the whole night.

After Bella and I get comfortable in our welcome bubble of forever, we begin to feel desperate.

I fucking missed being inside of her. Because we only have four days of summer that remains, I feel like I need to be as close to her as I can.

I pull her tank over her head as I press soft kisses along her jaw. With closed eyes, my girl looks like she needs this just as badly as do. Bella rubs her soft hands along my sides, and the usual electric current runs through my body, making its way to my heart.

_Beat, beat, beat._

Our silent actions are screaming of love. I want her to feel the way I feel.

I need her love so, so bad.

I suck her earlobe, and then run my tongue down her body, until her prominent nipples catch attention.

I suck, suck, suck, until I realise I am becoming too desperate.

Bella can feel my need, so she pushes down my shorts.

At this point, I can fucking drill a hole in her hall because I am so hard.

We continue our touching and feeling, until my hands grow impatient, seeking something softer and deeper.

I rub my hands against her core, and then insert one-two fingers. She budges, welcoming all the pleasure I hope I am giving her.

"Please, hurry." My girl is impatient.

I begin my motion of in-and-out, in-and-out, until I feel her rigid body below me.

Her innocence and beauty are a sight that no man deserves to see.

Once we are completely naked, I remove myself from her tiny body and search my wallet for a foil packet.

Placing it on, I climb atop my girl, and search her eyes, questioning if we are okay.

She smiles.

That is all the confirmation I need.

I gently slide my dick into her softness, and as always, I am home.

I insert my dick, in-and-out, until I am sure she is ready.

Finally, with one swift movement, I press into her as hard as I can.

She opens her eyes widely, and I know we are okay for now.

_We are at the only place that we need to be._

Our slow movements become more intense. I am about to orgasm, luckily, Bella cums before me.

I lay my head against her shoulder…and, we breathe.

Our breaths are of oneness.

Eventually, after we all cleaned up, we fall asleep, holding on tight to whats left of us.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake-up around 6 a.m. My girl remains sound asleep.

My naked body is pressing against hers, and I want her again, so, so bad.

Bella's long hair has formed a soft curtain around her face. Her lips look swollen, remnants of the night before.

The light sun-freckles on her tiny nose make her look so fucking cute and innocent.

I run my hand gently down her naked body, and cup her ass. I press my dick against her ass slightly, and she budges.

Bella stretches her arms out, and she turns her head to give me an innocent morning smile.

I smile in return as the sun begins to rise.

"Good morning," I say as I continue to press my prominent dick against her back

"Good morning yourself." She smiles. "Hungry?"

I nod with the brightest smile I can manage.

Bella climbs out of bed, stretches her sexy as fuck body, and walks over to her drawers.

She removes two foil packets and holds them out in each hand.

I don't look at what is in her hands, though, I stare at her glorious figure. The fact that my girl isn't shy and insecure about her body, makes me want her ten times as much.

"You want this?" She teases me by waving the two condoms above her head.

"Yes! Bring me my gold woman." I tease in return.

I love the fact that we're back to being us.

Edward and Bella.

Nobody will ever fucking understand the strong bond this girl and I share. It is impossible to deny, but in the end, love may not be enough.

And that fucking crushes me.

Bella shakes her head and protests, all the while sending soft giggles my way.

In one quick movement, I climb out bed and rush to her. I throw Bella over my shoulder and tap her smooth ass.

She laughs so fucking hard.

I gently throw her on top of the unmade covers, and spread her legs, climbing between them.

"I want you, now!" I play, serious.

She smiles.

"You can't have me." Bella teases as she begins to stroke my dick.

I close my eyes and picture being inside of her, until I cannot take anymore of her teasing. I flip her over onto her stomach and kiss her from the arch of her neck, down to her centre.

I finger her as she lies with her arms beside her body. Once I am satisfied with her readiness. I pull on the condom and enter her from behind.

The feeling is amazing, and I push harder, harder, harder, until we're both coming and panting, searching for the breaths that were lost in our moment of passion.

Bella closes her eyes and remains on her stomach. I remain on top of her, kissing and sucking as much of her face as I can reach.

"If we were to continue this, I'd go on the pill," she says, breathing in and out deep, deep.

"Then why don't you?" I ask, testing her answer.

Bella opens her eyes and turns over to face me. I use this opportunity to quickly remove the condom. I throw it on her floor, because who gives a fuck.

I lay on top of her gentle, sticky body, wishing to lick every single area I can get hold of.

"Because what's the point, when we're going to be ending this?" she whispers.

"Bella, please don't ever leave me alone in this world?" I am serious.

"Then what do you want from me?" she asks, while gently pushing unruly strands of hair out of my face.

"I want us this way forever?" I admit.

"You want me to be your dirty little secret forever?"

"No, Bella, I just want you. Like I said, the world is too fucked up to know what we share."

"By the world, you mean them, your friends, and your parents?" She swallows hard.

I nod.

"They will never accept me?" she whispers.

"Fuck them, I accept you." I choose to ignore the answer that she is seeking.

Because I know. I know that they will never accept her.

"Why Edward? What is so wrong with me?" My girl is becoming edgy.

We build and then we fucking break.

"It's not you, Bella. It will never be you. It's all them, and what they fucking expect from me. Please, you have to know this," I plead desperately.

She nods. Because she does know.

A lonely tear escapes Bella's eyes, and I gently wipe it with my thumb.

"Enough of these now, B."

"Only time will heal a bleeding heart, I guess. There are no band-aids for internal suffering." I don't think she meant for me to hear her softly murmured words.

"Can you handle our secret? If we are to continue this?" I hope for the only answer I need to hear.

"Of course. You are effortless, Mr Cullen." My girl smiles weakly.

"You have no idea how happy I am going to make you, and only you." I promise.

"Wait. So what you're saying is that you want to continue this, even while we are at school?"

"Yeah…I mean if you want to. What's the point of walking around with lonely hearts when we found our person to complete it? Even if it has to be in secret, Bella." I try to explain.

"So, can I go on the pill now?" Out of everything my girl can say, she chooses this.

I nod. I smile.

"Tell Garret to leave you the fuck alone. I don't like him."

"You don't know him." Bella laughs.

I look down and cup her sweet, sweet face.

I think about how unprepared we are for this. We're too young, we're too selfish. But we will grab and take and rip apart, because our love does that.

Love is compromising.

Love is pushing time limits.

Love is saying yes to every no.

Love is never giving up.

So Bella eventually agrees to my ridiculous request.

I promise her that what we have, will last for as long as it is supposed to.

I don't tell her that I love her, because the world is too corrupted to have my true thoughts said allowed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After I leave Bella's house, I drive home with some extra speed and park Esme's car on the exact spot where she left it. I sneak in quietly and make my way to my bed.

Today, I am going to spend with my girl. I plan on taking her to the next town, so we can enjoy what's left of summer.

I didn't tell Bella about the shirt I bought her… I just left it in her room.

I don't think I can handle the look of appreciation on her face, because it will have love written all over it.

After another couple of hours of sleeping in my own bed, I call Bella and ask her to get ready for a day out.

She sounds excited, and she agrees when I say that we leave within the hour.

I grab the breakfast that Maria has prepared, and I climb into the shower, washing away what's left of Bella's scent.

I rush, rush, rush, until I pull up in front of her house.

She comes rushing out wearing cut off denim shorts and a tight yellow tank top. I can see the strings of a crocheted bikini sticking out, and her usual blue baseball cap is placed on backwards.

_I love her._

I jump out of my truck and pull my cap down low, making my way to open the passenger door for her.

Bella smiles, climbs in, and kisses me on the cheek once I climb back in on my side.

"I missed you, and thank you for the band-T. I love it Edward." She's all the appreciation I need. I grin, and take off on our journey to wherever we can just be ourselves.

Love is sneaky.

Love is journey taking.

Love is holding hands above the gear stick.

Love is sending secret gazes of eternity to the girl that breathes the beats of your heart.

_Tick-tick-tick,_

That is the sound of what we could have been.

_Beat-beat-beat,_

That is the sound of what we should be.

* * *

**A/N: I'd love to know what you guys think.**

**Thank you for reading :-)**

**Next up, Bella.**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hey guys!**

**Thanks so much for all your follows and thoughts on this story. It really means alot. I apologise for the spelling mistakes and grammar in the previous chapters. When I have time, I will be correcting them and resubmitting it.**

**As always, I would like to send a special thanks out to Elise de Sallier. The fact that you are so busy and in the process of publishing another book, it means so, so much to me that you can help me clean up my mistakes. You are an amazing beta. Thank you so much!**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I hope to hear all your thoughts :-)**

**Thanx!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**Chapter 25**

**BPOV**

"I bet you've been paragliding and shark cage diving as well?" I ask, interested.

Edward and I are driving to some beach in Glenhaven. He is talking about how much he loves outdoor activities.

"Paragliding, yeah. Shark cage diving? That's still on my to-do-list, B." He laughs.

"Is my new name part of this whole 'friendship' thing?" I look over at him while he is concentrating on the road ahead.

"Everyone knows you by Bella. I wanna know you by something else." He doesn't look at me.

We drive, drive, and drive some more, until Edward turns up a gravel road with sand dunes ahead.

"Okay, so this is the part where we're going to have to walk." He smiles.

"Okay." I look around confused.

Edward climbs out and walks to the back of his truck, opens up the back, and takes out not one, but two surf boards. I jump out of his truck and rush over to him.

"Oh no, no, no, Cullen. Do you want me to break my neck?" I laugh.

"I won't let you get hurt. I promise."

I believe him.

So, we carry all our bags and surf boards and make our way over the sand dunes. What I see on the other side is amazing. The view is all blue seas and high waves with golden sand and beach umbrellas.

I look over to my boy who is standing beside me with his hand shielding his eyes.

"Are we lost?" I ask.

"Na, just checking out the waves." He continues to concentrate on what's in front of him.

"You do know that I have no idea how to surf, right?"

"Yeah? That's why I am here…, to teach you." He finally looks at me and smiles.

_I love you._

It's not difficult for us to find a vacant spot on the beach, because it is empty. So, I throw out our towels, and we both begin undressing.

I have a wedgie, and Edward pulls my bikini bottom out of my ass.

I laugh.

Because we comfortable like that.

We spend our day in the water, and Edward grows frustrated because I am frustrated.

Surfing is not fucking easy when you're inherently clumsy.

Eventually, I manage to catch a wave, and he smiles a deep smile of young, pure happiness.

I adore this boy.

It feels like we've been in the water forever when Edward paddles over to me. He splashes water in my face, and I splash him in return.

After all the splashing, I manage to steal a kiss. There are drops of water on his lips and all I wanna do is lick it away.

I won't.

"Wanna call it a day, Swan? He says as he sits atop his board. It looks all sexy-surfer-cliché, so I try to copy his movement.

I end up falling, hopelessly. Literally and figuratively.

"Yeah, I don't think surfing agrees with me."

"That's a lie…, you're a fucking natural."

I know he is saying this to make me feel better.

I don't believe him.

"What sports do you enjoy?" he asks as we make our way to the shore.

"Uhm…believe it or not, I've done contemporary dancing since I was eleven."

"Seriously?" He asks looking amused.

I nod.

"So, what made you stop?"

"Well, I belonged to the academy at my old school, and when I was transferred to Treehaven High, they didn't offer contemporary dancing." I explain.

Edward looks deep in thought.

"Why didn't you join somewhere else then?"

"Too expensive." I don't look at him.

Edward looks down and he doesn't say anything for a while.

He will never understand what it's like to have no money, to struggle.

"I always knew you did something amazing." He smiles, looking nervous.

_My sweet, sweet boy._

"And how is that?"

"You have killer legs Bells. Maybe if you showed them off some more at school, people would pay more attention to you."

I don't like his reasoning. Or maybe I am still hung up by the fact that will never understand my life.

I won't understand his life either.

That's what happens when two people from two completely different backgrounds become one.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"I don't want people to pay attention to me if they don't know who I really am. What's the point of knowing someone because of their legs?" I try not to sound like I took offence to his previous statement.

"That's true. Let's go grab a bite."

We walk over to a mobile takeout stand and order nachos. I admit to Edward that it is my new favourite food.

The rest of our day is spent lounging around on the beach. I bury Edward in the sand and take lots of pictures of all his exaggerated funny faces.

After a while, I can tell Edward is growing restless, as he doesn't seem to enjoy just chilling. So, I offer to kick some ball with him.

"What? Are you serious?" Edward immediately jumps up and begins tapping his ball with a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah, why not? I love playing soccer." I lie.

"Okay then, let's play?" He motions for me join him.

We run and tackle and Edward effortlessly steals the ball away from me.

I can tell that he is really passionate about soccer and damn good at it too.

I will do anything to make him smile.

My heart won't allow anything else.

But as always, our time together is running out.

Because, all good things come to an end.

My day with Edward was different. I learned so much about him, and we really grew as friends. It is easy to be around him. He is fun, and he is loved. I realised that Edward bites on his nails a lot.

I think it's cute.

_Love is noticing bad habits._

He thanked me for keeping up with the things that he wanted to do.

I wouldn't have had it any other way.

We walk back to his truck and climb in after dumping everything in the back. Edward turns on the stereo, and we start singing along to old school rap.

The music stops, as his phone begins to ring in the stereo socket.

Edward answers while it is on loud speaker and motions for me to keep quiet.

"_Hello?"_

"_Eddie my champ! Where the fuck are you? Everyone wants to see you."_

I guess it is either Jake or Jasper calling.

My heart beats, beats, and beats some more, of all that is disappointed.

"_Sup Jas. Uh…I'm heading home."_

I feel a bit sad, because our day was not supposed to end this soon.

"_Well hurry the fuck up. We have some celebrating to do."_

Edward looks at me briefly and takes a deep breath. He is questioning me with his eyes, asking me if I am okay with this.

I guess a part of what we have is my having to share him with the rest of the world. I don't know what I was thinking, assuming I could have him all to myself for four days in a row.

So I smile. It's the emptiest fucking smile.

"_Yeah man. I'll catch you a bit later. See you around seven._" He hangs up and swallows hard.

We remain quiet for the next couple of minutes. Our moment of bliss is long gone.

Again? The world interrupts what was supposed to be just ours.

I look the other way, pretending that I am I interested in the view.

Edward grabs my hand and holds it tight.

He knows I need this.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I say as soon as he has completed his sentence.

I don't look at him. He looks at me.

"I couldn't have stayed with you tonight anyway, as my family planned to take me out to dinner or some shit."

I nod, pretending that everything is okay just like it is supposed to be.

In reality, nothing is okay.

I always knew that things would end up like this. I also knew it would be difficult to accept.

But again, this is a consequence of a secret built around love and lies.

What other choice do we have?

So we drive, drive and drive some more.

Once we pull up in front of my house, Edward turns off the ignition and walks me to my door.

We share a passionate kiss filled with thank you's and miss you's.

My boy finally leaves after staring at me intently. I know he wants to apologize for his absence this coming evening.

I close the door as soon as he steps out onto the porch.

We don't look back.

We don't ever wave.

I immediately lean against the door and sink down onto the floor with my hands over my knees.

I want to cry because this empty feeling of knowing is back.

I hate it.

I hate that Edward and I are yet again strangers.

_We deal._

So, once my moment of being pathetic Bella comes to an end, I call my only other place of solace. Ally.

"_Hey, baby girl."_ Alice is all vibrant voice and happy.

"_Hey, Ally. Whatsup?_

"_Just hanging at the skate park. How about you?" _My girl sounds strange.

"_Uh…I am at home. I guess I am just gonna chill tonight_." I try to sound happy.

"_Okay…well if you wanna do something later, we totally can_." She offers, even though I feel like she doesn't want me around.

"_Okay. Love you."_ We say our good byes and hang up.

Once again, I am alone and Edward is out with his friends, living the other part of his life.

The life he's supposed to be living.

_Without me. _

_Loneliness has always been with me._

I don't expect anyone to understand how I feel. If I were to put these feelings of sadness to words, I would sound cold and unkind.

I would sound desperate and broken.

I would sound selfish.

I don't want to be selfish.

My attachment to Edward is unhealthy. I get that. I feel small and needy whenever he is away. If I could control my reaction, I would.

But my heart will never allow me to feel anything other when we're apart.

My heart will always win.

But I guess this is what our love is about. It is a constant push and pull of warm hearts and disappointment.

I once refused to allow it to get to me, but now, I have no other choice.

When I saw him play on TV the other day, I felt so, so proud. But so did many other people.

I was working at Harry's and everyone sat and watched him play with fingers crossed, and I could sense the pressure on him. I hate how much people expect from him.

I observed how excited everyone was when they realised the town's golden boy had yet again achieved something great.

I had no idea that the soccer training camp that Edward had joined was so important. He never spoke much about it, which makes me happy…, and sad.

Sad, because it made me realise that I am just Edward's simple, dimple getaway.

I am okay with that.

So I spend the remainder of the evening cleaning the house. I call Rene, as she is at her catering job at some fancy event.

I change the sheets, polish the counters, and prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner.

I watch Napoleon Dynamite in the living room and drift off to sleep, awoken later by my phone vibrating.

My heart beats the familiar I love you's of seeing Edward's name appear on the screen.

**Edward: Hey B. I am at Jasper's. He organised some get together for me. I don't wanna fucking be here, but you know I have to right?**

I stare at his message and respond a couple of minutes later.

**Bella: That's really sweet of Jasper. You should enjoy it **

I lie.

**Edward: It's kinda difficult to enjoy something when the one person you wish to have around is missing.**

I sigh and contemplate not replying. I do.

**Bella: At least that one person is thinking about you every minute, to the point of being unhealthy.**

**Edward: If your thoughts are unhealthy, then mine must be borderline.**

I laugh.

Because believing him will only confirm how naïve and pathetic I am.

**Bella: Should I lock my window?**

He doesn't respond immediately like before. I go ahead and make some coffee, and return with the warm mug in my hand.

**Edward: Never!**

**Bella: See you when I see you, Cullen.**

**Edward: I'll see you later! x**

I don't reply. I am not so sure if I will see him later.

I guess I can only hope.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up to the heavy sounds of shoes knocking on my floor and deep breaths.

I open my eyes and watch as Edward struggles to pull his familiar grey hoody over his head.

"B…" his smiles is filled with all things trouble.

My boy has been drinking, or maybe more.

I lift up my head and lean on my elbows as I observe his clumsy state.

Edwards makes a heart with his hands joined together, and then he points at me.

Non-verbally, that would mean he told me he loves me.

Actions do not speak louder than words. Not when it involves two strangers.

Finally, Edward strips down to his boxer briefs, pulls my covers open, and climbs in beside me.

"Hey, what time is it?" I ask.

"If I tell you the time, you owe me a kiss." He's all smile giving and pleasure seeking.

I shake my head and protest. I know he will never expect me to do anything that I don't want to do.

Edward leans over and checks his phone.

"Its. 4:15 Bella."

"What? Were you at Jaspers all the time?" I ask confused.

"Yeah…I was," he slurs.

'How was it?"

"Pretty much decent. They forced me to drink all this fucking shit."

Edward refuses to look into my eyes. I wonder what could be the reason. I don't want to feel insecure and worry, but sometimes, it's impossible not to.

"Let's just go back to sleep please." I don't like that he would come to me in this state, let alone drive under the influence.

So, after some twisting and turning, my boy drifts off to sleep.

I watch over him.

My empty heart is still empty, because the boy lying beside me is not the boy I am in love with.

Edward is contaminated by the judgements of his friends. Their characteristics impinge on his actions and words as he lies beside me.

I don't like it, but I guess we have to deal.

Eventually, I fall asleep. Wish, wish, wishing that we can just be us.

When we wake up the next morning, Edward complains of a dry throat, but that doesn't stop him from fucking me.

That's okay, because I needed him.

We shower together before Rene gets home, and then he leaves.

Edward doesn't ask me to reserve my day for him. He just expects me to be around.

I don't know if my sudden bitterness toward his actions are because I am upset that he came to my house wasted, or if I am angry because of where he came from.

I can't block out all the negative thoughts running through my head.

The 'what if's' are eating me up.

My head is screaming '_run for your life_,'

It's hard to concentrate on the simple tasks I wish to complete for the morning. At noon, my phone rings. It's Edward.

"_Hey."_ I greet.

"_Hi."_ He clears his throat. _"How are you B?"_

"_I'm good thanks, and you?"_ I lie.

"_Not too bad. Wanna go somewhere today?" _He sounds hopeful.

He knows that my answers will always be yes, yes, yes.

"_I am tired of driving hours out of town. I am going to be at home." _I say this to test his reaction.

"_You really wanna waste the last three days of summer, lounging alone at home?" _

"_It's better than sitting in a car for hours, waiting to reach a destination." _I know that I am being cruel, but sometimes, I just get tired of everything.

"_Okay…Can I atleast come to you then?" _

Now, I just feel bad.

Because my boy needs to see me…and I, him.

"_Rene will be home until 3 p.m. Maybe we should just go somewhere._" I am filled with indecision.

"_Okay. Come to my house and park in your usual spot._ _I'll get you there. Be prepared for some hiking_." I can hear the smile in his voice.

I am beginning to think that Edward is taking our new found friendship somewhere uncomfortable. I feel like he expects me to constantly keep up with what he wants to do.

So I say, _"Okay, but do you mind going somewhere with me later? I need to be somewhere."_

"_Where?"_

"_Nowhere where anyone will see us, Edward."_

"_Okay, catch you later…"_

"_Bye." _I hang up.

I want him to come home with me.

I finish up my chores and make my way to Edward's house. I park my car on the curb at the dead end road and text him to say that I am outside. Today is a bit windy, and I can feel the end of summer approaching.

"Hey." Edward sneaks up behind me and pulls his arms around my stomach.

I missed him so, so, bad.

I lean into his hold and kiss his jaw. He turns me around and we share a passionate kiss, entering our love bubble.

"What's up with the bag on your back?" I motion toward the huge bag.

I want to laugh. I won't.

"I just packed some stuff for our hike." He smiles.

"Where is the trail?" I look around confused.

Edward points to the end of his road, where there are trees, trees, trees.

"Doesn't that lead to the ocean?" I play dumb.

"No, through those trees ahead are hiking paths. Come on," he calls me over as he begins walking.

I trail along behind him in silence until I can hear the sound of the cracking leaves beneath my trainers.

"Edward, you gotta slow down." I try to run after him.

He turns around and looks at me guiltily. My boy grabs my hand in his, and I am safe.

We walk up the steep trail with nothing really to look at. Edward tells me about the party last night, and how he wished I was there.

I don't believe him. My mood is still kinda sour.

"How long still?" I ask, trying to enjoy myself. In all honesty, my stomach is paining, and the heels of my feet are hurting.

"We just have to climb over there, and then we're there." He smiles.

"Where is 'there'?" I ask.

"You'll see.' Edward is smirking and all kinds of excited.

We climb, climb, and climb some more, until I can make out the view of the ocean from afar. I guess we must be really high up, because I can clearly see the mountains ahead.

"Okay, so close your eyes," Edward motions toward me.

"No," I whisper. But I want to laugh.

"Why are you whispering?" Edward whispers in return.

"Okay…okay." I surrender and close my eyes. Edward places his hands over my closed eyes and leads me forward. We walk abit further, until he whispers in my ear, "You ready, B?"

I nod.

He slowly removes his hands from my eyes, and what I see in front of me is genuinely out of this world.

We are standing on a cliff with the ocean and mountain landscapes ahead. The closer I walk to look down, the tighter Edward grips my hand.

"Wow." For the first time in my life, I am speechless. I am so overwhelmed with the view that I don't realise what is beside me.

Edward throws down the picnic blanket and pulls out little premade appetizers. I feel shy, because this is so romantic.

My boy has no idea what he's doing.

Friends don't do romantic.

But, I smile and hold my hand over my mouth.

_This is not the time to cry Bella._

"Why did you do this?" I ask. I don't want him to be like this. I can't handle sweet Edward.

"You deserve an apology, I'm a dick." He looks into my eyes.

I feel bad, because one minute I doubt this boy, and the next I want to worship him.

_Love is whiplash giving. _

I walk up to Edward and put my arms around his neck. I kiss him deeply with every unspoken thanks.

We hold each other for a while, until we decide to sit on the blanket and play card games.

We laugh.

We live.

We love.

There are no tears of sadness today, but I know there will be later. The recurrent push and pull of our relationship has made us aware of our unspoken arrangement.

We won't laugh forever. Just like we won't last forever.

There will always be sadness and heartbreak lurking around every corner.

I get that. It's just so difficult to grasp.

Luckily, we know this.

So we go ahead and be ourselves. We happy and content in this moment and it is all that matters.

I enjoy a wonderful day with my boy until it is time for us to make our way back. Edward's phone begins to ring. He answers.

"_Yeah, dad?"_

He scratches his head.

"_No, I am out. I left my truck at home."_

Edward is quiet for a moment and then he says,

"_I'll be home soon."_

He hangs up and keeps walking.

"My dad called, he sounded strange over the phone." He frowns.

"Maybe he was just wondering where you are?"

He nods.

I look at the time. It is just after 6 p.m. I can't believe our day of happiness is almost over.

I know I won't see Edward tonight. It's Friday evening, and my boy is always restless.

I'll only be good enough for when the night is over.

I get that.

We finally arrive at the familiar path, and I can see his huge house ahead. Edward doesn't offer for me to come home with him.

I understand.

Or maybe I just pretend that I do.

"Shit," he says, looking around.

"What is it?" I wonder.

"Look at all the fucking cars in my driveway." He points.

There are cars, and cars, and cars. Parked all over, I cannot deny the fact that they all look squeaky clean and brand new.

"Are you expecting people?" I ask.

"Na, but this explains my dad's strange phone call." Edward continues to look around.

"Yoh, Eddy, that you?" We hear a voice in the distance.

My heart beats out of my chest, as I fear that someone may see us together.

"Bella, go hide over there." Edward points towards the trees in whispered panic.

I quickly run away. My heart beat, beat, beats. Not because someone may have seen us, but because our time together was not supposed to end just yet.

I lean my body against the tree and close my eyes.

_Breathe._

"Oh…it is him." I hear another voice.

"Hey, what're you guys doing here?" Edward asks, I can hear the surprise in his voice.

"We came to fetch you man." I take a peek and recognise Jasper and Jake.

I hear Edward tell them he went on a hike. They laugh and make their way through the large gates.

Again, I am alone and empty. The world just can't seem to stop pulling us apart.

_Why can't we just be left alone?_

Once I am certain that there is no one in sight, I sneak up to my car, and I unlock the door.

Before I climb in, I hear voices, as everyone shouts 'SURPISE!' in the distance.

I guess they planned a surprise party for Edward, and I was not invited. I hear music begin to play, and voices become louder.

As I turn on my ignition, I see fireworks in the distance, obviously coming from his back yard.

I cry.

I cry because what the fuck was I thinking?

This is Edward's life. It is filled with surprises and fireworks that will never include me.

My life is so, so different.

I sit in my car and listen to the happy sounds in the distance. I wonder what my boy is thinking.

Again, a mere consequence of a foundation built around secrets and lies.

Love is uninvited and uninvolved.

Love is sneaking behind trees.

Love is promising to understand.

Love is failing to understand.

There is no reason for this sadness.

Because hurting will not change anything.

Edward and I are worlds apart. No matter how hard we try to just be together, there will always something tearing us apart.

I just don't have the strength for this constant tug of war.

Sadly, I know he doesn't either.

Before he gives up, I might as well beat him to it.

So, I pull away from the curb, and I wipe my eyes.

I am tired of hurting. I am tired of been tired.

So I drive, drive, and drive some more. I end up alone at the beach like a depressed little girl.

I call Ally.

Because best friends will always be there to care and share, and just love.

"_Hey, Ally, so how about we smoke some weed…?"_

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Any thoughts? Do you agree with Bella's change of attitude?**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N Hey guys!**

**Thank you for all your wonderful support. I really appreciate your thoughts about this story. I sensed some anger towards Edward,so I decided to introduce a chapter where you guys can begin to understand him a bit better. I hope you don't miss Bella too , he is young and confused. Would you choose a new found love over everything that you know? Please do share your thoughts.**

**Please feel free to ask me any questions that may concern you :-)**

**Again, a special thanks goes out to my wonderful beta Elise de Sallier. You would never imagine how grateful I am for your help even though we are worlds apart.**

**Thanks so,so much!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**Chapter 26**

**EPOV**

"Yoh dude, come on. We need to get going." Jasper yells as we make our way up my driveway.

I know something's up, but I am too preoccupied with thoughts of Bella. I am so fucking anxious because she's hiding alone, behind a fucking tree.

Maybe that's a consequence of keeping our relationship a secret.

We walk up the porch, and I turn around trying to catch any movements in the distance.

I don't see her.

Jake shoves me towards the door, encouraging me to keep walking. I grab his arm and protest.

"Come on! What's taking you so long?" He's all glossy eyes and continuous smirking.

_High motherfucker._

My heart beat, beat, beats of everything that my girl must be feeling right now. In all honesty, I feel like shit. I can't believe I left her alone in the woods.

But what the fuck can I do?

The world is pulling us apart, and there's nothing we can do about it.

My stomach churns, as conflicting thoughts fight to be heard in my head. Then, all of a sudden, I hear a loud scream.

"SURPRISE!"

Time stands still, and everything is a blur. All I see are lights, lights and unfamiliar faces. People are rushing towards me to congratulate me, but I keep turning my back, unconsciously hoping that Bella will walk through the door.

In our foyer, there are people standing all over with bright pretentious smiles on their faces. I am handed a glass of Champaign, while I'm cornered by my parents and grandparents.

I feel smothered in this spurious world.

"Congratulations, Son. We're so proud of you." I hear Esme's voice, but I don't see her face.

I don't see anything.

People are crowding me from all areas. It's as if I am watching myself in slow motion.

Thoughts of Bella continue to take over every aspect of my mind.

The crowding continues with the large room become smaller.

I feel sick.

_Beat, beat, beat._

I am overcome with an intense need to just disappear, so I say, "excuse me, I'll be right back." I run my hands over my face and rush up the spiral staircase towards my room.

I hear people calling after me, but I ignore them.

As soon as make it to my room, I shut my door and lock it behind me.

Taking a deep breath, I lean my too warm body against my cool wall.

I reach for my phone and immediately dial Bella's number. I feel like I am having a panic attack or some shit.

_Love is anxiety inducing with shaking hands and sweaty palms. _

She doesn't answer, so I call again and again and again.

On my fifth attempt, I hear knocking on my door.

I don't know what to do or how to feel.

Because these fucked up people are destroying what little I have with the girl I love.

I feel like yelling at them to leave me the fuck alone.

I want to tell them that I don't care about this pretentious party and that the only real person in my life is hiding out somewhere.

But I don't. Instead, I take a deep breath, and walk over to my door.

The banging doesn't stop. I hear music coming from the pool area, and I wish I didn't have to leave my room.

I open my door abruptly, and outside awaits my mother.

"Baby, what's wrong? You just rushed out, there are people who are dying to talk to you." Esme is all white cocktail dress and silver Louboutins.

"I just needed to drop off my things, mom." I try to make an excuse.

I keep looking at my phone to see if Bella tried to call me back.

"Well, hurry up. And we have helpers who can pack your things away. While you're up here, change into something more presentable." My mom smiles as she runs her eyes down my body, confirming my suspicions that appearance means fucking everything to her.

I nod and quickly open my door so that she can get the fuck out.

I try to call Bella one more time, but she doesn't answer. I decide to text her.

**Edward: Please answer my calls, or at least let me know that you're okay!**

I get dressed as fast as I can, changing into black skinny jeans and a plaid shirt. I grab a baseball cap and throw it on backwards.

Esme asked for presentable. Fuck that!

I jog down the stairs, and I am greeted by so many people.

My grandparents make their way towards me, and my grandfather shakes my hand and hands me over an envelope.

"This is a little gift from your grandmother and I. Keep it safe." He smiles.

I thank him and hug Elizabeth.

I call Maria over and ask if I can have a word with her.

I give her the envelope and say, "Maria, please keep this safe. Will you do me a favour? Please." I am so fucking desperate.

"Yes, Edward. What's the matter?"

I look around to make sure no one can hear my request.

"Please, can you go out and check if Bella's car is still parked on the curb. If you see her, tell her I didn't know about any of this. Tell her to call me."

Maria understands. She nods and rushes to the front door.

Thank fuck Maria knows.

As I make my way out to the patio, I hear the music lowering and a glass clicking.

My father stands at the end of the pool, and motions for me to come over. Someone hands him a mike, and he begins testing the sound. My eyes remain on the door, waiting for Maria to return.

Again, I hear my name being called, so I walk over to where my family awaits. I notice all my friends from school, and my entire high school soccer team are standing around my parents.

When I get to them, Esme grabs my hand and Carlisle pats my shoulder.

This is what they want people to think. We are perfect. We are happy.

We're supposed to have the perfect house, drive the perfect cars, and throw the perfect parties.

I take a deep breath and try to block Bella out of my mind.

Because I am a hundred different people in one right now.

"Edward," my father begins. "You must have been surprised to come home to a full house, surrounded by the people who know you and love you. Your mother and I decided to throw you a little something, with the help of your friends, to show how proud we all are of you for obtaining a provisional acceptance and a full scholarship to UCL"

I nod and look around. In all honestly, I don't think I heard the first part of my father's speech.

All I am thinking is how pathetic all these people are. Nobody even fucking knows the real me. The real me that only Bella knows. And she wasn't even fucking invited. But why would she be here when we have a relationship that is unknown to everyone?

"Son, we are so pleased with the talents you display. Aside from throwing you this surprise party, your mother and I decided to get you something small." Carlisle is all smiles while Esme's wipes her fucking fake tears.

I am surrounded by fucking imposters.

I don't want to be this person.

_Fuck! What is wrong with me?_

My dad scratches in his pocket and presents me with a key attached to a soccer ball key ring.

I am handed a glass of sparkling white wine.

"Son, this is the keys to your new car."

I shake my head in disbelief as everyone starts applauding.

_Beat, beat, beat._

I need Bella. I need her smile. I need her deep dimples. I need her innocent kisses. I need her soft midnight snores. I need her love and adoration.

I hear somebody shout from across the yard what kind of car it is. I don't give a fuck.

Call me ungrateful, but when you're living a life that is only to impress others, there comes a time when everything becomes too much.

I am only human.

I also know that my ungrateful reaction is part of the fact that I am in love with someone who will never be accepted in my world.

_A fucking Slummer._

So I look around and take a deep breathe. I try to smile, but it is difficult because my heart hurts so, so bad.

I've never felt so alone, even though I am surrounded by so many people.

I don't wanna be anything other than what I am when I'm with Bella.

But I am a coward. I know that.

Carlisle proposes a toast after my grandfather and Jasper both give a speech.

Everyone raises their glasses and yells my name in unison.

Eventually, I smile and grab the mike from my father, as the crowd awaits my speech.

"Wow." I run my hands through my hair. I look around, and everything is in slow motion once again. I see so many happy faces staring back at me. I see the girls from school and, my two best friends. I recognise people from the country club, and I see my soccer team…I see everyone but the one person I want to see.

In this moment, I hate myself. Because the person that I am so good at pretending to be is making its way to my consciousness.

My false self.

I rub my hands over my light stubble and continue, "Thank you. This is amazing. You guys are all amazing."

What more am I to do, when the reason my heart beats is alone somewhere, hiding from this life I am so good at living?

Loud voices encourage me to continue.

"Thank you, Mom and Dad, a car was definitely something I was not expecting. Fuck." I immediately put my hand over my mouth once I realise I had cussed.

I hear laughter and everything that is happy.

_This isn't me anymore._

"Thanks to everyone else who continued to encourage me, and to my coach and all my family and friends. Thank you."

My bleeding heart is soon replaced with a feeling of overwhelming fear.

The truth is, I am scared. I am so fucking scared because sooner or later, I am going to have to choose. I don't know how I will live with myself if my choice is not Bella. But who am I without this life that I am living?

Eventually, once everyone has hugged me or shaken my hand, Jake brings a glass over.

"It's your favourite, bro, Jameson. Drink up."

I take one gulp and request another.

Because when all else fails, blaming it on alcohol makes it seem better.

I need to forget.

_She could have fucking called!_

Tanya walks over to me with a tiny ass red dress and kisses me on my cheek. The smell of her overused perfume makes me almost want to puke.

"Well, well, well…if it isn't our pro soccer star."

She twirls the ends of her curls.

I force a smile.

"Not pro yet, Tanya."

"Same difference. If you wanna let off some steam later, call me." She smirks and walks away.

Before Bella came along, I would have considered her offer.

Now? Now I'd never.

Soon, I am on my fourth glass, and I must have had conversations with twenty other people.

I continue to check my phone.

My heart continues to beat for the girl who isn't here.

I am starting to doubt if this is love that I am feeling, because all I feel is pain.

People have started dancing on the makeshift dance floor, and there are fucking fireworks and lighting of lanterns.

If this is my parent's reaction to my pre-acceptance at a prestigious university, I don't want to know what they'll do when I graduate.

They carry on like I am out of school.

Don't they get that I still have another year of endless possibilities?

My father makes his way over to me again and gently pulls me aside.

"Son, you don't look yourself. Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. So how about we go check out my new ride?" I smile. My intentions are not to see the car, I just wanna get the fuck out of here, so I can breathe.

Carlisle walks away, and I follow him to our outside car port.

He presses the remote for the automatic doors to open.

I stand beside my father and take a deep breath.

Parked inside the garage is a new black Mercedes-Benz C-Class Coupe

I am in utter disbelief.

Because what the fuck am I supposed to do with such a fancy car?

I feel like shaking my father and screaming that I am only fucking eighteen.

I won't.

Buying all these materialistic items are my parent's way of confirming that they own me and my choices.

If I do wrong, they are able to take so much away from me. I can already picture Carlisle's ultimatum once I reveal to him that I am in love with a Slummer.

He will take everything away until there is nothing left.

"Wow, Dad. This is too much. I was fine with my truck, you know." I try to sound like I appreciate what's in front of me. I run my hands along the shiny metallic and I wish, wish, wish they could rather want what I want.

"Well Son, obviously you get to keep your truck if you like, it's just that your mother and I wanted you to know how proud we are of all that you have achieved this far. I push you for a reason. Always know that you will be rewarded."

I nod, even though I don't believe him.

"When I watched you play against men, years older than you're age, and so much more experienced…I couldn't believe that you had it in you to outplay them like that. Edward, you are so talented. Don't ever allow anything stop you from reaching your goals.

Again, all I can do is nod.

Because whose goals are they really?

Once we make our way back inside, the DJ turns up the music, and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves on the dance floor.

Jasper holds up a rolled joint, and calls me over.

I walk towards him.

"Care to smoke some good stuff with your brother?" He smirks.

"Fuck yeah," I say, because I can do with some calming.

Jasper, Jake, and I walk to the side of my house, and we light up the joint. I pull in three continuous drags, and we pass on the joint until there is nothing left to smoke.

I feel like I am floating.

Finally, I am relaxed and thoughts of brown-eyed innocence are fading away.

I needed this.

But as always, my heart wins.

So I make my way to the bathroom and try to call her again.

She doesn't answer.

I get angry. I text her again.

**Edward: Fuck you! You're selfish and you're cruel!**

I walk out of the bathroom, but quickly go back inside when I realise what I had just sent. I panic and send another text.

**Edward: Okay, I take that back. I'm sorry. You're not selfish and you're not cruel.**

I look around for Maria, and once I spot her, I hold my hands up in question.

She shakes her head, which means Bella left long ago.

Once most of the people are outside, I walk into the kitchen to grab some appetisers.

I have the munchies.

I don't know if I am hallucinating, or if the woman in front of me is really her.

Dressed in the catering service attire is Bella's mother Rene.

I blink once…twice…and stare.

She smiles at me.

_Why the fuck is fate doing this to me!_

Rene packs hors d'oeuvre on a tray and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Bella always does the exact same gesture.

Rene looks tired and overworked.

I feel guilty, because while my parents are partying up a storm and handing out fancy cars to teenage boys, Bella's mother is working her ass off in the kitchen of the boy who is in love with her daughter.

My heart beats the feeling of all that is familiar, and I know I have to get out of here sooner or later.

Maria walks up to me and gives me a look of knowing.

"That's her mother," I whisper to Maria, as I secretly point in Rene's direction.

I'm high and I am obvious.

Maria's eyes enlarge, and she shakes her head. She knows what I am about to do.

"Hey, I'm Edward." I walk up to Rene and introduce myself. I don't know where my sudden confidence is coming from.

Probably the weed.

"I know who you are." She smiles and continues her work in the kitchen.

"You really don't have to be here. There's like more than enough helpers." I try to sound polite.

"Oh Edward, that's so sweet of you, but…" Rene is interrupted by the sound of my mother's voice.

"Edward, is the staff bothering you?" My mom asks in an accusing tone.

I panic.

Rene looks worried.

"No, no…I was just saying how good these all are." I lie.

"Oh, well, come outside. We have guests who are here for you." My mother smiles at me, but I don't miss the displeased look she sends Rene's way.

I follow behind my mother, but quickly turn around and whisper a silent "sorry" to Bella's mother.

She nods. She understands.

Just looking at Rene, I know she will accept me regardless of who I am or where I come from. Not because I come from money, but because the Swans are incapable of not loving people.

Bella and her mother share the same care free approach to life.

They love what they can.

They appreciate the smallest of things.

They are always true to themselves and to others.

I wish that I could possess those abilities.

The Swans will always be richer than anyone who is here tonight, not by the size of their bank accounts, but by the humility in their hearts.

I step outside, I socialise, I drink, I dance, I play some pool, and I pose for pictures. All the while, I have never felt so alone.

It sucks realising that the better part of yourself is nowhere close to your world.

I am hyper aware of Rene's presence, and I get upset when Jasper comments on her ass. Luckily for him, he doesn't mention Bella.

The night goes on and on and on.

I pretend to have the best night of my life when in fact it is the worst.

Victoria tries to woo me over, but I ignore her.

I recognise long blond hair from across the yard, and I know I have seen those clear blue eyes before. She smiles and makes her way over.

"Edward Cullen, I knew I'd see you again." She smirks.

I look at her with confusion, and then she continues, "It's me, Bree. Remember we met at the country club." She touches my shoulder, and I hate it.

"Oh, yeah, Bree…Nice to see you again." I try to act as distant as I can.

Jasper leans into me and whispers, "Dude, if you don't tap that, I will."

I shake my head and tell him to be my guest.

He looks at me in disbelief.

I excuse myself from them both and head to the bar.

"Three shots of tequila please?"

Because, it's time to get fucked up.

From there on, I pretty much remain at the bar until I cannot stand up straight anymore. Everyone tries to help me out, but I insist that I am okay.

I know everyone is drunk by now, so I guess it's good that I am blending in.

"Edward, let me take you up to your room." I nod, because that familiar sweet sound is the voice of my grandmother, Elizabeth.

"You're still here."

"Well, as you can see, Marcus doesn't look like he wants to leave anytime soon."

I look over and watch as my grandfather takes a puff of his cigar, while half listening to the guy he is talking to and half observing the crowed.

_Nosey motherfucker._

My grandmother gently steadies me and holds my lower back as we make our way inside.

Maria pops out of nowhere and says she will help me. My grandmother insists that she will walk me to my room.

On the way, I can make out lounging bodies through my blurred vision. Jake is passed out on the sun room sofa, and Kate is leaning on his shoulder, texting on her phone.

Rosalie smiles and then rolls her eyes, mouthing "fuck you". I manage to show her my middle finger.

I climb up the stairs with my grandmother following closely behind. I almost trip over my feet but steady myself against the railing.

"I'm wasted Gran," I slur.

"I know you are, that is why I am only leaving once you are tucked in bed."

"You're gonna tell me a story?" I tease.

"I will if that will get you to sleep." She's always so fucking humble.

Once I am in my room, I feel the familiar feeling of emptiness return. I automatically check my phone, even though I know that there will be nothing from Bella.

My girl has made up her mind, and I know it isn't good. She's stubborn , and I know she needs to be away from me.

I get that.

I just won't ever allow it to happen.

Because, this love is obsession.

Once I am in my room, my grandmother shuts the door behind us, and she walks to my bathroom.

I step out of my vans and pull my shirt over my head.

She returns with a wash rag and a glass of water.

"Drink this up and wipe your face."

I take it from her and thank her. Once I have stripped down to my boxers, I pull open my covers and collapse onto my bed.

A rush of dizziness overwhelms me, so I close my eyes.

I picture Bella.

I picture her tiny nose and full lips.

I picture her delicate curves and her amazing legs.

I picture her smile and her deep, deep dimples.

I picture her big brown eyes, both sad and happy.

My grandmother gently kisses me on my forehead. I feel safe.

I feel the sudden need to confide in her.

"Gran, before you go, can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can Edward." She takes a seat on the edge of my bed.

I grab my light remote and dim the bright lights in my room.

"Have you only ever loved grandfather?"

She looks surprised and then deep in thought.

"Do you really want to know the answer to this right now?" She takes a deep breath.

I nod and close my eyes.

"No, your grandfather was not the only man I loved. I had a friend…a friend who I was not allowed to see." Her answer is filled with regret.

Immediately, I open my eyes and sit up, and the room spins for a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't allowed to see him. You see, in those days parental approval was everything. I was the only daughter of a very wealthy man. I had an image to uphold for both myself and my family." She smiles.

"And what about the other guy?"

"He is around. He's still where he was the first time I met him."

"Is he a Slummer?" The question escapes my lips before I can even think it through.

"Yes Edward, he is, and he always will be."

I crumble.

Because where the fuck is all the hope that I once possessed.

I swallow deeply and go back to lying down on my back without saying a word.

My grandmother's revelation is too much for me to handle.

She notices my unease and says, "why do you ask, Edward?" She sounds genuinely concerned.

I can't keep this in anymore. I have to tell someone, anyone.

"I think history is repeating itself," I whisper.

"What? Are you telling me you are falling for a poor girl? A Slummer?"

"No."

"Then what are you trying to say, Edward?"

I slowly sit up and look straight into the eyes of the wisest woman I know.

"No Gran, I am not falling for a poor girl. I'm already in love with her."

My grandmother takes a deep breath and shakes her head in disapproval.

Denial.

We are all in fucking denial.

"It can't continue, Edward. Your parents will never approve. No one will ever approve."

"Will you? Will you accept her?" I need to know that someone will be there for me once I choose Bella and lose everything else.

"Edward, we all just want what's best for you. This little infatuation will all come to an end, and we will laugh about it." She doesn't answer my question.

"Her name is Bella, and she is what is best for me."

"You may think that now, but you are young, Edward. Don't allow your feelings to destroy your life. Girls like her don't know any better."

"What? You don't even know her! I thought you'd understand." I am disappointed in the one person I thought I could trust.

"I do, and speaking from experience, it is best to stick to what you know." I know my grandmother is trying to justify her actions.

"She's all I wanna know. I fucking love her and nobody will ever understand."

I am a pussy.

Because I am now fucking crying.

I hate this feeling of hurt, of not having a choice.

My grandmothers motions towards me and holds me tightly.

"Does she know?" she whispers.

I shake my head.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but my advice is to follow your heart."

"Really?" I can't believe her change of words.

"Yes, Edward. Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and your own life, not what's best for everybody else."

"She's everything," I whisper while wiping my fucked up tears.

My grandmother tells me to meet up with her on Sunday, so we can chat. She tells me that she wants to meet Bella. She also wipes my tears and tells me to be strong.

We say good night, and I am finally alone.

My heart no longer beats for Bella alone, it beats with hope and newfound support.

Love does that, I guess.

Love brings tears to the strongest of hearts.

Love makes you feel lonely in crowded spaces.

Love is lying awake in a drunken state, praying for just one call.

Love is falling asleep with tearful eyes.

Love is never letting go.

So, I refuse to turn my back and fade away from this love.

Isabella Maria Swan will always be my forever.

_No matter what._

Because nobody will ever love her more than I do.

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**A/N: What do you guys think? Any sympathy for our Eddy boy? What would you suggest?**

**Thank you for reading :-)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hi guys! Thank you to everyone who continues to read this story and thank you to my wonderful beta Elise de Sallier. **

**For those of you who have any questions, please feel free to ask :-) I try try to respond to all your messages. Your thoughts always mean so much to me!**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Please share your thoughts!**

**Disclaimer: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**BPOV**

I wake up in an immediate state of panic. I don't know where I am and why my body feels this way.

I am nauseas, and my head is spinning like I just jumped off a carousel. To make matters worse, I am cold and hungry.

_Quit complaining._

Opening my eyes, I slowly observe my surroundings. I am at the beach, and Ally is curled up next to me. There are bottles laying everywhere and a dying bonfire.

_What the fuck?_

I turn around and startle when I realise that Garret is lying down beside me, tapping on his phone. Peter is lying across from us, and there are another two laughing bodies that I don't recognize.

In a panic, I shake Ally.

"Ally, wake up?"

She doesn't budge.

I slowly stand and try to steady myself. Everything is spinning around me. Its pitch dark, and I can't find my phone to see the time.

Images of what happened earlier make their way to my consciousness.

I remember calling Alice, and she agreed to meet up with me at the beach. Peter and Garret came along with her because apparently they are in town for the weekend. They brought two bottles of whatever, and I remember drinking too many shots with the encouragement of my best friend. The bitter taste continues to burn my mouth.

Garret tried to come at me, but I know that I rejected him.

_Why wouldn't I?_

Alice was upset with me because she wants me to be with her cousin. She doesn't understand that Garret will never be _him._

My aim was to forget. I unfortunately did not succeed.

I feel terrible. I feel guilty. I feel like I don't feel anything at all.

Because, I am fucking numb.

Instead of allowing guilt to consume me, I collect my discarded hoody and pull it over my head. Covering up my exposed shoulders somehow makes me feel a bit safer.

I stare at the crashing waves in the distance as the moon reflects across the water and everything seems to be spinning around me.

After bending down, I shake Ally again.

"Ally, come on, wakeup?" I stumble over a littered bottle.

She moans and opens her eyes slowly. One of the unfamiliar dudes sits up and smirks.

I don't know what the hell is happening.

"Wow, you're alive girl," she says dryly."

"What the fuck happened? I can't find my phone." I begin patting my pockets for the one hundredth time.

"You, Bella, are a fucking tiger. I didn't think you had it in you." Ally lights up a cigarette and offers me a smoke. I frown.

"You smoke?" I ask disgusted.

"Chill out girl, I am still fucking drunk." She smirks.

This intense dizziness continues to overwhelm me.

I need to throw up because I am surrounded by everything that isn't me.

I rush over to what I think is the sand dunes, and puke my guts out.

Ally appears behind me. She pats my back and laughs hysterically.

The sound of her vicious, vicious laugh makes me feel all the more sick.

Kneeling on the sand with my hands covering my face, I feel like crying because the physical pain is just too much.

_Edward._

_Beat, beat, beat._

I forgot about my boy.

In one breath, I don't feel anything at all. The physical pain I'm experiencing is overtaken with emotional terror.

I am scared.

Because I forgot.

Love is never forgetting.

I got wasted, and I cannot remember a thing, and I forgot about my sweet, sweet boy.

Last night, when I watched as Edward walked away, not by choice, but because it was the right thing to do, I crumbled.

I couldn't take the pain and hurt of watching him disappear into the life that he needs to live. The life that is planned out for him. The life that will never include me.

Because sooner or later, he will walk away and never come back.

I know that. I need him to walk away because I don't think my heart will ever allow me to be the one to withdraw from this love. Edward has a life filled with wealth and success. He is blessed with the best. He lives under constant pressure, but my boy knows how to deal.

I don't.

And with that, I realise that I need to let go, because I will eventually end up destroying that life.

Edward cares for me, I will never doubt that, but he may also be captivated by the fact that I am his simplicity. I give him the needed energy to just let go and to breathe and be free.

I don't want to be his insignificant escape…I want to be his everything.

Sooner or later, the lightness I bring to his life will wear off, and he will seek something else. _Someone else_.

Because a Slummer and someone who is wealthy are rivals that can never be together.

Sadly, it is the definition of us.

So, I allow some tears to fall. I have become a master at shedding unwelcome tears.

Alice looks concerned, but only for my physical health. My girl will never know.

_Beat, beat, beat._

I roll up into a ball, bedded by a billion grains of sand.

I need to go home.

I need my phone.

I need a familiar soothing voice.

I need Edward.

I don't need Edward.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bella, I'm going to carry you to your car okay?" I hear an unfamiliar voice in my sleepy state.

Opening my eyes, I see Garret.

"What?" I ask confused.

"We need to get out of here before we get reported for loitering. Let me help you." Garret gently pulls me up. I nod, because what else can I do in this helpless state?

Strong arms lift my frail body. Looking down, it's all white converse sneakers, and sand, sand, sand.

I guess we're still at the beach.

I close my eyes and everything goes black.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up to the feel of eyes on me. I don't know who it is or where I am, and my eyes snap open.

Ally is staring at me, gently playing with the strands of my hair and humming a bitter-sweet symphony.

It's weird.

She smiles.

"How you feeling, sugar?" she whispers.

Closing my eyes, I take a moment to just breathe.

"I feel like shit." I am all dry voice and scowling expressions.

Headache. Nausea. Dry throat.

"Well, your mom called. I covered for you."

"Huh?" I ask confused.

"Yeah, she said she tried calling you. She was pretty pissed if you ask me." Ally continues to hum and play with my hair.

"What time is it?"

"Uhm…one thirty."

I jump up in a panic and ignore the sudden rush of pain to my head.

"One thirty, as in the afternoon?" I screech, seeking answers to the obvious.

"Yeah, Bella. You were pretty out of it last night."

I panic, panic, and panic some more.

Because where the fuck is my phone.

"Where's my phone?" I look around desperately.

"Chillax girl, it's tucked safely in my bag."

I rush to Ally's bag, and she giggles and says I am searching in the wrong one.

I grab my phone and it is off.

_Thank God._

In one motion, I manage to seek out a power plug and turn it on.

I am bombarded with several texts and eighteen missed called.

Fifteen are from Edward.

I want to die.

"Where is my car, Ally?" I ask in a state of continuous panic.

"Garret drove it to my house. They left this morning to head back to Glenhaven. Pretty boy was kinda beat up that he couldn't get a goodbye kiss…" She smirks.

I ignore her and roll my eyes.

"I need to go," I say as I twirl my sandy hair into a bun.

I feel dirty and irresponsible.

But most of all, I feel disappointed in the person I was last night.

So I say goodbye to Ally, rush out of her front door, and wave to whoever it is seated in her living room.

I climb into my car and speed home in a state of disarray.

As I turn up my driveway, I notice a shiny new Mercedes parked out front.

I think I know who it could be, but then my heart confirms all suspicions.

My heart beats of all that is familiar, and I know I am in trouble.

Not with my mother, not with the law, but with the boy that I love.

_Run for your life, says my head._

I turn off the ignition and take a deep breathe, steadying myself with my hands gripped tightly around the steering wheel.

My knuckles turn white with the pressure.

I know when I get out of this car, everything will be different.

Edward will no longer be mine, and I will no longer be his.

I am one lost girl with a thousand feelings for one special boy.

After a moment spent taking slow, deep breaths, I slowly climb out of my car and watch as he rushes out of the shiny car, towards me.

He looks all crazy mad and hurt.

I feel responsible for his emotions because I have given up. Then again, it's impossible to fight against what was never supposed to be.

"Do you know what time it is? Where the fuck were you!" Edward is blazing with anger.

I cover my ears and block out the sound of his voice.

He continues to walk up closer to me, probably disgusted because I'm wearing the same clothing as yesterday.

"Go away," I whisper while keeping my eyes fixed on the ground. Then I search for my house keys and walk up to the tiny porch

He follows. Always follows.

"No! Answer me!"

I ignore him. Because I don't need this right now.

"Please, just leave." I look around to make sure my neighbours aren't witnessing our drama.

"Don't tell me to leave, Bella. Don't you fucking dare."

I look up at him for the first time, and see him running his hand through his hair

My boy looks tired. His too young face appears old with worry.

Love? Love isn't supposed to be this way.

Love is supposed to be tranquil and effortless.

But how can it be, when there is a Slummer in this twisted equation?

I quickly unlock my door and rush in, intending to shut him out. But Edward is always one step ahead, so he catches the door, and forces himself inside.

"My mom's home," I lie.

"No, she's not! If you were home, you would have known that she left hours ago. Where were you, Bella?" he demands.

I'm hurting him. I know that.

"Go away or I will scream." I demand.

I won't.

"No you won't!" His burning gaze meets my guilty eyes.

"Yes, I will!" I want to scream so badly. I need him to go away because we are nothing, nothing, nothing.

_Lie_.

He walks up to me, and I am floating in numbness.

I will never fear Edward, but I fear the stranger he was before I came along.

"Where were you?" He runs his hand aggressively through his unruly hair.

"What does it matter?" I don't want to continue this conversation.

My head is screaming, leave, leave, leave.

My heart is screaming, stay, stay, stay.

"What did I do? Why are you doing this to me Bella? Please don't." My boy's voice sounds like it is breaking.

I look away and close my eyes.

Edward gently touches my shoulder, and I immediately flinch away from his touch

"Don't touch me!"

"Bella? What the fuck did I do? Please tell me?"

"Edward, it's not about what you did. It's what you didn't do. You will always choose them. I get that." My tears begin to fall. "I hate being your little getaway secret! I am so, so much better than being your afterthought," I say in one breathe.

"Don't say that. Please," he whispers.

I still don't look his way.

"Please, go away."

"I can't, Bella. You are all I never knew I needed. It will always be you!" My boy breaks.

"Yes, you can. You just don't know how to deal with rejection," I whisper in all that is lies.

"Bella, please don't do this to me. I need you." He follows me as I back away, closing the distance I'm trying to put between us.

In this moment, I realise that in order to get Edward to leave me alone, I need to lie to him. It will crush me all the more, but in the end, he will thank me.

"I don't need you. I never did."

_Lies._

"Yes, you do! You care for me, Bella."

"No, I don't. I used you. I feel nothing for you." I take a deep breath and turn around to face the boy I love so much.

_Lies._

Edward looks into my eyes. All I see is pain in his beautiful golden greens. I know he is hurting. I also know that sooner or later, he will believe my lies and walk away.

I need him to, because it is so much better than forcing him to make a decision between two different worlds. I will never expect him to choose me, because the last thing I want is to deprive him from his perfect future

"We had sex. You opened up to me. You told me you needed us to be together." He needs me to confirm the truth.

I won't. I can't.

"I used you! Who wouldn't wanna lose their virginity to the town's golden boy?" I force a bitter laugh. Suddenly, I am angry because I once wanted to give this boy everything. "Get out!" I yell.

"Fuck you! I would have chosen you! I even told my grandmother about you Bella. Do you know I was searching the internet this morning to see how I can go about becoming emancipated? I was willing to give up everything for you!" Tears begin to fall down my boys cheeks, "I can't believe I was so fucking stupid to be whipped up with a Slummer!" he yells and wipes his tears angrily.

I try to approach him, but before I can say anything, Edward rushes out and slams my front door.

I close my eyes and pull my hair. Everything hurts. I will never be as strong as him.

So, I cry, hard and loud and ugly.

Because Edward Cullen needs me, and I broke his heart. He is a part of me that I wish, wish, wish I didn't need.

He will never know how much we are worth, only there is no 'we'. I guess we are both better off being alone and apart, because it's what the world wants. The world doesn't see our unconditional devotion and how beautiful we can be together.

Why does love need assurance and acceptance?

Why can't we understand and agree?

Why can't we forgive and forget?

Why can't love be worth it, without a price at all?

All I will ever have to give is my heart, and that alone will never be enough. Love will never win the fight against wealth and fortune.

This connection that we have hurts the hardest, feels the strongest, but it will never last the fucking longest.

I get that.

_Dear heart, why him?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I don't know what time it is or how long I have been in this position, but I am sitting in the corner of the shower with cold water splashing down my body.

I pick at my water induced shrinking skin and pull on the ends of my hair.

I called Edward nine times. I drove up to his house. I even drove to Jasper's.

I don't know where he is, or what he's doing, or who he is with.

This little game of cat and mouse that we've become so good at playing has finally caught up with us.

I am supposed to be the one who is angry and alone and upset.

Edward was never supposed to want to give up everything for me.

What makes matters worse, I believe him.

I believe everything that he said.

Now? Now he thinks I am a user. He thinks I am one of them. A dirty Slummer.

I don't blame him.

And that makes me cry even harder.

So I cry, cry, and cry some more.

I need my mother. I need Ally. I need to be told that everything will be okay. I need anybody but the person I am in my own company.

Eventually, once the water becomes too cold, I stand up limply and climb out of the shower.

After walking through to my room, I stare at my naked figure in the mirror.

I see a weak, weak girl. I run my hand along my neck and down my arm, envisioning the touch that I may never feel again.

My room smells of him.

There are unpaired socks, a flip flop, and a water bottle that all belong to my boy.

I have so many pictures of our time together.

I have his hoody.

I have his sweater.

I have his gold chain.

He forgot all of those things in my room. Surely that means he will come back?

I call him again. No answer.

So, I do the next best thing. I get dressed and climb into bed, wishing that I could fall asleep and never wake up.

Because seventeen year old girls are not supposed to have broken hearts.

This time, I don't deal.

I disappear.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up feeling disorientated.

It's Sunday. Tomorrow will be my first day as a senior.

Tomorrow I will have to face the reason my heart beats.

Tomorrow, summer is officially over.

I sleep awful, if at all. Once my tears dry up, I rush to the bathroom because I got my period during the night.

Today, the weather is cold and appears misty. Nature's indication of what little is left of summer.

Just like the weather, my mood is grey. I would probably meet the diagnostic criteria for a major depressive episode. I haven't heard a thing from Edward, and I wonder what he is doing and if he is okay.

It's 5 a.m. The average person is still asleep, but I climb out of bed and make my way to Rene's room. My mom lies spread out on her double bed. I lift the covers and climb in next to the woman who brought me into this world.

My heart feels heavy. Everything just feels fucking heavy.

My mom turns around and unconsciously snuggles up beside me. I need her to hold me and give unspoken comfort. Because I am small and needy and I crave the safety that only a mother can provide.

Battling to fall asleep, I stare at the chipped white ceiling. I count the cream stains and water marks. I just want to forget everything.

Sleep eventually wraps me up and finally, I can forget just a bit.

Waking up, the mist is still present. I stretch out my arms and smell the familiar early morning coffee.

Climbing out of my mom's bed, I immediately rush to my room to scan my phone.

_Nothing. _

After making my way down the stairs, I hug my mother. She is all smiles and faded night gown.

"Morning, Pipes. How are you?" My mom gently wipes the strands out of my face.

I want to scream that I am broken and terrified.

I won't.

Instead, I say, "I'm okay thanks, how are you?"

"I'm good. I'm so glad that today's my last day with the catering company."

"Really? Why?" I try to sound interested.

"Oh, honey, I decided I'd rather add on more shifts at the diner. Did I tell you I was a server at some kid's house who is at your school?"

"Who?" _I think I know._

"Edward Cullen. He seems like a good guy. His mother on the other hand is fucking ridiculous." Rene is all nonchalant while my heart beat, beat, beats of destroyed love.

Isn't it ironic that the first conversation I have today is about a boy my head begs me to forget?

I sigh, because love is a constant reminder.

Just the sound of my boy's name makes me crumble. So I walk away without a word.

I go to my room and get dressed, throwing on some leggings and a loose fitting jersey.

I just don't care any more

Once I am dressed, I kiss Rene on the cheek and rush out.

Climbing into my car, I picture sad green eyes.

I just wish I could let go.

I wish this feeling didn't hurt so much.

I drive, drive, and drive some more, until I am parked at the harbour.

There are kids running around, couples holding hands, colourful balloons flying in all directions. Everything is happy. I never had that life. I never had a father. I never got the things that I wanted. Edward on the other hand, he knows the life I watch before me. He lives it. Another reason why I need to give him up.

I wish I could.

Unconsciously, I am hoping to see my boy. Somewhere, anywhere.

After sitting in my car for hours, I drive home.

Because where else can a girl go when they don't even have enough money to buy a Popsicle?

My house is quiet, there is hardly any food to eat, and I am cold.

As per usual, I prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with black coffee, and make my way up to my room to prepare for school.

As I walk slowly up the stairs, my feet dragging, I feel him.

My heart kinda becomes lighter, and I lose my appetite.

I walk very slowly up to my room and pray that this feeling is not just my imagination.

It isn't.

Casually sitting on my bed, is Edward.

His eyes are red, and for once I can say he doesn't look perfect.

I hesitate inside the doorway, take a deep breath, and stare at him.

My boy looks up, and I have never seen him so lost before.

"I wish I could stay away, Bella." He slowly stands up.

I wish I could tell him how much my heart will never stop needing him.

I won't.

So, I gently place my coffee and sandwich on my desk and walk up to my forever.

Meeting each other halfway, I am immediately welcomed with the heavenly smell of all things Edward.

He looks down, and I look up.

It's our time to let go. But not to give up.

This is exactly what we needed. We need a mutual understanding of never existing goodbyes.

I get that now.

Love is always coming back.

Love is never letting go.

The world doesn't always win.

So I take a deep breath and say, "I lied."

"I know," he whispers, never removing his eyes from mine.

"Then why did you just leave like that?" Some of my heartbreak leaks into my words.

"I needed to get away, Bella. I needed to be angry and alone, because for a second, I hated you. I don't ever wanna hate you." He cups my face in his hand and places his nose against my own

I breathe him in and treasure this moment we have together.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" I don't ask for an apology or for him to tell me where he was. I just want to know where we are going from this point onward.

"Tomorrow, we can do whatever you want." He leaves the decision up to me.

"Then I guess we pretend," I whisper, closing my eyes.

I refuse to cry.

Or maybe I no longer have any tears left.

What's the point of fighting love? We only have everything to lose.

So, I allow my boy to hold onto me tightly and create a memory that we both will need.

"Can I lay with you, Bella? Just for a bit."

I nod and fold my hand in his.

Because my boy needs love that refuses to let go.

We walk over to my bed and laydown facing each other.

I gently trace his light stubble and my favourite mole below his lip.

I no longer feel empty, sad, and confused.

This love doesn't allow for that.

I feel whole and content.

Because this is not the last time I will lay in Edward Cullen's arms.

We drift off to sleep, holding each other tightly without saying anything more.

When I wake up, it is dark, and I am cold and alone, like Edward Cullen never existed in my life.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Today is my first day as a senior. I'm not excited. In fact, I feel tired and unmotivated.

I wish I was lively and energetic like everyone else always seems to be.

I begin my usual before school morning routine by making up my bed and taking a shower. Rene has prepared me coffee and seems more excited than I am.

"Good luck today, Pipes. I love you." Rene cups my cheek.

"Thanks, mom. I love you too." I grab a banana and rush out the door to go and pick up my girl.

When I pull up at Ally's house, she is all blue jeans and white sweater.

During school times, Ally and I are completely different people. We are plain and focussed and unknown to others.

We are freaks.

Blending in is what we do best.

I just hope it stays that way.

I greet my girl and make my way to school. I park in my usual back row space, because there is an unspoken rule that the front row parking belongs to jocks and cheerleaders.

_Whatever. _

I deliberately search the parking lot for Edward, but I don't see his truck.

Rosalie pulls up in her Mini Cooper, followed by Tanya and Kate. They get out of their cars and stand around looking like bored dolls.

Ally chews her gum loudly and blows a big bubble. The popping sound distracts me from the ugly comments which I know are directed at us.

We make our way to the register office and receive our class schedules.

"Oh my God! Why the fuck do I have to be in Banners class?" Ally complains

I am hoping Edward is in none of my classes.

"Hey, we get AP English and gym together. Oh and lunch." I try to sound a bit happy.

I'm not.

The hallways begin to fill up. Ally and I say our good byes and go search for our lockers. My locker is in the East Wing, parallel to the gym. I unpack my bag that holds some of my books and paste the picture Ally and I took at the beach inside the locker door.

The warning bell rings, so I collect some pens and a notepad.

As I am busy closing my locker, I feel him

I don't need to look behind me because I know Edward is there.

I have become so accustomed to this feeling that I am beginning to think I possess a sixth sense of all things "Edward."

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and take a deep breath.

Turning around, my boy stands among his friends looking happy and carefree.

He is a master at this pretence.

I wish I possessed that control.

I know he sees me, because I hear him excuse himself from his friends, saying that he needs to get to class.

I try to walk faster and keep in the middle of the hallway, just in case he decides to pull me into some corner.

I don't want to be his dirty little secret.

So I walk, walk, walk, until I hear my name.

I don't look back.

My boy needs my attention. Attention that I refuse to give him right now.

I arrive at my new classroom and take a seat at the back, keeping my head down.

Because it's easier to be invisible this way.

The classroom begins to fill up, as I feel my phone vibrating.

Checking my phone, I know it is him.

**Edward: You should go have your ears checked out.**

Ouch. I don't reply.

Two minutes later, another text comes through.

**Edward: Meet me at the bleachers between third and fourth. Please.**

Again, I don't reply. But my boy, and so does my heart, knows I will go.

I have no other choice.

For the next couple of hours, I sit in class and write down introductory notes. I walk to the notice board and sign up for tutoring and the school paper. I try everything I can think of to distract myself from the demands of my heart.

I have to turn right to get to my next class.

I have to turn left to get to the outside bleachers.

I turn left.

Because love gives directions when you are going the wrong way.

Love is turning left instead of right.

Love is beating hearts under shady bleachers.

Love is avoiding your first day of school and sneaking away with golden green eyes.

Our eyes collide.

Our hands connect.

Our lips touch.

We deal.

Because I loved him yesterday, and therefore I always will.

* * *

**A/N Any thoughts? Thank you for reading :-)**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N Hey Guys :-)**

**Thank you for continuing to read this story. Your support and interest makes my heart warm, warm, warm. Just to clarify things, I am all for happy endings. I do not have a set timing to update, but I do however try to update as soon as I can.**

**Once again, a special thanks to my amazing beta Elise de Sallier. Thank you for all your help. **

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and share your thoughts.**

**Goie dag (Have a good day)**

**Discalimer: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**EPOV**

_Waiting_.

I hate waiting because it is something she always expects me do.

Bella is so good at pretending I don't exist, but I know she sees me. I know she feels me.

She doesn't look or make any attempt to acknowledge my presence.

I don't like it.

So, I text her. Obviously, she doesn't reply, but I know I should give her some time to make a decision.

I wait, wait, and wait some more. Until I see her.

_Love is the reality of the beauty before my eyes._

I stand behind the bleachers at the outdoor gym, and along comes my girl.

She looks tired, not due to lack of sleep, but tired of this game we're playing.

It is our first day of school and our first as seniors.

I am supposed to work my fucking ass off to pass my grades and maintain my scholarship. Yet here I am, giving into my hearts demands and skipping my first AP English class.

But sometimes love is more important. Sometimes love wins and consumes all your attention.

Bella walks towards me, and her bag looks too big for her small shoulders. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, her signature gesture, and takes a deep breath.

I don't smile. I breathe in deep and glance over to appreciate her presence. I fucking need her.

Feeling the familiar welcome of her arrival, I crave her smell and her touch.

Taking one-two-three steps, I gently grab her hand.

She looks up, and I can tell she doesn't want this. She doesn't want to be here, hiding away from the world, but she came anyway.

_Love leaves no other choice._

Very slowly, I repeat her gesture and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, taking a deep, deep breath. I pull her towards me, and our lips collide, our hearts are finally home.

We're impatient and needy, squeezing in all the love that we can in this moment. But, we're not okay. I get that. We're choosing to ignore the impending void between our hearts.

Our company is no longer a choice, it is laid down by what was never supposed to be. So I say, "Hi."

"Hello." I don't receive any smiles from my beating heart that stands before me. Bella bites her lip and continues to stare at me intently.

I feel heavy and overwhelmed with this love. Bella makes everything around me feel like one big rush.

_I don't want to love her so fucking much._

"Uh…I just wanted to wish you good luck today," I whisper and look around to make sure no one can see us. To be honest, I don't know the exact reason why I wanted to meet up with her. Maybe it was to get my fix to last me for the day.

I wish I could hold her in public and love her the way she deserves to be loved.

"Do you think I'll need it, Edward?" My girl is distracted by her surroundings, looking around anxiously.

I need her attention. I need her to look at me. But she doesn't want to be here.

Her head screams go, go, go. I know this, because I feel her hesitation.

"I hope not, Bella. Are you okay with us being apart for the day?"

Bella traces her hands against the railing of the bleachers. I wish it was my palm she was tracing.

"Yeah, thanks. I guess I should wish you good luck too," she whispers with a smile.

_Beat, beat, beat. _

"Thanks. Will you be home after school?" I try to sound casual.

"Nope."

I can't miss the popping of the 'p'.

"Okay." Disappointment overwhelms me. I need to know where she will be because my heart cannot handle having her around and not being able to appreciate her.

"I have an appointment at the clinic, in case you're wondering," she says as she begins to walk away. Bella knows exactly what she's doing, and she also knows that I'll run after her.

So I do. I grab her hand and say, "An appointment for what?"

I think I know. At least, I hope

She's becoming a master at leaving me in darkness. Bella knows that she can manipulate me whichever way she wants. I just hope she doesn't continue to keep up with her wrenching act.

It fucking hurts.

"I got my period, and my cramps are really bad. Just thought I should go and find out what alternate measure I can take to deal with this shitty pain." Her smile reaches her eyes.

I want to grab her because there is hope after all.

"Well, I think there's a great solution to that." I smile and stare into her eyes.

"See you later, Cullen." And then she's gone.

I follow her, not physically, but emotionally.

Because wherever Bella goes, my heart will follow. In this world, there exists a population of more than seven billion people. My heart beats for one of them. Surely that's love?

I have accepted that. Maybe she has accepted it too.

No matter how much we try to intrude and include eachother, our love will never allow us to exclude.

Bella is my _someday_.

The remainder of the school day pretty much sucks. Emmett and Victoria, new transfer students, are the talk of the school.

I am okay with that, because that leaves less attention directed at my girl.

During lunch, I sit at my usual table with my soccer team, only now, the cheerleaders join us.

How fucking cliché.

I receive continuous glances from Tanya and Victoria and want to scream at them to look the other fucking way.

I won't.

Looking around for my girl, I don't see her. I know she's around somewhere, but I can't find her. I can't feel her.

Maybe her absence is a good thing.

I join in on all the conversations that surround me, and I pretend like my soul isn't elsewhere. They're already making plans to go on a hike this coming weekend. I make no attempt to confirm that I will be joining them.

I meet up with my coach after lunch, we discuss pre-season training and he offers me a voluntary job.

After school, Jake walks up to me as I'm climbing into my car.

"Cullen, you mind if I jump a ride with you in your new baby?"

"Sure, Bro. Hop in." I nod and gesture for him to climb in.

"So, I guess our star player will rule the school again this year," Jake says as he retrieves a text book form his bag and begins to roll a joint.

I don't know which 'player' he's referring to.

"Dude, don't do that shit in my car." I hiss.

"Chill, Bro. I ain't gonna smoke in your ride." He is all kinds of I-don't-give-a-fuck, messing with my stereo and adjusting the seat.

Fuck him.

I drove my Mercedes to school, not because I wanted to, but because it was expected of me.

Before I left for school, I grabbed the keys to my truck, only to be told I am fucking ungrateful.

"_Son, you have a fancy new car, so fucking use it."_ Carlisle said this morning.

Maybe I am ungrateful, but the last time I checked, my Dad was okay with me choosing whichever car I wanted to drive.

My parents are fucked up, but instead of retaliating somehow, I remained quiet and submitted to my father's demands.

"So, are you planning on slumming it with Vic?" Jake smirks.

"Been there, bro." It is partially the truth. I don't ever plan on slumming it with anyone besides brown eyes and deep dimples who is my best kept secret.

Jake continues to question me about shit. I ignore him and increase the volume to some song on the radio.

I drop him off, and make my own way home, thinking about Bella and what she might be doing. Texting her is out of the question. If she wanted my company, she should have asked for it.

I arrive home and greet Maria.

"Edward, what would you like for lunch?" she asks only because she's obliged to.

I know that if I don't keep myself busy, I will go crazy from thoughts of _her._

"I'm cool. Just gonna grab my stuff and head to the gym." I smile.

"Okay, dinner will be ready by the time you get back…" Maria is about to say something further, but then she stops.

It bothers me, "What were you gonna ask me?"

"It's nothing." She looks down.

"Tell me, Maria!" I say as I begin mixing my protein shake.

"I…I was just wondering if da girl is okay," she whispers.

I feel bad. Sometimes it's so easy to forget that Maria is in on our secret.

"I saw Bella at school. I guess she's okay," I say softly.

"Remember, in the end, it's all about what you need." Maria may fulfil the role as our personal maid and housekeeper, but she was also once my child minder and the woman who practically raised me.

I nod and consider her meaningful words before saying goodbye and heading out the door.

At the gym, I run for forty minutes on the treadmill, lift some weights, and then go and take a couple of laps in the Olympic sized pool. When I look at the time, it is already almost 6p.m, so I head to the showers and get cleaned up.

Driving home, I decide to test the speed of my new car. She's a smooth drive, but I prefer to keep it safe, so I slow down.

When I arrive home, my parent's cars are parked in the driveway.

I walk inside and greet my father and kiss my mother on her cheek.

"Son, don't go get too comfortable. We're going to dine as a family tonight," Esme says as she circles her glass of red wine.

"Okay. I'm starving," I say as I make my way to the dining room.

Carlisle is already seated at the head of the table, and I wonder why he is home so early.

"How was your first day of school, Son?" he asks as he begins to dish some prawns and cob into his plate.

"Good. Coach wants to have a meeting with me tomorrow." I introduce the only topic he actually wants to hear.

"Why?" he asks, sounding interested. My mother makes her way to the table, followed by Maria. A long time ago, I insisted that Maria dine with us when it is just our family. Ever since, she has.

They take their seats, and Maria holds her hands out so that we can pray.

Carlisle says a short prayer and goes back to staring at me, his brow raised in question.

"He said something about wanting me to be a voluntarily coach for the junior soccer team at the community sports centre," I say as I begin to fill my plate with prawns, fish, and salad.

"And what do you plan on telling him?"

"I guess I have to see what my schedule will look like, and then decide."

"It will score you some community points, so I say go for it, Son…"

I don't listen to the rest of his sentence, because my phone vibrates in my pocket.

I know it's her without even having to look. My girl wants my attention, and I need her attention.

I feel like my phone is burning a hole in my pocket, but I refuse to check it in the company of my parents. They seem to be watching my every move.

After finishing our food and discussing various topics with my parents and Maria, I excuse myself.

"Before you go, Son, I just wanted to make sure that you have everything for school. Books, clothing, anything?" Esme smiles.

"Thanks, but I got it all covered Mom. Why?" I ask as I stand between the two pillars that separate the dining room from the kitchen.

"I just thought you may need something." She gently touches my shoulder.

I wish I could appreciate my mother's adoration. Yet here I am, acting cold and distant.

I turn around and walk back towards my mother and hug her. I'm not planning on seen her for the rest of the evening.

I retrieve my phone out of my shorts and welcome one new text as I jog up the stairs.

**Bella: Do you have a birthmark? **

I frown, because this girl is fucking random.

**Edward: How about I let you see for yourself?**

She responds immediately.

**Bella: Can I?**

This is Bella's way of asking me to come over. She will never ask me directly, so she comes up with this riddle shit that I am supposed to figure out. What she doesn't get is that I know her so well already.

We are incapable of staying apart, so I cut to the chase and text back.

**Edward: Be there in thirty.**

She doesn't reply. Why would she?

Instead, she waits.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As I pull up in front of Mrs Clearwater's house, the sun has set, and I don't see Rene's car in the driveway. I decide to text Bella to ask her if I can walk through the front door.

**Edward: Is it safe to knock on your front door? I think I lost my ability to climb.**

Not even a minute later, her front door flies open. I quickly climb out of my truck and lock the automatic doors, jog across her front yard, and step one-two up the porch.

When I walk inside, Bella is in the kitchen busy washing up plates and shit.

The sight before me brings back the reminder of the different lives that we live. I don't think I ever washed a dish in my life. But I offer to help her anyway.

"No, Edward, it's really okay. I'm almost finished." She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

Her body is facing the sink, so I walk up behind her and put my arms around her waist. I settle my head on top of her head, wanting to keep her safe forever.

Bella takes a deep breath and continues to wash the final few dishes. I lean down and begin sucking at the top of her ear. She stills.

"I missed you," I whisper.

"And this is how you show it?" Bella doesn't turn around for me to look at her.

"No. I have lots of other ways of showing it." I press my growing bulge into her back.

She immediately turns around with a disapproving glare.

"If you came here to fuck me, you can turn right around and go back home."

I can't tell if she is as serious as she looks, but I take offence because that was definitely not the reason I came to her.

"How can you even think that, Bella?" I scowl.

"Just don't do that then." She motions towards my dick. "You have no idea what I'm going through right now."

I begin to worry, because it's true. I don't have any idea what she could be going through. So I ask, "What's the matter?"

"If you were a girl on her period, maybe you'd understand." Bella looks all kinds of fucking cute.

I laugh, because her reasoning's is ridiculous. She's moody and sensitive.

"Stop laughing at me." She swipes me lightly with the drying towel.

I grab it from her and lift up a plate and begin to dry it.

"Then don't argue when I say I will help you." I smile, raising my eyebrow.

She rolls her eyes and walks to the fridge, takes out ice water, and begins filling two glasses. She places one of the glasses on the counter beside me. She didn't ask me if I was thirsty, she poured me water because it's what people do.

I throw down the dish towel and drink the water in one gulp.

Bella excuses herself, as I am completing the remainder of the dishes. To be honest, it's not that bad to dry up plates.

Once I have finished, I crumple up the dish towel, throw it on the counter, and go to exit the kitchen to find my girl.

Bella walks back in and says thank you.

"Anything else my lady?" I tease and bow down.

"It's time that you relax, kind sir." She's back to all kind smiles and dimpled cheeks. Our growing bubble screams of love, love, love.

This girl confuses me with her fake English accent.

"Okay." I smile and want to kiss her so bad.

"Edward, you really have to learn to hang up a dish towel. It's really not that difficult." She continues to tease, as she removes the crumpled dish towel from the counter.

"Whatever." I smirk.

Bella takes something out of her pocket and checks the time. I automatically check my time too, and it's exactly 9 p.m. I get that tomorrow is school, but I don't want to leave her just yet.

I watch my girl as she places something into her mouth and washes it down with water.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused.

"Oh, just taking my pill." She smiles.

My heart beat, beat, beats, and I feel like jumping in the name of hope.

"To help regulate your period, huh?" I smirk.

"Yeah." She smiles but it looks like trouble.

"How many more days?" I don't elaborate, because she knows what I am referring to.

"Like three, I guess." Bella looks down.

"Then for the next three days, I will take cold showers." I pretend to be in pain.

She laughs. I missed her spontaneous giggles so much.

We walk up to her room, I remove my hoody, and Bella collects her pyjamas and excuses herself to take a quick shower.

While I wait for her, I observe my surroundings and see all my things in a pile across her room.

I wonder if she put it there with the intention of giving it back to me. I don't want those things back, because if ever I am no longer around, I don't want Bella to forget that I once existed in her world.

I remove my shorts, pull my T-shirt over my head, and climb into the familiar smelling bed of my everything.

While I am busy playing a game on my phone, Bella walks in wearing tiny sleep shorts and a loose band T. Immediately, my game is over, and my eyes trail along her soft sweet body.

She towel dries her hair, combs it out, and twists it skilfully into a neat knot.

I smile because I need her right now.

She feels my need, turns on her lamp, goes to switch off her light, and then climbs in beside me.

I forcefully roll her over and connect her lips to mine.

Our soft slow kisses become needy and desperate, and I know I need to stop.

It's really difficult to maintain self-control around Bella, especially when she comes out of the shower smelling as sweet as heaven.

I pull away gently from our moment of intensity, and Bella removes her straddling body from my lap.

"Where's Rene?" I ask, looking into her eyes.

"Uhm…she's working the night shift at Harry's," Bella answers casually.

"Did you enjoy school today?" I change the subject because I know Bella doesn't like discussing her mother and her various jobs. I don't mention that I saw Rene at my house working as a server.

"It was pretty good." She looks down and refuses to make eye contact.

"Where do you hangout?" I am genuinely interested in knowing.

Bella turns her body in my direction and begins to trace my jaw with her index finger. I don't think she realises the fixation she has with my face.

"I don't want to tell you," she says honestly.

"Why not?" I scowl.

"It's kinda pathetic." She takes a deep breathe.

"Nothing you do is pathetic. Come on, tell me please?"

"Well, I usually dedicate my lunch hours to tutoring or working for the school paper or filing documents for the secretary."

"I don't believe you. So when do you eat?" I ask, kinda concerned for my girl.

"I don't really eat at school. I eat when I get home." She's acting like this all doesn't matter.

"You can't not eat during school. So where were you today?" I ask as I adjust my arm under her neck.

"Today…today I was in the library. Ally and I had some research to do." Her face lights up.

"Working so hard already? It's only day one." I tease.

"Yeah…well it's best to work consistently. I'm supposed to work at Harry's tomorrow after school. We made an arrangement that I work three times a week. Tuesdays to Thursday."

"Can you handle working and everything else?"

"Sure. I really need to start saving up if I wanna get into a college one day," she whispers.

I've always kinda avoided this topic, because I knew it was still a long time away. But I get that no matter what, by the end of our senior year, Bella and I will have to go our separate ways. I never put much thought into how her future would turn out, because unlike her, my future was planned a long time ago.

My mood automatically changes, and I wish, wish, wish she would just stop talking.

"What do you plan on studying?" I don't ask where.

"Humanities. If I get the opportunity, I'll go into English and Psychology."

My girl has dreams. I hope they come true.

"Bella, I am almost certain you can score a scholarship anywhere. You're like in the top five at our school." I try to encourage her uncertainty.

"I'll start applying soon," she whispers.

"UCL has a good Humanities programme," I say casually.

I can tell Bella understands my hidden message because she frowns and begins to bite her nails.

"That's your dream university, not mine," she says seriously.

"Bella, it was just a suggestion."

"Yeah, well, I will never go there, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper disappointed.

After some talking, Bella and I say goodnight and we drift off to sleep.

I set my alarm for 5 a.m and toss and turn until my time to leave eventually arrives.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first week of school comes and goes. The work load is pretty easy.

Bella and I fall into a silent pattern. We go to school and don't acknowledge eachother. I hardly see her at school and I am thankful that she is in none of my classes.

She works after school, and I go to gym. Soccer season begins in a couple of weeks, so I try to enjoy my free afternoons as long as I can.

I agree with my coach to volunteer as the junior assistant coach at the community centre. Now, it's Saturday, and I am standing on a field waiting for the little guys to arrive.

I left Bella's house at 6 a.m this morning. My pattern of sneaking out at early hours is really beginning to make me feel extra tired.

Before I left, I kissed her on her cheek and just stared at her for a moment. I felt so damn sad when I realised we will never be together the way we deserve.

_I love her._

I asked her if I could pick her up for lunch today, and she agreed. I didn't tell her where I'm taking her, and I hope she doesn't mind too much.

"Edward, listen up. Like I said, the kids are between the five to six age group. They're pretty playful, so all I need you to do is teach them the basics," Coach explains.

I nod, because I am kinda excited to hang with little kids and kick some ball.

"How many are there?" I ask.

"Well, there are ten boys and one girl." He smirks.

"A little girl on the team?" I laugh.

"It's her dream, Son." Coach joins in on the laughter.

After some preparations, the kids begin to arrive looking full of energy. Coach introduces me to them and their parents, and I already like the feeling of doing something different.

Thoughts of Bella remain on my mind, and I can't wait to see her this afternoon.

Once everyone has arrived, I try to explain the basics, but the kids are playful and restless. Coach comes to check up on me and implements some order.

"Okay, if you guys listen up, I will tell all your parents to buy you ice-creams." I lie.

It works. They listen.

Eventually, they're tackling and kicking ridiculously skew, but I guess we all started out like this.

The girl on the team looks like she could be around five. Weirdly, she looks like a younger version of Bella. Her name is Leah and her twin brother is Seth. He's the wild one.

I can't help but pay special attention to them because I just feel this strange connection.

Once we're all finished up, I tease and play around with the kids until their parents come and collect them. A few parents approach me to thank me, and others say nothing at all.

Seth and Leah remain hyperactive, and I ask them where there parents are.

"Daddy is coming to get us," says Seth.

"No, Mommy is!" Leah says, becoming all cute upset.

I smile because she reminds me so much of Bella.

I wait, wait, and wait some more, until a silver SUV pulls up and a man rushes out of the car in a suit.

"Hi," he says. "Sorry I'm late, I got caught up in a business meeting." He smiles all proud.

_Beat, beat, beat._

A familiar hatred wells inside of me, because I know this man.

His eyes and hair are dark brown, and he looks just like Bella.

I take a deep breath and introduce myself with sweaty palms.

"Hi, Sir. No, it's cool. I'm Edward Cullen, the coach." I force a smile and pretend like I am under control.

My heart beats of terror and knowing.

Seth and Leah run towards him, and he is distracted by their greetings. He hugs them in return and turns around to smile at me.

"Nice to meet you, Edward, I'm Charlie, Seth and Leah's father. Thank you for giving up a portion of your Saturday to teach our kids some skills"

He walks away, and I don't miss the deep dimples displayed on each cheek.

All the colour leaves my face.

Because I think I just met Bella's father, and he has a family.

I fucking hate him!

I retrieve my phone and make a call.

"_Edward?"_

"_Hey… are we still on for later? Bella doesn't know_"

"_Yes. Ofcourse! See you soon, Edward."_

We hang up.

I don't know what I am going to do about the fact that I now know who Charlie is. To make matters worse, he lives in Treehaven, and Bella has siblings.

I wonder how my girl can remain in the Slums when her father seemed fairly successful with his shiny car and formal attire.

Love is admitting the things we don't want to hear.

Love is deciding between right and wrong.

Love is climbing into your car with a beat, beating heart.

Love is telling the truth, always.

* * *

**A/N Any thoughts? Who do you think Edward called? :-)**

**xx**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N Hi all.**

**I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you to all those who have continued to read this story, I plan to make the chapters abit longer as lots of things will be happening.**

**Always, a special thanks to my wonderful beta Elise de Sallier. You're making this all possible :-)**

**Please enjoy and feel free to share your thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

**BPOV**

It's Saturday. Today Rene and I went shopping with coupons. More than half of our shopping adventure consisted of the cashier calculating the discounted vouchers. The tap, tap, tapping of my mother's impatient feet, was the reason we made it out of the store to appreciate the light of day.

I guess that's the price you pay to save cash.

My first week at school consisted of all things productive. I'm pretty sure I have become a master at hide-and-seek, maintaining a low profile and distancing myself from Edward. We would sometimes stroll past each other, but I always pretended like he is non-existent, knowing my reaction to his presence in public hurts him.

The list of consequences of our love is becoming longer and far out of reach. The ink is drying up and the paper is filled with everything that was never supposed to be.

I get that. But what else can I do when everything about us screams of untold secrets?

Ally seemed back to her old self. We worked consistently during our lunch hours, and we managed to complete our first paper which is due in a couple of weeks.

It bothers me that my best friend cannot tell how far from okay I really am. Even I am finding it hard to believe my own pretence. Ally has some secrets of her own, but I refuse to demand the truth of another when I am drowning in my own lies.

Because I'm tired of this hot and cold, heaven and hell kinda love that I will never leave.

Love is supposed to be about truth-living. Not secret-surviving.

I am thankful for the minimal distractions that I have in my life even though it is not always the best of things. Working at Harry's after school is exhausting. By the time I make it home, and when Edward arrives later in the evening, we're both low on energy, but never too tired to refuse our heart's needs.

The fact that we see each other at night helps us deal with our continued relationship.

_Love is midnight, blinking, sleepy eyes that fails to leave._

Edward and I were never supposed to be more than a summer. What we're doing now is pushing the limits of fate.

We get that. We just don't want to admit that our connection is on overdraft. What we're surviving on now is the leftover pieces of what once was.

I am waiting in the parking lot for my mom with a cart full of groceries. She ran into one of her old colleagues and they're catching up, so I decide to call Edward.

_Love is the voice on the other side of the line._

"_Hello?"_ Edwards's sweet soothing voice sounds like it doesn't want my attention right now.

"_Hey...um, if you're busy, I can call back."_ I try to sound casual, looking up into the clear blue sky, picturing what he could be doing.

"_Uh…no it's okay. I'm driving home from the community centre_. _Whatsup?_" My boy's tone goes from distant to oh, so sad.

I try to ignore his unsatisfying response and say, "_I just wanted to know if we're still on for later?" _I begin peeling off the rusted paint off my Mom's old Honda.

"_Yeah…yeah we are."_ Edward trails off while clearing his throat.

I begin to panic and bite my lip. Because come on, why does he sound so distant?

"_We don't have to do anything." _I try to pretend that his aloof response isn't bothering me.

Edward responds immediately and says, _"But I already made arrangements for the afternoon." _He doesn't elaborate on what he has scheduled, and I don't ask.

"_Okay, that's cool,"_ I say softly. I don't argue. My heart is incapable of saying no to this boy.

Edward tells me to meet up at his house within the next hour, so I rush over to Rene and try to explain to her that I need to be somewhere.

"Give me a minute, Pipes." Mom smiles at me and hands me her car keys. She doesn't introduce me to her friend.

"Mom, I'm so sorry but we really need to get going." I direct my attention towards the woman my mom is talking to. She looks at me and begs for some patience.

I want to roll my eyes at her.

I won't.

After giving some impatient glances, Rene kisses her friend on the cheek and we make our way to the car.

"So, where are you rushing to all of a sudden? The last time I checked, you were going to stay in for the day," Rene asks as she double pumps the clutch and slowly pulls out of the shopping complex.

"Uh…I promised to tutor this kid at school." I hate lying to the woman who carried me for nine months, but what can I do when my heart seeks and craves the company of love, love, love.

My mom doesn't question me any further. She rushes home, skipping a red light. I help her unpack the parcels out of the trunk, attempting to block out my guilty conscience.

Irina is sitting on our porch smoking a cigarette. She gives me a knowing look by raising her eyebrow. I smile at her and run up the porch before she can stop me.

Mom is unpacking the minimal groceries, trying to fill up our empty cupboards. "Pipes, you know I'm working the night shift at the diner. Will you be okay tonight?"

I nod. Because I've been staying home alone for as long as I can remember. Also, Rene always asks me the exact same question every day before she leaves for work.

I guess her question makes her feel better for not been able to spend enough time with me. If only she knew how much company I receive from the boy who holds my heart.

I take a quick shower and braid my hair neatly. Then I throw on grey leggings and a plaid shirt with my dirty white All Stars. The weather has become a lot cooler since the end of the summer break.

Once I'm dressed, I grab my school bag, to make it seem as though I am going to tutor, and jog down the staircase to say goodbye to my mother.

Rene is in the kitchen, chopping up carrots, but she stops what she's doing when she sees me in the hallway.

"Enjoy yourself, baby. You make me so proud." Mom's gaze shows adoration and appreciation. She blows farewell kisses as she follows me out the front door. If only she knew what a liar her daughter really is.

I swallow nervously and wave at her as I climb into my car, trying my best to prevent the guilt from surfacing. On my way, I use the last of my money to fill my car with some gas.

The emptiness that is present in my heart from been away from Edward is corrupting all my emotions.

But that's okay, because I am ten minutes away from seeing my boy.

_Love is butterfly tummies screaming hurry, hurry hurry_.

I pull up at my usual spot and park along the curb, texting Edward to say I am outside.

After waiting a couple of minutes, I watch as his huge automatic gates open, and he comes rushing out.

Edward looks upset for some reason but beautiful nevertheless. He has on a grey fitted T-shirt with some logo on it and blue jeans.

I want to question him about his mood.

I won't.

Part of who we are only allows for minimal questions. We're constantly walking on thin ice, afraid that any minute our solid connection will melt and disappear into toxic liquid known as our isolated, distinct worlds.

I take a deep breath and check out my appearance in the rear-view mirror, running my hands over my hair and sitting upright, as if neatening myself up will abruptly make everything so much better.

"Bella." My boy smiles as he leans into my window. I look into his clear green eyes and notice that something is so, so different about him. The hint of sparkling gold which is usually present in his eyes has disappeared. He is filled with intentionally unspoken words.

Love is hush-hush, secret keeping, _always._

Suddenly, I am afraid to step out of my car because our bubble is prevented from forming by what he refuses to disclose.

"Edward, where are you taking me?" I grip onto my steering wheel.

My heart insists that my head's over-analysing things.

"It's a surprise." He absorbs my appearance with just a stare. I want to believe him. My boy gives me a reassuring smile and attempts to open my car door, invading the safety that surrounds me. So, I slowly unlock my door and climb out, my eyes fixed on his. Immediately, Edward presses me against the car door, and joins our lips with hard, hard pressure.

I don't protest his ferocity, because I need this. But all along, I'm concerned by what is motivating his desperation.

I allow my hands to run through his unruly hair and travel along his sides. My boy is all kinds of masculine, and for a minute, I wish I could live in this passionate moment forever. But I know our time is up, so I slowly pull away to catch my breath.

We were only supposed to need each other for a summer. Now, our extended time is welcoming all kinds of suffering.

I don't like it.

_We deal._

Because I guess a part of who we are is allowing ourselves to be selfish. We take what we can get, but we also give what we can in return.

Our love is the most selfless of selfish.

Edward grabs my hand, and we walk through the huge gates.

"My parents are out," he says as he rushes up the porch. I wouldn't have thought any other.

My boy does everything in a hurry. I guess that's expected, because our relationship is based on time that will always run out, but I fear that his parents may return home any minute.

Maria exits the kitchen, as I am waiting in the foyer, and comes up to greet me with a huge smile. I wish, wish, wish that his makers would allow me to feel this welcomed.

"Isabella Maria, you're looking well." She opens her arms to hug me.

I feel safe in this embrace of the woman who raised my boy.

"How are you, Maria?" I smile as I separate our grip, wondering if she ever spends time with her own family.

"Always good, my girl. How are you?" We both look up as Edward re-enters the room with his jacket and keys in his hand.

"Are you ready to get going, Bells?" He interrupts our moment looking all kinds of impatient.

Again, this internal void assaults my heart.

Edward and I are miles apart even though he stands beside me.

"Uh… yeah." I turn to look at Maria and apologise silently.

She nods and returns to the kitchen.

Edward kisses me lightly, and we make our way to the carport.

"Is this Esme's car?" I ask smiling, checking out the shiny new ride that Edward has been driving a lot lately. I know it isn't his mother's car, I just need to hear the confirmation from him.

Because he doesn't tell me the little things I wish to know.

"No." He looks down an doesn't elaborate. One thing I noticed about Edward is that he doesn't show off. I can tell he hates living in this materialistic world. Either that, or he is very good at making me feel like his equal when we in our little bubble.

Edward opens the passenger door for me to climb in. He would usually tease me and make a funny remark, but not today I guess. As I take a seat, all I smell is leather and everything that is rich. I feel like this is another part of my boy, a side I don't want to know.

I need gym bag smelling and rap music playing. Because that is what usually surrounds us when we distance ourselves from the judgment of humanity.

I adjust the seat because I feel like I am sitting in the back.

Edward places the car in reverse and gently reaches out for my hand. He likes holding my hand when he drives.

This is one of the reminders that we should make each moment count. Because when Edward and I are together, we try to make up for all the times that we are apart. This unintentional change is a distraction we cannot afford right now.

Or at least I can't.

Our love is an island in paradise with crashing waves and rip tides.

Edward pulls out of the driveway, and we make our way onto the highway. He remains quiet, with his eyes fixed on the road.

After a while, I realise that we are driving somewhere that we have never gone before.

"This isn't the way to Glenhaven." I look around nervously.

"I know." Edward glances at me briefly and squeezes my hand.

I feel nervous.

He just feels distant.

We drive, drive, and drive some more until we take the off ramp on the Old Beach Road. I recognize the area from what I've seen on TV. It's the richest part of Treehaven, located a couple of minutes out of town.

I become preoccupied by where we are going. Edward takes a left and drives up a steep road with one huge house at the end of the street.

It isn't a house, it's a fucking mansion.

"Where are we?" I ask biting my nails.

"Bella, promise me you won't freak out?" He looks at me with concern and then presses the beeper to enter the huge grounds.

I take a deep breath and begin to feel all kinds of inferior. I am not even dressed well enough to be standing outside the walls of this property.

"Where are we?" I insist.

Edward ignores me and continues to drive through the automatic gates.

I take a deep breath as he pulls up beside a fancy SUV. We are surrounded by gardens that look like they come straight out of a magazine.

It's all trees and colourful flowers with a water fountain and everything that spells out wealthy.

Edward looks at me as I remain seated and says, "I'm doing this because I'm serious about you, Bella. We are two people that are worlds apart, but we can be everything if we just take the risk. So trust me, please?" He squeezes my sweaty hand.

I don't want to trust him because there will always only be one outcome.

_Disappointment._

But I nod anyway, my heart winning the battle against my head's protest. Because I am weak, and I do trust him.

I always will.

We climb out of the car and Edward approaches me. He gently places his hand on my waist, pulls me towards him and kisses me softly on my forehead.

My heart becomes heavier the closer we get to the entrance, like the surrounding walls are becoming closer, closer, closer.

My boy feels my anxiety and he intertwines our hands, displaying a silent glance of "everything will be okay."

I think I know where we are.

This is not okay.

Edward rings the door bell, fixing his eyes on me. He lifts up my hand in his, kisses it gently and gives me a comforting look. The distance still lingers between us.

We wait, wait, and wait some more, until the huge glass door begins to open.

I focus on the ground because I fear what I am about to see. Until I hear a sweet, sweet voice that sounds like welcoming happiness.

"Hello, this must be Bella." Her soothing voice sing-songs in the surrounded silence of our revealed secret.

Very slowly, I look up into the greenest eyes of everything that is elegant. Before me stands a lady who looks like she could be in her early sixties. She's all cream trousers and crispy white shirt with a beige cardigan tied around her narrow shoulders.

I take a deep breath and smile away my looming tears.

I want to cry. I always want to fucking cry.

"Bella, I'm Elizabeth. Edward's grandmother." She reaches out her gold ring filled fingers. I hesitate and tuck some hair behind my ear.

I look up at my boy and realise that in this moment, Edward doesn't just care for me.

What he feels is so, so much more. He wants the world to know that we can be something incredible, even if it is a gradual process of secret keeping revelations.

Edward and I stare at each other, until I know it is time to look away.

_Beat, beat, beat._

Clearing my throat and pushing away my dormant tears, I say, "It's lovely to meet you." I have never felt so nervous, and I am angry with him, because he could have told me.

"Well, why don't you both step inside." She gestures for us to follow her.

I thought Edward's house was huge, but this house is triple the size. I try to contain my wondering eyes because it's impolite to stare.

_How can people have so much money? _

Elizabeth leads us to a living room with silver chandeliers and cream covered leather sofas.

"Take a seat while I go ahead to the kitchen. Please make yourself at home, Bella." She looks at me then smiles at Edward as she excuses herself.

I use this opportunity to quietly yell at the sneaky boy sitting all too close beside me.

"What were you thinking? Can't you see how ridiculous I look?" I am annoyed and feeling self-conscious.

"Bella, this is who you are. I needed my grandmother to see what I see. You are genuine, carefree and beautiful." Edward smiles, but it never reaches his eyes. Not today anyway.

Before I can respond, Elizabeth returns to the living room followed by a server who is carrying a tray with appetizers.

"It's too windy to sit out by the pool. Are you comfortable, Bella?" Elizabeth looks at me.

"I would be a lot more comfortable if my shoes were off." I try to lighten my own mood, and then I realise what I said.

Edward and Elizabeth both laugh at my boldness.

"Seriously, I'm totally kidding." I cover my mouth and blush all kinds of red.

"I am beginning to understand why you feel how you feel, Son." She looks at Edward with total adoration.

Edward smiles and runs his hand over my knee. My boy continues to be distant and lost in his thoughts of I-don't-know-what.

I quickly remove his hand, not missing his disapproving glare at my reaction to his touch.

"So Bella, I am dying to know more about you."

Despite her words, she doesn't make me feel under pressure. Surprisingly, I feel safe in this different world, in the company of a total stranger.

I know deep down that Elizabeth understands, not because she wants to, but because she will do anything to make her grandson smile.

Love does that.

Love rids its own needs and wants for the sake of a beating heart.

"There's really not that much to know." I smile politely as I remove a cookie from the tray. Maybe a food filled mouth will excuse me from this conversation.

"Come on, Bells. Gran doesn't know that you're top of our grade." Edward interrupts, lifting his eyebrow and pulling his teeth over his bottom lip.

Edward is so fucking sexy. For a second, I get lost in the beauty in front of me, forgetting that he's featuring in my bad books right now.

I look into his eyes in an I-will-get-you-for-this kinda way.

He smirks.

"Is that so? Wow Bella, that's wonderful" Elizabeth looks interested, urging me to elaborate with her eager, answer seeking, emerald eyes.

"Yeah, I guess so." I look directly into her eyes and am saddened by what I see.

Elizabeth's expression is all kinds of guilty. She also looks concerned. She knows I have what it takes to break her grandson's heart. She also knows that he may be merely infatuated by the idea of me being different to what he is familiar with.

"And do you have any plans after you graduate?" She lifts up her teacup and places it to her lips.

I notice that the server brought in juice, soda, and tea. It's all very informal.

This certainly isn't the way rich people would normally entertain their guests. She arranged things to make me feel comfortable.

I like her, although I won't be fooled by her pretence.

Edward pours me orange juice, and I smile, mouthing a "thank you".

"Uh…not right now, as I am still deciding on a couple of things." I can feel Edwards gaze on me.

"Well, you should definitely apply for a scholarship. Your talent needs to reach its full potential." She say's after sipping on some tea and crossing her left leg over her right.

"I guess so. There's still a year to decide" I don't know what else to say, so I bite my lip and reach for another cookie. I should have eaten before I came here.

"Edward, do your parents know that you came to visit?" She looks at him and he completely ignores her question.

"Gran, where's Madox?"Edward sits up and walks to the large window." He needs distance. I get that.

"He is probably out back." She smiles, not bothering to repeat her unanswered question.

I look around in confusion.

"Madox is our dog, Bella." She explains.

"Oh…I love animals."

"Really?" they say in unison.

"Of course. I had a dog in fifth grade, but Mrs Clearwater ran him over."

Edward and Elizabeth both look concerned, and I tell them the whole story. I also admit that I cried for two weeks. Our conversation continues, and I hear stories about when Edward was a kid.

"Bella, you had to see it for yourself." His Grandmother laughs. "We were too afraid to take him to the beach after that public display of indecency." She'd just explained how Edward would refuse to swim in any clothing.

"Edward, that's crazy." I grin.

"I was an earth child. Whatever." He continues to tease and then whispers in my ear, "And now I refuse to get into your bed with any clothes on."

I feel embarrassed. So I try to dismiss his dirty words.

"If you run away, the first thing I will do is search Hippy Town." I tease.

After Edward and I begin our playful mocking, I look down because I realise we have entered our personal space and failed to include Elizabeth.

She continues to direct her attention towards us and smiles. Edward and I aren't familiar with being around other people when we are together.

Our relationship is based on two souls and nothing else.

Elizabeth gets that.

We eat seafood pasta for lunch. I know Edward told her it was my favourite and that is why she had it prepared. Elizabeth is genuinely sweet and kind. I was nothing but myself in her company, and she didn't make me feel judged at all.

Yet the distance between my boy and I continues to make me feel hurt.

Before I know it, it is time for us to leave. I don't meet Edward's grandfather.

I know why.

Edward excuses himself to go to the restroom as I am collecting my bag. Elizabeth approaches me and gently grabs my hand.

"Bella, my grandson cares for greatly. Make this work if you feel that all this is worth it. Don't allow others to destroy what you both clearly have." Her words scream the truth.

I feel the need to cry, because I didn't expect her words of acceptance. Maybe she is on our side after all, and not pretending for the sake of her grandson.

Elizabeth must have a story. I wish to know but will never ask.

So I nod and smile, whispering "I will try."

"Don't ever hurt him. He's not as strong as he may come across." She smiles politely but her green eyes scream of warning.

I take a deep breath and try to trap my impending tears.

"I love him." I admit, looking up into her eyes.

"Then tell him. I knew the moment I saw you together out on the porch." She pulls me into a hug, and I breathe in her motherly scent.

Edward clears his throat and walks up to his grandmother to kiss her on the cheek.

"Thanks for this, Gran. I love you." He hugs her.

"And I, you, Edward." She pats his shoulder.

I receive another hug from Elizabeth and then we finally make our way to the car.

I climb in as fast as I can. As soon as Edward pulls away, I burst into tears.

Because come on, I am weak and this love is just too much. Everything became all the more real.

Edward slows down as my ugly tears continue to escape.

I am angry and confused and I don't know what to do.

"That wasn't fair!" My voice cracks.

"Bella, we needed this. Not everyone is against us." He pulls the car over along the curb.

"I'm telling Rene, too." I threaten.

He takes a deep breath but doesn't say anything.

Because why can't my mother know as well?

"Can you spend the night with me?" he asks, ignoring my words.

"No!" I fold my arms across my chest, feeling like a tantrum throwing five year old.

"Okay," he sighs.

He's hurting. I get that.

He turns on the ignition and we remain silent for the remainder of the drive. My silent tears always present.

Eventually, we pull up beside my car and Edward turns to face me.

"When will she be home?" I know he's referring to Rene.

"Midnight." I answer with a shaky voice.

"Then we'll tell her tomorrow. Together." He looks away.

I open the door and climb out of his car. I have never felt so overwhelmed before, afraid that we're getting ahead of ourselves. I make no attempt to say goodbye to him.

I know he will follow me.

I unlock my car and turn on the ignition. As I pull away, I watch in my rear-view mirror as the black Mercedes follows me in the distance.

Love is never looking back but only looking forward.

Love is forever following.

Love is arriving home with footsteps that linger close by.

Love is walking into your house with a boy that walks in right behind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It is just after 7 p.m. The sun still shines, but it will set soon, overtaken by my favourite orange hue. I climb up the staircase and enter my room, removing my plaid shirt.

I need love. I need something that will help rid me off this empty feeling that has been haunting me all day.

Edward walks up behind me and stands in the doorway with his arms open and his hands gripping the door frame.

My boy watches me intently, and I can tell he's fighting an internal battle of what to do.

I walk towards him and grip the hem of his T-shirt, attempting to lift it over his head.

He politely protests.

I feel rejected and hurt. Deprived and forbidden.

"Why can't we do this?" I ask, gripping onto the hem of his T-shirt.

"Not now, Bella." He looks into my eyes, and gently removes my commanding hands.

"Why not now?" I insist.

"Now's just not the time."

I can't believe I am hearing this. Edward never says no to sex.

"Is there something wrong with me?" I am beginning to feel needy.

Because I crave his touch and love inside of me.

Edward runs his hands through his hair, and he looks like he is struggling to reveal the void that has being refusing our love all day. My boy has no idea what to do.

I know.

"What it is that you want to say to me? Just get it over with, please." I beg.

"What makes you think I want to tell you something?" He swallows deeply.

"Because you've been pretending that we are okay. But we're not okay, Edward. Don't let us drown in our own secret."

Again, he runs his hands through his hair and looks away.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Bella." He says looking down, incapable of keeping his eyes on mine.

I take a deep breath, hoping it isn't what I think it is.

"Why would you take me to meet your grandmother if you don't want me?" I take a seat at the edge of my bed.

Edward follows me and kneels down between my legs, gripping onto my waist.

"If you think I don't want to be with you, then you definitely know nothing at all, Bella. I am afraid if I tell you this, you will hate me for some reason." He looks down.

"Is this about you and someone else? Who is she?" My tears resurface.

Love is supposed to be about smiles all day. Yet here I am, crying once again.

"No…no, shit!" He begins to panic. "Bella, this has nothing to do with another girl. Please don't cry, just hear me out?"

I nod, because I believe him.

"Then please tell me? You're killing me with suspense," I whisper, wiping my damp eyes.

He takes a deep breath and props up to sit beside me.

"Fuck. Bella…please don't freak out? I don't think I can handle watching you break. Just know I will be here for you, always." He says, green eyes staring intently into my browns.

"Just tell me? Please?" I need him to stop rattling off.

His gripping hands on my sides become tighter as he says, "You know today I was coaching kids at the community centre, right?" I nod, and he continues, "Well…uh, there were these kids, and their parents all came to collect them after the training session…"

"Tell me!" I demand when his words trail away.

"Bella, I think one of the parents was your father. It was Charlie." He looks at me in a panic.

I laugh, because this boy is delusional.

"No Edward, Charlie lives far away. Trust me, it wasn't him." I am aware that my reaction to his revelation could be that of denial.

"Do you have a picture of your father?"

"It wasn't him Edward." My voice becomes more firm.

"Bella…he came to collect his kids. They're twins. The little girl looks exactly like you."

_Beat, beat, beat._

I don't want to believe him, so I say, "Well there are many people who could look like me," and then I get angry and yell, "Is this some sick joke? Your fucked up way of messing with my head? Get out!"

I can't believe Edward would be so insensitive. He doesn't know anything. He has no fucking idea what it felt like to grow up without a father. He will never understand and he definitely cannot relate.

"Bella, please listen to me. Doesn't Rene have a picture somewhere" Edward grabs my hand and refuses to let go.

The fucked up thing is I believe this boy. I don't think I can handle the truth right now, but Edward isn't to blame for this. I just wish he was.

I get up and rush over to Rene's room to search her closet for her yearbook. There is a picture of Charlie in there. When I was growing up, I would secretly sneak into her room and stare at it. I will never forget the page number. Finding the year book, I sit on my mother's floor and turn to page 23. In the fourth row, I view the image of the man who helped create me.

My tears begin to fall, hard and ugly, because Charlie was never supposed to be in my world, and nevertheless make reappearance.

I trace over his smiling face, remembering all the times I repeated this gesture. Edward comes up behind me and stares at the picture.

He knows.

I just wish he didn't.

I look up into the eyes of my beating heart, and his expression screams of apologies that are not his to give.

"Tell me it isn't him, Edward?" I wipe my tears with the back of my hand.

"Bella…" Edward kneels down in front of me and gently kisses the top of my head.

I push him away.

"Is he happy? Did he look happy?" That's all I need to know right now.

"Bella, what do you expect me to say?"

"Tell me! Is he happy?" my voice breaks.

My boy nods. I can tell he doesn't know what else to say.

I look down and fix my eyes on the picture once again. The man that stares back at me, all brown eyes and deep dimples, is my absent reflection.

I want to hate him.

I want to scream at him and ask him why, why, why.

I want to confront him and demand to know why I was never good enough.

These feelings are all so overwhelming. Right now, I feel too numb to give a fuck.

My tears make me feel nothing.

There is no relief and satisfaction in Edward's revelation.

But I feel like I need to seek answers, so I wipe my tears and whisper, "Where does he live?"

"I don't know, Bella."

"Well, can't you find out? Surely the community centre keeps records of their members?" My reasoning is suffice. He knows that.

"If it's really what you want, then I will try."

I know that Edward will do what I want. I also know that he is afraid for my part.

I refuse to break.

Because breaking is reserved for those who made me whole. Charlie never ever made me whole.

He is a distant memory that only features in my subconscious.

And although I know I won't be getting anything out of this, I feel that I deserve some answers.

Seventeen year old girls can only handle so much that is untold and accepted.

So, I slowly stand up and wipe my final tears. My sudden strength is possible because behind my weakness is a living, breathing being who allows me to be whole.

Edward will be there for me. He will also accept my decisions even if it is done in a world filled with secrets.

I drop the year book to the floor and my boy leads me to my room.

"I need you right now?" I look up into his eyes as I cup his face.

Edward nods and kisses me deeply. My hands move on their own accord, down his face, all along his shoulders and waist, until I am gripping the hem of his T-shirt.

Edward loosens our hold, and I slowly lift the T-shirt over his head.

My boy's well-defined summer kissed body is the distraction I need right now.

I hate that I am using him to forget.

I hate that he thinks I am doing this out of love.

I hate that he obliges and gives me my way.

We kiss and smother each other in all things love, until I am down to my panties.

Edward gently lifts me up and lays me down on my bed. He walks backward and closes my door.

If I had the energy to laugh at his movement, I would.

I open up my legs and pull his body towards me. The prominent bulge beneath his boxers that is pressing into my centre is driving me crazy with pleasure.

Edward grips my panties and slowly begins to pull them down my legs.

I am lying completely naked and vulnerable, wishing to just overlook everything.

My boy trails his hand down my body and breaths me in with his gentle kisses, drinking in my lying form.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He whispers in between licking and sucking my flesh.

He sucks on my neck and then licks his tongue all the way down to my nipples. He teases the sensitive area that is linked to my centre.

I gently grip his hair and try to move his head down my body.

Edward looks up and bites his lips. He gives me a sad smile, overtaken by pleasure, and positions his head between my legs. He inserts one, then two fingers and begins a slow to fast pattern, in and out, followed by the moisture of his tongue licking and sucking my clit.

I am overpowered with pleasure and awaiting release, until the pleasurable intensity becomes too much.

I shut my eyes and grip onto his shoulders as I shatter in lust.

Edward looks up and then positions himself on top me. He kisses me hard and our tongues entwine.

My hands move along his muscled body, until I grip onto the elastic of his boxer briefs, and slide them down. Edward helps me, overtaken with greed and impatience.

My boy is like perfection.

He doesn't ask me if he should put on a condom, he just inserts his dick inside of me. The feeling of him filling me without any barriers is something I want to remember forever.

Because this moment isn't just love making. This moment is fate seeking and destiny proving. This moment is built around what's raw and broken, but it's the only thing that makes me whole.

This moment is forever.

So I allow the motions of his growing need to fill me up. The familiar in and out of his pleasure giving patterns are welcoming a new build up.

"Bella, I'm gonna cum." My boy presses his lips to my ear, pushing his erect penis in and out harder, harder, harder.

I whisper satisfying sounds until everything in my stomach just clings together and becomes body-hugging tight.

I reach my orgasm, and Edward increases the pace of his in and out motion until I feel a warm sensation that fills up inside of me.

Then he presses his forehead against my own and looks into my eyes.

"I wish I could tell you how I feel, Bella." He whispers.

"I wish I would allow you to." My heart beats fast.

"Never give up on us. You and I are amazing." He lifts his head and kisses me on my nose.

"You're still inside of me." I smile, even though I am still overwhelmed with sadness.

"Shhh…let's just lay down for abit.

After our moment of intimacy, Edward and I go take a shower together. We make love in the shower and again during the night.

I am afraid of the fact that I need him so much.

I don't want to need him.

So, when I wake up the next morning and gaze at the innocent body of my forever, I trace along his jaw and cry silently once again.

Because it's unhealthy when seventeen year old girls cannot exist in a world without their sole purpose.

I am young. I should be happy and content with my life. I should be going out and having some fun. I should be kissing strangers and getting high. I should be smiling happily and skipping school should be my only lie. I should be coming home at 5 a.m. Not watching my beating heart sneak out of the window.

I should not be waking up next to a boy every morning, and that being the only thing that makes everything okay.

But what can I do?

This love was always foreseeable. Edward and I came into each other's lives for a reason. Right now? We're living in that reason.

We're surviving on love.

But later today, I will deal with this pain on my own when I am alone. I don't need Edward to become distracted with how I am really feeling.

I lied.

Breaking is meant for those who make you whole.

Charlie once made me whole, by his minimal visits and the only gift he ever gave me.

He gave me life. He gave me a beating heart that will forever be at his mercy. And I hate that.

I hate my creator.

I don't want my boy to know how I am really affected by the news of Charlie. I can't believe how fate works. Edward was always supposed to find out before me. Maybe it is just one of the many explanations for him entering my life.

_But what about my heart?_

So, I will go behind his back and search for the answers on my own, knowing that family is not always about blood. Family is about who is willing to hold your hand when you need it most, whether or not it is for friendship or companionship.

But sometimes the hardships in life have to be overcome alone.

So I will lie, knowing that Edward will never allow me to conquer this on my own.

I refuse to feel guilty.

Because a relationship that is based on secrets, will have secrets of its own.

* * *

**A/N So what do you think? Lets hope Bella doesn't spiral down. **


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoy chapter 30!**

**Thank you to everyone who continues to read this story, and a special thanks to Elise de Salier for all your amazing help.**

**Disclaimer: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

**EPOV**

It's the first day of a new week.

Mondays are the worst. Like the days are longer and the time ticks slower. Monday is the reminder that life continues in a formidable manner. Monday is 7 a.m wakeups with the buzzing of an alarm clock.

The mind screams "wakeup," but the lazy guy within us wishes everything could just chill the fuck out.

There are no Mondays in summer.

_Love isn't Monday. _

The autumn sky reveals no sign of yesterday's warmth. Treehaven High is filled with robotic walking adolescents who are wishing this week was already over. Meanwhile, I am blending amongst my peers with my half-beating heart, as I haven't seeing Bella since Sunday morning.

I miss sleepy-state, nose-tickling, long brown hair.

I miss soft snores and innocent tender breaths.

I miss guilty stolen glances from big brown eyes.

I miss hiccupped laughs and strawberry Popsicle happiness.

I miss Bella. I miss the girl I used to know. I miss the incredible woman that I fell in love with.

My girl is drowning in a world of disappointment and defeat, and she refuses to allow me in.

Her tough reaction didn't bother me.

Until it did.

Because Bella is all kinds of shut down and closed off. She thinks I am ignorant to the matter.

Doesn't she know that I will never allow her to suffocate in this world of frustration?

Dismissing my thoughts, I sit at my usual lunch table alongside my teammates and friends, picking at my fries like a weight conscious freak. Jake is going on and on about the shit he did this weekend. Apparently Kate went on a bitch flip when she caught him hooking up with her cousin.

My best friend is just as good at pretending as I am. He thinks his animated, exaggerated stories can fool me. Jake should know that I am aware of the fucked up shit he injects and sniffs into his body.

_Fuck that._

I am fucking bored of this made-up world. So I subtly begin texting Bella.

I wanna know where the fuck she is and why she is ignoring me. Last night when I called her, she made all kinds of excuses as to why I couldn't come over, _"I don't think tonight is a good idea, Edward. My mom and I need time together."_

We were supposed to tell Rene about our secret.

My girl changed her mind.

I may possess her heart but I will never own her mind.

I get that. But sometimes in life we have to create our own rules. I can't say that relationships are about overcoming everything together, because Bella and I are not anything. We have no titles and there is no name that could describe what we are together.

Friendship is too casual and lovers are too formal. So if I were to guess, we're more than that. Everything about us screams anonymous. All we have is eachother. Our time together is uncontaminated and free from criticism. Our love survives on the possibilities we have formulated together. But the time has finally come where one of us has grown impatient.

Never in a million years did I think it would be me.

Until right now.

Blurring the lines that doesn't exist welcomes all kinds of confusion.

_What the fuck do I do? _

It continues to bother me how well Bella dealt with the news of her father. I hated telling her but the last thing I could do was lie. She deserves the truth. She deserves happiness. She deserves everything.

Bella's initial reaction was a combination of disbelief and doubt. Her calm façade didn't run pass me though. I know her. She is suffering in silence. But I also know that she needs some space.

I am too afraid to ask coach for Charlie's information, because I may just go ahead and destroy her creator's entire existence. The fucker has another two kids.

So I accept her excuses.

Only, I am growing tired of her needed distance.

_Love is a constant push and pull of hot and cold, sad-happiness. _

Bella insisted that I leave immediately after I wokeup yesterday morning. Luckily, I had some family time to keep me occupied.

I was obligated to attend a formal lunch at the insistence of my parents. Apparently Esme scored some macho business deal with a well-known art exhibitionist. I guess she felt the need to go out and celebrate the accumulative figures in her already overflowing bank account.

I was tense and preoccupied with thoughts of my girl, never failing to notice daddy dearest's realisation that he is no longer the largest bread winner of our trio. Esme was all, "I'd like to make a toast to my success," and Carlisle would respond, "Our success, Esme." My guess is Carlisle developed a new found jealously of his 'soul' companion of nineteen years.

I wanted to spit out my champagne and laugh in disdain.

I didn't.

Ofcourse, all is not fair and well for the youngest Cullen, not when the topic of my future plans was introduced.

It always boils down to what I am going to do. I often wonder if my parents aren't counting a timer of their own. It would be really pathetic if I am the only reason they remaining together. I feel like my bags are already packed and they pushing me out the front door into the real world.

Carlisle went on and on about how I have to work hard and never allow for any distractions.

"_No skipping school this time around, Edward."_

And then ofcourse, he had to mention my personal choices.

"_Whoever you're fucking, it must come to an end when soccer season begins. Don't think your mother and I don't hear you sneaking out at night." _

Carlisle knows just how to kill my buzz.

I rolled my eyes, not bothering to entertain his remarks. The approaching waiter reintroduced some peace at our table as she brought our steaks. In between finishing my meal and awaiting desert, I excused myself and stepped out of the restaurant to breathe in some fresh air of normality. Cool air isn't enough these days, so I called the only person I needed to feel whole again.

After the sixth ring, Bella decided to answer.

_Beat, beat, beat._

"_Hello."_ Her whispered distraction cleansed my heart and made me feel all kinds of better.

"_Hey, Bells. How are you feeling_?" Leaning my back against the brick wall, I frowned, hearing the sound of cars in the background.

"_Uh…I guess I'm okay, thanks. How are you_?"

"_I'm good. Are you driving_?

"_No…yes. I'm on my way to Ally's_." Her response was unsure.

I asked her when I could see her, and she made up an excuse, telling me that she had to spend time with her mother. When I asked her when she would be alone, she continued to create excuses.

My girl didn't want my attention. So that is when I decided to give her the space she needed.

So this brings me back to what I am doing right now. As I am tap, tap, tapping on my phone, when unwelcome yellow fucking sun brightness distracts my thoughts.

"Hey, Eddie. Where were you this weekend? You totes missed an epic party." Tanya is all bubble-gum popping, hair twirling, look-at-me-now, looking like a banana in a yellow jumpsuit.

I lift my gaze from the screen, place my iPhone into the pocket of my hoody and look up into her clear blue gaze. It's really fucking difficult not to roll my eyes, so I instead, I say, "Huh? Oh hey, Tanya." I begin drumming my hands on the lunch table because I am impatient, and I need to see Bella.

_Bella._

"Hellloooo…day dreaming much? I asked where you were this weekend?" The popping of her bubble-gum becomes louder each time. Maybe it is just me being hypersensitive and annoyed with her presence.

Tanya's school girl squeaky voice is irritating the fuck out of me. I kinda wish I had more patience with this girl. She could be appreciated by someone if she just learnt that being her true self is okay.

"I had some shit to do. Family stuff" I say as I begin to stand up. My answer is partly true.

"Oh…well, what are you doing after school?"

Fuck! Why can't she leave me alone.

"Got somewhere to be." I raise my eyebrow in an attempt to seem more empathetic. Tanya places her hand on my shoulder and tugs my body towards her, slowly bringing her lips to my ear. "If you decide to change your plans, you know where I live." She winks and walks off.

While Tanya increases our distance, she turns around and calls out, "Stop looking at my ass you perv!" She's all smile.

I smirk. Because for a second, my eyes betray my heart, watching as her long legs saunter across the cafeteria.

Despite the fact that I have a dick, I know my reaction is a dick move. I feel guilty, and envision innocent brown eyes, so I finish off my pending text.

**Edward: Where are you?**

Bella doesn't respond to my text. She hardly ever does.

I have this sudden intense need to just fucking hold her. I don't feel her presence anywhere near me, so my heart's desperation urges me to search for her.

Remembering that Bella once told me she hangs out in the library during lunch, I decide to walk all the way to the East Wing, not before buying a soda and Jelly Baby candy from the vending machine.

Climbing up the stairs that lead to the library, I pass a few eager females displaying willing smiles of "I want you right now."

"Hey, Eddie boy. Are you excited for Friday night's sport rally?" Rose stops me on my trail.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I am." I answer as I continue to pace up the stairs. Quite honesty, our schools annual sports rally was the last thing on my mind. It is kind of a gathering where the whole school gets together and meets the different sporting teams. Our soccer team is worshiped in Treehaven, therefore it is the highlight of the evening.

"See you around..." Rose flips me off. I don't listen to what she continues to say.

My heart doesn't allow for any other when it craves the presence of its reason to beat. With the drops of perspiration on my forehead accompanied by dampened palms, I am thankful that the cool air-conditioned library is not only my place of solace, but also the bearer of physical freshening.

Entering the book-filled room, I search the nearby tables, but there is no sign of my girl. This environment is foreign to me. My presence evokes confusion in the staring eyes. Students who I have never seen in my life are probably wondering what the fuck Treehavens Number one soccer player is doing in the library looking like a lost fuck.

I brush off their stares and search each aisle one by one. The closer I get to the back of the library, the heavier my heart becomes.

My heart fucking knows.

Love does that.

_Love is searching foreign places for the sake of a single glance._

Right at the back, I spot long brown hair. Bella is sitting across from Alice, and they both seem to be absorbed in their books. The closer I get, the more she feels my presence.

My tummy does this flipping shit, and I know why. This sudden change of internal functioning is my heart informing the rest of my body that love is here.

My girl stills, and then lifts up her arm to collect her loose hair, placing it over her right shoulder. She stretches slowly, until I see Alice giving me a look of surprise.

_Shit._

She caught me staring and stalking.

Best friends are always so fucking suspicious.

I stand frozen as I watch Alice lean over the table and whisper something into Bella's ear. She makes it quite obvious that she is discussing my arrival. Bella nods and awkwardly turns around, looking straight into my eyes.

Green meets brown and that's all that fucking matters.

With a hint of a scowl, she's okay with my imprudence.

Because Bella needed to see me too. Her cheeks are all flushed, and I don't miss how red and swollen her eyes appear. The physical evidence of my girl's internal pain makes me angry, causing my eyes to twitch and mouth to gape.

Alice is probably coming up with all kinds of reasons for my interruption, so I walk up to their table and take a deep breath.

Bella looks up at me with pleading eyes, because she thinks I am going to reveal the truth.

Maintaining an appropriate distance, I clear my throat with some exaggeration and a false smile.

"Hey…Bella. Do you mind if I have a word with you? Uh… it's about tutoring." I remove my baseball cap and run my hands through my un-kept hair. Everything feels hot-heavy-choking.

My girl grips onto her pencil with her tender touch, and I want to disappear in the innocent girl glowering before me.

Her beauty is breath-taking.

Her heart is downright suffocating.

Alice continues to gawk at me in total shock and disapproval. Her staring is making me uncomfortable. Best friend needs to calm the fuck down.

I smirk, picturing her open-drooling mouth ruining her notes. The childish, immature brat in me decides to make an appearance in my mind.

Bella stands up slowly and looks around nervously. I notice she is wearing shorts and a faded stretched T-shirt despite it been cold outside. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and nods.

This is the first time we've ever acknowledged each other in public. Dedicated library dweller students begin to stare.

I don't give a fuck.

"Why are you wearing shorts? Were you crying?" I whisper, failing to conceal my concern for this girl.

"I didn't think it would be cold. What are doing here, Edward?" she whispers, looking into my eyes and then turning around to make sure Alice isn't still observing our every move. "People are watching."

Obviously Alice is acting her part as the nosey best friend. I break my stare from Bella, and look into Alice's eyes, displaying an over friendly smile.

She blushes and looks down. _Score._

And then averts her attention to Bella. _Fail. _

"You okay, Baby B?" Ally asks her best friend with a scowl.

Her name calling bothers me. I feel childish and needy and fucking frustrated.

Because my girl is acting like she doesn't give a shit.

"Yip, I'm fine, Ally." Her gentle voice sounds like it could crack into little pieces and blend in with sorrow.

Seventeen year girls are supposed to smile.

Not cry and show the physical after effects.

I motion for her to follow me as I try to distance myself from the productive table. She silently protests, and I wish I could grab her hand and make her come with me.

Our secret is fucking eating me alive. I don't think I can handle this pain anymore.

I don't expect anyone to understand, but what I feel is heart crushing. Like every single vein leading to my arteries are been chopped off with a contaminated knife.

I need fresh air despite the cool air-conditioning.

I need approval despite my girl's silent look of appreciation.

I don't want to need her so badly. But what can I do when I am an eighteen year old guy who is in love?

Realising that my presence isn't going to change anything, I give Bella one more look and whisper, "I'll be waiting in your room tonight. Check aisle number three." I walk away before she can say anything further.

Before exciting the library, I remove the soda and candy from my backpack, and place it on the middle bookshelf in aisle number three. Painfully aware of the inquisitive stares, I turn around and flip off the bearers of the whispered words and secret glances.

_Love is around-the-clock emotional turmoil._

Fuck onlookers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am standing in my room with a towel around my waist, contemplating whether or not I should call coach and cancel my voluntarily junior coaching.

I don't think I can handle seeing Charlie again, because I want to fucking kill him even more than what I did yesterday.

My girl deserves the world and more. I wish I could give her that. I know I can and eventually will, but right now our separate worlds remain at war.

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it. If you live to please others, everyone will love you, except yourself. So I walk to my desk and drop my phone.

I won't call coach.

Not today anyway.

I am busy getting dressed, planning to go to Bella's house, when my door flies open.

I turn around in irritation when Jake and Jasper come barging in.

"Don't you fucking knock?" I give them a disapproving glare.

"Sup man?" They both laugh and come up to me to greet with our usual handshake.

"Yoh, I was just gonna head out." I know they will demand to know where.

"Bro, we hardly see you. Your soccer try outs are done, so come on. We got some good stuff waiting in the car." Jake insists, while raising his eyebrows looking like a dumb fuck.

I look at my phone and then back at them, thinking what excuse I can make up. Bella hasn't called me yet, but I know she needs me. I realise that the only way to get them off my back is to lie.

"Dude, I'm off that shit. I don't wanna be surrounded by weed when I am trying to stay away from it." I try to reason.

"Who said anything about weed?" Jasper smirks. I feel disappointed, because my two best friends are fucking up their future and heading for trouble, trouble, trouble.

"What the fuck, man? You doing higher grade shit now?" I ask, pointing in their direction.

Jake has now walked out onto my balcony, and Jasper is throwing my soccer ball up and down as he continues to smirk.

"It's chilled. You're a pussy, Eddie boy."

"Fuck you. I'm not the one wanting to do shit especially when it's school tomorrow." Truth is, I do feel like a pussy. Because before Bella, I would gladly go along with what my friends wanted. It's what the so called troublesome trio was all about.

I've done lots of shit I am not proud of, but at the same time, I managed to maintain my status as the town's golden boy. At this moment, I wish I could split myself in half. Because a part of me, deep inside, wants to follow down their fucked up path.

But love is the bigger part of me. Love is following what the heart needs.

So eventually, after making some more excuses, I say good bye to my two best friends.

I know I should be there for them, too. I should tell them that what they are doing is no good for any human being. That their irresponsible choices are not cool.

I won't.

My heart is unhealthily consumed of all things Bella.

How is it possible to care what others are doing when Bella is present in every aspect of my soul?

So, I decided to text her, because I need to see my girl.

**Edward: Hey…I'll see you in a few **

**Bella: Rene is here. She's all over my space. Maybe you should skip tonight's visit?**

Beat, beat, beat, because why is she doing this to me?

**Edward: I thought you were ready to tell Rene about us?**

**Bella: Not yet. Please? I feel bad for not spending enough time her. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night xx**

**Edward: You told me you spent yesterday with your mother?**

**Bella: You're being selfish. Please don't question me.**

I feel alone and needy. Because even though I need to see my girl, she needs me even more. She just doesn't realise it yet.

So I pretend that I am okay with her dismissal.

I'm not.

**Edward: Okay. Good night then **

**Bella: I'll be there to kiss you in the morning.**

Lies.

Bella is creating a secret of her own, and I hate it.

Even though I made it seem like I won't be visiting, my heart won't allow anything else. So before I know it, my decision to drive to the Slums is final.

My heart beats with images of brown eyes and dimpled cheeks.

I need her to smile more. That is one of the reasons I refuse to stay away.

Esme comes into my room, and she has her nurturing caregiver façade going on. "Edward, do you wanna come downstairs and watch a movie with your mother? I feel like we are so distant." My mom looks fresh and beautiful, all kinds of silky gown and styled hair.

"Not tonight." I smile and place a kiss on my lonely provider's soft cheek.

"You're leaving again? Who is she?" Esme smiles and begins playing around with her manicured nails.

I shrug, displaying a mischievous smile.

Heading down the stairs, I don't miss my mom yelling, "Be safe."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It is just after 9 p.m when I pull up infront of Mrs Clearwaters house. Bella's neighbourhood is unusually quiet, with hardly anyone walking in the street. I climb out of my car and take a deep breath.

Because I am two minutes away from seeing my girl.

Rene's car is parked in the driveway, so I quietly sneak around the house and slowly begin my all too familiar climb. One foot on the old washing machine, and I'm nearly there.

The closer I get to Bella's window, the heavier my heart becomes.

Her open window leads to her vacant room. Bella's bedside lamp is on, her school bag is lying on the floor, and her bed is unmade. My girl hates it when her bed is unmade. Something has to be wrong.

As I step further into her room, I hear heated voices down the narrow hall.

The closer I sneak to her doorway the louder the voices become, until I hear a scream.

_Beat, beat, beat._

"Why didn't you tell me, Mom!" I panic as I hear Bella's shaking voice in the background. I walk closer to the door and rest my ear against the wall.

I do not feel guilty for eave-dropping. Because if Bella screams one more time, I'll come out of hiding.

"Bella baby, please just listen to me." Rene's voice is tear-filled and begging.

"You lied to me! All these years you lied to me!"

"No, it's not like that, Bella. I did it for you. They would have taken you away from me, baby. Please."

Bella and Rene are discussing Charlie. I can't make out Rene's soft, desperate pleading, but Charlie's name is a constant feature in their heated altercation.

"So, why did he still visit then? How did you get him to stay away for five years? Tell me!" Bella continues to demand the truth from her secret keeping mother.

"Please, Bella." Rene's shaking voice has reached the point of frantic.

"Tell me!"

"I wouldn't let him see you. I had to go to the police and file for a restraining order. I'm so sorry, baby, please. They would have taken you away from me."

"Why, Mom? None of this is making sense! Why would you be so cruel?" Bella is crying hard and ugly.

"I was going to tell you, Isabella. One day I was going to tell you. Charlie's parents, your grandparents, they were such horrible people. They threatened to take you away from me. They accused me of being on drugs and so much more. I had to do this for us, Bella."

"Mom, please just tell me this is all just a bad dream." Bella takes a deep breath and continues to cry.

I know I should stop listening in on their conversation. I also know that I should get out of hiding and be there for Bella.

As I am about to make my presence known, I hear Rene say, "Bella, rich people will do anything to get you under their wing. They will use and abuse, until there is nothing left of you. Charlie and I were high school lovers, and his parents never approved of our relationship. When I fell pregnant with you, they first wanted to move him away, but he kept coming back. When you were a couple of months old, they came to my parent's doorstep and demanded to take you away from me. I had to do something."

After several seconds of complete silence, a whimpered broken voice questions, "So why did he come by sometimes?"

"He came because he wanted to make sure I was doing my job as a mother. Eventually, after many threats from his parents, I had to bring in the law. The only reason I won the court case was because I knew something about their family. I had evidence against them that they couldn't have me reveal."

"What kind of evidence? What did they do?"

"Charlie's parents owned businesses in three different states. His father was guilty of tax evasion, but he knew someone who could cover it up."

"So how did you know all that?" Bella continues to question.

"Charlie once told me everything, Bella. When his father began receiving threats, he brought me all the letters and asked my advice of what it means. I went with him to go and inquire. I kept all the documentation." Rene's in-between-cries are making no sense.

"He was my father, Mom. He once wanted me."

"I'm so sorry. You have to believe me. The situation became really messy. They threatened me so much. His family couldn't bear the fact that I wouldn't give you up. There is so much more left unsaid, and oneday I promise I will tell you everything"

"You're so, so selfish. I can't believe this."

"Bella, you will never understand. I had to do this. I wish that it could have been dealt with differently, but they left me no other choice. Charlie's parents threatened to have me murdered. They hated me. I had no idea he was back in Treehaven. I swear, Bella."

After some silence, I hear a ruffle then Bella says, "don't touch me!" Heavy footsteps make their way closer to her bedroom, until my broken girl comes rushing in all tear-filled and shattered. At first Bella doesn't see me, but when she does, she rushes towards me. I open up my arms and catch her as she falls into my embrace. I grip onto her, closing her door and locking it behind us.

Bella doesn't question my presence. She needs me. She sniffs into my neck and cries harder than anyone deserves to cry.

My girl is broken and bent.

She is above and below.

She is numb and filled with so much emotional torment.

Rene bangs on the door, but we ignore her calls. "Bella! Open up this door immediately. Please!"

Eventually the banging comes to an end. _Sigh._

"Please, take me away from her?" My girl is all red, puffy eyes that are surrounded with tears which plead for an unending escape.

I know, in this moment, that I need to be here for her. So, I help her collect a few things and place it into an overnight bag. Bella doesn't bother collecting her school bag off the floor. I help her out of the window, and we slowly make our way down, sneaking around her house over to my truck.

My girl remains quiet except for the sound of her sniffing away all the hurt that she is feeling. I don't want her to hurt.

We climb into my truck, and I make sure Bella is buckled up safely. Grabbing my hand in hers, she winces and then takes a deep breath. We drive, drive, and drive some more, until I am pulling up my driveway.

"They won't know you're here," I say, referring to my parents. Quite honestly, Carlisle is at work and by now Esme must have downed a bottle of red wine.

My girl gently wipes her tears and climbs out of my truck, her shoulders slumped. I make my way around my truck and entwine our hands.

"I don't wanna be here." She keeps her eye fixed on the ground and stops her pace.

"Are you sure?" I ask, lifting up her chin gently.

All Bella does is nod, so I say, "Let me just go grab a few things. You wanna come up with me?"

"No," I hear a whispered disapproval

"Okay," I say leading her back to my truck. I kiss her softly on her forehead and jog across the driveway and up the porch.

After climbing up the stairs two steps at a time, I get to my room, grab a bag, and throw in a shorts, sweater and hoody. I make sure I have my wallet and phone charger and rush back down to my broken awaiting completeness.

I dump my bag in the trunk, alongside my school bag, and climb in. Bella's leaning her head against the passenger window. She appears deep in thought, and I wanna beg her to tell me what she's thinking.

I won't.

I have no idea where we're driving, but the further we get away, the slower my girl exhales.

_Love escapes and drives to the end of the earth._

I get that Bella is not in the mood for small talk, so I decide to turn on the stereo. The very first time Bella climbed into my truck a rap song was playing, and it surprised the shit out of me because she knew the words.

I decide to play the very same song. She knows it's one of my hidden messages, asking if we're okay. She must feel my discrete begging, because she grabs my lonely hand and squeezes it.

_Beat, beat, beat._

"I kinda hate my mom right now, Edward."

"How're you feeling?" I ask, turning on my indicator to make a left turn. I don't direct my attention to Bella, partly because I should keep my eyes on the road, but also because I am terrified of the emptiness that will stare back me.

We were only supposed to be two young teenagers in love for the summer. What we are now is far beyond our control. We're fucked up, searching for needles in a haystack with this impending void and unanswered questions between us.

Love is supposed to be about knowing what to say.

Love is hearing the only voice that soothes you down to your hardest bones.

Love is not supposed to nod and pretend like everything will be okay.

I wish my girl would smile every day. I wish I could see the glow in her like I witnessed so many times before.

_Is this love making everything worse? _

"I've never felt better." My girl laughs sarcastically.

Bella doesn't speak after that. She decides to ignore me.

After driving in silence for an hour, I pull up at a fisherman's resort. There looks to be some cabins. After parking infront of the reception, I step out of my truck without saying a word to Bella. As I enter the doors to the reception, the wind chimes of the porch makes a clinking sound that distracts me from my prevailing thoughts.

There is the sound of a really bad country radio station in the background, and an older woman and man are seated behind the reception desk. They look like they are tired of life itself, but they're sitting up at almost midnight because it's what they need to do.

"Uhm…hello. Is their perhaps any openings for the night?" I ask, clearing my throat.

The woman looks up and frowns at me while the man just looks downright tired.

"For how many?" She raises her eyebrow.

"For two, but a one bedroom will do." I look around and observe my surroundings. These people seem to worship all things aquatic. There are posters and pictures of whales and shit all around the room.

She moves the computer screen to face me and says, "Here's the list of prices. Pick one. We have three open cabins available."

I choose the one bedroom cabin and pay with my credit card. After thanking them, I walk back to my truck.

I panic when I see Bella is no longer in my truck. The world turns around me, and for a second I feel like love is making me crazy.

It feels like I am spinning around and around, until I see her. I rush over to my beating heart where she is seated on the dirty gravel with a little white ball of fluff in her lap.

"Look, Edward. This little guy was walking all alone." She looks up to me and smiles.

I stare back at big brown eyes in total confusion. Because what the fuck?

"Whose puppy is this?" I ask, reaching my hand out to her. Bella stands up without my offered help, and hands me the dog. She dusts off her shorts and gently reaches for the dog.

"I don't know. I guess we can ask at the reception," she says as she walks back to the office.

I am so confused, and I feel like this is all one big joke. Not only did Bella's mood change three hundred and sixty degrees, but who the fuck rescues dogs at midnight? I take a deep breath and shake my head, deciding to wait at my truck for her.

Bella walks out of the building with a lonely smile, and says, "He belongs to them. Bummer."

"Ready to get going?"

"Yeah, I guess."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Entering the cabin, Bella goes in search of the restroom while I dump our overnight bags on the wooden floor.

I don't know how to feel or what to do. Never in my life had I thought I would watch someone so innocent have to experience such awful internal pain all because of the people that brought her into this world. I wish I could just forget everything and run away with Bella. I feel like she is all I need, but I know that she needs a lot more than just some guy.

I cross the small room and enter a bedroom. Everything is blue and smells like the ocean. Collapsing onto the bed, I lift up my arms and cover my eyes, savouring this moment of silence before my girl reappears.

I listen as gentle footsteps sound on the wooden floor, followed by a caving in the bed. Bella positions herself on top of me and removes my arms from over my face. Grabbing onto her wrists, I stare intently into her empty swollen eyes.

"One hour ago, I hated my life. Now? Now I think I can actually be okay." My girl tries to maintain the little strength she has left.

"Don't say that. I'm here for you, Bella. Talk to me, please?" I say as I sit up.

Bella positions her hands on my shoulder to steady herself. She opens her mouth and then closes it again.

Deciding I should wait until she is ready to speak, I collect a strand of hair and gently tuck it behind her ear.

Apart from all the pain and sadness staring back at me, Bella's beauty outshines all the sorrows in this world.

I don't know exactly what Rene and Bella were discussing, but before I jump to any conclusions, I know I need to hear it from her.

She senses my awaiting questions and says, "How long were you in my room?"

I take a deep breath and distant my face from hers just a bit. "Quite a while. I heard what Rene said."

My girl exhales and pokes her index finger into the corner of her eye. Looking back up at me, she says, "I don't know what to believe, Edward. How fucked up is it that I don't know who to believe? My parents are not who I thought they were. I don't know…" Bella's sentence is cut off by her sudden cries.

I gently encircle her with my arms and just hold her, trying to squeeze all my love and assurance into her. "It's okay, baby. You're not alone. Tomorrow, once you've thought things through, go home and talk to her again."

"I can't. I feel so hurt, Edward. Like there is this constant ripping at my chest. What did I ever do to deserve this? Your life is so perfect, and here I am fucked up as usual." Her words are spoken in between frantic cries and sniffs, making her disclosure almost incoherent.

"Shhh…" I murmur, because that's all I can say right now. Rocking back and forth, I kiss her ears and neck and cheeks, embracing every single part of her that I can reach.

After a while, Bella's cries become softer and slower, until I sense she wants to talk some more.

"I'm so sorry. I feel so pathetic and needy."

Why the fuck is she apologising?

In my attempt to conceal my anger, I scowl and say, "Don't ever be sorry. There is somebody out there who needs you equally as much." I don't mention that it is me. "Call your mother, Bella. She must be worried out of her mind."

Bella ignores my pleas, climbs off my lap and yanks me down with her upon the bed. Brushing her hair out of her face, we lie staring at eachother.

"When she got home from work on Sunday, she found her year book lying on the floor."

"Is that why you told her Charlie's back in town?"

"She demanded to know why I was scratching in her "shit", I quote." Bella lifts up her hands and enacts her mother's words.

"So what did you tell her?"

"I asked her why she didn't tell me he was living so close by. She seemed more surprised than anything."

"Bella, just remember that your mother will never intentionally hurt you."

"I know." She whispers. "Tell me how they look, Edward?"

"Who?" I lift an eyebrow.

"Seth and Leah, how do they look? Do they seem happy?"

"They really fucking cute. Just like you." I display a smile.

For the first time in a long time, my girl smiles too.

She means it.

"Don't give up that coaching job because of me…I'm sure once Charlie finds out who you really are, he will be the one to leave."

"You think?" my eyes begin to feel heavy with sleep.

"No more talking…let's just go to sleep." Bella's gentle kiss reminds me of everything that I always need.

Lying beside eachother in a foreign bed, our bubble of love makes everything okay.

No matter what, I will always be there for this girl.

My heart won't allow anything else.

My girl continues to sniff away her falling tears.

I get that she isn't ready to talk about everything just yet. So I accept the comfortable silence.

Just as I am drifting off to sleep, I am awoken by the buzzing of my phone. Leaning over the bed to check the screen, I realise I am receiving a call from Bella, only she is lying asleep beside me.

_Beat, beat, beat._

Panicking and having no fucking idea what to do, I shake my girl awake.

"What is it?"

"Where is your phone? Someone is calling my number from your phone."

Bella grabs my phone out of my hand and stares at the screen in her sleep-filled state. She raises her index finger to her lips, begging me to not say a word, and then places the now answered phone to her ear.

"Mom?"

I don't hear anything on the other end of the line, so I glance away feeling broken and confused once again

"I'm fine. No. Please just give me time. Mom, you don't know him. How dare you read my messages! Oh my God." And then she hangs up.

After staring at the screen, Bella slowly meets my eyes with returning tears.

"Rene found my phone. She knows everything."

Love is truth seeking and unintentional revelations.

Love is lying to your mother and going to bed with another.

Love is hanging up and preparing to face reality with your nine month carrier.

Love is forever secret keeping.

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**A/N: Any thoughts? Please feel free to leave a review :-)**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hi guys! It's been quite some time...At the moment I am busy with my final exams and I literally just handed in my thesis today! I promise to update alot sooner once exams are out of the way.I also plan to rewrite the beginning chapters and correct the horrendous typo's! I am so sorry you all had to endure reading such disturbing grammar, but it will be corrected in no time (sometimes I allow my fluency in Afrikaans to disturb my English writing).**

**Thank you to everyone who has continued to read this fanfic, it really warms my heart to know people are interesting in knowing what would happen. Thank you to my amazing beta Elise de Salier for putting up with all my confusing writing.**

**I wrote quite a long chapter to last you guys for a while. Please let me know what you think :-)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**Chapter 31**

**BPOV**

I find it impossible to return to my deep, deep slumber. Tossing and turning and rolling in the sheets, my heart screams with restlessness.

Because Rene knows.

My mother, my caregiver, my guardian, just became another associate to my best kept secret.

_She fucking knows._

If Edward and I were together in a healthy relationship, it wouldn't require sacrificing friends and family, it wouldn't shut down dreams and abandon futures. A healthy relationship would accept and approve and be tender-giving-happiness.

But that is not who we are. We're different and we're together. Sometimes the best thing to do is just not think at all, not wonder and not worry. Edward is my unhealthy fascination, but it's all my heart wants.

_Love is helpless. _

What is wrong with being obsessively, crazily and inexplicably in love with something who is your polar opposite?

_Everything._

I blame the judgmental opinions of others. They will fuck us up. Edward and I are strong together, but the weakest apart. We are two hearts beating together, and that is how I believe we will survive. There are no dream-leaving-future-seeking with us. We're living in our moment, one that was never supposed to be.

Apart from all the anger and hurt that I'm feeling towards the woman that brought me into this world for keep me from my father, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself. I feel fearful of the undiscovered impending truth.

My lying heart is overflowing with apprehension and anxiety.

I shut my eyes as tight as I can and feel the tenderness of soft strong hands reaching out and brushing gently against my colourless cheeks. My boy compliments his gesture and gently replaces his touch with the moisture of the softest kisses screaming in reassurance that he is forever here as long as I will need him.

Without a heartbeat, I welcome his embrace.

Edward's arms hold me when I am at my weakest, his eyes see my beauty when I feel at my ugliest, and his heart loves me even when I wish that I can hate the world. But I know he won't always be here, willing and waiting to be my strength.

After living in a world when one misfortune burns into another, accepting pain becomes effortless. Taking it for granted that the next best person will leave becomes inevitable.

I get that in life we have to journey through painful obstacles in order to accept ourselves, but what more can happen? In Edward's case, I will always fight for him. What I won't do is compete for his love.

My grandmother's last breath was stolen from her because of cancer. My grandfather left this world with a failed liver, drowning his broken heart in waves of whiskey. My father forever left, never actually wanting me, or so I thought. My mother smothered me with lies. My best friend has her own secrets and lives her life in denial, just like the rest of us. And the boy that lies beside me, the keeper of my life support, is nothing but a temporary fixture in this painful world.

The truth is, Edward doesn't feature in the word future. If he ever does, it will be a long shot battle between fate and fortune.

Fate being our love and the inextricable bond we came to fold in, layer by layer, as one.

Fortune, being everything that is not us. Wealth, success, power and autonomy. But none of those thing matter without the gift of fate. Therefore, Edward will always be my first choice for as long as he will allow me.

These racing thoughts cause a physical battle in my easing body. So, very slowly, I open my eyes, and I'm immediately welcomed with emerald concern.

"Bella, try to just rest for now. Tomorrow we will tell her everything." Edward sighs and his gaze remains fixed on me. He looks weary, unprepared for the misfortunes I have to offer him.

My boy thinks the phone call from my mother has increased my worry.

Doesn't he get that there are only so many fucks to give in this world?

Again I feel shamed and guilty, because he isn't supposed to be here lying beside me. He isn't supposed to be here witnessing my pathetically weak state. Edward was never supposed to be my backdrop and my borderline of love.

Fate twisted the pieces to our temporary puzzle together, making it almost impossible for either of us to be without the other.

Guys like Edward Cullen should be attending parties and hanging out with head cheerleaders. Popular and wanted.

I want him to leave and be happy. I also want him to stay because a life without him has become non-existent. The thought of him ever leaving are poison to my thoughts.

Even though knowing that happiness is something I will never be able to give him, we will continue to savour what we know best.

Because we're selfish to this world but selfless with eachother.

Maybe we're living in our someday already. Maybe we don't want to admit that we're no longer individuals. At seventeen and eighteen, we have found a dual-connected-other.

I get that.

But, I guess if it isn't a crazy, passionate, and surprising love, this feeling is a waste of precious ticking time.

The only man that was once supposed to be in my life was never around. I don't believe everything my mother has said. Her reasoning leaves me with so many doubts.

So, I take a deep breath and say, "Rene doesn't deserve my honesty. She practically lied to me my entire life."

My boy curls his lip, and that worried look I have become all too familiar with returns on his beautiful exterior. "There's a reason for everything. She did it to protect you and keep you in her life. Don't push your mother away Bella, it's just not worth it."

Immediately, I feel irritated. Because whose side is this boy on?

"There are other ways! She could have told me." I turn around and roll my eyes, knowing my reaction to his words, true though they might be, will leave him feeling hurt.

My boy repeats my movement and groans. When he tries to grab my hand, I tuck it into my chest and bite away the threatening tears.

"Don't hold my hand if you're not willing to take everything that comes with it." I whisper.

"Bella, give me you're fucking hand?" Edward tries to hover over me.

I gently shove him away and go back to tucking my hands under my chin.

He doesn't argue. He turns his back to me and whispers an empty "good night."

Sometime during the night, I feel the heat of snuffles of love, breathing and beating into my ear. Edward cradles my body and grips on tight.

_You just can't beat the person who never gives up. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

While stretching my aching body in unfamiliar sheets, the smell of morning coffee and glistering autumn light welcomes my senses to a new day.

It's only Tuesday, and I am supposed to be getting ready for a new school day. Yet here I am, in some lodge half way out of town, running away from the people that brought me into this world.

Sounds of splashing water in the background distract me from my thoughts, and I know my boy is taking a shower.

My heart longs to join him and cradle myself around his naked body. But with the way I am feeling right now, I want to stay in this bed forever. Hiding under grey sheets makes everything seem just a little bit less broken.

After closing my eyes for what feels like two seconds, I feel him.

Peeking my head from out the covers, I watch intently as Edward casually stands across the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He smiles politely while my eyes remain fixed on his sculptured V.

_I want you._

"Good morning, little girl."

I smile weakly and shake my head. Edward thinks that teasing me will lighten my mood. Doesn't he get that just the sight of him makes everything better?

I guess that anyone can be passionate, but it takes real love to be silly.

Because apart from all this fucked up daddy drama and mommy misfortune, Edward's smile is caring-shining-loving-forever.

This boy's presence welcomes tummy turns and star-filled gazes. I want to squeeze and crowd him and smother him in my love.

"Good morning, Mr Cullen," I say in a sweet school girl voice which I know he hates.

"Before you say anything, Bella, I just need you to know that I am not leaving you today. In fact, I'm not leaving you ever. So don't try to force me to go to school. I won't!" He holds up his hands.

Blowing messy hair out of my eyes, I ask, "What are we going to do then?"

While Edward searches the room for who knows what, he says, "Life is too short and unpredictable to not live exactly how we please. We can do whatever the fuck we want to do Bells"

I trace the sheets as I watch him yank a T-shirt over his head. Everything about him is so effortless.

_And he is mine._

I feel disappointed as he covers up his muscular torso, because I want him right now.

Fighting temptation and lust, I throw the sheets above my head once again and close my eyes under the darkness it brings.

"Get up and get showered, Swan," Edward says throwing the covers off of my emotionless body.

"Do I look shitty?" I ask biting my lip and curling up into a ball. I immediately feel all kinds of inferior because perfection stands before me.

"Well, you look like someone who can't get sleep to agree with them. But above all, shitty can never describe you. You're too beautiful to look shitty." He shows a hint of a smile and places a light kiss on the tip of my nose.

I move forward and grip onto the front of his towel, biting my lip and innocently meeting his eyes in way of asking for the obvious.

_Beat, beat, beat. _

He knows what I need because he needs it too.

Edward moves closer, accepting my welcoming demands. Pushing me gently down onto the edge of the bed, my boy leans between my narrowly separated legs and pushes them further apart.

Do I feel guilty for wanting to do this right now? Yes I do.

But love needs this. Love needs touches and kisses and internal welcoming. Love needs organisms and pleasures to make it through this day.

My boy shoves my tank top slightly up my stomach and begins placing moist, gentle kisses around my belly. The internal butterflies scream for freedom.

I run my hands through his soft, showered hair and allow him to worship me for just a bit. Eventually, after some physical adoration and reverence, my boy grows impatient. He yanks my tank top over my head and trails my shorts down my legs. Staring at me, he runs his tongue slowly over the mole just below his lip.

I feel shy and innocent under his lustful sparkling gaze. So folding into his embrace, I allow our lips to connect.

"I don't want anything else right now but your lips on mine." He whispers.

With some kissing, sucking, tasting and nipping at each other's mouths, tongues and lips, we both become so breathless we have to pull away for air and surround ourselves in a cloud of pleasure. Edward and I are home, we're desperate and needy and losing just one touch can elicit all kinds of panic. Home is inside the other, connected in ways that we were always meant to be.

Edward's kisses increase. His lips fixate on my breasts and swollen nipples. Making his way down along my body, his eyes meet mine from time to time.

The evidence of his need forms a bulge behind the towel he has wrapped around his waist. Sitting up again, I untwist the knotted material and wrap my hands around his shaft. He isn't ready for my touch just yet, because he lays me down gently one more time and grips onto my hips.

First inserting one, then two fingers, my boy brings his lips in contact with my folds. Licking and sucking brings much needed peacefulness. I smother in his touch and close my eyes while murmuring in pleasure. Before I can reach my peak, I feel the hardness of his erection invading my tender core.

Edward thrusts into me one-two-three times, intensifying his motions. The slapping sound of our greed combined with passionate groans leads me to grip onto his biceps. In between thrusts, our lips connects as we pull and suck.

With sweat filled and dampened thighs, everything that is wrong becomes so right.

In this moment, of him and pulsating in-and-out of my core, we breathe in and consume what we can.

After nibbling his shoulder and the curve of his throat as hard as I can, I move my lips to his ear and whisper breathlessly, "Let me be on top of you."

In one motion, Edward turns us over and I am left straddling him. Positioning his dick inside of me again, I begin to move up-and-down, back-and-forward. Edward parts his lips, and all I see is a vulnerable boy in love. My slow movements increase in intensity, perspiration filled and desire seeking.

And just like that, the knotted butterflies in my tummy fly together and break free into a million glowing-happiness. I close my eyes as I enjoy my release. But Edward doesn't allow for my moment of tranquillity to last, because he begins to move his hips up and down in a fast pace. Soon thereafter, my boy's body becomes rigid as he silently breathes out in pleasure and fills my insides up with sticky, creamy, life-giving heaven.

We both lie panting; I rest my head on his chiselled chest and feel the beats of his heart.

_Our heart _

Edward traces the sides of my naked figure and grips onto my behind with his other hand.

"I can't believe this," he whispers.

"You can't believe what?" I ask lifting my head up and placing my chin on his chest.

"I'm so fucking crazy about you Isabella Swan." He smiles.

_Beat, beat, beat._

"No you're not." I look away and stare at the blank wall.

Because our deal is we don't admit our feelings for eachother. We know it's there, it just cannot be verbalized.

"Whatever you say." He sighs. Edward climbs out of bed and walks over to the bathroom. I watch as his sculptured tanned ass increases our distance. Without a sound, I mouth, "I love you,"

He doesn't hear. He's never supposed to.

Once Edward returns to the room he stalks towards the bed and grips both my ankles. He tugs me forward until my legs rest on either side of his body.

"Didn't I tell you to get showered?" He lifts an eyebrow, looking ridiculously cute and playful, and then begins tickling under my feet. I learned a long time ago that Edward is not only horny every morning but also really lively and spirited.

If ever there is a sight of the real Edward, it is the boy who rises up every morning before the world awakes with its demands that pollute his hopes.

The feet-tickling disrupts my thoughts, so I yell, "Stop," trying to sound threatening.

"Get your ass into the shower and hurry up. We got some shit to do." I will never grow tired of his heart-warming- eye-catching smirk.

"Wow, what a nice way of putting it Cullen." I shake my head as I escape his hold.

Edward reaches for my arm and pulls me into a strong grip.

"Let go." I smile.

"What's the password, huh?" His hold becomes all kinds of tight, surrounding my vulnerable naked body.

I gently press my lips to his and I know that no matter what, we will be okay. We will get through this. We always do.

_Love is a password. _

Before letting go of my boy, I whisper, "Edward?"

"Yeah, Bella?" He says, reaching out to palm my face in his gentle touch of all things love.

I stare into his golden green gaze and murmur, "Promise me that we will never say goodbye?" I blink, one-two-three.

Edwards gaze burns into my eyes. He smiles lightly and whispers, "There's no such thing as goodbye when there's forever baby."

"Promise?" I smile, all the pain disappearing for just abit.

"I promise." I receive a firm but gentle kiss to my already swollen lips.

Because as long as the sun still comes out to shine, we will always live in our summer.

And just like that, forever is our deal.

But I guess it always was.

So, I shower and get dressed. The clothing I managed to stuff into my bag is an old grey sweat pants and my favourite childhood plum crew-neck. Rene didn't have extra money to do our laundry last week, so the clothing that remains in my closet are old and worn out. Hoping Edward doesn't pay attention to how dreadful I look, I brush my hair into a neat ponytail and apply some lip balm on my constantly trembling lips. In the process of catering for my own needs, my boy packs our bags and exits the cabin to fill his truck with our belongings.

Watching him stroll towards his truck, I think how his broad shoulders and strong arms are my safe haven. My beating heart that refuses to stay away.

Edward and I hit the road back to Treehaven in comfortable silence.

I don't want anymore tears. I don't want any more pain.

I want to say goodbye to fears and only have love to gain.

I just want the truth. And my boy will help me seek all honesty as we continue to live our beautiful lie.

Because love does that.

Love is cabin sleeping, freeway driving, and returning home for answers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Swan residence looks un-kept and disorderly. The long grass turned weeds are in dire need of a cut. The shitty exterior of what I call my home is evidence of a lack of a male headed household.

Edward and I remain in his truck, parked in his usual spot. Rene's car is in the driveway, parked in her usual spot. She was supposed to work today. Clearly she called in sick.

I can't bring myself to leave the safety of his truck. The strong grip of Edward's and my entwined fingers is becoming dampened with anxiety.

I don't want to face my mother. This hurt and disappointment continues to ponder in my consciousness.

Why me? But then again who am I to complain? People have it worse out there.

"Tell me I'm being selfish and dramatic?" I look over innocently at my equally anxious beating heart.

Edward takes a deep breath and removes a strand of hair away from my pale face.

"You're selfish and dramatic?" He smiles nervously.

"Okay," I hold up my hand, asking him for a high five, "Let's do this." The clapping of our connecting hands is our way of gearing up for what waits across the road.

We climb out of his truck and are immediately welcomed with grey skies and gusts of wind.

I want to go _home. _

Home should be where Edward and I are safe and ourselves. Where we can love with only the stars in the sky as our observers. Sadly, that place doesn't exist in a world of secrets.

My boy rushes over to my side and grabs my hand in his once again.

"I'm here for you okay?" A hint of a smile from this boy I love is all the reassurance I need.

I nod and we make our way across the street.

Stepping up the porch one-two-three, a peeling red wooden door flies open.

"Bella!" My mother seizes me into an immediate embrace.

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to forgive.

I can't right now.

Without returning her hold, I look down and keep my eyes fixed on the dust filled ground. Rene reaches for my face and gently lifts up my chin. She doesn't acknowledge that Edward stands beside me.

Or maybe she just cannot bring herself to look at him right now.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Please just let me explain." Swollen eyes reflect my own image from my primary caregiver.

I step inside the house with my mother's palm placed on the middle of my back. I guess that her way of feeling better is physical contact and gentle touches. She stares at me as we stand between the kitchen and lounge, and then slowly diverts her gaze to Edward.

"How long has this being going on?" She motions between the two of us. Edward looks up, I look down.

_I am weak and he is strong._

"You have no right to ask us that." I say shaking my head.

"Bella?" Edward's eyes plead with me to remain calm.

The truth is, I cannot control my emotions when there is a possible outcome that may tear us apart. Edward remains calm and collected while I panic and silently pray that Rene will be supportive.

"Please go, Edward?" I turn around and direct my attention towards my everything. If my mother is ever going to understand, she needs to know the truth. She needs to know that I am in love. I cannot allow Edward to hear that.

"No," he whispers, shaking his head, and then slowly meets my mother's gaze.

_Stubborn, stubborn boy. _

This is one fucked up situation with two fucked up revelations.

The fact that we're all liars doesn't make anything better,

Realising that Edward is not going to leave, I divert my attention back to mother. "How about you explain to me again how long you allowed me to believe I had a father who didn't want me?"

"This isn't fair." My mother doesn't know who to look at. She must be wondering how I scored someone as beautiful as Edward. She doesn't want history to repeat itself.

"Mom, please. Just make it better, and tell me the truth? I just need to know. How can we ever be happy with so many lies?"

"I told you everything, Baby. Please just forgive me? We only have eachother. But…but I guess if you want to go and see your father…" Rene stops at the protest of my held up arm.

"What? You will allow me go see him?" In this moment, I don't know how to feel. Following my mother's suggestion might be the only resolution to this mess.

"Yes…yes, if that will make you forgive me. If that will make you happy, Bella." I feel bad for my mother's internal battle. Deep down, I know she did this all for me. So I nod and silently hope for this to happen.

"When…when can I go see him?" I ask, taking a seat on the edge of the sofa. The increasing dent in the faded polyester gives me the needed support to my unsteady posture.

Weak knees and beating hearts, my boy is forever by my side. The assurance and the way he is here for me, will only make this a lot worse when he needs to leave.

I don't know what I will do without Edward Cullen.

My protector. My saviour. My forever ending eternity.

"I will go with you. He lives just out of town." My mother looks down as another secret is revealed.

"You knew all this time? He lives just out of Treehaven and you didn't think that I would bump into him someday?" I ask, signs of anger reddening my cheeks.

"No...No… I called an old friend last night. She told me Bella. Apparently Charlie has only being living here for a couple of years." Rene stands before me with hands help up in panic.

I believe her.

"Then tell me where he lives so that I can go." I look up, forgetting that Edward remains silent, observing a mother-daughter altercation-resolution.

"Do you really think you should…?" Rene hesitates.

"Yes! You said I could go. Please?" I stand up and walk over to my mother and grab her hand in my own. "You don't know how much this will mean to me. I just need to see him mom. Please?" I break our connection and wipe away a lonely tear that runs down my cheek.

Rene nods in between deeps gulps and tear filled eyes.

After a few more moments of talking, I am standing with a piece of white paper that holds the location to my father's life without me.

I hold onto it like it is the most important thing in my life and take a deep breath.

Closing my eyes, I appreciate the fact that some weight has lifted off our shoulders. My mom steps aside and fixes her gaze on Edward once again. She's afraid to ask what she already knows, so before I can open up my mouth my boys soothing voice says, "Hi. I'm Edward Cullen." He reaches out for my mother's unwelcoming hands.

Rene's expression goes from gradual relief to all kinds of disbelief.

"I know who you are," she says sternly.

I sigh, disappointed that my mother isn't being friendly. She fucking owes me some piece of mind.

"Mom, Edward and I go to school together…" I maintain an emotionless stare.

"Yes. The very same Edward who laughed at you all these years, Bella? Isn't he part of the group who soaked your school bag in paint and destroyed your glasses?"

I look down. Because yes, he is one of them. Only now he is forgiven.

"Mrs Swan, things have changed…Please allow me to explain? I am really sorry." My anxious boy stands upright and removes his back to front baseball cap, preparing to battle for love.

"We don't have to explain anything, Edward." I plead.

"So, what now? Are you two an item?" Rene folds her arms, trying her best to come across as the strict parent she could never be.

"No!" I yell.

"Yes!" Edward and I call out our opposing answers in unison, and he looks over at me with an unfathomable expression.

"Seriously, Bella? Then what is this?" Edward motions between us. Deep green eyes show so much disappointment.

"Oh come on, Cullen. People who are considered an item, are exclusive. This?" I motion between the two of us. "This is definitely not exclusive." I shake my head and look towards my mother.

"Baby, I know I have disappointed you, but the two of you are completely different people." My mom tries to reason in her guilt.

"Chill, Mom. It's not like Edward and I are going to get married. He has a planned future_,_" I say emphasising my final word.

Knowing that I am being a bitch, I look over at Edward in apology.

He continues to stare into my eyes looking disappointed.

"How long has this being going on, Edward?" Rene insists on hearing the truth.

"Since the beginning of summer, Mrs Swan." Edward looks down but he doesn't hesitate. We have both become masters at our game of time-keeping.

"Mrs Swan was my mother. Call me Rene. And just to confirm things, you are romantically involved with my daughter?"

"Mom. Stop!" I try to control my irritation, but what more can a sad and upset girl do?

"Yes, I am Mrs…Rene." My boy's eyes meet my mother's own, and I know she understands. She has no other choice.

"Well, are the two of you atleast being safe?" My mother's insistence on knowing the intimate details of my relationship with Edward is causing me to pull at my hair, because come on, she's embarrassing.

"Edward, don't answer that. Mom, whatever happens between me and Edward is private." I swallow deeply and pretend like I have got this all under control.

Shaking her head, Rene allows the tears to fall down her cheeks. "You are seventeen. You live under my roof. You are all I have. I will not watch you break down because of a teenage crush.

Walking towards Edward, I join our hands and he squeezes it lightly. "Edward is not temporary. And don't forget how you lied to me all this time, Mom."

_Lies! My head screams to my heart._

"And I apologised. I told you I will tell you everything that you need to know." Rene begs.

"I know. I just don't think I can ever believe what you say." I look down and whisper.

"Bella that's ridiculous. I have never lied to you about anything else!

"Whatever." I whisper.

Rene diverts her attention to Edward and says, "And please understand that this is a shock to me. I would be more understanding if there weren't other problems on the side. But from what I know, you come from completely different worlds. If someone gets hurt, and if it is my baby girl, I will make your life a misery"

I cringe, taken aback by my mother's sudden threats. Even though her words are venomous, love twinkles in her eyes.

Her daring words don't scare my boy. He nods, and remains composed.

"I would never hurt your daughter. I can promise you that."

Shaking my head I say, "Unbelievable."

Rene breaks her stare from Edward and murmurs, "He is a boy who is not from the Slums. A boy who is in high school and who still has an entire future to live." I had no idea my mother could be so firm.

"We need eachother," I whisper, too afraid to look at my boy's reaction.

"Who else knows about this little relationship?" My mom continues to question.

"Little? Oh my God, I think I need to get out of here." Right now, I am so fucking annoyed. "And by the way, Edward's grandmother knows about our little relationship." I emphasise the word "little."

The only noise is a whispering of sighs, the silence is uncomfortable.

Remembering the piece of white paper in my back pocket, I take a deep breath and say, "I am going to Charlie as soon as I build up the courage. And I am going alone."

"No!" Edward and Rene yell in unison.

"You can't stop me from seeing my father. Haven't seventeen years been enough for you? I don't want either of you to come along with me." The truth is, I need my boy. I always do.

After debating for several minutes, Edward grows angry and I know he will never allow me to go alone. So I give in to his demand.

Edward and I spend the next hour answering Rene's questions. She remains calm but I know she harbours unspoken words that are meant for my ears alone. Although she doesn't completely agree with my decision to be with Edward, I am hoping that she will accept my decisions...eventually.

_Love is an empathetic and compassionate understanding._

It is around noon when Edward says, "We can still make it to school for lunch."

"I don't want to go. I think you should go through."

He knows I need to speak to my mother alone, so Edward nods and kisses me on the cheek. Before leaving, he makes me promise to wait for him. He also whispers a goodbye in the face of my mother's disapproving glare.

"Seriously, Bella? Edward fucking Cullen?" Rene's bitter words make my tummy sink in sadness as soon as I shut the front door.

"You will never understand." I look down, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Is this boy really worth it? Bella, I am so might be angry with me right now but come on? I need you to be happy."

"Edward makes me happy, Mom." Finally, I allow the ugly-bitter-hard tears to escape.

Built up tears that only a mother can see and comfort.

Tears for a boy who I can never have forever.

Tears of denial and heart ripping truths.

"Oh, Baby. Don't cry." My mother pushes her chair beside me encircles me with her hold.

"I love him so much, Mom. And I can't even tell him because nobody wants us to be together. Nobody will ever approve of us. Do you know how hard that is for us?"

Shaking her head, my mother surprises me with her response. "Bella, I know you so well. Do you know what is amazing? You're self-assured and responsible. You practically raised me all these years. I believe you when you say you love this boy, because you wouldn't waste your time on anything else."

"I just don't know what to do anymore. Now this thing with Charlie is just making everything so much worse." I wipe watering cheeks and lean my head on my mother's shoulder.

"How about you conquer one thing at a time? And just so you know, I'm not one of those people, Bella. I don't entirely approve of this, but I will support your decisions. I don't know why you didn't tell me."

"I guess I was afraid. We living in a comfortable bubble of secrets and I am so scared someone will tear us apart once they know." I look away and wipe under my eyes, my tears refuse to stop.

"Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You're a good person, an amazing friend and a perfect daughter. What's meant to be will come about, and what's not…well, it's not worth crying over. Love, wow Bella, love is worth fighting for but it's not worth it when you're the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, the best thing to do is move on and realise what you have given them is more than they were ever willing to give you. This applies to both Charlie and Edward."

I sigh, and say, "That was probably the best advice you ever gave me. Thank you"

Rene shakes her head and whispers, "Remember Pipes, it's better to have nobody than to have someone who is half there, or who doesn't want to be around."

_Love is right versus wrong._

"Mom, Edward is that someone who came into my life and changed everything I once thought I knew. He raised my standards, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel alive. There is something about him that I can't really put to words and even though I'm not with him, I don't think I can ever let him go."

Before I can get a verbal response from the shaken woman beside me, I change the subject and say, "I feel like I can't wait anymore. Like I need to go and see Charlie right now. I know I will be restless until then. Do you think his happy Mom? Edward says he has two kids."

"Bella…I have no idea what is going on in his life. Just be prepared for whatever outcome. And didn't you promise Edward you would wait for him to go with you? Does Alice know about all of this?"

"No. She will hate me. She doesn't know about Charlie either."

"Best friends always understand. It's what they were made for."

Just in that moment, there's a knock on the front door. There are no rushing beats to my heart. Knowing it's not my boy, I stand up and straighten my shoulders.

Best friend comes barging through the front door looking meek and mild. But unlike me, Alice is able to smile and walk away from her struggles. Her usual vibrant demeanour is sheltered with pale strands of blonde meets pinks. Her eyes appear empty and she wears the one top in her closet that she dreads.

_Speaking of the devil._

"Bella, where the fuck were you? I had to leave school during lunch to come and see if your ass is okay. Don't you answer your phone?" My girl rushes over to me and grabs me into a hug.

Spotting Rene, she says, "Oh…Hey Rene."

"Hello Alice." My mother smiles weakly."

Ally places her hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes.

"Did I come at a bad time? Are you ill? Were you crying, Bella? What the fuck is that smell?" she removes her hands and walks over to the fridge. "Bella, you should really take something for your allergies."

I sigh, because Ally's hyperactive-energy is making me feel even more drained.

Rene looks over to me with questioning eyes, wondering when I will build up the courage to admit to my best friend that I am a liar for love.

Pushing some hair behind my ear, I take a deep breath and say, "Ally, my mom and I were discussing something important." I look down knowing she will question me further.

"Like what?"

"Family stuff." I shrug.

Ally meets my eyes in disappointment. All this time I have being worried about myself, but what I didn't realise is that she looks broken and alone. My best friend is a more severe reflection of myself.

"Are you okay, Ally?" I know she's not okay. I guess it just seems like the right thing to ask right now.

With an empty stare, she nods and turns around. Alice is the strongest person I know, and she doesn't want me seeing her vulnerable side.

"Can we catch up later? I promise I will tell you everything."

"Yeah, I guess. So are you staying at home then?" She pushes a strand of pink dyed hair behind her jewellery filled ear.

"Yes." I nod.

"Oh well, luckily for us we're up to date with all our homework assignments." She displays a fake smile and makes her way to the bathroom.

"Gotta pee before I leave." She calls out.

Rene remains in the kitchen, and shakes her head. I roll my eyes at my Moms repetitious reactions. She reminds me of those little animation bobble-head toys.

Ally comes strolling down the stairs and smiles at me with empty blue eyes.

Walking up to my best friend, I pull her into a warm embrace.

"I love you and I promise to call you later."

After farewell kisses on the cheek, my best friend skips off the front porch and climbs into her car.

My heart sinks watching her drive away.

* * *

So basically, I don't have a door anymore. Rene fucking kicked it down.

"I need a new door." I lift my eyebrow and avert my gaze to the guilty door breaker beside me.

"I'm sorry. I'll call Phil to come and replace it.

"Phil huh?"

Rene doesn't acknowledge my question.

Entering my room, I immediately search for my phone. There are sixteen missed calls from my mother and another five from Alice. They are all marked as read, which means Rene read them all. Edward sent me two text messages fifteen minutes ago.

**Edward: Please don't go see Charlie without me. I have some soccer preparations after school, but I'll pick you up from work.**

**Edward: I miss you**

Typing out a quick response, I realise I completely forgot that I have to work today.

I stare into the mirror that can see through every façade I breathe so well. I despise the site of the empty girl before me, because my reflection is a reminder of the secrets that define me. What's buried deep inside of me is broken like a shattered mirror. Just one hit in the glass, and that's who I will be.

Rene comes in and apologises again.

"How on earth did you manage to kick down the door?" I manage to tease.

"I used the bathroom chair." Mom smiles innocently.

Now that the truth is out, I decide to admit one more thing.

Taking a deep breath I say, "Edward sneaks into my room at night. I lost my virginity to him and I am on the pill."

Biting my lip and squeezing my eyes shut, I turn my back to my mother and wait for her response.

After a deep breath, Rene says, "Well…as long as you being safe. I wasn't as wise as you when I was your age. But then again, I am glad I was irresponsible, because that brought me you. Bella you are my most precious gift, and I would die for you." The tears return to my mother's cheeks as she turns me around. I know she is only acting sympathetic because she's guilty of her own lies.

A normal parent will scream and ground their kids, or even worse send them to boarding school. My mother on the other hand brushes off my revelation like it's the most common thing ever.

_Relief._

I hold onto the most important woman in my life, and we cry in this moment together.

"I'm so sorry for disappointing you," I say wiping my mom's tears.

"No, Bella. No matter what, I am always proud of you. I can never feel disappointed."

I believe her.

So we talk some more, eat some more, and then we make our way to work. I drive with Rene, knowing Edward will fetch me after my shift.

The time goes by really slowly. Some kids from Treehaven High come in to grab a bite. Mom and the other workers already know I don't enjoy serving them.

I came to the decision that I don't want to see Charlie just yet. Not today anyway.

When Edward fetches me from, we go back to his house and make love. He makes me food and we lay together in his bed until I know it's time for me to go back home.

Edward's soccer season begins next week, and that will mean our time will once again be limited.

He doesn't question me about my decision to wait to see Charlie. He just continues to support me and do what he does best.

He loves. He holds. He understands.

Driving home, our entwined hands grow panicked with the knowledge we'll soon be separated. I decided to text Alice and ask her if she can sleep over. My best friend needs me and I need her too.

"Bella, you know Friday night is that Sports rally right?" Edward asks as he takes a left onto the main road.

"Yeah. Why?" I ask squeezing his hand gently.

"Well…it's kinda a main event for the soccer team. So I may not be able to be with you on Friday evening." I briefly look over and witness guilt wash over my boys face.

"I know." I whisper, because Friday we will be worlds apart.

"It doesn't mean I don't want you there. In fact, I need you there." He meets my gaze as we continue down a straight road.

"So…you want me to wait on the side-lines, like I don't exist in your life?"

"No! Please…it's not like that. My parents leave for Spain Friday night…I want you to stay with me."

"I'll have to think about?"

"Come to the rally and be there for me? Please?" He says as we pull up in front of my house this time.

"Okay. I will be there," I promise, because love won't allow anything else.

After unbuckling my seat belt, Edward places his hand on my thigh and says, "Oh and Bella, wear my number."

I shake my head and smirk. Because this boy is crazy!

We share a passionate kiss of I-will-see-you-tomorrow, then I wave at the most important man in my life and blow him a kiss of forever.

Not too long after Edward pulls away, Ally pulls up with a huge overnight bag slung over her small narrow shoulders.

Thinking that the drama is over for today, and preparing myself for tonight's revelation, my best friend takes a deep breath and observes my broken door.

I tell her everything. I tell her about Edward and how we met. I tell her how we sneaked around and how I fell in love with him. I tell her how nobody knew, and how we told his grandmother and my mother. I tell her how I found out about Charlie and how I plan to go and see him.

And all the while, my best friend nods and tears fall from her eyes. She's extremely disappointed, but she understands. She loves and never leaves. She's got things to admit to of her own.

"Oh my God, Bella," Ally says shaking her head. I don't see anger in her response, I see disappointment. I see guilt.

I continue to cry and beg for her forgiveness. I need her to know that I never ever meant to lie to her.

"I'm sorry Ally. I was so scared. I know you must hate me right now, but I swear I was going to tell you."

"B, I don't know what to say. I have so much to ask." Her trembling lips mutter.

"I will tell you everything you want to know."

"Bella, I haven't being entirely honest with you myself." She looks down and breaks into an hysteria of cries.

"What?" I whisper, gripping onto her arm.

"I don't know how to fucking say this."

Thinking I am the one who did something wrong, I say, "Tell me, please? I will listen to you always. I will understand"

After Alice takes a deep breath, she surprises me like never before, "Bella, I'm pregnant with Jasper Hales kid, and I don't know what the fuck to do."

Everything goes blank for a second and I stare at my best friend with an open mouth. My eyes divert from her face to her stomach, and then back again.

"What?" I sit up, disbelief rushing through my mind. Because did I just hear that right now? I am so confused and Ally continues to cry, cry, cry.

"How is that possible, Alice?" I ask running my hands through my hair. How it is possible that so many things could be happening at once? After I question my best friend, I realise that Jasper is one of Edward's high and mighty friends.

"That night at the lake party, when I disappeared?" she explains, and I nod for her to continue. "I met up with Jasper. We got high together and then we just ended up hooking up in his car. We were both so drunk and I practically assaulted him. It was only my second time having sex, besides losing my virginity which you know of." Ally stares into my eyes after a breath of revelation.

I shake my head, struggling to piece this all together.

"And what did he say when you told him?" I beg for an answer.

"He doesn't know." Ally breaks down again and cries on my shoulder. "I only found out two weeks ago. I swear Bella, I didn't even like him. We don't even acknowledge eachother. After the lake party, he tried calling me and hooking up with me again but I refused."

"Why didn't you tell me? I don't understand."

"I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid of what you would think about me. I was scared because I went behind your back and fucked up. Promise me you won't tell Edward? That day when he walked into the library, I was so sure he was coming to speak to me about Jasper. When I heard him call your name out, I was filled with so much relief."

"You have to tell him, Ally." I grip onto her shoulders as we remain seated on my floor.

"I know. But Jasper is so fucked up. He's always high, and the other day when I walked down the hallway he gave me such a bitter look," Alice cries out in one breath.

"Shhh…we will get through this. For starters, you gotta tell Jasper, Ally."

"I'm fucking Valedictorian to be. How the fuck can I be knocked up with the school stoners kid? It's not fair." My heart breaks for my best friend.

The night goes on with Ally and me telling untold secrets. She lays her head in my lap at the foot of my bed with the palms of her hands unconsciously protecting her unborn child. I run my hands through the strands of my best girl's hair and pray that we will make it through this together.

Closing my eyes, I hum the very same lullaby that Ally always sings to me.

Best friend lays, crying in my arms.

Washed up tears and ruined makeup.

We build together and then we break together.

Secrets are evil and daunting. They ruin lives but bring out perfection.

Ally tosses and grips onto my leg and continues to apologize in between breaths of exhaustion.

We breathe in the new truth and are left thankful that we have eachother.

Because life always offers a second chance.

It's called tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N: Any thoughts? I know there were some readers who suspected a Jasper and Alice duo...there :-) You've got one. I won't focus too much on them though, they deserve their own share your thoughts... Edward and Bella's secret are becoming more a 'not-secret'. Remember, there's gotta be a storm before the rain ;-)**

**Thank you**


	33. Chapter 33

**Hi guys!**

** I missed you all. Sorry for the long wait, but I promise it will be worth it. Heads up, this chapter is part one of two chapters because it was so long. You can expect the next chapter to be a continuation of this one which will also be from Edwards point of view. I have written up three other chapters, but the editing takes some time. If you guys don't want to wait, I can upload the following chapters (un-Beta'd- is that a word?). I have tried to correct as much as what I could though.**

**Again, thank you to my wonderful, amazing, kind and brilliant beta Elise de Sallier. You won't imagine how much I appreciate all your help.**

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Be prepared for some teary eyes, it goes down from here...I'm sorry... But there's always hope!**

**Thanks so much,**

**Bianca**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

**EPOV**

"Yoh, Cullen. Did you sign your poster for tomorrow?" Emmett asks me as I am exiting the North building. Passing students surround us, all rushing to their cars to enjoy what's left of the day.

Being caught in the act of searching the crowd for my girl, I avert my gaze to Emmett and lift up my arms in question.

Jake approaches us, along with some of the cheerleading squad and some of my team mates. Jasper decided to skip school for some reason.

It's Thursday afternoon and I want to get the fuck out of school. Bella completely ignored me from the time I left her house on Tuesday. The three times I rocked up at her house, Alice's car was parked out front. She hasn't even had the decency to return my calls. I received one single text from her lastnight saying,

**Bella: Ally knows. I need some time**

And just like that, she expects me to understand. _Fuck time. _Bella is manipulating our secret and playing by her own rules. And I hate it.

"Bro? Did you hear what I just said?" Emmett lifts up an eyebrow and throws his arm around Rosalie who is popping pink bubble-gum into his ear.

I scowl, because who the fuck does she think she is. Rose flips me off, her way of saying hello. I walk up to Emmett and ask,"Nah, man. When do they need it for?"

Emmett is all blue jeans and bulked up hoody. He opens his mouth to respond, but we are interrupted by an annoying-screeching sound.

"There you are, Eddy! Take this with you and have your signature and message completed by tonight…I'll come by and collect it later." Tanya interjects as she brushes past Emmett and shoves a huge rolled up poster at my chest.

_What the fuck?_

I wince, remove the elastic band, and unroll the poster. It's a portrait of myself with my number ten jersey. Apparently all first team soccer players need to sign it and write a message on it for some raffle or shit. The whole school is amped about Friday's upcoming event, and I'm just like "_S__hut the fuck up."_

"Uh…that's not necessary Tanya. I can just sign it out here before you leave." I say reaching for her arm. Thing is, I don't want Tanya to come to my house tonight.

She walks away blowing kisses from her red-brushed pouted lips. "See you tonight Edward Cullen."

_Shit. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Edward?" Maria yells as I am jogging down the stairs. I just got back from an intense gym session and my hair is wet from my shower.

"Whatsup?" I ask, grabbing a bowl of salad from her hands and picking out a cucumber.

She swats my hand away and says, "There's a plastic Barbie doll at the front gate." Maria scowls with all kinds of Spanish speaking, demanding with her eyes that I shouldn't pick at the salad.

I sigh and roll my eyes. Because Tanya showed up just like she said she would.

I set the salad bowl back onto the kitchen counter and walk to the front door to press the security gate button to let her in. Tanya climbs out of her Beemer in her cheerleading uniform and waves from the distance.

"Hey. I wrote my message. I'll just go grab it in my room." I say as I disappear down the hallway, distinctly not welcoming her inside.

I hear her call out an "Okay," and I rush up to my room. I grab the poster and a pen from my desk and sign it, scribbling a "Thanks for the support."

Making my way downstairs, I stop mid-way because Tanya must have welcomed herself inside. In the kitchen, Esme is amused by something she is explaining. Mother dearest looks up and meets my eyes with a smile, saying, "Tanya, have dinner with us?"

Esme is all kinds of welcoming with her red wine in tow, and she decides now is the time to play match maker, only it is with the wrong girl.

Staring daggers at my mother, I shake my head in disagreement but all she does is fucking smirk.

"Let's go eat now, Baby." She brushes past my shoulder and approaches the dining room.

"Thanks Mrs Cullen. I would love to stay," Tanya calls out as she winks at me and joins my mother in our dining room where Carlisle is seated at the head of the table.

My mother takes a seat across from me and Tanya sits in the vacant seat beside me. Four people occupy a twelve seating table with food to feed an army. I wonder what my girl had for dinner and whether or not she is okay.

As Maria walks around the table, serving various starters, I listen in on the conversations that surround me. Realising that I am no longer a part of this world, I block the voices from my consciousness and fix my eyes on my plate.

Wealthy people get along just fine. My parents seem to be enjoying Tanya's company because she is able to keep up with their every expectation. She automatically wins some brownie points because she has a gold or platinum credit card, a country club time share, and shiny white teeth.

We pray together as a family, and Carlisle thanks the big guy above for all the things we're blessed with.

"So, as you know, your mother and I will be leaving at midnight tomorrow. I will get Diego to drop us at the airport. No house parties son." Carlisle winks and I look towards Tanya.

I know what she's fucking thinking.

"Don't worry dad. I got a lot to do." Irritation lingers in my voice at Tanya's discovery that my parents will be out of town for this coming weekend.

I text Bella from underneath the table and ignore the conversations happening around me. I am fucking losing my mind right now, because my girl is too busy with her own girl. Alice has become super attached to Bella, and I think it's her way of trying to keep us apart.

**Edward: I miss you : -(**

Since Rene knows about us, I am not allowed to sneak in anymore. Bella said she checks up during the night. I call it a bluff.

Tapping on my phone, nurturing hands pat me on my shoulder, and Maria nods her head towards my father. Carlisle is glaring at me, disapproval showing in his eyes as he witnesses his only son fixated on an iPhone during weekly meals.

"Yes, I love it. Mrs Cullen, you should really go and get yourself a pair." I am brought into awareness with Tanya's pretence.

_M.I.A is where I need to be._

With the click-clicking of shining silver forks, and crispy-chewing-mouthfuls of carrot sticks, Esme smiles bright and nods her head in approval.

The funny thing is, from my eighteen years occupying this planet, I have realised that some people are so fucking poor that the only thing they have is money.

I wish my parents would for once just accept what I actually want. As I remain seated, I am judged according to my every action and it is fucking suffocating.

"Edward? Are you listening, Son?" I look up into the ever present glossy eyes of my mother's unknown excitement. Smiling, I say, "Huh…Oh yeah."

"Your father asked you how the preparations are going for tomorrow night. They are going to announce you as captain again. I hope you prepared a speech." Esme studies my face, waiting for a response while sipping on her red wine.

I am preoccupied with missing a girl I was never meant to miss.

This scenario plays out with upright seating, dinner-eating, and all kinds of I want to disappear_. _

Everything that happened this past week, in addition to Rene and Alice finding out about me and Bella, leaves me feeling on edge. I feel like shit because my time with her is running out once again. We're drifting apart and slowly becoming swallowed up in our separate worlds.

They're winning and we're losing.

"Yeah, Dad. I prepared a speech," I say tapping my fork on the glass table. It's my way of telling him to fuck off.

"Did you mention the good ole doc in your speech?" Treehaven's prestigious surgeon will do anything for some public adoration.

"Of course. Why would I not mention you, doc?" I pretend like I've got this all under control.

I have absolutely no speech prepared, and I have no desire to even attend the sports rally tomorrow. This fucking town is going on and on like it's the biggest event of the year. Then again, there's not much shit to do around here on a Friday evening.

"Well then let me have a look at what you've written?" Carlisle lifts an eyebrow, and I have to think up something.

"Yeah Eddy, why don't you read us your speech?" Tanya's sea blue eyes are filled with so much hope. Doesn't she get that my choice of brown over blue was made a long time ago?

Clearing my throat, I say, "I need to change some stuff."

"Well, I guess we have to wait until tomorrow then." Tanya twists the ends of her blond curls and winks at me. Carlisle displays a suspicious look, knowing I haven't done anything.

While studying the actions of a girl that I am supposed to have, I take a deep breath. Because I know. I know that my heart will never allow me to appreciate her the way everyone may think I should.

And just like that, my heart beat, beats because a secret needs my attention.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I discretely check the screen. Bella's name indicates an incoming call, so I excuse myself from the table.

"It's someone on the team. I need to take this." Holding up my phone, I walk out onto the patio by the pool, slowly closing the sliding door behind me.

"Hi, Edward."

Murmurs from a sweet, sweet voice make everything a lot better than what it was just a minute ago.

"Hey, Bells. How are you? Wow, it' so fucking good to hear your voice." I swallow deeply and dip one of my bare feet into the warm autumn water. Fallen leaves and grey skies surround me, as my brightness whispers from across the other side of the phone.

"Are you busy?" This girl's voice is layered with sadness that I can hear from miles away.

"Not too busy for you." I tease, then say, "Did you decide to wear my number tomorrow?" I try my luck one more time, knowing that she disapprove.

"No, silly. Guess what?" My girl's attempted playfulness sends some relief to my panicking heart.

"Tell me?" I look back at my family through the glass window and watch as they converse around the large table. Bright smiles and colourful cheeks watch back at me as I secretly speak to the girl I love.

I am reminded that I have to tell Bella that Tanya rudely invited herself for dinner.

"Rene's not here, and Ally finally decided to go home. So…I'm alone."

I laugh. Because Bella will never come out and directly invite me over. Instead she will give the most ridiculous hints.

"Is this a booty call, Ms Swan?" I run my hands through my hair, immediately excited.

"It depends how you look at it. I just thought it would be cool to see you, because I doubt very much we will get a chance to see each other this weekend." Doubt lingers in her voice.

"What do you mean? It's only tomorrow night that we'll be busy Bells. My parents are going away this weekend remember?" I try to sound casual. Deep down, I'm dreading tomorrow.

"Well…Ally and I will be spending Saturday together. I promised her I'll help out with a few things." I hear a soft exhale.

"Okay. I'm kinda having dinner with my family. I gotta go." And that is all I can say without revealing my disappointment.

With secrets comes compromising, and with compromising comes sacrificing. I get that, because we are masters at our dual lie.

"Okay, so I'll…"

As Bella is speaking, I am startled by Tanya creeping up behind me. She shoves her arms around my waist and smothers me in an embrace from behind. "Eddy, what's taking you so long?"

_Beat, beat, beat._

In my state of confusion, I bring my index finger to my lips and place my phone back against my ear.

Bella hung up.

And I don't know what to do. She most definitely heard Tanya's intrusion.

And now I am a liar in the eyes of my secret.

"Tanya, what the fuck? I told you I'd be right back." Irritated and terrified of what my girl must be thinking, I shake my head and lead Tanya back inside.

"Who was that?" is the first thing Carlisle asks.

"I told you, it was one of my teammates. Look, thanks for the dinner. I gotta head out." I rush through to the kitchen to dig out my car keys.

"Edward, you cannot leave Tanya here alone. Don't be ridiculous," Esme says defensively, coming up from behind me with her glass dangling from her hand.

I take a second to think how, just like Thor is with his hammer, Esme is with her wine glass.

"Mom, I gotta be somewhere. It's urgent," I say holding up my hands.

"No! We are dining as a family. You can leave when we are all finished." Carlisle decides that now is the time is to act as the firm parent.

In my state of panic, I text Bella.

**Edward: I will be there soon. I'll explain everything later.**

I take my seat at the table and Tanya places her hand on my thigh.

I don't feel the familiar electricity or an increase in the pacing of my heart.

Tanya's touch is far from love.

_Love is waiting fifteen minutes away for much needed answers._

Removing her hand, I shake my head and allow her to witness the disapproving glare on my face. All she does is bites her lip and continues her moment of denial.

"Well, thanks so much Mr and Mrs Cullen. Dinner was amazing." Tanya stands up and smiles. She knows I need her to leave.

"It was a pleasure to have you with us tonight, Tanya. Please come by more often. Edward always seems to be at your house." Esme smirks, victimized by her inebriation.

Tanya smiles and turns her attention to me. I display a weak smile in return. Apparently my parent's think that I have being spending my time with Tanya.

After she hugs my mother and waves to my father, I walk Tanya out to her car.

"Your parent's think you're always at my house, huh? What's with that?" She stops at her car and turns around to question me.

"Apparently so." I respond calmly, but I really need her to leave so I can get the fuck out of here.

"Who is she, Eddy? Ever since this past summer you've being treating me like I am nothing. Don't forget how you used to come to me every day after school to get some action. Is my body not good enough for you anymore?" She looks sad. And for the second time tonight, I allow myself to look at Tanya as just a naïve teenager who has hope.

I open my mouth to speak, but she interrupts me and says, "I thought that staying away would give you a chance to realise what you're missing out on. At first I thought you were interested in Victoria, and that broke my heart. If you cannot see how crazy I am about you, then I don't know. But I won't stay away unless you give me a reason to. Your little game of acting like a dick isn't working." Tanya walks up to me and stares into my eyes.

_Beat, beat, beat, for all the wrong reasons._

Because what did she just admit?

"Tanya, there is someone out there for you. It's just not me." I don't want to disrespect her. No woman deserves to be treated like shit. I get that. So I step back and place my hands in my pocket.

"We will see tomorrow." She smiles an empty smile and climbs into her car. "I'll be the girl cheering on the field wearing your number. Loud and proud."

She blows a kiss and speeds away. I stand in the empty driveway and a feeling of guilt overwhelms me. Loneliness floods through my heart, as it rests in another place that isn't part of the world I occupy.

I feel guilt and sadness for a girl I am supposed to be with, but never will. Tanya and I could be together, but we will never be amazing.

Bella is the only one for me. And I am wasting time worrying about another girl while Bella is doing who knows what.

So, I jog up the lit up porch and enter our huge wooden double doors. Carlisle walks into the kitchen as I am grabbing my keys. Esme follows shortly after to refill her glass of wine.

"Where are you going?" Daddy dearest questions.

"Out," I mumble, walking over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water with my keys dangling in my other hand.

"Son, soccer season is coming up. Tanya seems like a great girl but you need to focus on your goals right now. Success doesn't allow for any distractions. I will not tolerate anything that might jeopardise your future."

With a smile filled with sarcasm, I say, "Trust me dad, Tanya is the last person you have to worry about."

"Then who do you keep sneaking out to see all the time? Your mother and I notice these things." Carlisle looks up; his green eyes meet my own as he places the palm of his hands against the crystal stoned counter.

The town's life saver is all kinds of up in my space. I want to tell him the truth. I want to tell him I am just a boy who met a girl, and now I am in love. But he will never understand. So I breathe out in exaggeration and rush past him before he can stop me.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine or obsess. Breathing is the only thing that can make everything work out.

After rushing down the porch, I climb into my Mercedes and drive to the girl I need.

I love her. Of course I do. But what is so much better than my love for her is that I will choose her day after day.

Choosing her was never our deal.

It is now.

I make the usual fifteen minute drive to the Slums in ten minutes. I pull up in front of Mrs Clearwaters house as the favourite time of my day arrives.

The burnt orange hue combined with cloudy grey skies and everything that is not summer. I remember clearly how I would arrive at Bella's as the sun shines brightly. The end of her street displays a perfect view of the mountain and greenery. My side of town.

Climbing out of my car, I walk across the street and up Bella's porch. The screen door that usually stands open, is locked. I knock, knock, knock, until gentle-jogging-brown eyes meet my own.

Without saying a word, Bella unlocks the screen door and leaves me standing outside without inviting me in. Her hair is braided in two pig tales and she is wearing my grey hoody which reaches just above her knees.

_Love is innocent and pure wanting what is mature. _

"Hello to you too." I stare into her eyes and swing the door shut behind me.

Bella walks into the tiny open planned living room and plops herself onto the couch without saying a word.

She is angry and upset and the disappointment on her face is clearer than it has ever been before.

I walk behind her and stare at her back, taking a deep breath, I explain, "Tanya came to collect something that I needed to sign for tomorrow. My fucking mother invited her to stay for dinner. That's all. If you don't want to believe me then fine. Go ahead and be stubborn!"

She acts as if I am not even around, as she continues to watch Napoleon Dynamite. I swear this girl watches this movie every fucking day.

"I'm not going to apologise for what you heard over the phone Bella. Because I told you I will explain." I block her view and stand in front of the TV.

"I don't care. Please move away from the TV." She rolls her eyes.

_What the fuck._

"No," I say firmly.

Bella stands up and folds her hands over her chest.

"Wow, you're childish." She shakes her head.

"Says the girl who watches the same movie every day." I jump to my defence.

"Not everyone can afford cable, Edward." Bella walks around me to switch off the power.

Immediately, I feel like shit. Sometimes it is so easy to forget how different we are. How different we will always be.

_I am rich and she is poor._

_I am appreciated and she is tolerated._

_I am living and she is surviving._

We're not equals. Edward and Bella will never be equivalent to eachother because the one will always have more or want more than the other. And I am beginning to think that even my love for her is stronger than what she feels for me.

I remember how much food we had for dinner, and how much went to waste.

I stare at tiny paleness, as my bulked up tanned figure overpowers her in everything I do. Bella is just a weak girl that fell for trouble masked in prestige. She lives to survive. I live to get what I want. But even though I stand here with all the strength displayed on the outside, my heart will be the one crushed and bruised in the end.

This girl screams of life-giving-neglect, but her heart is so fucking strong. She holds all the power in our little duo because she owns my fucking being.

Closing my eyes for just a second, I realise that the last time I felt my own heart beating in my chest was the third day of summer in the midst of the Slums.

Tie-dyed crop top and dirty white Converse sneakers stole my heart. And even though she may want to give it back more times than she actually wants to keep it, I will not allow Isabella Swan to destroy what we could have oneday.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I am so confused and right now I just feel like I need to be on my own for a while." She looks down and fiddles with the hem of my hoody.

"Bella, I told you…if you want people to know about us I will fucking stand on Mount Everest and shout it to the world. But you won't let me."

"I'm scared," she whispers.

"I will always be here. How many times do I need to reassure you? Don't leave me like this, please. We will get through everything together." The anxiety leaks into in my voice. Leaving no room for mercy.

I take a seat on the couch and pull her into my lap. Desperate to kiss her, I reach out for her lips but she fucking pulls away.

"It's not like that." She removes her body from my lap and stands up, resting her hands on top of her head. "It's like…"

I watch as she fans her face.

"Tell me what you want, Bella? Tell me, and I will give you everything you want." I stand up and tower over her.

"I want to be your favourite, Edward, Bella whispers as she looks up.

Green to brown doesn't matter anymore.

"What if I told you that you are?" We stand inches apart and I know she wants to believe me.

"I want to be your favourite hug, your favourite kiss, and your favourite smile. I want to be able to scream my lungs out on the side-lines as you score goals. I want to walk with your hand folded in my own down the hallways at school. I want to be part of your family. Having dinner and going out on vacations with them. Do you know what else I want, Edward?"

I meet her eyes and swallow deeply.

"I want to be your last. And I know that it will never happen. But I want it to, and it fucking hurts all the time."

"What do you want me to say, Bella?" I grab her hand.

"I want you to fight with me. But I also want you to live your life and be the amazing person that we all know you deserve to be." Empty innocent glances are the only answer I need.

Because how can anyone ever neglect a girl who touches your soul more than your body.

Bella isn't just a pretty face, she's a beautiful mind with a heart that beats for everything else. My heart will walk a mile just to watch her smile. And just like that, I know.

I know that what I am doing isn't what needs to be done. We're running in circles and she wants out of this repetition.

"Don't you believe in us, Bells?" Two hearts beating together, surrounded by cream cracked walls in a forbidden part in time.

"I want to. But these hot and cold actions are getting to me. We're both victims and we're both guilty. I get that. I just wish I could be honest with you and with everyone else."

"Then be honest with me. Be honest with them too," I beg, not realising what she actually means.

"I like…I like you. But.." She looks down. Disappointment overwhelms me because why doesn't she want to admit her feelings for me?

I guess this secret is a never deal-breaker. We're so fixated on what we are supposed to be and what other people expect from us, that we're neglecting the beauty that we could be together.

Our love is thick-skinned and hearts surrounded by concrete walls.

"Can you give me some time? That's all I need." She speaks softly and clearly, refusing to meet my eyes once again.

_Beat. Beat, beat._

Because permission of time-giving is the last thing I expected to hear.

I panic, and battle with getting my words to flow. "Is this because of Tanya? Because trust me, Bella, there is no one in this fucking world who I want to be with more than you. How many times do I have to tell you that it will always be you?" I know my voice is breaking and I can feel the anger crushing my heart, but she needs to listen.

We are creators of our own misery. Seventeen year old girls don't deserve to cry all the time.

Eighteen year old guys are not supposed to allow them to.

"Not everything is about us, Edward. Don't you get it? I need to figure some things out in my life, and right now there's no room for this." She motions between the two of us. "I have been so preoccupied with meeting my father, my mother is worried about me, and my best friend needs me right now."

"What about me? I need you too," I whisper words that will get me nowhere.

"You were once happy without me. You had a life and you owned everything that surrounded you. If I jeopardise your future I will never be able to forgive myself."

Panicking, and realising where she is going with her words, I say, "Then why did you ask me to come over?"

_Love is tongue tied and slipping over words._

"Because I needed you to hear this for yourself. Please understand? Give me time to just be me. Do you know how scary it is to realise that you cannot be someone without a boy you hardly even know? And please don't say I know you because I don't. I don't know you. Edward Cullen. Sometimes I think I do, but there's so much more to you than the boy who lives in this secret." She looks up and meets my eyes. The truth behind her glare scares the shit out of me.

"It's fucking Alice isn't it? She convinced you to leave me?" I walk over to the kitchen and close my eyes, running my hands over my anxiety filled face. My baseball cap went flying across the kitchen a long time ago.

I feel Bella walk up behind me, placing her tender fingers on my tensed up shoulders. I've become so accustomed to her touch and what it does to me that for a second I forget what this moment has come about.

"Don't," I whisper, desperately seeking some clarity.

"I'm just asking for some time, Edward. I need to figure out my life. You should thank me for doing this. Next year, you're going off to college, and I'll be stuck in Treehaven. Then what? Did you ever think about it that way?"

"Don't you get it?" I turn around and face my heart's keeper. "We don't have time, Bella. This is who we are. And don't you think I've thought about next year? I would have taken you with me wherever I go. I would have stayed behind." Desperation lingers in my voice as I beg this girl to never leave me.

"Maybe it's not what I want." She says, looking down.

"Fucking Alice and your mother turned you against me! That explains your behaviour this past week. I was here for you! Did I ever give you an indication that I don't want you? Don't do this, please?" My mind screams, forget this girl, but my heart holds on tight and keeps fighting.

"I'm not saying that we should…like stay away forever. I'm just asking for some space so that I can figure some things out. Ally and Rene have nothing to do with my decision. We are so different. We're living a life in secret and then there's our separate future's. We need to let go before it consumes us both."

In this moment in time, I can't look at her. Because if I do, my heart will break and I'll allow her to witness my most vulnerable side.

_You're a pussy, Cullen, _my mind whispers.

"Explain what you mean by time? Do I leave you alone and wait until you're ready to pick up where we left off? Do I move on and pretend like you were never in my life? What the fuck do I do?" Grabbing her hand again, I squeeze it hoping she will change her mind.

Only, I know she won't.

"Edward Cullen, you are the most amazing guy I know. And trust me when I say that there is so much more out there for you. Things that are not for me. We're young, we're allowed to make mistakes and learn from some of the most important memories. But right now, I can't continue this constant push and pull. I need you to be happy," she whispers, finally allowing her built up sadness to fall down her cheeks.

"I don't know if I can give you time, Bella," I whisper, wiping the salted tears from her flushed cheeks and ignoring my own.

"Time. Give me time and I will always follow you. Please?"

"Fuck! I hate this." What the fuck is wrong with this girl? Last week we built, and now we're breaking.

We always break. Just like my heart.

I don' t give a shit that tears are running down my cheeks. No one deserves to feel this fucking heart break.

But I nod anyway. Having little to no energy to argue with a stubborn, stubborn girl. My heart is in denial and reassures me that tomorrow will be a new day. She will wake up and forget she ever asked me to leave.

Love does that right? Love is supposed to compromise.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask, praying she will ask me to stay.

A nod is all I receive.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I lick the salted tears that have now made its way down to my mouth. I want to walk up to her and kiss and fight for her. But I can't.

My mind is winning because it is what she wants.

So, before I leave, I turn around and stare at her one more time. Bella removes my hoody and stands before me in the band-t shirt I had given her as a gift. She removes that too.

"Here? Please take this," she says, crumbling up the clothing and dumping it against my chest.

"You planned this all along, didn't you?" I stare in realization.

"Is there ever a plan when it comes to love, Edward?"

It's the things like this that she says that made me fall in love with her in the first place.

"Yes, there is, Bella. It just takes one person to fuck it up."

I don't look at her again. I turn my back and rush down her porch.

My heart knows it is not the last time I will leave Isabella Swan's house.

Because we were supposed to be amazing.

And amazing is forever.

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**A/N Any thoughts? Things will get pretty tough :-(**

**Thank you.**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N Hey guys! **

**Thank you all for reading this story and to those who are getting others to read as well. I am not really one for social networks (Facebook, Twitter, etc) so I cannot publicly rec this fic. I have to say, I have noticed alot of readers were uphappy about the constant push and pull between the characters. This is a fanfic and I have indicated that it won't be very pretty. In South Africa, there is such a thing as a division among social classes that keep people apart. Yes, my country is celebrating more than two decades of democracy, but believe it or not racism, prejudice, and discrimination is still very prevalent. So yes, keeping relationships a secret is real...I apologise to those who are a little upset with how things are going, but for the next couple of chapters you will be sad. This is a angst story. I promise you that it won'tstay this way though, they will work things out.**

**Thank you to my wonderful beta Elise de Salier. You're amazing!**

**To those who don't like waiting and don't mind reading an unedited story,please let me know. I will try to update as much as I can. Thank you guys for everything. Especially to those who read and not just put the authors down. I am a beginner, an amateur in this world of writing...so please don't be that hard. It really becomes demotivating.**

**Heads up, this chapter is from EPOV as it was originally one long chapter. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

**EPOV**

After rushing out of Bella's house, I find myself driving around town like a miserable lost soul, refusing to believe how fucked up everything has become. My girl let go. She asked for some time, but why do I feel like its forever?

With a rush of sudden anger, I beat my steering wheel and scream, "Fuck!"

I'm too young for this shit. I hate being needy and dependant on someone who knocks me down. But I am lost and far gone.

What can I do when I love her more than love itself? Just the thought of moving on makes me sick to stomach. Picturing a future without Bella is like letting go of every summer there will ever be.

I just want to live my life without stress and worries. I don't need to be fucking rich or famous, I just want to be happy.

_With her. _

Brown eyes, chipped purple nail polish, fake English accents, P&J dinners and dimples as deep as the hole in my heart is all I fucking need.

After driving around for what seems like hours, I pull up outside Jake's house, texting him to come outside. He comes jogging down the long driveway and climbs into my passenger seat. Jake's driver's license was suspended because the douche was caught driving under the influence.

"Where to bro?" I ask. He directs me to James' house, and I wait in my car as he goes to buy some weed. The only thing I can think about right now is getting high as fuck and forgetting all this drama.

My best friends climbs back into my car and I hand him some money.

He doesn't take it.

"Let's go smoke this at the beach." Jake points to road ahead as he is occupied with rolling up what's good and illegal.

I drive, drive, and drive some more until we're parked outside the harbour. It's quiet, with the stars in the sky as our only observers. Jake hands me the joint to light up and so I do.

Taking one-two-three drags, I am home. I am able to forget about what's expected of me, but Bella's fucking face remains in my mind.

Passing the joint on to my best friend, I exhale and lie down on the front bumper of my car and look up at the sky.

"Have you ever been so wildly attracted to someone that you can actually feel it driving you insane?" I turn my head to peek at Jake, who is now rolling a second joint as his leaning against my car.

"Bro…what the fuck? No, unless you mean Kate's ass." He lifts his eyebrow and I pretend to laugh, because he won't understand.

Nobody ever will.

"Why did you ask me that? Are you whipped up on some blonde and not telling me, Cullen?" He passes me the second joint to light up.

"Na, man…there's just someone." I can't keep this shit in anymore.

"Who is she?" Jake looks up and raises his eyebrow.

"Just some chick." I jump off my car and lift my arms over my head to stretch.

"You gonna tell me who the babe is? We all noticed how distant you've become. At first we all thought it was your soccer training, but you've changed, Cullen. Why won't you tell me?" The constant redness in Jakes eyes is evidence of his current state of mind.

We're just two high teenagers breaking the law because of love. One is breaking and the other is unconsciously supporting.

Love brought me here and love is tearing me apart.

So I take a deep breath and I whisper, "Isabella Swan." Because I feel crazy-senseless-irrational.

Jake pushes himself off my bumper and walks towards me placing his hand on my shoulder.

"What the fuck!" Hysterical laughter's escape his mouth. "Tell me you're shitting me? Isabella Swan? She's a Slummer. She's a freak!" Disgust lingers on his smug looking face.

And just like that, I get it. My suspicions are confirmed. If he won't support me then fuck him. Jake wasn't always wealthy; his father made a small mechanical business big, and he became rich overnight. He of all people should understand what it's like.

"Fuck you! Bella is the greatest person I know. She's so much better than anyone of you will ever be." I shove my hands against his chest, drowning in anger.

Jake knows not to fuck with me. Because I have become a master at fighting for love.

Defensive, battle-headed, and aggressive is a behavioural consequence of secrets.

"Bro, come on man. This is Bella Swan you're talking about. Yeah she's fucking cute, but why her? How did this all happen?" Jake realises that I am serious, so he steps back and lifts up his arms in surrender.

"What do you mean? What is so wrong with her? Do you even know her? Do you know how fucking amazing she is? I'll fucking take a million bullets for that girl." Feeling irritated by his reaction, I stare at him and wait for him to elaborate.

"She's a Slummer. She will always be a Slummer. What if she's using you for your money and popularity?" Concern is shown in the voice of yet another secret-revealed-companion.

"Listen to yourself dickhead!" I shove him again. "Yeah! She's Slummer but I don't give a shit! It is just a name…it doesn't a fuck define her! And just so you know, you don't have to worry about her ever using me. She doesn't want to be with me." I bend down and collect a stone from the ground, throwing it into the distance.

"You're not telling me how all this shit happened," Jake mutters, and repeats my gesture.

"We met. We talked. We kissed. And then I fell in love with her. Nobody will fucking understand how I feel. Jake, if you won't accept my feelings then I have no hope at all." I walk towards him and shake my head.

"This is just abit surprising. Really fucking surprising. I feel like you're shitting me here. You're my best bro, man. Don't degrade yourself by dating a Slummer. They're okay to fuck around with, but settling for that trash?" Jake laughs and again, I grab onto his sweater but he managers to escape my weak hold.

"You know what Jake? Go fuck yourself! I really thought I could count on you because I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. My parents will take everything from me. My father doesn't even want me to date chicks from my own social class. Imagine what he will say about a Slummer? All he cares about is my future which is built around his fucking goals. Everyday when I get home I feel this claustrophobia in the eyes of my family. And do you know what made me cope? A lie! Lying and secrets allowed me to deal. Bella was there for me without even knowing it."

After a while, my best friends slouches his shoulders, breathing in deep, "I just don't know man…this doesn't seem right." Jake looks down and his glossy eyes reveal recent guilt and regret.

"She's real Jake. Bella is real, and I feel like any moment now I'll wake up and this will all have been a dream. She's slipping through my fingers, and I don't know if I have the energy to fight for her anymore. Are you happy to hear that, huh?" The sound of my voice goes from breaking to bordering on anger.

"Bro…take it one step at a time. But something tells me you're hung up on this girl because she's a defence against your father. Maybe your feelings are there for the wrong reasons."

After giving me a moment to cool down, Jake walks up to me and takes a seat beside my sulking-giving-up-figure.

"I'm sorry, Cullen. I'm just surprised, is all." He looks over at me, looking all kinds of apologetic.

"In the beginning I thought I was just using her. I was drawn to her because she was so different. She had no money, no family, and she was this lost little person walking around with eyes filled with hope. And I felt so fucking sorry for her. Until I realised that I am the one who is miserable. I began to envy her because even though she comes from hardly anything, she's so much wealthier then we will ever be. I just wanna love her, that's all. Why does that have to be so fucking difficult?"

Jake isn't one for many words, but what he says holds so much meaning. My best friend's sudden change of mind screams that he wants to understand. So he says, "Sometimes two people need to fall apart in order to realise how much they need to fall back together."

"Do you think I'm wasting my time? Will you go around and tell everyone? Because go ahead! I don't care." Running my hands over my eyes, I take a deep breath and push back impending tears.

"Maybe you are. Edward Cullen dates girls like Victoria and Tanya. Not a Slummer. I won't judge you, but it doesn't mean I accept your decision because she's clearly hurting you." Jake is back to being all kinds of insensitive.

_Because he doesn't understand?_

"She isn't using me!" I yell and rush back to my car.

"Come on. E? Look at yourself. You're fucking going out of your mind because of her."

"Fuck you, Jake!"

"Not everyone is against you, Cullen. Listen up man."

"No! You just confirmed how pathetic you are. I will always want to choose her, don't you get that? She was supposed to be it for me!"

"Fine!" Jake shouts. "Go fuck up your life. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Love is supposed to be about the absence of all judgement, yet Bella and I will always be judged.

With angry glares and disappointed grunts, I slide into the driver's seat. The dick in me wants to throw him out of my car and make him walk home.

I won't.

So I drive him home in silence just after midnight. Jake is quiet the whole way. He messes with my music and adjusts my fucking seat as usual. Once I pull up in front of his electric gates, he climbs out and leans his arm against the door.

"I won't tell anyone. But don't drown in your own lies, Cullen. Make up your mind before it's too late." He walks away and for a second I stare at his back.

Because best bro will understand…eventually.

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With blue-white-yellow flags, cheerleading pom-poms, and a rehearsing bands, Treehaven High prepares for their annual sports rally.

The special thing about today is that the whole town attends this event. Before, it was restricted to upperclassmen, until the Slummers transferred to our school. The school day doesn't commence as per usual, all students meet first period in their home room, and then go back to their assigned tasks. The freshman and sophomores are in charge of the food stalls, concession stands, and entertainment.

The sports field is occupied with a Ferris wheel and various other actives with a large make shift stage in the middle. It looks like a fucking carnival. In fact, I suppose it is. Every class had to plan some form of entertainment. The seniors planned a colour run, where yellow and blue colour dust will be thrown at everyone.

There are two mascots following us around dressed as birds. I want to shove them out of my way because it's fucking annoying.

Because of our school colours, the theme is blue, yellow and white and everyone looks the same. Walking through the hallway with my soccer team, we make our way to the gym to meet up with coach. He hands us our ties and the school emblem broach.

"Now I don't want anybody looking out of place tonight. For the team introduction, you all show up in your blazers. You hear me now, boys?"

We all yell in unison and shake hands. I call my players over and hand them their T-shirts which we were requested to wear under our blazers. Every year the soccer team does something to include the town, so this year we signed soccer balls and will call out individual people to hand them to.

After our meeting, coach asks me to stay behind as the rest of the team exits the gym.

"Edward, you already know you're captain this year, so the announcement won't come as a surprise to you, yeah?"

"Yes, Coach." I nod.

"Go home and get some sleep. You look tired as shit." He pats me on my shoulder. Coach is right, I hardly slept last night and woke up with a dry throat.

Before leaving, I hesitate at the door, then walk back in and say, "Coach, I don't think I can do the voluntarily coaching at the community centre anymore."

"Why not?" He looks up in surprise.

"Alot of things have come up which is kinda clashing with my Saturday mornings." Lie. I don't want to go back because I'm pretty sure I'll beat up Charlie.

"Well…okay then. I'll work something out. Get out of here, Boy."

"Thanks." I whisper.

Exiting the gym, my team mates are waiting for me in the hallway. They all surround me and we make our way out of the school building.

Turning down the East Wing, my heart beats with familiar love. I don't have to look around because I already know she is somewhere close by. With pointless chatting from the surrounding crowds, all eyes are on Treehaven's soccer team. Students literally make way as we walk the hallways.

Taking a deep breath, I look over and watch as Bella paints Ally's fingernails with a blue whiteboard marker. She lifts up her head and her eyes collide with mine.

Everything moves in slow motion as I pass the girl I love. We're both too stubborn to break our stares, so from the corner of my eye I witness Alice getting up from her cross legged position and grabbing her best friend's hand.

Everything goes quiet and my heart decides to need her right now.

"Cullen, you hear that?" Eric asks.

"Huh?" I finally look up and away from Bella.

"You gonna pick us up later?" Felix repeats what I'd missed.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be there at five." I shake their hands then make my way to my truck. I climb in and text the girl who acts like she doesn't want me.

**Edward: Please come home with me? I'm waiting in my truck**

I wait, wait, and wait some more, but she doesn't fucking respond.

So I call her.

After the fifth ring, this girl decides to answer.

"Edward?" she whispers.

"I asked you to meet me at my truck." I say firmly.

"I'm busy. I told you I need….time." The lies in her voice only make me want to see her more.

"Please? Just come home with me for a bit?" I beg.

"Why?"

"Because I want to see you." I am all kinds of defensive and the childish brat in me wants to own the latest toy.

"So you can fuck me?" I am surprised by the rawness in her question.

"You know what? Nevermind." And just like that, I hang up.

I can't play this game with her right now. I reverse out of my bay and don't acknowledge the waving students. Bella's Beetle remains in her usual spot at the back of the school grounds, and in my moment of weakness, I pull over and tear a piece of paper out of my English book. Scribbling a quick note, I place it on her windshield and step back into my car.

When I get home, I lift some weights as I wait for the pool to heat up. I take a few laps, eat the meal Maria has prepared, and then take a shower. Its only 3 o'clock, and I am restless as fuck. So I play one game of FIFA and then stare at my phone.

I scroll down to Bella's number which I already know off by heart, and I want to text her so badly. But a soft sound of a clearing throat brings me to awareness.

While seated at the edge of my bed, I look up and my girl stands in my doorway, completely surprising me. Maria must have let her in, and I feel so much hope because she took a major step coming here.

For a second, all we do is stare at each other with overflowing intensity. My heart sinks in my chest because I can't handle another good bye.

"I'm here because I know how important tonight is for you, and I don't want you being upset or doing anything stupid." She pushes some hair behind her ear and takes a deep breath, not attempting to enter my room any further.

I throw my phone onto my bed and walk up to her. She looks up, pure and clear, and I want to fucking kiss her so badly.

"Come in?" I ask, and so she does.

I close my door behind her and make sure I lock it. The clicking sound makes everything more real. Because we're alone in our bubble, and for once in a very long time I can just breathe.

"Thanks for coming here, Bella." I return to my seat at the edge of my bed and she joins me, smirking at my paused game on the flat screen.

"You were losing three nil. You never lose at games" She points to the TV.

"How do you know I was the losing team?" I ask.

"Because you're playing with my favourite team." She looks back at me and smiles her dimpled smile.

A smile I haven't seeing in a while.

"You said you needed time, but here you are." I whisper, hoping she won't leave just yet.

"Yeah…time." She nods. "I just needed to see that you're okay."

"I am. At least I am okay now. Being away from you is so fucking difficult. I know it's only like a day, but I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow or the day after." Looking down, I trace patterns on her thigh. She doesn't turn me away.

"We could be friends, you know?" She smiles, this time it's the fake and empty smile. A smile of pretence and everything that she doesn't want.

"I don't ever wanna be your friend, because we are worth a lot more than that." I say running my hands through my hair that is sticking in all different directions.

Bella stands up and positions herself between my legs. Her warm palms meet my cold cheeks and she stares into my eyes. She is punishing me without even knowing it. I run my tongue over my bottom lip and all of a sudden she kisses me hard and needy on my lips.

Immediately, I grab onto her sides and lay down on my back with her on top of me. Our hungry and desperate kisses, sucking and lip biting, continue. I press my hard on into her jean covered centre, and I hear a breathless whisper escapes her lips. I grab the hem of her t-shirt and we're all tongues twisted and lips touching.

Until she pulls back and slides off my body to neaten her clothing.

"This can't happen anymore." Tear-filled eyes plead.

Closing my eyes, I envision her surrounding me forever, only when I open it again and face reality, she is gone.

She leaves without a sound and without a word. She doesn't look back. But why would she when it's not the direction she wants to go.

My head screams, you're at peace now.

My heart continues to promise to never let go of my most intense obsession.

So I get dressed, and collect everything that I need for tonight. I climb into my truck and pick up Eric, Felix and two other guys on my soccer team.

They don't notice my low mood. Nobody ever notices.

All it takes is a vibrant fake smile to hide my injured soul and they will never know how broken I really am.

Because the mask I am wearing tonight allows for the best pretence there is.

I arrive at school just after 5 pm. People from my school surround my truck. I hear my name being called from close by and from a distance.

I don't bother to answer questions or entertain gestures.

Because all I need is my brown eyed girl who doesn't seem to need me.

But I look up and stare into the grey sky and I smile anyway.

Because it took one smile to start a friendship. One look to fall in love. And one person to change my life forever.

I am in competition with no one but love. I run my own race but always end up coming second. I have no reason to be better than anyone, but one girl makes that possible. I just aim to improve, to be better than what I was yesterday. I aim to be free.

But sometimes what we're most afraid of doing is the only thing that can set us free.

I'm afraid of letting go.

And maybe she is too

Because it is not supposed to be how our story ends.

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**A/N Thanks for reading you guys :-) Please feel free to share your thoughts and message me if there is anything you want to know.**

**xx**


	35. Chapter 35

**Hey guys!**

**Thank you to all of you who have continued to read this story. I am not going to apologize for what happens in this chapter, because I have my reasons and I promise it will be worth it in the end. I hope you all enjoy this emotional read. Please bear in mind that I did not consult my beta for this one, as I know it's not cool to wait. Please feel free to share your thoughts :-)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

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**Chapter 34**

**BPOV**

"Go go go!" Ally insists, elbowing me against my arm.

Edward sent me a text, and then he called me while I was seated beside my girl. He wants me to skip school and come to his house.

"No!" I shake my head and continue packing chalk dust into little bags as we sit cross legged in the middle of the gym.

"You suck. Break the rules and stop being such an over thinker," says the schools top student.

"Will you stop? I'm busy right now," I mutter, annoyed.

Ally and I are helping the other seniors prepare for tonight's rally. All the sports teams and cheerleaders were allowed to leave early.

"Bella, go to your lover boy! I'll cover for you. The dude looked totally miserable. He's so fucking whipped on you." My pregnant best friend really needs to stop with the insistence.

"Why don't you go to Jasper?" I'm all kinds of snarky.

"Low blow Bella. Low blow." She flips me off with a sarcastic smile.

Ally doesn't like talking about the father of her unborn child. The night she slept by me, we spoke about everything. She says she will tell him eventually, she just needs to see if 'it' really exists, I quote. We made an appointment to go to a clinic in Glenhaven on Saturday morning. She seems okay, but I know deep down this girl is hurting.

The other night, she was all kinds of, _"Once I go for an actual scan and get physical evidence of the life growing inside of me, then I'll tell the kids father, okay." _

Rene doesn't want me to be alone, so she insisted Ally sleeps over. I guess it's her way of keeping Edward and I apart. Alice has become very attached to me since there are no longer secrets between us. She hangs onto me and leaves me with no space. I am happy to be there for her because she also helps me deal with distancing myself from Edward.

_Sigh. _

Once we're finally finished with the packages, I look like a Smirf with all the blue dust covering my clothing.

Our senior supervisor thanks us all and tells us that she'll see everyone tonight. Ally throws me with more dust and I swat her arm away.

"Stop, you're so annoying." I tease, treasuring the happiness this girl brings into my life.

"Oh come on, you so love me." She lays her head in my lap and pinches my cheek.

I shake my head. Because aren't pregnant people supposed to be tired all the time? Ally is full of energy and acting like a bored five year old.

"So…I'm gonna head home now. I'll see you tomorrow?" I smile and grab her hand to help her up. She pushes my hand aside and says, "I'm pregnant, not disabled."

Rolling my eyes, I walk to my locker in the changing rooms and grab an extra T-shirt and begin getting undressed.

"So are you sure you don't want to go tonight? Come on Bells, don't be such a granny?" Ally pleads, following up behind me.

"I'm really not that keen." I look down and begin playing with the ends of my shirt. I was going to go, and then I decided not to. Seeing Edward tonight, surrounded by his own world will make everything so much more difficult to handle.

"Please? It will be cool. Show some school spirit." She lifts up her arms and does a crazy twirling dance, impersonating the cheerleaders.

"You're not gonna let this go are you?" I sigh.

"Probably not." Best friend lifts up her arms in surrender.

"Fine! But if I feel uncomfortable, promise me that we can leave immediately? Sports rally's really aren't my thing. Plus…plus I don't really want to see you know who."

"Just pretend like Edward isn't around…although that's highly impossible as this fucked up town worships the ass." She rolls her eyes.

"I broke things off with him last night…for a while" I whisper, and turn to my locker.

"What? Why?" surprise is evident in the voice of life giver behind me.

"I just need some time you know? I feel on edge all the time and I really think it has to do with Charlie. I need to see my father, Ally. Please understand and don't try to make me change my mind?" Pleading eyes are all it takes for Ally to understand.

"Okay. I love you baby girl. See you around six? I'll pick you up." Ally smiles, she doesn't question my decisions because she doesn't believe me.

_I don't think I believe me either. _

But I smile anyway. Because I love this girl so much. She's broken and I'm bent but together we've never being more whole.

I try not to think too much about the outcome of my secret if Ally didn't have one of her own.

So I hug her and unconsciously place my palm against her flat stomach that wouldn't be flat for much longer.

She sighs, and I know we will be okay if we stick together.

While Ally and I are in an embrace, Rosalie Hale comes out of nowhere as she approaches her locker, and then she smirks and says, "You freaks are dykes now?"

Looking down, I listen as my best friend holds her ground.

"Oh my God, if it isn't Treehavens blow-up doll. Aren't you late for your nose job appointment?" Ally has never being this upfront before and even though I'm doing a little victory dance inside, I am afraid of Rosalie's evil glare.

She rolls her eyes and flips us off. Rosalie can only act high and mighty when her friends are around. I wonder why she is here when the rest of the cheerleading squad was allowed to leave early.

Ally smiles and walks off and I collect my bag, catching one more glance at Rosalie.

She catches my stare and for a second I see an empty girl who just wants to be understood. Deep down Rosalie isn't the terrible person she wants people to think she is. She may be just as broken as a lot of us. And in this moment, I get why Edward tolerates her impoliteness. He will never kick down a damaged soul. All he ever does is help them up.

"Sorry Bella Beastly, I'm not into chicks so you can look away now."

Stepping out of changing room, I am suddenly overwhelmed with courage. So, I step back inside and say, "not everyone is out to hurt you Rosalie. Maybe if you appreciate yourself, you'll see the beauty in the things around you."

She doesn't respond immediately which can only mean that she took a second to process my words. It doesn't take long before her guard comes back up.

"I'm Rosalie Hale. No one will dare to touch me!" her tone grows livid, with a snarl expression.

"Because you want it to be that way." I whisper.

"I want it that way? Are you even listening to yourself, Freak? People worship me and that's how it will always be!"

"Maybe you should ask yourself why they do."

She doesn't respond. The vulnerable girl who is misunderstood stares back at me. With her cliché -high- school-popular blond hair and blue-grey eyes, she's actually thinking about her actions and how it affects others.

"I forgive you, Rosalie." I smile politely and before she can say anything, I rush out and head towards my car. Walking up to my little green rusted Beetle, I notice there is a tiny white note placed under my wiper. Removing it gently and bringing it to my eyes, all it says is, _"Please?"_

Love is pleading.

My boy needs me. And even though I hate myself for being weak and not sticking to my word, I turn left instead of right when I exit the school gates.

Everything is pretty much a blur from there on. Maria lets me in and gives me her usual motherly embrace that I've being craving so much lately. As I walk into my boys room, he's seated at the edge of his bed staring into his phone, looking all kinds of lost and alone and angry.

With X-box controls and running shoes, discarded T-shirts and an un-straitened bed, my boy's room is disorderly.

But apart from the unusual surroundings, I take a minute to breathe him is. Edward's beautiful. He's talented and he can get anything he wants. I will never understand how he can want someone like me.

I will never be able to keep up with his perfection.

His very emotions are a product of my doings and in this moment I've never felt smaller.

Intense green eyes meet my own, and I am weak. My walls completely fall down because how can anyone deny this love?

He questions me, asking me why I came over. The truth is, I came here because I can't be without him. I am so weak in this love that just one stare breaks me. I don't tell him that though, instead I say I'm here because I wanted to make sure that he is okay.

My heart needed its fix and here he is.

_I'm pathetic. _

Edward unconsciously runs his tongue over the sexiest mole just below is lip…and I'm sold-mercifully.

Nothing and no one can prevent the pull between us.

I get that.

So we crumble together, transfixed in a moment that will end because of run-out-time. Edward sucks me in, and gently tugs my lips in his intense need. I disappear into his touch for just abit, knowing that if I don't pull away now, it will be too late. We will end up doing what we both need but cannot want.

But I kiss him again and again and again, and I can't help but feel that it will be our last. Again, deep disappointment overwhelms me. Mentally, I tell myself that my non-appearance in his life will be the best thing there is for him. The long term effects of my non-presence will be a gift he always needed. So I pull away and block out his pleadings gestures and moans.

And then I leave.

I leave because it's the right thing to do. I leave because it is what our minds want but hearts cannot handle.

I allow myself to cry just a little on my way home, again when in the shower, and again while I'm fixing me something to eat. Crying numbs the pain of feeling unreal. Because that's how I feel, I feel like I just exist when he's not around.

Edward is a star player, a college boy with a bright future and an amazing talent. Those qualities don't match a Slummer.

I get that.

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Taking a bite of my sandwich, Ally barges in through the screen door just after 5 p.m.

"Urgh…do I look fat?" She stands between the kitchen and lounge looking all kinds of cute with a dolly dress and fake leather jacket that looks real, real, real.

"You're amazing, not fat, Ally cat." I tease, forcing Edward out of my mind.

"You look cute too. I love what you've done with the yellow and blue ribbons." She places some of my hair over my shoulder and yanks the end.

I shrug and offer her my other sandwich. She grabs it immediately and takes two bites.

"Yummy! Oh my God I'm so in love with fooooood!" She's all kinds of dramatic while making fervent sounds.

"Ally stop!" I laugh, covering her mouth with my hand. "That's so embarrassing."

"What? My sex sounds? Mmm." Best friend continues to mock.

"You need help." I yell, walking over to the long mirror in the narrow hallway.

Staring at my reflection, my brown eyes appear too big for my face. I've put on some makeup and rubbed glitter around my puffy eyes. My hair hangs long and loose, falling just above my butt, with a ribbon tying half of it up. I'm wearing Rene's above the knee length white cotton dress with a denim jacket over. I look normal. I definitely don't look like a girl with a broken heart.

Pinching my cheeks and pouting my lips, I allow a moment of weakness to take over my guard as I picture all the many times Edward possessed my face alone.

_His lips…his touch…his intensity._

I rub red lip balm over my lips and run my hands over my hair just one more time. Ally is watching me from the kitchen.

"What?" I ask as I throw on my tanned cowboy boots.

"I get why Edward feels this way." she says, looking down.

I don't really wanna talk about him right now but I ask why anyway.

"Look at yourself Bella. You're fucking beautiful. You have such an innocent face. And do you know what? Your heart makes you even more beautiful. You the best person I know."

Taken aback by her words, I smile politely and seize her into a hug.

"You're beautiful too and I love you." I smile.

"And fat. You forgot to say that I'm fat." She shakes her shoulders like she's doing some ridiculous dance.

I laugh. So does my best friend in her royal blue dress and high ponytail.

Making our way to Ally's car, I turn around and run back inside. Grabbing the white piece of paper that holds Charlie's address, I place it in my jacket pocket and take a deep breath. Staring at my empty room with everything neatly packed into its place, I turn the light off and walk way.

Because Edward Cullen isn't the only reason I'm walking with a broken heart.

Courage comes when we least expect it.

This note may just be what I need.

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Marching bands, fireworks, drums and big wheels invade my senses. I gotta hand it to Treehaven High school as they sure know how to entertain a town.

Ally and I parked in the next street because we couldn't find any parking close to the school. After circling the grounds for ten minutes, we gave up and had to resort to parking seven thousand miles away. We decided to stop at the diner on our way so that I could get some money from Rene.

My mother was all kinds of _"I'll see you later."_

I hugged her and nodded. Gaping at me with concern, my mom held onto me in a way like she didn't want to let me go.

"_Mom, you can let go now."_ I said smiling.

Removing her hold, Rene stared again and again and again.

"_What?"_ I asked confused.

"_Nothing."_ She said. "_Be safe pipes. I love you_"

I waved goodbye, but I didn't tell her that I loved her too.

Harry gave Ally and me some free cookies from the diner. Best friend is all smiles now.

The entire school is screaming with the patriotic colours of blue, yellow and white. Students, teachers, parents and friends are all out and about, absorbing the activities of this evening.

I don't know where Edward is, but he's present in my heart and that is definitely a bad thing. Unconsciously, I keep turning my head to study my surroundings, hoping to catch a glimpse of my hearts keeper. He's a no show.

I get that.

Ally grabs my hand as we enter the school gates and upon walking, she abruptly pauses.

"What's wrong?" I ask, concern lingers in my voice.

Taking a deep breath, my best friend brings her lips to my ear and whispers, "Jaspers across the lot in that grey Audi."

Without a beat, I avert my gaze to the fancy looking sports car, and out climbs Jasper with Jake following shortly after. They are both wearing sun glasses and laughing at some personal joke.

"Oh my God. Don't stare!" Ally swats me on my arm and I yell out in exaggerated pain. If Jasper and Jake are here, it can only mean that Edward is close by.

I gulp, and give my best friend a reassuring squeeze.

"You gotta tell him Ally." I whisper, trying my best not to look at him.

"Fuck him." Ally's cold tone screams hurt, and when I look again, Jaspers arms are slung over some giggling sophomore.

Looking over at my best friend, I realise that she is terrified. Jaspers nonchalant actions are an act of unknowing. He has no idea that he gave life to this world, so his behaviour will contradict everything Ally expects.

"Ally…you have to tell him." I beg.

"Bella, just quit it please. Don't ruin this for me. Let's just walk past really quickly and not look in their direction." And on goes the mask that she's so well at wearing.

Taking a deep breath, I nod and grip onto her gentle hand.

We pass them by, and I feel their stares without even having to look. Losing a war against myself, I turn around and my eyes meet the glare of Jacob Black who has now removed his sun glasses. The look he gives me isn't his usual look, he appears concerned, almost pitiful.

I realise the boy who watches me may know a lot more than what I am actually aware of.

For just abit, I hold our stare and then I smile.

Jake surprises me when he smiles and nods in a secret-keeping greeting.

Ally begins walking faster and I am forced to look away. My boy's best friend may just understand.

The music and sounds of celebration are blocked out of my ears, all I hear is the scrunching gravel beneath my boots.

When we get to the entrance of the field where all the commotion is happening, I feel a light tap on my shoulder.

"Hey Bella. You're looking good." Embry, my biology partner, smiles brightly with his welcoming tone.

"Oh…hey Embry. You don't look so bad yourself." I smile in return and Ally rolls her eyes at the annoying display happening before her.

Embry is cute and funny. He's the typical high school sweet heart with neatly groomed hair. This boy won't always be a Slummer because he has the brains and the charm to make it big one day. I know him for quite some time because he has being in my class since third grade.

"Where are you sitting tonight, Bella?" He's all smooth voice and bright smiles.

"Uhm…Ally?" I call. She lifts an eyebrow and I ask, "Where are we going to sit?"

"As far away from the smell of oil as possible. I feel like I'm going to fucking puke." Best friend is giving out unnecessary clues of exposure to the life growing inside of her.

Shaking my head, I give Ally a _why-did-you-just-say-that _kinda look and return my gaze to Embry.

"We'll probably sit at the end of the stands. Ally doesn't really like sitting in crowds." I lie.

"Okay. You mind if I sit with you girls? Quil should be here soon." Embry looks down at his phone.

"Sure. I just wanna go get something to drink. Ally?" I call again. Ally is preoccupied with her own thoughts. She doesn't have to admit it to me, but I know she's searching the crowd for Jasper.

"Why don't I go reserve us a seat and then you guys can go get the drinks? Please get me a coke or something fizzy. I hate that smell." Ally sniffs and walks away, leaving me with Embry.

I smile nervously and he motions for me to walk infront of him.

I don't feel guilty. Embry is just a friend and he's a good person. If my heart didn't belong to another, maybe I would have considered his flirtatious gestures.

"So…" he says, giving me that same smile he has being doing since he saw me.

"So…" I bite my lip and fall into line as we wait to purchase our drinks at the concession stand.

"I meant to ask you for your number. I didn't wanna come across as being forward or anything. Tried looking for you on social networks, but you're not there." He laughs nervously.

I laugh and say, "that's because I don't belong to any social networks. I prefer reading a book or something less social." I intentionally ignore his question about my number.

After ordering our drinks, I zip open my shoulder bag to take out some money when Embry stops me and hands over a twenty dollar note.

"I got it," he insists.

"No, it's okay. Let me pay." I hand him the money but he refuses to take it from me

Once we've purchased our drinks and snacks, Embry locates Quil in the crowd and calls him over.

"Yoh, Quil, we're over here." He waves his hands up like he's drowning.

I cringe.

As Quil approaches, I wave over at him, but my heart beats of knowing.

Edward is here. I feel him before I see him.

Staring straight ahead is the maddest green eyes. There's no sparkle or look of appreciation as he absorbs my presence and judges my surroundings. He stares and stalks with total terror and I know what he must be thinking.

He thinks I am intentionally trying to hurt him.

Edward is dressed in our schools soccer teams' formal attire. He's all black blazer and tie, but his messy soft hair is still the same. He shaved, allowing his face to look a lot younger with the absence of his usual light stubble.

_Beat, beat, beat._

Because why does he have to be so beautiful?

I don't know what to do and I don't know where to go. Embry comes up infront of me, blocking my view from the only boy I want to see.

"Are you okay Bella? Come on? Alice must be waiting." He tries to place his free arm around my waist, but I step away and instead, take a sip of my soda.

I swallow hard and before I follow Embry, I turn around to take one last look. Edward is now surrounded by so many people who are fighting to get his attention. Tanya is there too, wearing his jersey number on her cheerleading uniform. He doesn't look at me.

I want to run to her and pull the number off and demand that it belongs to me.

I won't.

This is all popular people. Wealthy people. People who love him and adore him because he's amazing.

And just like that, I can't. I can't do this anymore.

So again, I take a deep breath and follow two boys who know nothing about me as we go ahead and search for my girl.

We find Ally lying across four seats with her hand tucked underneath her chin, looking like she's posing for a photo-shoot. I laugh. Because this girl is ridiculous.

"What the fuck took you so long? I couldn't laydown like this forever and reserve your fucking seats." She complains and grabs the drink from out of my hand without saying thank you. "Oh my God I am soooo dehydrated!"

I don't listen to the voices around me because I can't stop myself from searching for Edward. I am seated between Ally and Embry and the guilt finally becomes evident in my very actions.

Edward and his popular crowd are no longer standing where I last saw him, but I feel like I'm being watched.

I wish Embry wasn't here. Edward doesn't know how to handle his feelings and knowing him, he will react in a way of hurting me. He will think this is game and he will want to win.

So, I slouch up tightly against Ally, and distance myself from a boy who could send the wrong message.

"You've got an eyelash on your cheek." Embry laughs, and before I can stop him, he's close, close, close, and blowing it off my cheek.

"Thanks." I shrug, and turn to face Alice again. She smirks, and fixes her eyes on the field ahead.

We begin a comfortable conversation, about who we think will win the biology project award this year.

"It's definitely going to be you." I insist, shaking my head as Embry says it will be either me or Alice.

Quil doesn't speak. Or maybe he does, I just don't listen.

Embry doesn't go slow on his advances because when the school camera crew comes along, he shoves me onto his lap so we can pose for the photo.

Annoyed and overwhelmed by this boy's audacity, I shake my head and tell him that his move was not cool.

"Embry, that wasn't cool." I try to sound polite while threatening at the same time.

Innocent eyes smirk, and then he says, "what? That's the only way we would have all fit in the picture."

There is no reasoning for my anger in response to Embry's display of affection because according to the world, I am an innocent single virgin.

But not even two minutes later, my phone beeps in my bag, and I am afraid to look.

I take it out anyway, seeing Edwards name flash across the screen.

**Edward: Tell him to get the fuck away from you! If he doesn't, I'll come up there and rip him away from you myself.**

As I am reading the text, another one comes through.

**Edward: Moving on so fast? Wow, didn't know you're that easy!**

And then another.

**Edward: Tell Embry to fuck off before I break his neck! Tell him!**

Alone in a crowd of hundreds of people, I close my eyes for a brief second and meet the stare of my concerned best friend.

I hand her my phone and she reads his text, whispering to me, "That's just psycho. Tell lover boy to calm the fuck down."

I smile at Embry, and excuse myself without giving an explanation to Ally. She understands. She has to.

Making my way down the stands, I hear a voice over the mike. It's Mr Banner, welcoming the crowd to Treehaven's event of the year.

With roars and applauds and all things loud and happy, I step one-two-three down the steps that lead down the hallway to the restrooms.

In passing, is Edwards parents and his grandparents. Elizabeth doesn't see me, but if she is to turn around, I know she will recognize my presence.

It's the first time I am this close to my boy's life givers. Carlisle looks calm and composed while Esme looks like she's going to be late for Paris fashion week. She is all kinds of graceful with her Balmain looking coat and high stilettos.

They here to praise and worship the towns blessing just like everyone else is.

Mr and Mrs Cullen's hands are entwined, they look happy and elegant. They look like the perfect couple.

Edward once told me how much his mother drinks and how his father always stays out late. Imagining how it could be the same people who scream perfection in public, is just so difficult to believe.

Edward's grandfather is tall with broad shoulders. I don't see his face but I get where my boy gets his height from. Elizabeth, with her long cream coat and neatly styled hair, lovingly takes a seat beside her awaiting husband. Once she is seated, Edward's grandfather finally sits down.

Finally pulling away from their beauty and pure perfection, I run down the long hallway under the stands.

I get to the restrooms and splash cold water over my face. Pinching my pale cheeks, I take a deep breath and lean my hands against the sink.

Suddenly, the sound of a closing door brings me back into awareness. Afraid and terrified, I slowly turn around.

Green meets brown.

Edward stands across the restroom, with a saddened scowl of misunderstanding.

"Really? Embry?" He maintains our distance but bitterness lingers in his voice.

He doesn't say hello.

"Edward?" I ask, placing my hand over my startled heart.

"Are you disappointed it's me Bella? Were you hoping it would be Embry following you?"

"Stop." I whisper.

"Is that why you want 'time' huh? Because of him?"

"No! You're being ridiculous." I hold my breath as Edward paces up and down. He's supposed to be up on stage right now, but here he is.

Breaking more rules all because of love.

"You know what Bella? Go find yourself first…so that you can find me."

"I told you I just need some time to figure a few things out," I say softly.

_Truth._

Edward bangs his fist against the bathroom stall and then covers his eyes.

"Time. You said you needed time, but when will it ever end? You're being so selfish, Bella" He whispers.

"Edward, please don't do this?" I beg, without really knowing what I want.

After a moment of just staring, Edward runs his hands through his hair and murmurs sarcastically, "Fine. Whatever. I'll give you time. How about you give me a call when you 'figured' your life out?"

Edward sighs and then continues, "I won't bother you until I receive that call. I get that we haven't had the best time together with everything happening around us, but there are ways Bella. I am beginning to think you don't want me."

Swallowing all my tears, I whisper, "all my life I have being figuring things out on my own. It's who I am. And now this thing with my father is beginning to haunt me…I just need to get him off my mind so that I can begin to focus on us. Please? You need to understand. I need to do this on my own."

"And when exactly will all of this end? I told you that I am at the point of not giving a fuck about what other people think. I've chosen you, Bella. I can't even focus out there because I'm so fucking preoccupied with thoughts of you!"

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Sorry? No you're far from sorry! This is just cruel. Call me when you made up your mind! I'll wait, because I have no other choice." Says a voice now turned bitter and cold, from the boy I once knew as my boy.

Edward's face defines every broken heart. I crushed him and I hate myself for being so insensitive. Broken souls and glossy eyes are not supposed to be what love is about. He runs his hands through his hair and gives me a sad look.

"I will. Just allow me to figure this one thing out and I will make sure nothing can ever get in our way. In the meantime, be the Edward Cullen you were always meant to be."

Edward is a terribly real person in an unimaginably false world. I get that. And that is why there exists so much pain between us.

He nods, and for a minute we just stand staring at eachother between four walls. My boy turns around, hesitates, and then silently whispers, "time". I guess it is his way of promising that he will wait for me to come terms with everything around me.

We don't hug, we don't wave or kiss. He walks out without looking back.

I lock myself in one of the bathroom stalls and slide down onto the floor, and I breathe in deep.

I want to cry so badly because I am a liar and right now my life is fucked up.

Edward needs my temporary absence because maybe he needs to find himself too. He deserves to be happy. I'm not breaking our beautiful bond because I enjoy the pain it elicits. I am doing this all for the sake of our future.

_And I need time because I am confused and I need to know my father. _

I text Ally, telling her that I would like to go home. Before I know it, my best friend is knocking on the bathroom door as we hear applauding in the background.

"Bella. Oh my God I'm so sorry for asking you to come here. Let's get you out of here." The braveness in my best friend's voice welcomes all kinds of comfort.

I nod and adjust my dress. Exiting the bathrooms, I hear the coach welcoming the soccer team onto the stage as the excited fans stands up and applaud.

I let go of Ally's grip as I watch from the side-lines as Edward makes the stage.

Knowing I should leave but needing to stay, my best friend comes up behind me and she waits.

The boy smiling on the stage is the Edward that everyone knows and expects. He rules his tracks and turns heads in wonder.

I wonder who the real Edward Cullen is.

One by one, the team goes up and receives their jerseys, until I hear the familiar soothing voice.

It was just ten minutes ago that the very same boy stood broken infront of me, unwilling to give me the space that we both need. Now he's up and about and being worshipped just like he's supposed to be.

"How's everyone doing?" Edward yells and everyone calls his name. The crowd roars and immediately stands up in welcoming him.

His public display is effortless. From the distance in which I stand, his face is unclear so I look over at the big screen.

Edward looks around and runs his hands through his hair.

"I asked how's everyone doing?" He yells louder.

Again, the crowd doesn't disappoint with their admirable screeching.

Ally's hand is placed on my lower back as we stand next to the bleachers and watch as Edward does what he does best.

He's appreciated and respected.

He's loved and admired.

He's worshipped and adored.

"So…I just wanna say thank you to everyone who came out tonight. I prepared this speech, but I somehow don't think it really fits the mood right now." He smiles into the mike and goes ahead thanking his team and coaches and the town.

"Last year, Treehill was running first on the log and we will do our best to keep it that way!"

Again, the crowd applauds and the cheerleaders celebrate his presence behind him. Tanya runs up and steals a kiss on his cheek as he is busy speaking into the mike.

"Our team has prepared something this year, so basically we signed some balls and we're gonna call out random people to hand it to. How does that sound…?"

Before I listen any further, I grab Ally's hand and lead her out of the school stadium.

"Let's go,"

She nods and we make our way to the car without a sound and without a word as Edward's voice grows distant with every step that we take.

The truth is, I can't be there. Because I am hurting and I am running low on happiness. If I could explain this feelings, if I could come across as being less dramatic, then I would. But I can't.

So, best friend and I climb into her car. Ally is preoccupied with her phone and when we pull up infront of my house, I tell her that she can leave.

"Please? You can go back Ally. I'll be okay." I promise.

She thinks I don't know, but I know that my girl is off to see Jasper. She needs this space and all I can do is give it to her.

"Okay…but call me if you need me. And tomorrow I'll see you bright and early so we can finally see what the fuck is making me fat." I giggle, just abit as Ally attempt to make all things feel better.

As she pulls away, I get this strange feeling, like everything that I am doing isn't meant to be done.

But instead of turning the door-nob to enter my empty house, I head to my car and pull out the white paper that holds my father's location.

Breathing in and wiping my new tears, I stare at the address and then pull my car into reverse.

I need some piece of mind. I cannot commit myself to someone with so many unanswered questions in my life.

Love is saying goodbye to your soul mate to go meet your reason for existence.

I drive, drive and drive some more, and then I'm welcomed into a part of town I am unfamiliar with.

It's all shiny lampposts, green trees that glister under the light of the setting sun, jogging trails and tennis courts.

And just like that, I am parked across the road from Charlie. He lives in a good part of town. There is a basketball net on top of their carport, and the lit up house assures me that he's home.

A new grey SUV parks in the driveway, alongside a motorbike.

Courage? I've always had it.

Time? I always wanted it.

Now is the time.

Staring into my rear-view mirror, I rub some lip balm over my lips and untie the neatly secured ribbon in my hair.

Shaking my hair and running my hands through it, I grab my bag and step out of the car.

Apart from the warm autumn evening, the night welcomes coldness. Stepping one-two-three across the street, a huge wooden door centres neatly cut green grass.

Darkness seems to have fallen as quickly as my boots touch the ground of his property.

Feeling cold and out of place, I take a deep breath and then I knock.

With one-two-three, big blue eyes and blonde hair opens the door with a motherly smile. Glares of recognition cross her face because the little girl wrapped around her leg is a splitting image of me.

"Leah. Go inside." She whispers in a nurturing tone.

A diamond ring occupies her wedding finger and she looks too good to be someone who struggled for most of their life. With her perfectly manicured fingernails, I highly doubt she knows what it's like to manually wash dishes.

Instead of welcoming me in, the blonde woman stares at me for just a second and then says, "can I help you?"

Clearing my throat and counting to three, I meet her eyes and say, "I'm here to see Charlie."

She knows exactly who I am, or maybe she doesn't. So she asks, "Charlie? Do you mind if I ask why?"

Opening my mouth to speak, I hear a comforting voice that I didn't know I've missed for all these years, "Sarah, whose at the door, Honey?"

A man, successful as he may be, walks up and lovingly looks over at his wife, and then his attention is consumed by my very presence.

A little boy with a mop of golden brown hair is slouched over his shoulders, and Leah runs over to him shouting, "daddy".

I look down, and stare at my sister.

_My sister. _

Our eyes collide. Brown to brown. She smiles innocently. I just crumble.

And then, the man who doesn't want me clears his throat.

Meeting his eyes, Charlie gapes at me in disbelief and places his hand on Sarah's shoulder, "I've got this, Honey. Allow me to explain everything later?"

She nods and looks at me one last time, and then walks off calling her children to follow her.

He doesn't invite me inside. He doesn't greet or ask me how I've being for the last seventeen years. He stares. He stalks. He rejects.

"What are you doing here? You cannot be here." Bitter words leave the mouth of the man who was supposed to love and nurture me.

I look down and begin rubbing my sweaty fingers on my equally sweaty palms.

"I…I…oh my God." Lost for words, I look up again and silently plead.

_Look at me? Love me? _

People who tell me I look like my mother have clearly not met my father. I have his eyes, his nose and the colour of his hair. I don't know if I have his smile, because he doesn't give me a chance to witness it.

"You have to go. You can't be here." He says again.

"Why?" I beg, broken and still filled with so much hope.

"I am not part of your life anymore. You need to leave immediately."

"I was never part of your life. Just please tell me why? I need to know." I beg some more.

"I was young…I had a future ahead of me and then your mother got pregnant. I don't know what story she made up, but the truth is I could never raise you even if I wanted to."

"Don't lie to me?"

"It doesn't matter. We don't know eachother so let's just leave it that. You're mother refused the help I was willing to give, she made me stay away. And now we all moved on." He says as he begins to shut the door.

I block the door with my foot and finally plead aloud ,"please? Just hear me out."

Opening the door once again, the villain in my story nods and motions for me to hurry.

"Why didn't you want me?" It's the only answer I need.

"It's not as simple as it seems. Just listen to me and walk away before things become messy. If you want money or whatever, I'll write you a cheque. But don't come back here." He means it.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry…Please don't shut me out again." I plead. Always.

"You need to leave." His tone, final.

Stepping back away from the door, I whisper, "You will regret this for the rest of your life."

He closes the door in my face and the click of the lock spells out rejection more clearer than ever before.

I begin experiencing tremendous pressure on my chest and gasp for breath, sensing that I am about to suffocate. These dramatic physical symptoms are accompanied by an overwhelming sensation of apprehension. I am terrified. Without looking ahead, I whirl and dash from the front porch, seeking refuge in my car, which now seems to be parked miles away.

Once I am seated in the driver's seat, I roll down the windows to let in some air, laying myself down across the gear stick and onto the passenger seat.

I close my eyes, continuing to feel dizzy and short of breath for a time after.

And then, for the first time in my life,

I completely, utterly and finally break.

Everything about his physical appearance, his posture, his neatly trimmed hair, his brown eyes, conveyed a sense of confidence and success. Nothing betrayed the real sense of dread he had struggled with since his daughter stood mere footsteps in front of him.

He didn't give me a chance to meet my own flesh and blood. He didn't give me time.

Edward, although untrue to his word, gave me time since the very first day I rushed into his life.

I don't know what I want to do, or where I want to go, but I should have listened to my mother. I should have listened to the boy I love.

Unconsciously, I chose my indecision about my father over the one person I need so much. I couldn't be with Edward because I was selfish and preoccupied with the happenings in my own life.

I finally will the strength to pull away from Charlie's house, and find myself driving down a long dark road as I journey in self regret and pain-shame-guilt.

Feeling fatigued and out of reality, I search for my phone in between keeping my eyes on the road.

I need to see Edward. I need to apologise. I need to tell him that I am in love with him and that all I wanted was to gain some peace of mind regarding my father. I need to tell him that our deal is forever.

I realise now that one of the hardest lessons in life is learning to let go. Whether it is letting go of guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal.

Change isn't supposed to be easy because it's a battle between holding on and letting go. People who are meant to be forever are not supposed to promise that they are over.

The only thing I am done with is keeping this secret. And now I know why I've being the way I was, I am a soft heart in a hard, hard world.

My very existence contradicts life itself.

But that doesn't mean I'm weak. It could mean that I have courage and strength just like everyone else.

Ill forgive Charlie anyway. Because he's a fucking idiot.

But right now I need my boy. I need his love and I need his care.

I need his promises of forever.

I need to make the call and tell him I found what I have being searching for.

Dialling Edward's number, I look down as my calls repeatedly go to his voicemail. His phone is off and I don't understand why. This boy doesn't want my attention right now and I completely understand. My shaking hands show evidence of how terrified I really am.

But I refuse to give up, so I leave a voice message after the seventh attempt at calling him.

"_Edward? Please answer your phone? I realised that no matter what, I will never need time apart from you! Please meet me somewhere? I really need to see you…I acted this way because I was confused. I felt that if I left you for a while, everything would become so much easier. But the truth is, it's not easier because no matter what, you and I were always meant to be together. I am so sorry. My intentions were never ever to hurt you. I won't give up on us Edward…We were supposed to be amazing." _My voice is breaking, pushing all the words out in between my cries.

Letting go I of the steering wheel, I recklessly wipe the tears from my eyes, praying that I can just see my hearts keeper.

I grab my phone again as I continue to talk into the speaker, "_please just understand? Please just…I love you. I am in love with you Edward Cullen…"_

But before I can say anything further…BANG!

My last conscious experiences are of bright incoming headlights and rolling cars.

I don't feel and I don't hear. The last touch of my reality was an impact to my chest.

Depersonalized and out of consciousness, I hear screaming at the back of my mind.

"_Somebody call 911! Oh my God somebody help her!"_

"_Please help! There's being an accident."_

"_I don't know what was happening, she came out of nowhere and I couldn't stop in time."_

"_Check if there is a phone lying around so we can contact a relative, Chief."_

"_Female…looks about mid-teens."_

"_I feel a weak pulse. We have to get her to a hospital immediately"_

"_Please tell me she will make it? Oh my God I swear she came out of nowhere. My delivery truck was only driving about eighty miles"_

"_Sir, her condition is critical, please remain calm while we get you both to the hospital."_

With the sound of sirens and cries, the people most important to me begin to consume my every thought.

I feel strong arms cradle me as a touch burns into my flesh.

I don't know where I am or what I am feeling, but the happiness in my dreams is the only thing I can imagine.

Whatever this is, it's a moment where my life is flashing before my eyes. Memories of when I was child invade my mind, I picture my proud grandparents and their happy smiles, blowing out birthday candles under a Christmas tree, and winning my dance recital. I picture my mother's young smile, I remember the first day I had met Alice and my father's once happy complexion. And then, everything just goes bright green.

Edward eyes are everywhere. His smile, his laugh, his fingers, his touch, his lips and the mole below his lips, the different shades of his emotions, his early morning stares and the first time we made love. I picture Edward and I the first day we've met, and the way he twirls the bottom strands of my hair. All I can perceive is zoomed in images of love.

And then? My memories are turned into darkness.

All along I've lived in a secret, afraid of what others would think. I have broken the same heart more times than what I should have. I have hurt, cried, lied and disappointed. But most of all, I loved. I loved a boy intensely, obsessively and undoubtedly.

Whether or not this blankness is death itself that I am experiencing, I am grateful and thankful.

I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to reveal my true feelings to my best kept secret. I am grateful that I said goodbye to my mother, and hugged my best friend. I am grateful that I somehow built the courage to confront Rosalie. I am thankful for getting to see my brother and sister. I am also thankful that I could see my father for one last time.

As my unconsciousness burns into possible awaiting death, I envision one kiss from Edward Cullen. I knew that I will forever hold his heart in this disallowing world, and many worlds to come. The most important people in our lives were given a chance to know our secret, and I am grateful for that too. With or without the acceptance and approval of onlookers-bystanders-rejecters, love, love will win.

_Love will always follow you._

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**A/N **

**Annnnddddd...The end...KIDDING! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I will try to update the next one ASAP! Please share your thoughts :-)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hi guys! **

**Thanks for everything, you would never imagine how happy I am that you all continued to read this fic. Soooo...the storm is nearly over :-) I Hope I didn't disappoint too much of you. Some of you asked me a few questions, I hope this Chapter will give you the answers you were looking for. Edward isn't in a good place right now so please don't hate him..be gentle. You may come across some typo's because this is another unedited chapter...I uploaded it because I know you guys don't want to wait. Just a heads up, I am going away for a couple of days so I may not be able to update until early next week. In the mean time, please share your thoughts. his story is almost over...I'm heading for about forty chapters. If there are any questions, please feel free to ask. Remember, this is my first story. I will definitely make mistakes and my imagination will obviously differ from alot of you guys.**

**BUT...thanks again! You are all amazing. To Elise, I miss you! :-)**

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

Music blaring, young girls staring and everything is blue.

Tonight, if I can recall correctly, the assholes I call friends decided to bring the after party to my house. I agreed, because come on? I am officially on my own and I can do whatever the hell I want to do. I fucking own this town.

The sports rally went according to plan I guess. After all the babbling and happenings, the annual event had to come to an end. My night ended the moment I walked away from Bella.

Tanya spread the word that my parents are leaving for Spain, so at midnight all these douchebags started rocking up at my house.

The booze started flowing, girls started swimming in the heated pool, and now I am having fun.

I am sooooo fucking happy.

_I'm sad, heartbroken, bent, wrecked, alone._

As I am sitting under the thatch roof covered bar we have at the pool area, thoughts of Bella still linger. My wounds of heartbreak are fresh, but I need to forget. I tried everything tonight, to the point of almost locking my phone in my car.

She wants time so I'll fucking give her time.

I can't keep up with her games anymore. Because loving a brown eyed girl so much that you can feel it driving you insane, isn't fucking normal. I decided to switch off my phone, hoping that I could maybe forget about _her_ for just one night.

My pocket has never felt heavier.

"Bro, are you okay?" Jasper lifts my thoughts back into reality as he catches me staring into my almost empty glass of Jameson.

"Ahuh. Why…Whatsup?" I ask, speaking louder than what I usually do because the music is so damn loud. If we didn't live at the end of a beach road, I am sure the cops would have being here a long time ago.

"You look pissed is all." Jasper scratches his head then begins again, "I'm gonna head home, Bro."

"What the fuck?" I say, standing up infront of my best friend. "No fucking way am I going to allow you to leave. This party just started."

Jasper smirks and shows me thumbs up, reassuring me that he will stay even though I know he will leave.

The truth is I need my friends. I need them here because if I am alone, I will think of her. Then I will go to her, and I will forgive her. I will beg, beg, and beg some more because I have no other choice. I am tired of hurting and tired of loving so hard. It's Bella's chance to give me time.

So when I spot long blonde hair on the other side of the pool house, I smirk, and sneak up behind her, covering her eyes with the palm of my hand.

"Who is it?" she whispers, covering my hand with her own and attempting to break free from my snitching.

"Take a guess?" I whisper into her ear, feeling all kinds of guilty because this isn't the girl my heart is designed to be with.

"Edward?" Tanya turns around and the smile on her face is bigger than ever. She thinks I chose her and that I made up my mind. The amount of hope this girl possesses will forever amuse me.

But I'll use and abuse because love fucking hurts. Maybe this is the only way to ever rid Bella from my thoughts.

Suffocated because of her penetrating gaze, I smile politely and shrug, opening my arms as if to say that she had guessed correctly.

"How could I not know that sexy voice?" Tanya tries to sound appealing even though the music has become loud, loud, loud and I am not really interested in what flows out of her mouth.

Looking around, I watch as my friends get shit faced and out of control. Jake is playing foosball and a couple of my teammates are playing pool. I am blessed with the best but I am still unhappy and that isn't fair.

Emmett appears to be consoling Rosalie for who knows what. She seems to be the only one besides me who isn't enjoying themselves. Waving over at the biggest guy on my team, he lifts up his glass as if to say cheers.

With dancing figures and connecting bodies, my mind convinces me that I cannot be alone right now. I need someone to numb this pain that I feel all the fucking time. I need dimpled cheeks to just vanish from my thoughts.

So, frustrated and alone, I ask Tanya, "and why is that?" Because flirting makes everything better.

"Well…that voice sounds like all the times you would whisper in my ear as you came." Tanya bites her lip and trails her hands along my bicep, positioning her body close, close, close.

Guilt begins to smother me.

"I must have forgotten that." I play dumb.

"Well…why don't we go up to your room so that I can refresh your memory?" Her hands are now trailing along my sides and it's doing nothing to me. Just the site of Bella gets me hard and heavy. And here, with a willing blonde who looks a lot prettier than the average woman, my body rejects because my heart keeps winning.

So, I shove my tongue down her throat, desperate to feel something other than love and hurt. And again, I feel fucking nothing. No accelerating heart beats, no anxiety inducing perspiration and definitely no action from the guy below my belt.

And that, I guess is enough evidence that I am just a guy ruined because of love. I cannot function, focus or even pretend to want another when Bella is the reason that every girl isn't.

So, I pull away from Tanya and I apologise for my advancing behaviour. Disappointment flashes in the eyes of Treehaven's number one cheerleader as she realises that she will never get through to me. I step away, one-two-three, and she calls me back.

I don't listen.

_Why would I? _

Instead, I walk away and act like that didn't just happen. I drink some more, party some more, and pretend some more. The surrounding guests would find me cool, calm and collected. But I am afraid that once they all leave, I'll have time to catch up with all things real.

The truth is that Bella and I are no longer together. We done-over-nothing, because it is what she wants. So I decide that the sooner I face her absence the better it will be and the faster I will heal.

Moments later I find my best friend with his tongue down Kate's throat. "Jake, get all these fuckers out of here." I say, taking another gulp of my drink while swaying a little. I have lost count of my alcohol consumption, but I am at a point where I just want to be alone. I want to feel sorry for myself and come to terms with the fact that Bella will no longer be in my life until she fucking decides what she wants.

Checking my watch, I see it is just after three in the morning. People are finally wasted and don't look like they will be able to leave anytime soon.

"Why?" Jake asks, laughing.

"Nevermind." I say, walking over to the stereo to turn the music off. Everyone looks at me in question, asking with their eyes what the fuck is my problem. My problem is that I am miserable and I wish I never ever met Isabella Swan. But I won't say that. Instead, I walk over to the pool table and lift myself up.

"Hey! Can I have all your attention?" I call out, speaking into my hands that cave my mouth. "The police are on their way. Get the fuck out of her." I smirk, and then I stumble as I watch everyone gather their shit as fast as they can.

Within a couple of minutes, everyone has fled my house. It appears as if no one was ever around. With littered bottles, chip packets, and garden lanterns lying around, my back yard is smashed.

Jake remains behind, but Jasper the pussy left a long time ago.

"Cullen…I gotta hand it to you Bro." Jake raises his arm, offering a hand shake.

"Enough is enough." I say, walking over to the back entrance of my house. Obviously, best friend follows, because he wants answers.

He knows without knowing that I am definitely not okay.

"Where is Bella?" Although I am drunk, the sound of her name knocks the reality back into me. Because where is Bella?

"I don't know. I'm done with her shit man." I admit, feeling guilty because maybe I am far from done.

"What do you mean?" The concern in Jakes voice is evidence of his new found worry.

"What does it matter? Isn't that what you wanted to hear?" I ask, walking into the kitchen to begin fixing myself and Jake an early morning snack.

"No. No its not. You know, earlier this evening I saw Bella. I like really saw her and I looked at her as just a person. She is fucking beautiful Edward. I can tell she is even better from the inside. I was dick lastnight. But the truth is I will support you know matter what."

"Thanks man. But maybe it's too late. Maybe it's good that we've both lied and kept everything a secret…because look how things turned out."

Jake doesn't say anything further. He finally understands. He stays behind because that is what best friends do. They comfort, ease, and are just there.

In the early hours of the morning, we eat our food, and then make our way upstairs. Jake ends up smoking a joint while I continue playing FIFA.

I dose off for just a bit, and when I wake up, I am alone on the cold wooden floor with the Xbox control in my hand. All feelings of restlessness depart as my painful thoughts surface.

Right now I only have my feelings as a companion. I can finally breathe and grieve again. So, in my sleepy state, I walk over to Esme's medicine cabinet and swallow down two sleeping pills. My unnatural attempts to numb the pain and help me to forget for just abit, is all I need right now.

Slumping myself onto my bed, I close my eyes and smile as images of Bella are manifested in my dreams

Because sometimes it takes an out of reality moment to feel closer to someone than you could ever in fact be.

And just like that…darkness is welcomed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Edward, wake up." Feeling drained and fatigued, I slowly open my eyes and blink several times, possibly still groggy from my little sleeping pill rant. Maria stands at the side of my bed, teary eyed and shaken. Concern automatically hits me, so I abruptly shift and display a questioning look.

"Oh Edward, I have being trying to wake you…" Maria says as she begins to wipe her tears. Before she can continue, I shield my eyes to prevent the intrusion of sun as it shines through my open drapes.

"What's going on, Maria? Why are you crying? What time is it?" I grab onto her shoulder, demanding answers as my voice begins to shake.

"Edward you need to go to the hospital…there was an accident" Maria squeezes my hand and tries to maintain her failed strength.

Everything just goes blank. Before I know it, I am shuffling around, grabbing the closest shorts I can find. I throw on my hoody and search around in a hysterical state as I cannot find my car keys. Maria is following behind me, trying to send soothing words in an attempt to grab my attention. But it doesn't matter because I cannot hear her.

"Fuck…where the fuck is my keys." Throwing around all my shit, I finally locate the soccer ball key ring lying beside my bed.

"Edward…please just listen to me?" The increase in Maria's tone brings me to a stop as I realise I don't know what I am doing.

"What happened? Tell me! What happened?" Thinking something might have happened to my parents, to Bella, I rest my hand on my desk and wait in horror as the woman who raised me begins to explain.

"A girl named Alice called the house. She said she was trying to phone you. There was an accident. You need to listen to me carefully…please…"

"What? What do you mean an accident? Where's Bella? Where is she?" I shake Maria with more force than I intended.

_Beat, beat, beat._

Because where is Bella?

In a state of denial, I realise that I am not in the here and the now. I feel drugged, drained and intoxicated by the very presence of this day.

"All she said was that Bella was in an accident…" Maria looks down and cries in terror.

Before I know it, I begin to cry too. I cry hard and ugly because I can't feel anything. The severe stabbing pain that I am feeling emotionally, blocks out all physical awareness.

I cannot see.

I cannot hear.

I cannot taste.

I cannot smell.

I cannot touch.

Because my terrified emotions has polluted every single sense in my body. My heart has utterly and completely taken over my consciousness.

Without saying anything, without thinking or feeling, I rush out of my room and run as fast I can to my car. Climbing in, I start the ignition when Maria comes rushing out after me. She runs over to the passenger door and opens it to slide in.

"Let me come with you. I am so sorry Edward."

Driving as fast as I can, I ask, "Is she at Treehaven Hospital?"

"Yes. Please slow down before you kill us both."

I ignore Maria. I beg her not to tell me anything further because I am afraid of what she will reveal. Looking at the time next to the speedometer, I realise that it is only 9 a.m. With the medication still possibly lingering in my system, I wipe my eyes and force them to stay open.

I am physically exhausted, mentally fucked up and emotionally heart broken. But that doesn't mean anything, because I am a couple of minutes away from seeing my girl.

Maria sits in the passenger seat with her rosary in her hand, praying loud in Spanish as she rocks back and forth. I yell at her to keep the fuck quiet, but she continues.

We pull up at the hospital within the next five minutes, I don't give a fuck so I park in the emergency bay and rush out without even checking to see if I closed my door.

The familiar smell of hospitals and everything surgical breathes into my now functioning senses. I know this place well, because my father was fucking chief of this hospital until he began opening up his own private practices.

Rushing over to the reception, there are two women conversing infront of the desk as the receptionist speaks on the phone.

I walk up beside them and wait, wait and wait some more.

My growing anger and impatience leads me to blurting out loud, "Hurry the fuck up."

Appalled and dismayed, the receptionist ends her conversation and the two women beside me shift over. The evidence of my state of panic brings attention as all eyes are now on me.

"Isabella Swan, where is she? She was brought in here last night! Tell me where to go?"  
The receptionist nods and begins typing on her computer.

"Sir, Miss Swan was in the trauma unit but she has being moved. Right now there is no indication of where she may be. Please if you would give me a minute, I will page her recent physician."

I nod. Because that is all I can do. I didn't realise that Maria came up behind me and placed her caring hand on my tensed up shoulders. Drumming my fingers against the wooden desk, I wait for answers that I am afraid to hear.

I don't even fucking know what day it is.

Taking deep breaths and now tapping, tapping my foot on the tiled floor, I wait.

I wait because it gives me time to know less than more. It gives me hope that maybe she was discharged and is okay.

The receptionist gets off the phone and says, "Doctor Jackson is on the third floor in room 119. Take the second lift and you will come out…" I don't listen any further because I rush over to the nearest elevator all the while Maria is there for me. Helpful and reassuring me that everything will be okay.

Watching the elevator hit the first floor, then the second, and then finally the third…my heart beats of knowing.

I know that once these doors slide open, my life will change forever.

And when it does, all I see is emptiness and devastation. Rene stands in the middle of the waiting room with her head tucked into a tall man's shoulder. Her shoulders are shaking and her cries are loud. Alice is sitting on the floor with her head in her hands, with Jasper hovering over her.

_Jasper?_

I see random other people. Shocked, terrified, crying.

And that is when I know…I know that I am out of time.

The feeling that overwhelms me is something I never felt before. It is a feeling I wouldn't wish upon my greatest enemy. It's a feeling of being afraid and alone. It's a feeling of realising that your heart just stopped beating.

But that doesn't stop me. It doesn't stop me from storming into the waiting room in tears, screaming and demanding to know where my girl is.

I don't see any faces, but I know I have caught their attention. Rushing over to Rene, with Maria pulling me on my arms, begging me to resist-accept and just breathe, I rush over to the woman who gave birth to my hearts keeper.

"Where is she? Where is she Rene? Tell me where she is!" I cry, I pull and I demand. Rene, turning around, stares into my eyes and shakes her head. Her tears fall down her red eyes, unkept and deprived from sleep.

Someone is pulling me on my arm, demanding my attention but all I see is Rene. She's my answer. She knows the truth therefore she will have to tell me the truth.

At the back of my mind, I hear my name being called, but I am small and needy and the sound of Rene's voice will make everything better.

_Right?_

But she doesn't speak, she doesn't listen or hear. All she does is cry. Walking up to me with open arms, my hearts life giver grips onto my arms and she cries. She cries and shakes her head.

Drawing away from her, I plead, "Is she okay? Please tell me Bella is okay."

I know.

_I know she isn't. _

"Edward…b…b…Bella, she…"

"Tell me!" in this moment, all I need is their confirmation to accept the worst outcome.

"Bella…she…she was unconscious. We got a call early hours of the morning. They just rushed her into surgery because she experienced a cardiac arrest. My baby girl is in there dying!"

Without even attempting to process Rene's words, I sink down onto the floor.

"Fuck!" Pulling at my hair, and pressing my hands into my chest, Maria, Alice and Jasper all try to comfort me.

I don't see Rene, but it doesn't mean I cannot hear her cries.

My girl, my heart, my every living reason, is in a hospital bed fighting for her life…and it's all my fault.

"Shhh…Edward…da girl would need you to be strong." Maria's soothing words are only making everything worse.

Because the truth is…within my eighteen years, it took me four months to fall hopelessly, completely and permanently in love with just a girl.

An innocent girl who was once misunderstood. A girl who loves hard and fierce and who taught me that it is okay not be perfect. Bella taught me the true meaning of a just a smile. My girl taught me happiness…but she also taught me pain. The best thing is, she taught me how to love.

And now she is dying and I don't know what to do. In my helpless and traumatized state, I cry into my hands not giving a shit that people now know the truth.

I am the secret. The guy who has always being in the background. Bella was always so busy trying to get into my life, that I never ever stopped to think how it would be fitting into hers.

So, as everyone is crowding me in my state of panic, their soothing words and actions come to an end.

Step by step, the sound of boots hits the floor. Looking up, all I see is a white coat, fresh out of surgery. And without knowing I still have strength in me, I jump up and rush towards him. So does Rene and everyone else.

The label on his coat reads Doctor Jackson. There is no emotion on his face, a total flat-affect of the knowledge and understanding that he is about to reveal.

"Miss Swan?" He whispers, motioning for everyone to stay behind. I don't listen to his dismissal as I grab Rene's hand and finally look up.

She nods; allowing me to remain by her side…and then without a beat, Doctor Jackson begins to explain.

"As you know, Bella was in a car accident. She experienced a drastic impact to her head as she collided with an oncoming truck. Luckily, the paramedics got to the scene on time. Bella has being out of consciousness for fifteen hours, and her condition is deteriorating. She is in and out of cardiac arrest…"

"Please just tell me my baby is okay? Tell me that she will survive?"

Doctor Jackson, now looking concerned continues, "due to her head trauma, Bella experienced damage to her reticular activating system, a part of the brain that's responsible for arousal and awareness. This entails that there is no blood flow to the major parts of her brain stem. She also experienced a great loss of blood accompanied with swelling of tissue. At present, we cannot operate due to the increase in swelling and loss of blood. She is on life support, and her condition remains critical. Without medical assistance, your daughter cannot survive Miss Swan. We have tried our best. I am so sorry."

"What does that even mean? Just tell me! Get it fucking over and done with. Is Bella going to die?" Rene yells at the doctor and grips onto my arm. I stand shocked and incapable of moving. I don't know how to feel…or where to go. My heart, small-needy-empty, cannot beat, beat, beat…because it's reason is wrapped up on machinery.

"Right now Miss Swan, her condition is critical and that can either lead to permanent disability or an inability to gain consciousness again. The prognosis for a coma varies with each situation and like being said, there is hope for positive change. If the problem can be resolved, people often return to their original level of functioning."

"That's not answering my question. Please Doctor Jackson, is Bella going to survive?" Rene pleads once again, terrified and heartbroken, she collapses into my arms.

The truth is, I am too weak to hold us both up, so as we use eachother as shields from the truth, Maria comes up behind me and holds Rene. Jasper grabs onto my arm and pulls me into a hug as I cry. My best friend, without knowing, understands.

He gets what this love is about because he might be experiencing it too.

Doctor Jackson finally clears his throat and then says, "Isabella's condition is becoming more severe. Her body is relying on life support right now. Without that, she will not survive. The medical policy gives a grace period, but if her condition exceeds that time limit, decisions need to be made."

"How long?" I whisper, because I get now that Rene cannot speak.

"Well, the health official policy allows a ten day period of life support, Sir."

"And if she doesn't wakeup after ten days? Then what?" I cry between words.

"And then family members need to take matters into their our own hands."

"So…so you saying that you need our legal consent to pull the plug?" The tall man standing behind Rene, questions.

"Yes Sir. Bella will come out of the operating room shortly, once she is located into an intensive care unit, only significant others will be allowed to go see her. As hospital policy, we forbid the presence of children under the age of twelve to enter the ward. And I ask that you all remain silent. Because of your daughter's critical condition, you will not be allowed to touch around her face as it may disturb the machines…" the doc continues, but I walk away and slide down next to Alice.

She is hysterical, crying and taken aback. I pull her into my chest and hold her tightly, never taking my tear filled eyes off the door of the exit to the operating room.

About twenty minutes later, a nurse comes by and announces that Bella is on the second floor in the critical intensive unit. We all flock like traveling birds and rush to the nearest elevator.

I know that Rene will go inside first, but when she approaches the door to Bella's room, she turns back and connects her hand in my own.

I hold on tight and close my eyes as my girls nine month carrier and I step into the cool air conditioned room that keeps our hopes, dreams, and everything.

Taking a deep breath, and trying my best to block out the sound of my beating heart, I open my eyes and there she is.

My girl, laying closed eyes in white sheets, is unrecognizable. Her face, swollen, bruised, cut and harmed, rests on her back with tubes running from her mouth and nose.

The machine indicating her weak heart beat beeps every other second. Her exposed arms are as equally cut and bruised.

And that is it. My Undoing.

Afraid to touch her peacefulness, I stare and stalk, praying that this is all just one fucked up really bad dream.

But it isn't. I recognize the pain within me. I feel it and I wish I wasn't in love with this girl.

My fighter, my warrior and best friend is in a prolonged state of unconsciousness. Her condition is sporadic and unpredictable. She is alive, but looks like she is dead. And she cannot wake up.

The site before me is the true definition of surviving, not living.

And again, I cry and cry and cry.

Because I will never be able to survive if Isabella Swan doesn't wake up again.

Our time was never supposed to stolen so quickly and permanently.

Bella cannot leave this world not knowing how I feel about her. How even though my last words to her were anger-filled and terror-giving, I didn't mean a thing.

When Bella told me that we needed time apart, I believed her. But it doesn't mean I was going to give up on her that easily.

How can anyone ever give up on a love so strong and powerful?

So I glance at her unconscious state one more time, not wanting to remember her this way. Rene sits beside the bed, crying into the hands of her only daughter.

The images before me are sick. It is heart wrenching and pure thoughtless-uncaring-selfish.

I leave.

I don't just leave the room, I leave the hospital.

And I don't come back. I go home and lock myself in my room. And I cry so hard that I my chest begins to hurt.

Maria walks into my room, with a phone in her hand, begging me to take the call. I place the phone to my ear and listen. "Edward, we heard what happened. Your father and I will return tomorrow. Be strong baby. I am sorry." Esme's voice reveals genuine concern.

I don't say anything, I don't ponder on how my parents could have possibly found out. Instead, I turn on my phone and I am welcomed with message after message.

I type Bella's name into the text search, and find I have seven missed calls and one voice message that were all sent lastnight.

Lying with my eyes staring at the ceiling, I wait, until I listen to the only voice I ever need to hear. Her voice message was sent just after 7 p.m lastnight.

"_Edward? Please answer your phone? I realised that no matter what, I will never need time apart from you! Please meet me somewhere? I really need to see you…I acted this way because I was confused. I felt that if I left you for a while, everything would become so much easier. But the truth is, it's not easier because no matter what, you and I were always meant to be together. I am so sorry. My intentions were never ever to hurt you. I won't give up on us Edward…We were supposed to be amazing." _

There is a long pause with her cries in the background, until she continues,_ "please just understand? Please just…I love you. I am in love with you Edward Cullen…"_

The phone call ends with a loud bang. And this is when I realise that it really was really my fault. If I had to answer my phone the first time none of this would have happened. If I had to fight for her there and then, Bella would be alive and well and not relying on life support to supply her with her next breath.

_She loves me._

Again, I walk over to Esme's medicine cabinet, and this time I take three sleeping pills. I need to be numb. I guess it is the only way I will ever survive this day.

Because Isabella Swan admitted that she is in love with me seconds before her life was almost stolen from her.

I lay in bed with my phone placed against my ear as I listen to her voice message on repeat, until my eyes close and welcome darkness.

"_I really need to see you" _

"_You and I were always meant to be together"_

"_We were supposed to be amazing"_

"_I love you"_

"_I am in love with you Edward Cullen"_

In my dreams, I hope to never wake up. Because nobody is strong enough to live with this regret.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up to feel of gentle hands running through my hair.

_Over and over and over again._

Images of Bella automatically come to my mind, because this is what she always used to do when I woke up next to her.

I squeeze my eyes shut and wish I can go back to darkness, but it is too late. When opening my eyes, blinking one-two-three, it is dark outside. My grandmother sits beside me, soothing and caring. Marcus is at the edge of my bed busy on his ipad.

"Ssssh…It's going to be okay." My grans comforting voice sounds like it is about to crack.

"Is she awake?" Is the first thing I ask. By now, Marcus places his ipad down and walks towards the other side of my bed.

Shaking her head, Elizabeth says, "there is still no improvement Edward. Your grandfather and I were at the hospital this afternoon."

I don't ask how they found out, but gran will understand. She knows the love I feel for Bella. She knows that her only grandson is dying just as much as his everything on life support.

"I love her grandfather." I jump to defence before Marcus can say anything. The last thing I need is his disapproval.

Looking all kinds of sincere, my father's father nods, and then says very softly, "we will discuss this all another time."

"You can't keep me from her! I won't leave her." I say breathlessly.

"Son...I am so sorry to hear about this. Why don't you clean yourself up and then we can take you back to the hospital?" Surprisingly, Marcus is concerned and caring, trying to make matters better. I realise that he is now in on our secret too. He wouldn't dare to complain right now.

I can't help but think that his unusual display of kindness is because he needs me to get over this future ruining distraction.

So with the presence of my grandparents and Maria, I eat and shower and we make our way back to the hospital just after 8 p.m.

The drive to the hospital is filled with silence and emptiness. Elizabeth sits at the back of the car, and her hand remains enfolded in my own. From time to time, she gives it a light squeeze.

Walking into Bella's hospital room, the same cold air touches my skin. I don't look at her.

I can't.

By now, Bella has being unconscious for twenty four hours. Rene remains in the room with Alice fidgeting in the background.

I stand in the doorway and take a look at my girl for just a second. The stabbing pain that her presence brings to my heart is unbearable, so I look away. Her bruises look worse, blue-purple-red makes my girl unrecognizable.

I don't look at Bella again, instead I stare at Rene who remains in the same position, never giving up. I turn around and watch as Marcus and Elizabeth are having a serious conversation with the doctor in the waiting room.

Alice comes up and pulls me into a big hug. Best friend cries into my arms, but I blink away the tears because she needs me to be strong.

Again, I cannot feel. The after effects of my numbness leave me functioning in limbo.

The hospital room is filled with flowers, and I wonder who already knows. The beeping sound of the life preserving machine, gives me goose bumps. I wonder if the power will switch off and how fast the generators would take to kick in. I fear that somebody might trip and fall, and pull the plug out by mistake. I fear that my girl will never regain consciousness.

But just as quick as those thoughts intrude my mind, they disappear. Because I have hope that Bella will survive.

She has to, because I love her.

The flowers that occupy the window frame distract me. Everything distracts me from looking at the only person I am here to be with.

For someone who was always judged, her hospital room sure indicates that she is well loved.

"Edward, are you okay?" Ally pulls away and stares into my eyes. Her puffy red eyes are fucking eating me alive.

But I nod anyway, and then I shake my head because lying will get us nowhere.

It was because of our lie that my girl is lying half dead.

And I hate myself.

So as my tears reappear, I walk away.

"Edward, do you mind coming over here for a second?" Marcus calls me over as he watches me leave Bella's ward.

Walking over, he stands alongside my grandmother and the doctor.

"Yeah?" I ask shaky, wiping my tears with my fists.

I feel out of touch with reality, like my steps and actions appear seconds before it actually happens.

"This is Doctor Gibson. She is the hospitals number one psychologist. She is willing to help you speak about a few things. Your grandmother and I fear what you must be going through, and we cannot bear to see you this way."

Immediately, I feel angry. I welcome my heated mood because it's an emotion I feel beside sadness. "Are you fucking kidding me? My girlfriend is dying right now and you worried about me? Screw you Marcus!" I yell. Because I am all kinds of hurt.

Doctor Gib… or whatever the fuck her name is stares at me in disgust, probably internally coming up with all kinds of reasons for my sudden outburst.

But who gives a shit?

"Listen to me Edward. If this doesn't end well we need you to be prepared." And just like that, I knew it. Even if Bella is to stabilize, Marcus will never approve. He won't say it right now, but I know he will sooner or later.

"No! I don't need a fucking shrink! I need Bella back! Don't you get it? Yeah, we were a secret. She is a Slummer, but I love her! Get it through your thick skull Marcus. No matter what, dead or alive, Bella is it for me!" I shriek, walking over to the nearest seat. Running my hands over my face, Maria comes out of nowhere and rubs my back.

And then I cry again. Because this is all too fucking much!

"It's okay Edward. God is with her. Just pray and she will come back to all of us." Maria whispers, strong to her faith.

"I need her Maria…she is all I need."

Maria, true to her word, stays by my side. I don't go back into Bella's room. Alice and Rene don't leave the room. But I wait by the door, and whenever nurses rush by or doctors enter and exit the door, I die just a bit more…because either death awaits or life looms.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's been five days since Bella was in a car accident, and five days since she is surviving on life support.

No sleep, no chance, no need.

Today, they will remove the orotracheal ventilator to determine whether or not my girl is able to breathe on her own.

I make sure that I am at the hospital every day. I haven't being to school this week, and I missed my very first soccer friendly. Carlisle and Esme are worried about me, and so is everyone else. I don't go home to sleep, instead I stay at the hospital, and when they threaten to kick me out, I go back to Bella's house and sneak into her empty bed. With the smell of her sheets and the help of sleeping tablets, I close my eyes and rest.

Rene knows I've been going to her house every night, she doesn't say anything. She is strong. The woman doesn't cry anymore, but she is at the hospital all day, seated beside her only daughter.

Apparently rumours are spreading around at school that Bella and I are an item. I deactivated all my social networks and when I receive a call or a message, I reject it immediately. Jake and Jasper have being here for me and that is all that matters.

I still haven't looked at my girl, but I am there, waiting and watching from a distance.

Love doesn't allow me to care for anything else.

Jasper has being to the hospital again, and so has Jake. They don't mention anything else. I'm pretty sure my father disowned me, because he doesn't come to the hospital, and neither does my mother.

I don't know if I was hallucinating, but I am almost sure I imagined Charlie standing in the hallway the other day.

The night after the accident , my parents rushed home from Spain and tried to convince me that what I am feeling isn't love. Esme cried, shocked that her only son has fallen for a Slummer. I don't give a shit.

It is just after 8 a.m on Thursday morning, and I am stepping out of the shower, getting ready to go to the hospital. Alice has being bringing me my homework and handing it in. The teachers and coaches understand my absence because my parents got them to believe that I am suffering from depression.

Because my father is a doctor, he wrote a formal subscription without really asking me what the fuck my problem is.

But truth be told, I am weak. I feel like I am dying inside while a contaminated needle pierces through my heart with every breath I take.

I am no longer living, but surviving on what little Bella has to offer.

My parents and grandparents keep pleading for me to talk to a professional, but I can't. Nobody will understand because this isn't their love to appreciate. I hardly eat, because I don't have an appetite. I have no desire to play soccer or even do school work, and I cannot sleep without the help of pills.

Jogging down the stairs, my life givers block me as I make my way to the front door.

Carlisle is all kinds of white suite and briefcase, saying, "Edward, your behaviour needs to stop. This girl would want you to carry on with your life."

I ignore, but he continues, "If you're going to continue to fucking act like this all revolves around you, then I'm going to take your cars away from you. I will discontinue your allowance."

Laughing sarcastically, I say, "Be my guest doc. Take all you're fucking shit. I told you that I am not giving up on her."

Groaning, my father walks up to me and forcefully places his hand on my shoulder, preventing me from exiting. "A girl Edward. She's just a girl! You are throwing your fucking life away and dying along with her. We did all we could do, we paid for her medical expenses like you asked, we were patient with you. We didn't question you because you have being lying to us while fucking a Slummer…"

And before I know it, my fist connects with my father's cheek. Without being able to control my aggression, I hit him again, until he shoves me away.

"Stop! Edward stop it!" Esme screams with all kinds of fear.

My father, stronger than me, manages to restrain me because I resist. Emotionally, I am so fucking weak and vulnerable. The girl that I am in love with is going to die and I don't know what to do.

"Edward! Listen to me! Look at yourself…" Esme pleas in-between cries.

"Why the fuck can't you be happy with who I am? Why!" I yell, pulling at my hair. "I am fucking dying inside! You know what Carlisle? Deep down I hate you! I hate this life and I hate this pretence! Bella makes everything real. She allows me to just breathe, and I cannot live without that. I don't expect you to understand but I will never leave her! I will give up everything but her." I cry.

"Son, this is not who we are." Carlisle tries to explain.

"Then who are we? Tell me? Who even made up this fucked up rule that we cannot be with Slummers? I love her and that is all that matters."

"Then just get the fuck out of here please. Go ahead!" My father yells.

I brush past my father and our shoulders connect forcefully. Before I can finally leave, my mother pulls me towards her and begs me to stay.

"Edward, please allow us to help you."

I leave. I don't look back…because I knew this would happen from the very beginning.

Walking to my car, Esme rushes after me, "Edward, please wait."

"What?" I yell.

"He's just mad. Give him time. I understand, Baby. I believe you." My life giver grabs my hands and kisses my knuckles.

"I don't wanna come back here, Ma." I whisper, pulling away.

"I'm so sorry." Cries escape an elegant woman as she watches her only son silently say goodbye.

"Don't you get it Mom? I am not the one who needs help. I am breathing without a fucking machine keeping me alive. Bella…she isn't. She can die any minute and it will all be my fault."

By now, Carlisle stands on the porch with an ice pack placed on his cheek. He looks angry but he dismisses my reactions, most probably claiming that I am mentally unstable.

"Let him go Esme. We did what we needed to do. He isn't welcome back here. Not with the attitude he has." He says sternly, shaking his head.

The smug look on my father's face is the last thing I see. I don't say goodbye or even look back at my mother, I leave…because Bella needs me.

Climbing into my car, I rush to the hospital.

The familiar route up to her ward has become effortless. Without even looking, I walk into Bella's hospital room and the bed is empty.

No flowers, no sheets, no body.

_Beat, beat, beat._

And then like never before, I panic.

Because my girl isn't in the room she was in lastnight.

Without any strength in me, I rush over the nurses' station and demand to know where they moved Bella.

"Where is Bella? She was in room 207 all week!" I say as my tears begin to surface in my throat.

"Edward, I suggest you wait for the doctor."

Without knowing what to do, I immediately call Rene.

"Edward?" Rene's voice is empty, but with a hint of relief.

"Where is she? They moved her!" I yell in panic.

"Yes. They removed the machines…"

"What? Why? And you allowed that? Where are you!" Confused and alone, I stand in the hospital room that vacated my girl.

"We're on the third floor in room 302. Come along."

Confused, and so fucking scared, I jog up stairs to the third floor.

When I walk into the room, my heart melts with all kinds of relief.

Because there are no longer plugs keeping my girl alive.

Instead, she lays closed eyes, but she breathes.

_On her own._

And that is all that matters.

So this time, I cry in hope and walk over to the girl I am meant to love forever.

When Rene sees me, she leaves Bella's bed and walks towards me to pull me into a hug.

"She's still in a coma but she can breathe without those machines Edward. My baby girl is fighting."

Watching Rene, and then averting my gaze to Bella's bed, I stare at her from across the room, still too afraid to go any closer. From where I stand, the bruises on her face are lighter, but she still has cuts and a few scars.

But I can breathe now.

Because Isabella Swan is going to survive.

I hug the woman who I hope to call my mother in-law someday, and then I whisper, "I think I need to be with her alone."

Rene smiles genuinely, knowing I haven't touched her daughter in five days. I was always around, but from far, not close.

As she walks out of the room, I take a deep breath and watch as my beating heart survives on the air that the world breathes.

Walking up to her bed, one-two-three, tears of frustration run down my cheeks.

I would do anything to see the colour of her eyes again.

Open, pure, innocent, guiltless.

Pale, bruised and out of reality, my girl lays with her arms on each side, exhaling the softest breaths.

I take a seat where Rene was occupying, and I gently touch her hand.

Her soft, colourless, gentle hand.

Immediately, the wave of electricity I felt in the very beginning, when I was naïve and cared what others thought regarding Bella, intrudes my senses.

My heart beats uncontrollably, and I smile, just abit.

"Bella…I gave you a whole week to wake up. You're late." Sniffing my tears away, I finally fold both of my hands over hers. "You need to wake up so I can love you forever. Please? Just wake up. I didn't ever give up on you. I was here, everyday, I just couldn't bear to see you with plugs everywhere." I wipe my nose, as my tears moisten my face. "Guess what? I watch Napoleon Dynamite and I sleep in your bed every night. Please don't hate me because I don't pull your sheets strait." Now, allowing myself to laugh between tears, I continue… "If you don't wake up I'm going to untidy your room real bad. I didn't put the seat down after I peed." Still, she doesn't blink, move or even breathe faster.

"Everyone knows about us by now. Can you believe Rosalie brought you flowers? You should see how many people were here to see you baby. Please just wake up. I promise I will be the best person I can be. Wake up." My tears are running down my cheek but I am too afraid to move my hands away from Bella.

But that's okay.

I stay in her ward and talk to her some more, until Rene returns. Before I leave, I take a picture of her heartbeat on the screen, and walk out with hope.

The next day, I return to school. Students, teachers and coaches don't question me. They all know, they know I, Edward Cullen, is in love with a Slummer.

And guess what? Nobody says anything.

Because they wouldn't dare.

Love does that. Loves gives way when we continue to hope.

I don't give a shit what my friends think, because Jasper and Jake, my true friends, remain by my side. Many people haven't spoken to me and I feel like my presence isn't appreciated anymore. Nobody crowds my car as I pull up at school, my team seemed to have lost respect for their fucking captain, and half the school unfollowed me on Facebook.

But again, fuck that.

Even though I am happy that Bella's condition is slowly stabilizing, I fear what will happen when she does wake up. I am terrified that she may be brain damaged, physically disabled or even have amnesia.

But I guess that's a matter of time. Until then, I will continue to have hope.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It is now three weeks since the accident and my girl remains in a coma. It is early October and winter has almost arrived. I am back to the swing at school, attending my soccer practices and playing my heart out. But nothing stops me from coming to see Bella every night.

I don't give up. And something tells me neither is she.

So eventually, days burn into weeks, wind is replaced with rain, and time continues to tick, tick, tick,

I breathe.

I live.

I follow.

Because Isabella Swan will survive. Maybe not today, tomorrow or the next day, but she will wake up.

I had her heartbeat tattooed across my chest, her room is now my own, and her mother is more like a mother to me than anyone else.

My parents stopped speaking to me, and Carlisle sold my Mercedes.

But fuck that, I have love.

Love is enough.

So when I slowly stroll into Bella's hospital room, chewing on candy and staring into my phone, I experience the best moment of my life.

The sound of my girls laugh.

Bella is sitting slouched up, being spoon fed by her life giver, is awake.

I don't know what is happening, but I drop my phone and I stand frozen at the door.

My girl surprises me, because she smiles.

She smiles big and real.

And nothing spells love more than my name leaving the lips of my only reason.

"Edward?"

* * *

**A/N She lives! Are you guys happy? Now...we gotta battle these life givers. Please share your thoughts :-) **


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